Chapter 21
Chapter Twenty-One
Iwas laying in the grass out in front of my school, holding up the key that Mary had given me with my fingers when I heard my name called.
“Emma!” I heard the panting as if someone was running, and as the voice shouted my name again and came closer, I realized that it was Ash.
I smiled, happy that she was at school and that I wouldn't be as alone as I had felt the day before, but I wondered why she hadn't been at school on my birthday.
As I walked to school that morning, I contemplated my evening spent with Ryker and Mary.
I smiled. Ryker and I ended up watching a couple different movies, and we both fell asleep in the living room, and for a few hours, I felt like the girl I could have been if I hadn't been from another world, and it felt nice.
As I walked into school, I knew that Shad would be there, and I would have to act like he wasn't the love of my life, and Cade would be there, as pestering and irritating as ever.
I thought about turning around and telling Keil that I needed more lessons in soul-shielding and that school wasn't for me.
As I walked past the edge of the parking lot and up the sidewalk and onto the school campus, I tried to give myself a pep talk.
You can do this, Emma, I told myself. Is a pep talk completely useless if I know that I am lying to myself?
I passed by the familiar oak tree, which I passed every day on my way onto campus, and instead of going to the lockers to meet up with Ash, if she was even at school, I decided to lay down in the grass and stare up at the clouded sky.
Yes, I was probably going crazy, or my classmates probably thought I had gone crazy.
Who just lays down outside of school in the grass, staring at the sky?
I will tell you who: Me, the crazy girl, who is also a magical girl.
Maybe that gives me a pass? I don’t know.
All I did know was that my life was so complicated, so overwhelming that I needed a break before I went through that gate and onto campus.
I felt defeated. I didn't know how I was supposed to handle everything.
Could these Ancients, or gods, please spread their love around me and stop giving me all these trials? Please?
I breathed in the cool, crisp air, trying to focus on nothing.
Honestly, I was trying to prolong the inevitable: seeing Cade.
I also wanted to see Shad, but was afraid to see him.
Our most recent interaction wasn’t horrible.
I mean, he did give me a rose, but the one before that was not so good.
I couldn't shake the memory of Shad’s words when Cade arrived and tricked me.
“How could you think that was me? All you do is lie and manipulate me.” I tried to let the tears stay trapped in my eyes, but the look on Shad’s face that day broke something inside of me.
I didn't say anything when Ash found me in the grass. She cast a shadow over my face and moved her head over mine.
“Hey,” I finally said, trying to look past her and back into the sky to avoid whatever conversation she wanted to have.
“Sorry I missed your birthday, Emma. I was sick yesterday.” She paused, still looking down at me. “Emma, are you okay?” she asked, moving her head to the side as if she could get a better look at me from that angle.
“Oh, it's fine. I’m Fine,” I said quickly, and we both knew at least one of those things was a lie.
She sighed and lay down beside me.
“I don't like birthdays.”
“What are we looking at?” she asked, a few inches away from me, laying on her back just as I was, and we both looked at the clouded morning sky, like crazy people.
“The sky.”
“Ah, yes, very grey today,” she said, trying not to laugh; I could tell by the sound of her voice. “Emma, talk to me,” she whispered.
“I thought Cade was Shad, and I feel like an idiot. Yesterday was my birthday, and Shad gave me a rose, but afterwards, he seemed to be mad at me. Mary gave me a picture of my mom on the day I was born, and it made me cry. Ryker gave me this,” I said, holding up my arm.
“Are you okay? I was worried about you, when you didn't come to school yesterday.”
“That, wow, okay; that is a lot. I’m sorry I wasn't here yesterday. I should have texted you,” she said softly.
“I missed you yesterday,” I whispered.
“I am so sorry, Emma.” She paused. “I heard about Cade, and I didn't know yesterday was your birthday until this morning. I am such a bad friend.”
“I don't care about my birthday. I mean, it just reminds me of my parents and what I lost. I would rather it all be forgotten, actually,” I said, looking at her beside me.
We exchanged glances; then we both stared up at the sky, silent for a time.
I knew that she had lost both of her parents, too, so she had to understand a little.
“I don't like my birthdays either, Emma. Glass always buys me a cupcake and makes me blow out a candle, but my birthdays do remind me of home and all that I have lost, too. I understand.” I felt Ash’s hand squeeze my fingers and then let go.
“I just can't believe that I thought Cade was Shad. You should have seen the look on Shad's face.” I covered my eyes with my hands.
“Emma, he has Shad’s soul, and from what I hear, they look very much alike now. Ryker told me that Cade fixed his horrible nose.”
I laughed at that through a few tears. “It was horrible; he so deserved that broken, ugly nose, though,” I said, wiping tears away.
“I don't blame you for confusing them. I don't think anyone does—”
I cut her off. “Shad does.”
“How do you know for sure? He is soulless. He doesn't really—I mean, there isn't much going on up there, is there?”
I turned to look at her. She was still looking at the sky.
“Shad was there. He asked who Cade was, and I told him that it was his brother, and that I thought he was Cade. He was annoyed that I couldn't tell the difference. But he remembered my birthday, or I don’t know if he had it scheduled before he became a soulless, maybe, because he brought me a pink rose yesterday.”
“Remember, Emma, Shad isn’t himself, but hey, that's good that he got you something.”
“I know he is supposed to be soulless, but he seems just like a crankier version of himself, with these moments, almost teasing glimpses into the Shad I love.
He is still in there, I know it, and I let him down.
I don't want to let him down, Ash. He is counting on me. He sacrificed himself to save me.”
“You didn't let him down. You are amazing, Emma. But he also doesn't have much in the way of memories, right? Wouldn't that be frustrating? That was probably why he was mad. He didn't even know his brother. He doesn't fully remember you, either.”
“I can understand that, I guess.” I paused, looking back at the sky. “But, Keil told him that we were kind of a thing, and so he was also mad that I never told him about our relationship; then I slipped up and told him that we had kissed, and that I loved him, and well, it was a mess,” I cringed.
“Wow, that is a lot, I think, for anyone to take in, Emma.”
“Yeah, and you didn't see the look on his face, Ash.
He hates me. How am I to live in a world where Shad hates me?
I don't think I can do it.” I sat up, trying to stop the tears from spilling from my eyes.
Ash followed my movements and sat up. She put an arm around me.
I watched as several students passed by us, and I tried not to cringe when they gave us odd looks.
I needed a more private spot to do whatever it was I was doing out there.
“I thought you said that he gave you a rose yesterday. Didn't he used to do that before? That is a good sign, even if he had it scheduled, or even ordered beforehand. He didn't have to put it in his bag and bring it to school, let alone give it to you, right?”
“I thought so, but then after he gave it to me, he wanted to take it back, and I said, ‘no,’ that I wanted it, and I slipped it into my backpack, and he looked mad again, like I had said something that upset him. Why would he be upset that I wanted the rose?” I put my face in my hands.
“Emma, we’ll figure this out.”
“I can't go in there,” I said as a few tears escaped. I sniffled, nodding toward the school.
“Yes, you can. We will do it together.”
“Ash,” I whined as she stood up and reached for my hand.
“Emma, I promise, it will be okay,” she smiled.
Ash had a way about her. Pure joy just radiated from her.
I wondered if it was her melody that made her that way, but I didn't really know if it was because she carried a crystal around her neck, and I couldn’t really hear her melody, now, could I?
I hadn't really ever tried, though, to be honest.
“Don't leave me,” I said, throwing on my backpack and tucking my hair behind my ears.
“Wouldn't dream of it.” She looped her arm in mine. “Oh, and girl, we really need to get you out of wearing all this black. I mean, I know some stuff has gone wrong, but the Ancients will turn things around for you.”
“The Ancients hate me.”
“Why, in all the realms, would they hate you?” Ash asked, stopping and folding her arms across her chest and glaring at me. She would have been super intimidating if she had been like five inches taller, but Ash was small.
“They let my parents die, and Shad hates me—”
“Sometimes, the bad stuff is just the Ancients’, or the Creator’s way of preparing us for something amazing that is coming just over the horizon.
I mean, like after you get over the hard stuff, for example, a mountain.
As you climb a mountain, it's hard, and you get tired and sweaty, and your muscles ache, and hello, you can even get hurt or lost—”
I looked at her and wondered where she was possibly going with that, because I had, literally, just climbed over said mountain, just two weeks earlier.
She held up a hand as if to say that she would explain, and I waited.