Chapter 21 #2
“So you get to the top of this mountain, then you go down again. You reach the other side where it’s grassy and beautiful, and there is a hot spring and your favorite ice cream.”
“Is there a point to this fantasy?” I asked, laughing. It was getting oddly specific.
“Yes, just wait for your hot spring and ice-cream reward, Emma. The Ancients always bless those who do good.” She took a large breath and sighed. “I think it made more sense the way Glass said it, but mine was more fun.”
“What was his reward?”
“He didn't say, just said, ‘your greatest desire,’ and he said it all weird and cryptic-like. I am telling you, he is an odd one.”
I rolled my eyes. “Odd maybe, but useful,” I shrugged, and she laughed, and we silently walked for a few minutes before I whispered: “It is hard to believe that the Ancients will one day make all the pain worth it.”
“You will see soon enough. They always take care of their people, Emma. You can do this.” As we walked through the gates of the school, I didn't think that I needed to gain belief in the Ancients.
I believed in them, all right. I just wanted to know why they hated me so darn much.
I held my breath, and my personal monster inside of me bared her fangs.
“I can’t do this,” I said yet again as I opened my locker after first period. Second period was math with Shad. I really didn't think that I could endure it. I closed my locker and banged my head against it. “I am going to go back outside to the grass.”
“Emma, we have been over this. It isn't really Shad. Don't take anything he says or does seriously. And I do not think that we ever need to lay down in the grass again. People were giving us looks, and while I love you, and all, we don’t need that extra attention from the earthlings. Okay, maybe from one Earthling, Aiden, but I really would like him not to think that I am crazy. Also, I had some grass in my hair,” she whispered that last part.
“Easier said than done, for me, at least. I am going crazy,” I mumbled.
Ash put her hands on her hips. “What is?”
“Easier said than done, to not take what Shad says seriously. It’s not easy, and hearing Cade inside of me is driving me crazy.”
“Try, and I don't know, to get to know the new him. Think of him as someone brand new, and get to know him again,” she shrugged.
“That might be okay, I guess, if he wasn't a psycho, murdering stalker.” I moved my head from my locker as a chill ran down my spine.
“I didn't mean Cade, I meant Shad,” Ash clarified with a laugh. “Of course, you want to stay as far away from Cade as you can.”
I turned around to see Cade behind me, leaning against a pillar with a smug look on his face.
What is the saying? Speak of the devil?
I quickly focused on my melody, shielding it as best I could. I wasn’t very good at it, but letting that monster of corruption lurking inside me have its moment always chased away my melody faster than a wildfire could engulf an entire dried out forest.
“Sweetheart, I have been looking for you everywhere,” Cade crooned as I turned away from him and gave wide eyes to Ash.
She looked from Cade to me and smiled. It was like she didn’t know that the devil was standing there behind me—or wait, the corruptor himself. “Why are you shielding your soul?” he asked. I turned back around as Ash whispered in my ear.
“He looks so much like Shad, Emma, and that melody—” She bit her lip. “I think you should cut yourself some slack for being confused.” I started pulling her down the hall and away from the evil boy.
“Ash, don't look at him. He's conceited.”
“I mean he has—”
I looked at her with warning in my eyes. “Don't you say it.”
“What?” She shook her head and pretended to zip her lips. “I wasn't going to say a word.”
I rolled my eyes at her, and she laughed. I knew Cade was attractive. How could a person be related to Shad and not be? Shad was perfect.
“Emma!” Cade called,
I didn’t answer, and because he was in the direct path of my math class, I decided that I would be okay with getting a late slip, and I took the extra ten minute walk all the way around the school to get to class.
I was walking beside Ash, and it seemed like he finally had given up until I felt a light tug on my backpack and was forced to turn around, and there was Cade.
“Go away, Cade.”
“She speaks,” he smiled so wide. “I cannot speak with you inside me anymore.”
Why did everything he said sound so disturbing?
“Good, that is how things should be. Now, I have to get to class.” The beast raised her claws, and if Cade had come any closer to me, I wasn't sure exactly what I would do to him. Last time, it was just small cuts, but at that moment, I had no idea. I felt the beast, the monster within me, getting stronger each time I let her out. Cade’s melody was suspiciously quiet.
“Hold on a second, and I mean, just Emma. You, little seeker, can be off,” Cade motioned for Ash to depart.
Ash glared at him.
“Excuse me? You, you piece of corrupt slime. Do not tell me what to do.” She crossed her arms across her chest, continuing her glare.
“Ah, interesting. I see Glasson probably has his hands full with you.” He winked.
Ash moved forward and kicked him in the shin.
I smiled as Cade winced, yet never moved.
“You don't know anything about me; stop talking.” She pulled my arm and spun us around, walking fast down the hall.
“I will find you alone one of these days, Emma, and then we'll talk,” I heard Cade call. I tried to steady my breathing until we turned the corner, and I nearly collapsed onto a bench.
“Emma, you did so amazing.” Ash leaned over me.
“Me? I did amazing? You rocked; you kicked him!”
“That really did feel good,” she smirked.
“I hate him so much.”
“Beauty is wasted on him, and actually on Glass, too. Aiden deserves his beauty,” she said that last part softly, probably meant for herself, but I heard it. I looked up at her and smirked.
“What? Glasson, huh?”
“Look, I may dislike Glass, but he is hot. I have eyes,” she shrugged. “Are you okay? Do you want me to call Ryker?”
“I'll be okay. I just need to get to class.”
She nodded and helped me up.
I walked slowly to second period after Ash raced off to her class.
I hoped that she wouldn't be late because of me. I reached the door and waited. I breathed slowly as I looked into the window. It seemed as if the teacher had just handed out the assignment for the day. That seemed to be a good time to go in, because she was not in the middle of a lecture, right? Right. I squared my shoulders, readying myself to grab the handle when I saw Shad. He was sitting beside Karen, in my seat. I wondered how he even handled going to school when he barely even remembered anything. Then again, Ryker probably told him stuff. I hadn't bothered asking because I didn't really want to hear about how much Ryker liked Shad now that he was so ‘chill,’ Ryker’s word for the new Shad, not mine. I knew that Shad needed to be monitored. There was a lot that was unknown about soulless people. I tried not to feel jealous when he smiled at Karen, but the monster inside of me growled. I grabbed the handle and turned it. Walking in so late, eyes turned and looked at me, but I kept my eyes upon my teacher’s desk. I took the assignment from her and went over toward my seat. I slipped into Shad’s seat, the one open at my assigned table, and I pulled out my notebook and pencil.
So far, so good. Maybe they will just ignore me. I could handle that.
“I hope you don't mind, Emma. I stole your partner for the day,” Karen said with fake worry, touching Shad’s shoulder.
I could see it in her eyes. She didn’t care what I thought; she had what she wanted.
I tried not to let their obvious nearness cause my insides to squirm, tried to make the monster calm down, but inside, I was raging.
One little thing could have snapped me, and I would have been all claws.
I knew Karen was probably not a bad person.
From what Ryker had told me about our earlier relationship, it had been rocky at best. So even though I really wanted to hate her, I couldn't. She had been my friend at one point in my life, and that meant something, no matter what the falling out we once had, which I could not remember.
I was sure that she could, though. And honestly, who knew how badly I had hurt her?
Could I help it that I had been more like a zombie for most of my life?
No, because I had no say in the matter. I had no idea who I was for my entire life—until that moment.
So yes, I had pity for Karen. I could see how being my friend when I was like that could have been challenging.
I had a few memories of her tripping me in routines, or saying unkind things, but maybe she did that to get a reaction from me.
Something, anything was probably better than nothing, and in all honesty, it all seemed like such a blur.
I shouldn't dislike her. However, the way she looked at and touched Shad like she owned him, made me see red. Shad was not hers; Shad was mine. I knew that sounds possessive, but if Shad was himself, he would have agreed with me. So yes, to some extent, I could understand the difficulties in the friendship that Karen and I had once shared, and I couldn’t outright just hate her like I hated Cade, although I still wasn't a big fan of hers because, despite how zombie-like I had been, there were many other ways to have handled the situation between us that did not involve sabotaging routines and being well—mean.
“No, it's fine. I like working alone anyways,” I said, looking at Shad for the first time.
His eyes locked onto mine, and I tried to not let the blackness inside of them make my stomach churn.
I offered a small smile, and he nodded. I missed his smile, the smile he gave only to me.
It wasn't an average grin—all teeth bared, bright and wonderful.
No, the smile he saved just for me was tipped on one side of his mouth, with his lips pressed together, and with his eyes holding me captive in his careful yet carefree way.
I looked down at my paper and tried not to daydream about earlier days in math class when Shad was Shad, and when he would hold my hand, smile at me, and help me figure out problems. When he comforted me with his melody and chased away the darkness.
I didn't realize that I had become tearful until a drop spilled onto my math paper, and I quickly wiped it away, hoping I could control the emotions raging inside of me for the remainder of class.
The bell rang, and I sat frozen in place.
I put headphones on to keep myself from listening to Karen’s constant flirting with Shad–all period long.
He seemed fully aware of what she was doing, and he didn't seem to mind in the slightest. I wished that it could have been easy for me to not be jealous. After all, Shad wasn’t himself.
I knew that; I knew that if Shad was there with me with his melody fully intact, he would have been holding and caressing my fingers and finding things to talk with me about.
I smiled as I noticed most of my classmates had left.
I packed up my backpack. I waved to the teacher as I headed for the door.
I had survived. Sure, I didn’t know how to do the equations from class, but I had not completely jumped into Shad’s arms, and I had not started balling my eyes out either.
Okay, I cried one tear, but that is pretty good if you ask me.
“Can I talk to you?” Startled, I jumped, as I realized that Shad was right beside me. How had that happened?
“Uh, sure?” I asked, as the classroom door swung shut behind me.
I held the straps of my backpack tightly, nervously running my hands up and down my body as if they were looking for a way to escape.
I met his eyes, his black eyes, and then focused on his face as a whole, instead.
He still had the same perfectly structured face and black-blue hair.
“What do you want to talk about?” I gulped and tried to steady my breathing because my heart started to beat a thousand beats per second.
“I don’t know,” he said as he looked at me, his brow furrowed as if I had frustrated him again.
“You don’t know?” I asked.
“I mean, do we talk? We talk, right?” He ran a hand through his black-blue hair, and I remembered a time when my hands had done that.
I tried to tell myself to stop thinking about how his hair was silky and smooth and how he had kissed me even more fiercely when I played with his hair in that cave.
I cleared my throat and felt my face get hot.
He looked at my cheeks, and I knew that they must have been bright red.
Stupid skin.
“You okay?” he asked, gesturing to my face.
“Oh, yeah, it’s just hot,” I answered as I started to fan my face with my hand, like an idiot. He gave me another odd look like I was the magical being who had just arrived, not him.
“Well, you look pretty,” he said. No extra warmth or emotion in his voice.
It was as if he were stating a fact. Before I could say anything, I felt his cool hand on my cheek.
I froze and looked into his eyes. “Your skin is so soft,” he whispered.
I stepped back because I could not take it, and I knew that in a few moments, I would have planted a kiss on his perfect lips.
“Uh, thanks. Cheeks are soft,” I said, and inside, I slapped myself because that sounded so dumb.
He nodded. “Well, it was good talking with you.” He did a little bow thing and walked down the hall to the cafeteria.
I stood there, watching his retreating form, wondering, what in the world just happened?