Chapter Twenty
CHAPTER TWENTY
Gage
T hat isn’t the hardest thing I need to say. The ring burning a hole in my pocket requires words to be said that will be even harder to force past my lips.
She nods, her big brown eyes round, her pupils dilated. She still wants me, and it hits me like a shot of tequila. I’m giddy and relieved. She still wants me the way she used to. Doesn’t look at me like I’m a greasy mechanic who’s supposed to be fixing her car. I know that hangup is mine, and it’s part of the reason we can’t get carried away now.
I set her on my kitchen counter so we’re eye to eye. “God, you’re beautiful,” I whisper, brushing a strand of hair off her cheek.
She holds my hand and kisses my palm, leaving a light smear of lipstick. “I always want you to think so. What do we need to talk about? I know we have a lot to say to each other, but—”
“Are you pregnant, Zarah?” It’s been bothering me, the not knowing.
She draws in a breath and lets it out slowly, pushing a hand to her belly. “No. Jerricka gave me a test at her lake house, and at the bed and breakfast I asked for another, just to be sure, then I got my period and that was that.”
“Okay. I didn’t know, and . . . okay. Zarah—”
“Don’t say you don’t love me anymore,” she says, tears filling her eyes. One drips down her cheek. “I won’t believe you. I won’t.”
“What are you doing here? What do you want?” I ask, resting my forehead against hers. I sound miserable.
She presses her hands against the sides of my face, her breath floating lightly across my skin. “You. All I want is you.”
“I’m not enough, not for you. I watched you at that press conference, and the reporters were eating out of your hand. You’re gonna rule the world, baby. You don’t need me.”
“Gage, no.” She sobs into my shirt, her shoulders shaking. I hold her close, seven years of pain dampening my chest. “I can’t—” she cries. “You can’t—” Gripping my shirt in her fists, she keens into the cotton.
I tangle my fingers in her hair and rub her back. I hoped I would be there when this happened. I bet she hasn’t cried once since Zane brought her to that bed and breakfast. So strong, my little girl, but she knows around me, she doesn’t have to be. “You’re right. I can’t,” I murmur, my lips pressed to the top of her head.
Seconds turn into minutes, and minutes turn into, I’m not sure how long I hold her, how long she cries, but I give her all the time she needs, just like I always have. The apprehension I felt when she walked into my apartment is gone. I was afraid she would be different, afraid she wouldn’t be the woman I love, but she is, and my heart calms.
She leans away, her eyes bloodshot, tears saturating her cheeks. “The past—”
I don’t know why she’s bringing it up now, and I frown. “Hasn’t changed, and it still doesn’t matter. I love you, Zarah, and I always will.”
“Thank God,” she whispers. “I love you, too. So much. I was afraid...”
“We both were, baby. We both were.” I kiss her, those salty promises laying on her lips that were never broken. I reach for the hand towel hanging off the oven’s handle and dry her cheeks. “You’re sure about this?” I ask, because I have to be sure she is. She was right—I can’t live without her and it’s better we figure this out now.
“I’m sure. Do you know how I am?”
Because she can feel it in her heart like I do, but I shake my head, wanting her to continue. Words don’t mean anything without the actions behind them, that’s something you learn over and over again, but sometimes there’s a place for words and I want to hear what she has to say.
“When we were together,” she starts, sounding like the confident young woman she was at the press conference, “you never asked me to give you anything. You never asked me for a nicer place to live. Never asked me to pay off your dad’s house or buy him a new vehicle. You didn’t want anything but my time, to be with me. I was always afraid I wasn’t going to be enough, just by myself. Without my money. With as confused as I was, with as insecure as I was about you leaving me, I would have given you millions to stay, if you had asked. But you never did. It never occurred to you to take advantage of me that way. A lot of my memories were gone, men had used my body and broken my spirit—”
I wince.
“—and none of that mattered. You loved me for who I was when we were together. I’m still that same woman. I’m the same woman who fell in love with you over coffee, and you’re that same man who fell in love with me under the stars in the woods. You’re the man I love, and you’re the man who loves me back. Nothing has changed, but everything is different. I know that, and I know we’ll need time. But for once, I’m looking forward to the future, and it’s been a very long time since I could say that.”
I blow out a breath. It’s what I wanted her to say and what I needed to hear. Not so much the money—it was never about the money, not to me—but that she recognizes I loved her for who she was and that I love the woman she is now, sitting on my counter. “I have only ever loved you, Zarah. Your strength and bravery, the way you love your family and protect them at all costs. I admire you, respect you, and I feel damned lucky you’re here.” I pause and brush my fingers over her jaw. “These two weeks have been pretty fucking sad.”
“Yeah, they have. I missed you, Gage. So much. Even when I couldn’t remember your name or who you were. There was an emptiness inside me, but as the antidote kicked in and I started regaining my memories, it got worse, not better. The more I remembered the more I missed, and I can’t be without you. Please don’t make me.” More tears drip down her cheeks.
Rubbing them off her face, I say, “Then I have a question to ask, and if you’re not ready, you have to tell me. It won’t mean we’ll break up—”
Impatiently, she shakes her head. “Just ask me. This is all I want in the whole world and I’m ready to say yes.”
I wiggle the delicate ring out of my pocket. “I had no clue what to propose with. I can’t afford much, and you can buy yourself any kind of ring you want. This one is special, it belonged to my grandma. I didn’t want to give you the ring my dad gave my mom. Their marriage was broken, and I didn’t think you’d want to wear something of hers when Rourke caused you so much pain. But my grandma and grandpa, my dad’s mom and dad, they were married for over fifty years and passed away a week apart. I’m pushing forty so I don’t think I can last that long, but I’m willing to give it a shot. Zarah, I love you so much, tell me you’ll marry me.”
“Yes, I will. It’s beautiful, and I’m honored to wear it.”
She holds out her hand—it’s shaking and you have no idea how relieved I am she can be nervous about something like this—and I push the little diamond onto her finger. Her hand is dainty, and the ring looks perfect. “I had to have it adjusted and asked Stella for your ring size. My grandma had pudgy fingers.”
Laughing, she uses the hand towel to blot the tears off her cheeks. “I have something for you, too.”
I stiffen. I never want her to think she has to give me anything but her love to keep me. “You didn’t need—”
“Yes, I did. You’ve only ever asked me for one thing, and I want to give it to you. I dropped my purse in the living room.” She holds out her arms asking me to lift her off the counter, and I set her on the floor and follow her, unable to take my eyes off her. She picks up her purse by the strap.
Pulling a stack of envelopes out of her bag, she says, “When all this was over, you asked if we could go on vacation. Glass floors?” she asks, her lips quirking, teasing me.
“I did.” She asked what she could give me and I didn’t know what else to say. I already had my heart’s desire and I didn’t need or want anything else.
“Things aren’t quite over. Rourke, Jerricka, Dr. Mallory, Dr. Pederson, even the medical examiner, they’re all under investigation, and I won’t stop until they pay for what they did to me and the other patients at Quiet Meadows. But before that starts, I want to make love while fish swim underneath us.” She hands me the envelopes, and our names are written on each one. “We’re all going. Zane and Stella, Linc and Lucille. Douglas. Baby, too, though she might need one or two shots to travel internationally. She’s family, and I don’t want to board her while we’re gone.”
I brush my fingertips over the thick cream paper. “Is Zane going to be able to fly with us?”
Zarah laughs, and Christ, after this fucking nightmare, it’s such a sweet sound. “You got him on a helicopter to rescue me. How cool is that?”
“He’d do anything for you, Zarah, same as me.”
She steps into my arms. “I know.”
I sigh. “I want to take you to bed, but we can’t stay here. There’s too much damage.”
She pulls away and immediately my arms feel empty. “Gage, that’s my fault. When I was at Jerricka’s lake house, they were talking about Dr. Mallory’s watch. They said they planted it at the warehouse to frame him for Ingrid’s death. I told them you and Linc found it, and Dr. Pederson said that was another mess they’d have to clean up. They did that to hurt you, and I’m so sorry.”
“It’s not your fault. Rourke blew up my truck because he didn’t want us together. If you hadn’t said anything, he still would have set the fire, but even if he hadn’t, you don’t belong here. Hell, I admitted to myself I should’ve moved out a long time ago. I just didn’t care enough.”
Looking around the living room, she says, “Zane and Stella are moving into the penthouse for a little while, and we’ll have the house to ourselves, if you’d like to stay there until we figure out what we’re going to do. I think Baby misses Arya and Sansa, and there’s nothing I want more than to walk in the woods and talk, get to know you all over again.” She pauses. “It would be nice if we could talk about Max and the memories I have of us at the Crowne. I know you don’t like talking about him and if it hurts we don’t have to, but it would mean a lot to me if I could share that time with you.”
“The house is fine, and I don’t mind if we talk about Max. When he was alive, I was jealous. I resented him and shunned him for belonging in a world I hated as much as I wanted to be a part of. I wasted the time we had, and it’s too late to make things right, but I can still get to know the man he was. He loved you and even after his death made sure you were looked after. I owe it to him to honor his memory.”
She smiles, and sadness shadows her eyes. “A relationship between us never would have worked. I didn’t understand it then, but he reminded me of Rourke and what he did to me. No matter how much he loved me or how much I grew to care about him, I wouldn’t have been able to put that behind me.”
“I’m sorry.”
“I am, too. It hurt him, but if Max and I would have had a sexual relationship, it would have been too much for you and me, and we wouldn’t be here now.” She shivers.
“You might be right, but let’s not think about it. I’ve spent enough time imagining what my life would be like without you in it. You’re cold, and we should go. When we get to the house, I need to call Pop. I haven’t been pulling my weight at the office.”
She looks up at me, a pained expression on her face. “We’ll have to talk about that.”
“You don’t want me to be a PI anymore.” I knew in pursuing a relationship with Zarah there would be compromise. Na?vely, I hoped I could put it off a little longer.
“No, it’s not that—I still think it’s sexy. I don’t know much about investigating, but you need a certain amount of, discretion , to do your job, don’t you?”
“Of course. I can’t snoop around without it.”
“You might lose some after we’re married. The paparazzi will be very interested in what you’re doing. All the time.” She forces a smile, and she looks so comical I just have to laugh.
“Huh. I never thought of that.” I really didn’t. I was able to do my job while we dated, but yeah, I guess us being married will be a whole different thing.
“You could go to school. There are a lot of different security jobs, like cybersecurity, and you could work behind the scenes. I’m going to major in public relations and eventually help Zane run the company. What do you think?”
I take a chance. If she didn’t hate that I was a PI, maybe she won’t hate this. “What if I went into social services?”
“Social services? Really?”
“Would you mind?”
“Why would I mind you want to help people? You could be a patient advocate when I reopen Quiet Meadows and make sure that something like what happened to me never happens again, or you could work with Stella. She’s going to start a nonprofit so that women have a place to go if they need help and don’t have to work for men like Ash. You can do whatever you want, and I’ll support you.” She lifts my hand to her lips and kisses my fingers. “It’s going to be okay. I promise.”
It’s like she cut through all my worries saying two sentences. Things will be okay. As long as we have each other, things will always be okay. “I haven’t been to school since I went to the police academy.”
“We could do homework in bed.”
I pick her up, my heart light. If a career change and the paparazzi following us are the only things we’re going to have to worry about, life will be smooth sailing from here on out. “If I have you in bed, Miss Maddox, we’re not doing homework.” I nuzzle her neck, and she laughs.
“You mean Mrs. Davenport.”
I meet her gaze, surprised. “You’re going to take my name?”
Her eyes turn a gooey chocolate, and she touches my cheek, the ring I gave her moments ago sparkling in the meagre light. “I love you, and I’ll be proud to take your name. Zarah Davenport sounds quite charming, don’t you think?”
I clear my throat, but my voice still sounds raw. “You mean the world to me. You know that, don’t you?”
“Yeah,” she says softly. “I finally believe it.”
“Good.” I capture her mouth with mine, slowly, lightly, savoring her kiss. We fought a lot of demons to get to where we are, and I’ll cherish every single second I have with this amazing angel in my arms. “I’ll have to come back and finish up.”
She flicks her fingers. “We have people for that. The only thing you should be thinking about now is making love to me.”
“I’m never going to get used to all your money.”
“All our money.”
I groan. “That’s even worse.”
Rubbing my beard in her way that I adore, Zarah says, giggling, “I love you so much. Let’s get out of here.”
I set her down, pack a bag for me and Baby, and tug on my jacket.
She grips my hand, and I close the door to a life I thought was full, until I met her.
I don’t look back.