Chapter 16
Chapter Sixteen
“So, what are we doing for your birthday this year?” I blinked a few times before opening my eyes fully.
Ryker lay there, sprawled across the bottom of my bed with a grin on his face and a very bad case of bed-head.
I didn’t think that I would ever get used to waking up with someone else in my room.
I understood that it was what knights did—protect their royal heirs whenever necessary.
I felt sad that he wasn't Shad. What would Shad look like with bed-head?
I smiled, thinking how incredibly attractive he would look.
I cleared my throat, realizing the mistake of my traitorous thoughts.
I looked down at my hands as I sat up in bed.
“Em?” Ryker asked, pulling the blanket off my lap.
“What? Why did you wake me up so early? I have an alarm. I could have slept for a good twenty minutes longer.”
“As much as I would enjoy not seeing your grumpy side—”
I threw a pillow at him and laughed as it hit him square in the face.
He set the pillow down in front of himself and sat up, crossing his legs, “I will let that one slide.”
I rolled my eyes.
“So–What are we doing for your birthday this year?”
I had heard him the first time he asked. Why is he asking me again? I asked myself. Oh, that’s right–because I have not yet answered him.
“I have no idea. I have to use the bathroom.” I paused and looked at him. “If you don’t mind leaving. I’m safe now.” I stood up and started moving to the bathroom door.
“We have to do something.”
“Go get ready for school or something, and don’t wake me up so early again,” I yawned and glared at him.
“It’s only a few days away, Emma.”
He was suddenly right beside me, and I wondered how he got so close to me, so quickly.
I sometimes, thankfully not all of the time, felt uneasy being with him after our exchange in the hospital.
It was almost like I didn’t know how to act fully like myself anymore around him at times because I didn’t want to lead him on.
I just couldn’t do that to him—he was my best friend, and I loved him. I would never want to hurt him.
“I know when my birthday is, Ry,” I whispered, staring at a stray thread in the carpet that I’d convinced myself was entirely more fascinating than the conversation I was having with Ryker.
How had November snuck up on me like this? I wondered.
“It’s the first birthday you’ve had since they passed—”
I held up a hand, and then snapped my head up to look at him.
No matter how many hours, days, weeks, months, or years would pass, I was sure the pain of losing my parents would always ache in my chest every once in a while, and thinking about my birthday without them?
I was sure it would be one of those once-in-a-while days that would just about kill me.
“Please, Ry—just—don’t tell anyone.” I put my hand on his shoulder, letting my eyes focus on him for the first time that morning..
“Emma,” he sighed in irritation.
And was there a hint of sadness there? Probably because he loved my parents, too.
“I mean it, Ry—I don’t want to celebrate it this year—not with them gone, and now after what has happened to Shad, and just—I can't celebrate right now.” I moved my hand from his shoulder, turning to take the last few steps to my bathroom.
I was sure that a hot shower would calm the monster that was just starting to stir.
I could feel the smoke bubbling up inside of me.
If Ryker had me focus on any more difficult things, she certainly would rise up out of her cage.
“If that is what you really want, Em—” Ryker reached for my hand, and instead of feeling his warmth, his hand was cool to the touch. I moved away, ready to think about other things.
“Thanks—now, if you don’t mind; I need to get ready for school.
” I closed the bathroom door before he could ask me another question.
I didn’t want to answer or talk about any more painful things.
I locked the door and breathed in and out slowly.
I watched as my chest rose and fell. My back against the cool wooden door reminded me that I could still feel–something.
At least I wasn’t completely numb. I tried to calm my racing heart and to tame the monster: the beast within.
Emma, I heard that whispering, lyrical voice which only echoed in my soul whenever I shared my melody with Shad. I let the feeling light my heart inside me. I let the warmth flood through me.
Emma.
Emma.
Emma.
The lyrical voice echoed inside of me and touched all of the corners of my heart, mind, and body.
My soul was singing, and the beast within me retreated.
After a few moments, the echo of Shad’s soul inside of mine slowed.
I kept the memory of it in the forefront of my mind, focusing on the one note inside of me which belonged to the boy whom I loved.
Shad, I love you so much, I whispered into my soul and into the quiet four walls of the bathroom. I turned the shower on with a smile and let the warmth of it flood over me.
“So, are you sure she doesn’t want anything?”
“I just asked her, Mary. She doesn’t want to think about herself right now with everything that’s been going on–and with Lamont and Ara.”
I was lingering down the hallway, listening to Mary’s and Ryker’s conversation. I didn’t want to intrude, and I wasn’t really happy listening in when I was the subject of their conversation.
I should have never left my bed, I thought. That would have been the answer to all my problems that morning.
I finally stepped out of the shadows and smiled at them both. It was fake, but I was getting better at making fake seem real.
“Good morning, Emma,” Mary smiled as I took the cup of juice she handed me. I took a small sip at the counter.
“Morning,” I said after a second, bigger gulp.
I grabbed a slice from a stack of buttered toast on a white plate in the center of the kitchen island and took a bite.
I watched Ryker watching me, as if I were a bird with a hole in her cage.
He seemed fearful that I would soon discover that hole and become free.
“Where is Shad? I thought you were his chauffeur now.”
“Oh, I am. He's meeting me outside in a few.” Ryker finished his eggs and three pieces of toast. He then smiled at Mary. “Thanks, Mary.”.
She smiled back at him. “Anytime. Be safe today, Emma. Remember, you need to practice soul-shielding after school, so head over to Keil’s as soon as you can.”
I nodded and walked to the door.
“I can give you a ride, Em,” Ryker offered as I opened the door. There stood Shad, his hand outstretched as if he were just about to knock.
“Hey,” he said, putting his hands into his jeans’ pants’ pockets.
I took him all in, from jeans to the black t-shirt he wore, and I tried to tell myself that clothing didn’t matter; clothing didn’t make a person.
I caught his gaze, his black eyes on mine beneath a few strands of his untamed hair.
He was still completely and totally captivating.
“Hey,” I echoed back, once I came to my senses.
Ryker cleared his throat. “Let’s get going then. We don’t want to be late, right?” He pushed the door open, and Shad moved to the side to allow him to walk through.
I just stood, frozen to the spot.
“Is something wrong?” Shad asked, and for just a moment, I imagined it was the old Shad, the real Shad I missed so much.
“Nothing,” I whispered, wondering if he heard me.
I tried to tame my melody, but like always, when Shad was around, my melody could not be controlled.
It was always searching for him, for his soul.
My soul sang, and Shad froze. His dark, soulless eyes locked onto mine.
I held his gaze, hoping those black eyes would change back to the gold ones that were seared into my memory.
Shad’s one note came out in search of its owner, and that is when I saw the change.
A flicker of some sort of recognition crossed Shad's face.
“What—?” he asked, tilting his head to the side as if he were studying me, as if he did not know what to make of me.
Am I really just a bird in a broken cage? Am I so obviously strange and broken? Is one of my wings injured? Will I never escape? Will I never fly away?
“You coming, highness?” Ryker called from the driveway.
That seemed to break the spell we were under. Shad shook his head, turned, and walked away, down the steps.
I didn’t move as I watched them drive off; I sunk to the ground in a heap upon the steps.