Chapter Ten
Iwalked outside into darkness. I wondered what time it was but figured it was late enough to justify to normal people why I was going straight to bed.
Every single limb of my body felt like it weighed an extra twenty pounds.
I nearly dragged myself back. The exhaustion seemed to pounce upon me as I stepped out of Shad’s house.
I made it inside my house, and I realized quickly that Mary was not home. I paused in the kitchen.
What should I do? Keil said I couldn’t be alone while I was this weak.
I decided that I would get ready for bed and call Mary. I headed up the stairs, painstakingly slow. Once I got to my bedroom, I was too tired to even change, let alone make a phone call, and I barely made it to the bed before I collapsed.
“Em, hey, let me help you.” I lifted my heavy eyelids, which was a challenge, to see Ryker sitting in a chair beside my bed.
“Why are you—” I started to speak but couldn’t finish my question. He still had some scrapes and bruises on his face. Perhaps, others couldn’t tell anymore, but I could, and it made me hate Cade so badly. The monstrous beast roared to life inside of me; that was all it needed to get free reign.
“Whoa, hold on there, Princess.” He moved to me, holding my face in his hands.
“I am here. You saved me; I am well.” His eyes were a stormy sea.
How did he know that I was worried about him?
Was that a guardian knight thing? I focused on his eyes, trying to push black, soulless eyes from my memory and my thoughts.
“The monster—” I started but couldn’t finish as a growl escaped my lungs. Ryker smiled and touched my hair, tucking a strand behind my ear.
“It is okay, Emma. I understand. The hatred, anger, and fear is this monster of corruption. Know what it is, and do not let it run wild inside of you.”
“I can’t,” I gasped as I pulled my sheets tightly into my hands.
I was on my hands and knees on my bed; I was sure that I was a beast about to transform.
I tried to swallow down the hate, put it back inside of its cage, but she was stronger than ever.
Each time I saw those black, soulless eyes of Shad’s, it reminded me of Cade, of what he did to Shad—the boy I loved.
I thought about Shad’s sweet lips against mine, and I feared that I would never feel that sort of love again.
“It’s stronger only because your melody is weak from training; it will get better. You just have to get through tonight, and I will be here with you the entire time.”
I nodded because I didn’t want another snarl or growl to come out, and I worried that maybe I am turning into a werewolf. Are they real? Am I turning into a magical monster for real?
“I think I am a werewolf,” I groaned.
Ryker laughed beside me, and I felt his warm hands on my shoulders, easing me down, so I sat.
“Em, you are not a monster, and not a werewolf, I know a few.”
I turned to look at him, wanting to trust him, yet afraid because he didn't know about the beast that lived within me.
“Focus on me, Emma,” Ryker said as he rubbed my neck and shoulders. “Focus on my hands, how they feel,” he whispered in my ear, and goosebumps ran down my flesh. He was so close to me.
A memory came into my mind: Ryker and me as little kids, laying in the grass outside, looking at the stars. He held my hand. Peace engulfed me. It was as clear as if we were in the moment, right then.
I opened my eyes and looked at the ceiling. I was on my bed, and Ryker’s arms were around me, his breathing so soft and calming.
“There you are,” he whispered in my ear. My body heated at his nearness, but instead of moving away, I enjoyed the feeling of being there with him in his arms, like I always had.
“What just happened?” I asked, turning to face him and he smiled.
“You focused, and the monster fled. I am so proud of you.” His smile was contagious, and I gave him a small one back.
“We should talk about that night in the hospital,” I breathed.
He closed his eyes, his body tense.
“Is something wrong?” I asked, touching his chest.
He turned to look at me. “I am sorry for my actions then. I overstepped the boundaries,” he said.
“I let you do it, Ry,” I assured him.
He shook his head. “You were vulnerable, and I shouldn’t have done that.”
“I needed it, Ry; your kisses, your warmth—they chased away the monster that day. I don’t know if I will ever be the same without Shad.
I love him, Ry, but I love you, too–and your touch.
Being around you, it makes me feel such peace.
I don’t think that I could live without you, without that.
I know that is selfish, but I need you, Ry. You are my family–you and Mary.”
“I need you, too, Emma, and I love you, too,” he said, touching my cheek with the back of his hand. But there was a pain in his eyes I had not noticed before. Had I hurt him? Or was he already hurting from something? Was it his wounds? Should I move?
“I am well Emma. My wounds are fine, I am happy to help you. I was only thinking of something else.”
“Can you give me some of that warmth then? I feel cold.”
“I am holding you; you are literally in my arms right now,” he said, pulling me closer with a chuckle.
“Oh, right,” I didn’t know what else to say, but his warmth was not there. I wished for Shad.
“You are very vulnerable right now; just rest. I am here, and I will hold you all night and keep you safe.”
“Okay,” I said with shaky breath. He was there–I was not alone. That was enough.
I listened to him breathing, and my breaths matched his as I drifted off to sleep.
I was in a van, a large van, sitting beside Keil.
It was strange because I didn't understand why I would be driving in a van with Keil. Maybe it was some sort of training exercise? I looked down at my hands as I held them clasped together. That was strange. My hands did not look like my own, they were larger and darker. I turned to look out of the window, emotions and thoughts flooded through me, emotions that were not my own, and as I stared at my reflection, I realized that it wasn’t my reflection.
It wasn’t my memory. It was Shad’s memory.
“Keil, what will I do?” Shad asked as he studied the landscape, passing by his window.
“What do you mean, Sire?”
“When I find her, what will I say; what will I do?”
“Well, you simply introduce yourself.”
“Yes, right. Of course,” Shad said, straightening his tie, feeling nervousness bubbling within him.
“Just be yourself, Prince Shadrict; she will love you.”
“I doubt that.”
“Highness, you realize that you are an honorable man, right? The Ancients smile down upon you and all the good that you have done for our people.”
“Maybe.”
“You need to relax and not worry so much. You are the Crown Prince Shadrict of Embra, she will love you.”
“My title means nothing.”
“It is who you are.”
“Not all of me, but that means very little here anyway. I am so afraid.”
Shad groaned and leaned his head against the headrest.
His emotions and feelings and thoughts flooded into me again as if I were him in his memory and as if it were happening to me:
It was easy for Keil to say, easy for anyone to tell me that ‘all will be well,’ but I had been dreaming about that moment for most of my life.
I had wanted to meet her for so long, and on that day, I would meet her.
I worried that I would mess everything up.
What if she hated me? Wanted nothing to do with me?
Not only do I want her to like me, to be honest, I want us to have a real future together, saving Terra and being happy, but I want something to finally go right.
I pictured my mother and remembered all of the advice she had given me before any large get-together, ball, or party, and I realized that I had always let her calm my nerves.
My melody swarmed around me, and I pulled it back, ordering it to calm down, insisting that all would be well.
“Here is the house,” Keil said as he pulled up to a home.
The property was pleasing to the eye, but I couldn’t focus on the minor details.
Homes in this realm still took me by surprise sometimes.
I heard her melody then; it was louder than ever before–so loud, strong and beautiful, and I wanted to run to her and hold her in my arms, but that would certainly frighten her.
As I climbed out of the car, I closed my eyes and listened to her beautiful melody, creating a perfect harmony with mine.
I turned around and looked at the house directly across the street and saw movement in the highest window.
I stared for a few moments, feeling her panic within me.
‘Great, Emma, be a stupid stalker.’
The words floated to me so effortlessly that I knew she didn’t know how to keep her thoughts to herself. I smiled. She can stalk me anytime she wants to.
“What’s that look for?” Keil asked as we moved around to the side of the van.
“I heard her thoughts; I heard her soul, Keil; it is exquisite. There is no way that she can be meant for me. I think the Ancients have it wrong.”
“Sire, I know you, and, indeed, they have it right. I could not think of a more deserving person than yourself. The Ancients blessed you with this gift for a reason.”
I wanted to believe him, but it seemed too wonderful to be true.
I thought back to that day, the day I would never forget—to the lady from the Dungeons of the Mist. She had told me that I would find her, that she would be on Earth.
It all seemed too good to be true, but she was real, alive, and she was so close.
I wanted to run to her, to hold her, and to learn everything about her.
I wanted to kiss her and to never let her go, to make her mine for always.
I shook my head and looked down at my hands.
I calmed down my melody. I needed to control myself.
I knew it would be hard to control myself around her, but the last thing I wanted to do was to make her afraid.
I needed to get to know her, and I needed to go slow.
I smiled; that would be enough. She would always be enough, and no matter how long it took, I would be patient.
I awoke with a gasp and sat up. Breathing heavy, I tried to keep the thoughts and the feelings alive that still resonated within me. I was in awe; I was shocked. Was that real? Had I just dreamed all that? Or was that one of the memories that Shad had left for me?
“Em?” I looked to the side of my bed and saw Ryker there. He was rubbing his eyes, and it was only then that I realized it was still dark outside. I wondered how long I had been sleeping.
“Ry? What time is it?” I asked, trying to see my digital alarm clock.
“Three in the morning,” he said, sitting up. “Are you okay?”
“I think I just accessed one of Shad’s memories.”
“Shad’s memories? Em, what are you talking about?”
“Shad gave me a note from his melody when he was in the cave. Did no one tell you? Shad told me that it would show me how to save him. ‘It holds memories,’ he said.”
“I didn't hear about that, no. Does it show you how to bring back a soulless?” He sat up quickly, waiting for my answer.
“No, it was only a memory of him moving in next door—” and so much more. I didn’t understand it all. He’d known about me before coming here? He wanted to meet me? What had I just experienced? And why did he want me to know this?
“Why would he give you that memory?” he scoffed.
As Ryker fell back to sleep mere moments later, I could not help but smile because I thought that I knew exactly why Shad had left such a memory within me.
He wanted to show me his feelings; he wanted to remind me that he loved me, and I was reminded, and I was in awe of him.
I didn't think that I could love him any more than I already did, but at that moment, I loved him so much more than I ever thought possible.
I wanted to dive into his arms and hold him, but I knew that I had work to do before I could be with my Shad again, and I would do anything and everything in my power to bring him back to me.