Chapter 18
Caleb
I found him standing over the baby’s crib. I’d left one of the smaller lamps in the living room on, since I hadn’t been sure if the baby would be okay with sleeping in total darkness, so I could see the outline of Jace’s body as I approached him.
His back was to me. I could tell he had his arms crossed, and his stance looked rigid.
It was well past midnight. I was surprised I’d even managed to fall asleep, but between the lack of sleep while flying to Germany and the events of the day, I’d reached my breaking point. I had no doubt Jace had, too.
After getting into the taxi, Jace had spoken to the driver, but I hadn’t understood what he’d said.
He’d revealed to me that he’d asked the driver to take us to one of the nicer hotels in the city.
I hadn’t understood why he’d made the request until we’d reached the hotel.
They’d spoken English so I’d heard all the requests Jace had made.
A suite with either two bedrooms or a living room.
A crib.
And someone to pick up some diapers and formula and bring them to the room .
We’d gotten all those things within twenty minutes of the bellman showing us to the room.
Willa had woken up by the time we’d gotten to the room, so I’d spent a few minutes changing her diaper – a task I’d probably mangled since I’d never done it before – and feeding her again, since she’d seemed fussy.
Jace had disappeared into the bedroom and I’d left him alone, because there’d been no doubt in my mind that he’d needed a few minutes to try and understand what the hell had happened.
He’d clearly been in shock from the moment Silver had confirmed Maggie was dead.
And there’d been nothing I could do for him.
It had been hard for him to look at the baby and know that his sister had died protecting the infant.
I couldn’t blame him for the very thing Silver had brought to light – that he held some level of resentment toward the baby for being the reason his sister was dead.
If Willa had been aborted or even sold, Maggie would still be alive.
I knew the fact that Jace was even thinking those thoughts probably made him hurt almost nearly as badly as the fact that he’d lost his sister.
But I also knew him well enough to know that once he got past the shock, he’d fall in love with the baby as surely as I already had.
I’d never held a baby before, but from the moment Silver had handed her to me, I’d felt a sense of rightness go through me. I’d never known that feeling before, except maybe when Jace held me. The way Willa looked up at me with such trust…
Was that what Jace had felt when I’d given my trust so freely to him?
It wasn’t exactly the same thing, but maybe some of those emotions were the same.
When Willa had fallen asleep, I’d put her in the crib.
I’d used Jace’s phone to search the internet for what position she was supposed to sleep in, and then I’d tried to figure out what kind of feeding schedule she was supposed to be on and how much she was supposed to eat and when.
From what Silver had told us, the baby had to be around seven weeks old, so I’d used that as a guide for determining what I needed to give her and when.
Once I’d made sure the little girl was out, I’d gone to the bedroom and had found Jace lying on the bed.
He hadn’t spoken to me as I’d gotten into bed with him.
Since he’d been facing the wall, I’d had no choice but to wrap my arm around him from behind.
I’d been able to tell he hadn’t been sleeping, but I hadn’t pressed him to talk because I’d known it was just too soon.
I’d spent the rest of the afternoon feeding, changing and playing with Willa. Jace had ordered us some room service, but neither of us had eaten.
He’d also completely ignored the baby.
I had to hope he’d come around sooner rather than later, because I was clueless as to what to do next.
The fact that he was now standing over her crib, watching her sleep, could be both a good thing or a bad thing.
I had the answer to my question when I moved around him so I could see his face.
It was both.
Because tears were streaming down his face.
Reality had finally set in and while it was terrible to see his world implode around him, I knew it was the only way for him to eventually find his way back to the surface.
“I really thought I’d find her,” he said softly.
“I know,” I acknowledged.
“I promised I’d always look out for her.”
I pressed against Jace’s side and settled my hand on his chest as I looked at a still-sleeping Willa. “Come back to bed, Jace,” I murmured. I slid my hand into his and pulled him behind me. He meekly followed.
I let him lie down first, and not surprisingly, he turned so his back was away from me. But instead of just holding him, I braced my head on my arm and used my free hand to move his hair off his face. I didn’t speak, because there were no words I could say that would take the pain away.
He lay frozen like that for several long beats, then a harsh sob tore from his throat and he covered his eyes with his hand.
“Oh God, Maggie, I’m so sorry. ”
I wrapped my arm around him and held him as tight as I could as I dropped my mouth to his ear. Every time he tried to stifle his sobs, I told him it was okay to let go.
So that’s what he did.
Completely.
Terribly.
And I felt every moment of it deep in my soul.
He eventually quieted, then fell asleep.
But I knew it wasn’t over.
It would be something he’d have to endure over and over again, especially in those moments where he momentarily forgot his new reality.
I didn’t even know if there would be a time where it wouldn’t hurt like hell, because even two years after losing my brother, the pain was as raw now as it had been back then.
It wasn’t until Jace turned in his sleep and burrowed against my body that I finally felt my own tension ease a bit.
I fell asleep, but woke up a short time later when Willa started crying.
Thankfully, Jace slept on and that proved to be the case the second time Willa woke up a few hours before dawn.
Not surprisingly, when my head hit the pillow, I was out within seconds, and when I woke up again, it was light outside.
And the bed was empty.
I sat up and looked toward the bathroom, expecting to see Jace in there, but it was empty. I finally noticed that the French doors that closed off the bedroom from the living room were shut.
I’d left them open the night before so I could hear Willa.
I climbed out of bed and hurried to the doors. I eased them open and froze at the sight that greeted me.
Jace was standing in front of the large window that overlooked the city.
He was wearing just a pair of sweatpants and had Willa pressed up against his chest. I could see the baby’s face – she was out cold, but her cheek was resting on the butterfly tattoo her mother had designed.
Jace was gently patting her on the back and shifting his weight back and forth on his feet.
I’d never seen a more beautiful sight.
I felt tears sting my eyes when I realized Jace was talking to Willa. I couldn’t hear what he was saying, but the fact that he was being so gentle with her…
“Hey,” Jace said softly, and I looked up to see him watching me.
“Morning,” I said, my voice cracking a bit. “Everything okay?” I asked.
His eyes held mine and I felt my heart lurch because I finally saw Jace in them… my Jace.
Jace sent me a warm smile and nodded.
And I knew in that moment that everything would be okay.
“I was just explaining to my niece here that this waking up before the sun even rises isn’t going to work for us.”
Us .
I breathed a sigh of relief. We were still an us .
“What did she say?” I asked.
“We’re still in the negotiation process,” Jace explained, keeping his voice low. “But I think she’ll see my side of things soon.”
“I have no doubt,” I said. “Did you feed her?” I asked.
He nodded and pulled his phone from his pocket. “Thank God for the internet.”
“No shit,” I said. “Um, poop, I mean. No poop.”
Jace chuckled. “I think you have time to practice the substitute swear words.”
I crossed my arms. “Does that mean you’re keeping her?” I asked. I’d meant to save the conversation for a better time, but I was desperate to know what role the baby would play in his life.
And I wanted to know that I would play a role in both their lives.
Jace held out his hand to me. I walked toward him and took it. He tipped my head up and kissed me. “I’m keeping both of you,” he said. “Willa’s not the only one who needs a family.”
I leaned into his side and stared out the window.
“Do you want that, Caleb?” Jace asked.
Did I want to spend the rest of my days with the man I’d been searching my entire life for and the baby who’d manage to steal my heart with one look from her innocent blue eyes?
Hell yeah, I did .
“You bet your ascot I do,” I said.
Jace chuckled. “That was a good one,” he said.
We held there for a moment before I asked, “What are we going to do, Jace?”
I knew Jace wouldn’t be satisfied until he both recovered his sister’s body and punished the man who’d taken her from him, and like me, I knew he was probably worried about Silver.
But spending even another second in the dangerous city scared the hell out of me.
Whoever this Ivan guy was, he seemed to have far-reaching power and I wasn’t sure to what lengths he’d go to get Willa back.
In theory, Jace could send me and Willa back to the States and stay behind to deal with Ivan, but that terrified me even more.
“We’re going to go home,” Jace murmured.
I breathed a sigh of relief and pressed my forehead against his chest. I felt him kiss the top of my head.
“I just don’t know how we’re going to do it,” Jace said softly. “I think I’ll need a passport to get Willa out of the country, but I don’t have any contacts here.”
I sighed and looked up at him. “Can I have your phone?” I asked.
He handed it to me.
“Do you trust me, Jace?” I asked.
“Always,” he responded without hesitation.
I smiled, then turned my attention to the phone. Once I dialed the number I wanted, I leaned into Jace’s side as he put his arm around me. When the voice on the other end picked up, I said, “Mav, it’s Caleb. Jace and I are okay, but we need some help—”
That was all I got out before Mav interrupted me to ask where we were and that he was coming to get us.
I closed my eyes and smiled.
Thank God for family .