Chapter 19
Jace
We’d been here before.
Driving in Ronan’s SUV from the private airport where we’d landed mere minutes earlier in his personal jet.
A few things were different, though.
Mav and Eli weren’t with us.
But we were plus one infant.
And the Caleb who was pressed against my side was no longer the vulnerable teenager I’d saved two years earlier.
Sure, he was technically still a teen, but he’d acted with more maturity and responsibility than many adults I’d met.
Myself included.
While I’d been practically paralyzed with grief, Caleb had taken on the task of caring for a newborn with next to no experience. As if he hadn’t already had enough on his plate, he’d somehow still managed to be there for me, too.
I’d been drowning.
Pure and simple.
The second we’d gotten to the hotel room and we’d been safe from the reach of the man who’d murdered my sister, I’d given in to the numbness my body had been craving.
I’d spent hours in a place in my mind where my sister was still alive and I was back on that boat with Caleb, contemplating what our future would look like.
Now I had to contemplate a different future.
One in which I was now a father.
I didn’t even know what to do with that.
But I’d known that was what I was as soon as I’d picked Willa up this morning.
She’d been crying pretty loudly when I’d woken up.
The fact that Caleb had slept through it had been proof of how exhausted he must have been.
Strangely enough, having Willa wake me up kept me from having to go through the stages of grief all over again.
Acknowledging that my sister really was gone had taken a back seat to trying to figure out what Willa needed from me at that moment.
Silver had been right.
The second I’d picked her up and she’d looked at me with her big, watery eyes, I’d felt it. And the resentment I’d felt had slipped away as if it’d never been. There’d been no question that Willa was my future.
It was what Maggie had wanted.
It was what I wanted.
I hadn’t been one hundred percent sure about Caleb, but I’d had my answer the moment I’d turned to see him watching me and Willa. The look of contentment in his eyes had been enough to assure me that whatever I was facing, he’d be at my side.
What I hadn’t been expecting was all the help that Caleb brought with him.
It was utter insanity that my first thought when I’d been trying to figure out how to get Willa out of Germany hadn’t been to reach out to Ronan and Mav.
I’d been trying to determine if Dalton would be able to work with my contact in New York to get me what I needed.
The fact that Caleb was the one who’d had to remind me that Dalton wasn’t the only one in my corner had been an eye-opener.
Despite my behavior toward Ronan, Mav, and Memphis, there was no chance in hell they would have left me to my own devices, even if Caleb hadn’t been with me.
Asking for help wasn’t something I knew how to do, and I’d need to work on that .
For Caleb’s sake.
And Willa’s.
While Mav had been the one Caleb had talked to, it’d been Ronan who’d flown to Germany to pick us up, passport and a mess of baby stuff in tow. There'd been no issue with getting Willa out of the country, and Caleb and I had practically passed out on the plane, leaving Ronan to take care of Willa.
Caleb's fingers tapped against mine as he held my hand.
We were getting closer to the house that Ronan and Seth owned on Whidbey Island.
Ronan had informed us that Mav and Eli had gone to the house to escape the crush of reporters that had descended after Jack's acquittal.
Fortunately, Eli had managed to get through his finals for his second year of medical school before all hell had broken loose with the trial, so he at least had some time to recover from the ordeal without the added stress of school.
Ronan had determined that it made sense for Caleb and me to stay at the house as well, since it already had top of the line security.
Caleb still hadn't been implicated in the shooting at the Jennings’ house, but I also had no clue what kind of progress, if any, Ronan, Mav, and Memphis had made in determining who'd put the hit out on Caleb.
Until we had some answers, he'd be under twenty-four-hour guard.
I knew Caleb was nervous about seeing his brother again.
With the way he'd left and his refusal to return home with Mav more than two weeks earlier, Caleb was carrying a heavy dose of guilt.
Not to mention everything he'd put Mav and Eli through over the past couple of years as they'd tried to help him recover from his ordeal.
And, of course, now there was the added complication of my and Caleb's relationship.
As we got closer and closer to the Whidbey Island house, Caleb's tension continued to edge up.
I saw him reach for his forearm a few times, then catch himself.
He hadn't cut himself since that day when we'd first boarded the boat, but I knew that didn't mean he was cured.
I'd used some of the time while we'd been waiting for Ronan to arrive in Germany to research Caleb's condition.
I'd learned that it was very much like any kind of addiction.
With therapy and hard work, he'd get to a point where he learned to use different methods of coping, but the urge to cut would likely always be there.
Caleb and I hadn't talked about the self-injuring with all that was going on, but I knew it was something we needed to address in the near future.
For my part, I was trying to learn how to deal with the fear and helplessness that came with knowing I couldn't just make him stop.
I knew I'd hurt him deeply when I'd hidden the silverware and knives on the boat – it had been a knee-jerk reaction and I wasn't proud of it.
I'd selfishly wanted to avoid having to interact with him because of the feelings I'd been dealing with, but the fear that he'd hurt himself without me knowing had been at the back of my mind, so I'd replaced the silverware with the plastic cutlery.
I'd learned during my research that trying to remove sharp objects from Caleb's immediate vicinity wouldn't solve anything – he'd just find other ways to hurt himself.
I'd apologized to Caleb the morning I'd found the text about Maggie, and we'd talked about the issue enough that he'd agreed to try and reach out to me first whenever he was feeling the stress that drove him to hurt himself.
The same stress he was feeling now.
I leaned in to kiss his temple and said, “Breathe, baby.”
He drew in a breath, but didn't look at me.
His eyes were on Willa, who was asleep in her car seat.
The back seat in Ronan's SUV was the bench kind and Caleb and I had been able to squeeze onto it, along with the car seat.
The irony wasn't lost on me that despite the rough start that had come with learning of Willa's existence, neither Caleb nor I could take our eyes off her for very long.
“He'll hate me,” Caleb whispered. “They both will.”
“You know that's not true,” I said softly.
“Does Mariana know I'm back?” Caleb asked Ronan.
“She does. She thought you and Eli could use some time to talk, so she'll be coming out to the house tomorrow. At least, I think that's what she said – she couldn't stop crying when I told her I was going to pick you guys up,” Ronan said.
As we reached the house and began the short trek up the driveway, Caleb looked at me. “You won't leave, right?”
“Martha Stewart couldn't drag me away, baby. ”
He laughed and leaned against me. When the car pulled into the circular part of the driveway, Eli's Rottweiler, Baby, was already waiting at the bottom of the steps. I could see that the front door was open, but didn't see Eli or Mav.
Once we were out of the car, Caleb went to greet Baby while I got Willa's car seat. I turned in time to see Caleb standing stock-still with Baby eagerly nuzzling his fingers. But Caleb's attention wasn't on the dog anymore.
It was on Eli, who was standing in the doorway.
Also frozen.
Eli moved first.
In fact, he was the only one who moved. Caleb seemed stuck in place.
Eli moved slowly down the stairs, his eyes never leaving his brother. He looked terrible. It was clear he'd lost some weight and his expression was almost haggard.
Caleb didn't move, didn't react as Eli neared him. But when Eli was within a couple of feet of him, his expression unreadable, Caleb suddenly let out a harsh sob. “I'm sorry,” he blurted, then he covered his face with his hands.
Eli didn't even slow his step. The second he reached Caleb, he enfolded him in his arms. Caleb kept repeating he was sorry as he sobbed in Eli's arms and Eli just held onto him.
I could hear him saying something to Caleb, but I wasn't sure what it was.
It had Caleb nodding, though, so that was encouraging.
I glanced up to see Mav standing at the top of the steps, his eyes on the brothers.
He gave them a moment, then descended the stairs.
When he reached the pair, Eli relinquished his hold on Caleb and Mav immediately wrapped his arms around him.
There were more muffled words spoken between them and then Mav kissed Caleb's temple.
He released Caleb, who wiped at his eyes.
Caleb and Eli started speaking as Mav made his way to me.
I tensed, because the last time I'd seen Mav, I hadn't exactly been welcoming. Not to mention I'd pretty much kidnapped the young man he considered a little brother.
When he reached me, he extended his hand .
But not to shake mine.
No, he wanted Willa's car seat.
I didn't know what to make of the silent request, but since I knew he wouldn't hurt her, I handed her over. He immediately gave the car seat to Ronan.
And I prepared myself for the worst.
But I wasn't about to apologize for what I'd done. Yes, I was sorry I'd worried him and Eli, but taking Caleb had been the smartest thing I'd ever done in my entire life. If that earned me a punch or two, so be it.
Only there was no punch. There were just Mav's arms sliding around me. “Thank you for keeping him safe,” Mav murmured. He slapped me on the back. “Welcome home, brother.”
I let out a harsh breath.
Because fuck if I hadn't needed that.
I nodded, but didn't manage to say anything. Mav released me and then turned his attention on Willa, who was being gently nuzzled by Baby. The infant had woken up at some point and was just staring at all the new faces.
“What do you say, baby girl?” Mav said. “Wanna go see what your Uncle Mav and Uncle Eli have for you?”
I smiled at the sing-song voice he used as he took the car seat.
Willa looked completely entranced as Mav continued to talk to her as he began walking toward the house.
Eli automatically fell in step next to him and began cooing at the baby.
Ronan followed and then Caleb was at my side.
I wiped at the remnants of his tears. “What do you say we go introduce Willa to her uncles?” I asked.
He slid his hand into mine and nodded. “I think I just found another piece, Jace,” he murmured softly. I smiled and kissed him, but refrained from telling him I had a feeling it was the first of many.
Because I knew he'd have to see it to believe it.