Chapter Three #2
How could he know where I am? I didn’t tell anyone I was going to Zane’s office to use his computer. There was no one to tell. Zane and Stella are busy, Lucille wouldn’t have cared, if she was still awake to answer my call, and Douglas would have told me to stay in the penthouse, advice I would have ignored, much to my apparent detriment.
“Zarah! Gorgeous name, by the way. What does it mean? Whore?”
My heart starts slamming and sweat slides down my ribs. He doesn’t sound nice, and that comment tells me exactly what he wants.
A dirty romp. A filthy fuck.
It’s all I’m good for.
Stop it. Those are Ash’s words.
I close my eyes and rest my forehead against the chair’s armrest. I should let him rape me and get it over with. There’s no way I can fight him off, no way I would be able to reach the elevator and wait for the doors to open before he grabbed me, and the emergency exit that leads to the stairwell is on the other side of the room.
Peering around Peggy’s desk, I shove a plant away that’s sitting on the floor. The guy is tall and scrawny and he’s carrying a baseball bat. Standing at the desk Harper used to have when Richard Denton still worked here, he swings, narrowly missing the large monitor. “Come on, Zarah. Just give me a little. You’ll like it. I know you’re up here. I can smell your pussy.” He shuffles into another area of the office suite.
Right at this moment there’s no one in the world I want more than Gage, but I don’t have his number memorized. I could call Zane, but I doubt he would answer his phone. I should call security, or Douglas, since he said he would stay nearby, or a million other people because Gage doesn’t owe me anything, but he’s the only person I trust and maybe he still loves me enough to help me.
“Zarah, love. Come on. Don’t make me beg.”
The creeper shuffles this way, and panicking, I crawl toward the office that used to belong to Larry Cramer.
Rising slightly on my knees, I try the handle but the door’s locked.
“I’m being patient, my sweet Zarah, but bad things happen if I have to wait too long.”
Silently, I crawl to the next office. I don’t know who it belongs to—I can’t read the name plaque in the dark—but it doesn’t matter. The door’s locked.
Dammit.
He walks closer, and the city’s pale light bleeding around the window blinds turns him into little more than a shadow wearing black, his hair a dirty blond tangle on his head.
Desperate to keep space between us, I crawl as quickly as I can toward the center of the room.
“Ashton Black wants me to give you a message,” he says softly.
Ash? This guy is connected to Ash somehow.
Then he’s insane. And dangerous. Ash didn’t have a kind bone in his body, and I’m guessing this idiot doesn’t either.
“He says you’ll always belong to him. That no matter how many guys you fuck, he’ll always be your first. Pretty romantic if you ask me. He wants to see you, Zarah. You never visit.” Mockingly, he tsks.
Changing direction, he backtracks toward the elevator. This might be my only chance. I drag a landline phone off a secretary’s desk and crawl under it, rolling the chair in as far as it will go. I hope to God it looks like no one is hiding here. I try to touch type directory assistance, but the phone beeps and I jerk in dread.
My fingers shake and I fumble, cutting off the beeping before he can figure out where I am.
“I heard that, Zarah, you sweet thing. Come out, come out, wherever you are.”
I’m so stupid. I didn’t dial nine for an outside line first. Calling directory assistance is the only way I can find out Gage’s phone number without a computer, and I can’t chance that. A monitor would be too bright.
“City and state please,” the bored operator asks.
“King’s Crossing, Minnesota.” I whisper so low I don’t think she can hear me but miraculously, she does.
“Listing, please.”
“Davenport, Gage Davenport.”
She types something, the keys clicking, and a few feet away, there’s a crash. I press my body against the back of the desk. He must have hit something with his bat.
“I have Davenport Investigations on Lake Superior Road.”
“Okay.” I bite back a moan. I wanted his cell phone number. I can call their office, but I know no one is going to be there and I’m going to be in big trouble.
“Zarah! I want you, sweetheart. Ash didn’t say I could have a taste, but I’m gonna anyway.”
“I’ll connect you, please hold.”
The phone rings and rings, and they sound so loud I’m afraid they’ll lead him straight to me. No one is going to answer. Way after business hours, I wasted my one phone call on a hope and a wish. The line clicks and I think an answering machine is going to answer but Gage barks, “Davenport. What can I do for you?”
Oh, thank God. They forward their calls.
“Gage.” My voice is faint and watery.
“Who is this?”
Music plays in the background.
“Gage, I need your help.”
“You’re going to have to speak up. I can’t hear you.”
I can’t wait for him to find a quiet spot. “Help me,” I say a little louder.
“Zarah?”
“Zarah Maddox! I’m going to find you! Stop fucking hiding from me.”
“Zarah? Are you okay? Who was that?” Gage asks, the music fading.
I don’t have time to answer him.
Ash’s goon is closer, and I set the phone down, laying the receiver next to the base.
“Zarah?” Gage’s voice floats into the air, and it seems to fill the entire twenty-fifth floor.
I push at the chair, slowly, so slowly, and I ease out from the space under the desk. Only two feet away, there’s another crash. He hit a monitor with his bat.
“Zarah?” Gage’s voice again. He’s going to point the guy right in my direction, but I can’t hang up the phone. He’s my only chance at getting out of this.
“Zarah, you’re so close, I can smell you.”
I don’t doubt it. Sweat is trickling down my back, and my pajama tank is sticking to my skin.
Scooting backward, I think I know where he is. In front of the wall of windows, crazy shadows dance on the floor and the outline of his body moves through the glimmering light. But my fear turned me around, and instead of sneaking away from him, I fall right into his trap.
He steps in front of me, smacking the bat against the palm of his hand, his eyes beady and narrow, set deep into his face.
“There you are.”
I scream.
I scramble to my feet. If I can reach the emergency exit I might have a chance to outrun him down the stairs, but he’s too fast and he’s on me in two steps, yanking my hair.
Pain rips through my scalp, into my neck, and down every nerve ending I have. I didn’t tell Gage where I was. How is he going to find me? And why would he bother to look?
Suddenly, I give up, and I lose all fight.
What is there to fight for anyway? I have a fucked-up life. I’ll never be normal. I’ll always have to carry the weight of my past and I can’t ask anyone for help. My life, my recovery, is all on me, and I can’t do it anymore.
I’m tired.
Gage asked me once if I ever thought about committing suicide, and I haven’t, but letting one of Ash’s thugs murder me? I’ll have the best of both worlds. I’ll be gone and there won’t be anyone to blame.
“Kill me,” I whisper, his arm around my neck in a headlock, his wrist pressing against my throat.
He drags me into a dark corner and pushes me against the wall, panting into my ear.
“Maybe I will. How do you wanna go? Want me to slit your throat? Yeah, I like that. Black’ll be pissed, but what’s he gonna do?”
The nasty talk excites him, and he presses his hard penis against my butt. His arm blocks off my airway, and stars fizz behind my eyes. Tears dribble down my cheeks.
“I don’t care,” I mumble. “Just do it.”
“First I’m gonna take what’s mine.” He drops the bat and grabs my crotch, and this is so much like when Ash’s jobs would trap me. Before I lost my spirit I would fight back, but they only enjoyed it more. I learned to stand there, blank out, and try to live through what they did to me.
He licks my neck, his slimy tongue moving up to my jaw. The bitter scent of beer sours his already putrid breath. “Fuck, you taste good.”
I whimper as his hand grapples with the waistband of my pajama bottoms.
“Yeah, do that again. I’m so fuckin’ hard,” he rasps into my ear.
He’s breaching my panties, his fingertips grazing my pubic hair, when the elevator doors bump open and a growling unlike anything I have ever heard before rumbles across the floor and stops him. The bastard releases me and lurches away, but it’s not enough to keep a grey and white blur from baring her teeth, snarling, trapping him cowering against a wall.
“Zarah!”
“Gage.” His name tears past my lips.
He rounds the corner, his chest heaving, but I can’t go to him.
This is what I am. A whore, dirty. Good for nothing but a druggie maniac who belongs in prison.
Lobby security and uniformed police officers stream onto the twenty-fifth floor, and I drop to my knees and cry.
Gage drags me into his arms, his jacket and skin cold. “Are you okay? Are you okay?” he keeps asking, his voice cracking.
“Let me go.” I push on his chest.
“No. Stop fighting this. Just stop it. I need you. I need you. ”
I can’t do anything but wrap my arms around his neck and sob into his shoulder. I’m safe. Gage saved me. I called and he came, but how long can I expect him to do that? How many times will he come to my rescue before he grows tired of it? How much can I take until he gets tired of giving?
The questions drain me, but then I hear Zane shout, “Zarah. Jesus Christ,” and I know I won’t find any peace for a while.
Tenderly, Gage sets me to my feet, caresses my cheek, and turns his attention to Zane and the police officers.
The cops have that scumbag’s hands secured behind his back, but Baby hasn’t stopped growling, her teeth glinting.
Wearing a coat and his pajamas, Zane picks up where Gage left off, yanking me against his chest. Stella hurries after him, weaving around the policemen who are pushing Ash’s thug toward the elevator.
“What happened? Why are you down here? What were you doing?” Zane rattles questions at me, and I try and fail to untangle myself from his embrace. Finally, he pushes me away, grasping my shoulders and shaking me. “Why aren’t you in the penthouse?”
“I came down to use your computer.”
“There’s a laptop in the kitchen, on Lucille’s desk,” he says, pulling me to him again. “You didn’t need to come down.”
“I’m sorry.”
“No, I am. I shouldn’t have left you alone.”
His words bring tears to my eyes. I can’t be left alone. I’m like a child, always needing a keeper or I’ll find trouble wherever I go. I’m a burden to everyone and I hate it.
Gage stands off to the side watching, his eyes guarded. The jerk’s gone and Baby stopped growling, but she stands stiffly, waiting for something else to happen. Everyone’s attention is on me, and embarrassed, I kneel on the floor and wrap my arms around her neck. She pushes her wet nose into my cheek and licks my chin.
“I should get going,” Gage says, shifting on his feet.
Zane strides to him and shakes his hand. “Thank you for what you did. I’ll never be able to repay you. Zarah’s safety is priceless.”
Stella sinks to her knees next to me. She washed her face and her breath smells like toothpaste. “You should ask him to stay. He wants to.” Her voice is low, and her lips graze the shell of my ear.
I want him to, too. I want to ask if he’ll stay, but we’re broken up. He told me to stop texting him, told me he’d find a woman who wanted sex his way. I know he and Sierra were out tonight. My call probably interrupted his date.
Pushing my face into Baby’s neck, I say, “I can’t. He doesn’t want me anymore.”
“You should let him tell you that, not assume things that might not be true.”
“He won’t want me after what happened.”
“Zarah.”
Turning my head, I look at her with one eye, and she frowns.
A cop raises his voice and says, “Before anybody goes anywhere, I need all your statements, unless you’d like to give them down at the station?”
Zane sounds tired and resigned. “No, we’ll do it here. Let’s go upstairs. We need coffee. Tomorrow I’ll have someone assess the damage he did.”
Gage watches me stand to my feet, keeping my hand on Baby’s head. It’s pretty pathetic I relate to the dog better than the people who love me.
In the penthouse, everyone settles in the living room and Stella goes into the kitchen to make coffee. I sit on the sofa, and Gage sits next to me, being careful not to touch me. That’s always been our problem. He doesn’t want to smother me, and I interpret his distance as a reluctance to get close to me. It’s my own self-esteem issues that complicate things, nothing he’s done.
I go through my evening, changing and getting ready for bed, explaining that I wasn’t tired enough to go to sleep and my idea to do some looking around online and needing a computer. I leave out what I found looking into Quiet Meadows. That’s a conversation for another time and for different people. I repeat what that sleazebag said to me, and the cop raises his eyebrows at the mention of Ash’s name.
Zane hisses a breath. “The son of a bitch.”
There’s no question that even though Ash is in prison, he still has power.
Gage stiffens and tentatively wraps his hand around mine. I don’t pull away. I can’t. His touch is like an anchor, his rough callouses keeping me from drifting away in a current I can’t fight against. The guy Ash sent to hurt me is lucky Gage kept his hands to himself. He’d be dead now, if Gage had been given the chance to pay him back for hurting me.
I finish with him pushing me into a corner, threatening to kill me. I don’t include the part where I encouraged it, begged for it. I’m ashamed I let myself drop so low. There’s nothing so terrible about my life that death is the only escape.
The cop hefts himself out of the chair and shoves his little notebook into a pocket of his uniform. “We’ll let you know if he gives us anything. Sounds like he was sent here to scare you, Miss Maddox. Be careful.”
“I will.”
He takes the elevator down to the twenty-fifth floor, and the four of us fall into an awkward silence.
“I’m sorry I interrupted your night,” I whisper, staring at my lap and picking at my silk pajama bottoms.
Zane scowls. “I don’t care about that. I care that bastard was planning this. He knew you were going to be alone and used the first opportunity he found. I’m going to question the hell out of our security team downstairs and find out how that asshole managed to get up here.”
“You think he was watching me?” I ask, surprised.
“How else did he know you were going to be in the city? How else do you think he knew you were going to be alone? He’s probably been watching you for days, maybe weeks, keeping tabs on social media.” Zane glares at Gage. “He knew you weren’t going to be around, Truth or Dare spreading it all over you picked up that woman tonight.”
Sparks shoot out of Gage’s eyes, and he opens his mouth to retort, but I step in first.
Staggering to my feet, I say, “Stop it, just stop it. No one’s to blame for this stupid mess except me. I shouldn’t have come down. I shouldn’t have been here at all. I should have stayed at the house, locked in my room. I’m not good for anything but staying out of sight and keeping my mouth shut.”
“Zarah—”
“No, it’s true. My mind is broken and I’m never going to get better. I just want to leave and stay out of everybody’s way.”
Their looks of sympathy are too much, and I run up the stairs to my bedroom. I can’t face them any longer. I crawl into bed and pull the comforter over my head. I try to listen for more yelling, but I don’t hear anything. Either they’re furiously whispering at each other or they left. I hope they’re gone. I can’t handle anymore talking, anymore blame.
I should have known better than to think Zane and Gage would leave me alone or that Stella would let me spend the night by myself after what happened.
“Hey, can we talk?” Gage pushes the door open and steps into my room. Baby follows close behind and settles on the carpet under my window. I peer at him over the edge of the comforter. He took his jacket off and he’s wearing one of the soft flannel shirts I love to rub my cheek against. His jeans rustle as he crosses to my bed, but he stops at the side of the mattress. He won’t sit if I don’t say it’s okay.
“Do I have a choice?” I ask bitterly.
He sighs. “Yeah, you do. If you don’t want to talk, I’ll go. Zane posted security by the elevator downstairs. No one is coming up, and if I leave, they won’t let me come back. So think carefully before you answer.”
“Why did he go?”
“Because he knew you didn’t want him here. He and Stella went back to the Crowne. He didn’t want to, but Zarah, everyone is trying to do what they think you want. We want you happy, and you’re making it damned hard.”
“You don’t understand.”
“I want to, baby, but you need to talk to me. You keep shutting me out, and when that happens, all I can do is walk away.”
I scoot over a little, and he sits next to me. Wrapping my arms around his leg, I rest my head on his knee.
“Can I touch you?”
I sniffle. “Yeah.”
He smooths my hair away from my face and my heart leaps. “I love you, Zarah. That hasn’t changed. I saw that fucker on you, and I snapped. I have never wanted to kill anyone as much as I wanted to break that guy’s neck. But my love doesn’t mean much if you won’t take it. If you won’t let me love you, what am I supposed to do?”
“I don’t know. I don’t know what’s wrong with me.” I sit up but don’t back away. Being near him is like a drug, but a good one. Maybe that’s part of my problem, too. I’ve been taught addiction is a bad thing, but sometimes it’s not bad if you’re addicted to something good. Like I’m addicted to Gage’s love. “I’m nothing, Gage. Besides Max and you and my brother and my dad, all the men in my life have only ever wanted to use me and hurt me to feel powerful. I’ve never been loved for who I am, and what am I? A rich, crazy girl who has no education, no plan, off the deep end. What is there to love?”
“It isn’t up to you to say what I love and what I don’t. You’re beautiful and compassionate, kind and generous. I see glimpses of who you are, who you’ll be, under what Ash did to you, and you don’t think that scares the living shit out of me? Zarah, you keep forgetting, one day you’re going to beat this. One day your doctor will finish weaning you off those pills, and you’re going to figure out who you’re meant to be. Do you really believe I don’t worry about that? That Zarah Maddox, princess of King’s Crossing, heiress to the Maddox billions, isn’t going to look at me and wonder why she was ever with me? That when you say you need to explore, I don’t think it’s better now than later, when I’ve fallen so hard I don’t know which way is up? Walk away now, if you have to, because I can still function, but God, a year from now, two, when you’re off that poison, how far gone will I be?”
I crawl into his lap, and he stiffens briefly before wrapping his arms around me. I sink into his embrace and breathe in his scent. “I thought you didn’t think that way anymore.”
“I’m always going to think it. Until the day you’re off those drugs and you can look me in the eyes and say you still love me, I will always be afraid it will happen. If Max wouldn’t have helped Zane and Stella, if he wouldn’t have left me his things and asked me to keep digging into what Ash did to you, we never would have met. That cuts deep, Zarah. To think we never would have met, knowing that our relationship is built on prostitution and arms deals, murder, and fraud. We met because of what the Blacks were doing. It’s in the back of my mind, always.”
Awkwardly, I rise to my knees and look into his face. My bedroom is dark, but the city lights brighten the room. His eyes are tired, and shadows lay under them. His beard has grown out a little more, and in his plaid shirt, he resembles more of a lumberjack than an off-duty PI. If anyone was to ask me why I fell in love, I wouldn’t be able to answer. The way he cares about me is evident in every touch, the way he loves me in every kiss. His love didn’t make me fall in love in return. It’s something deeper, an emotion that lives in every cell in my body. I can list a million reasons why I fell in love with Gage Davenport, but none of those reasons are truly why. I love him because I do, and it’s as simple as that. “It doesn’t matter how we met, it only matters that we did.”
“I want to believe that, but we have a lot working against us.”
“Too much?” I ask, afraid of his answer.