Chapter 26
Kasey
The rest of the day passed quietly. Uneventfully. And almost...normal. A kind of normal I didn’t recognize but one I could almost imagine getting used to if I let myself.
Evander wasn’t as talkative as he’d been earlier, and every time the silence stretched between us. It felt like I'd caused it, like my confusion, my hesitation, my inability to be who he thought I was had pushed him into that quiet.
Maybe I deserved it. Maybe the silence was the closest thing to punishment he was willing to give.
Maybe that was fair.
I hadn’t agreed with what he believed. I hadn’t given him the answers he wanted. I hadn’t been the boy in those pictures.
So of course he’d pull back. Of course, he’d go quiet.
And part of me kept whispering that I should be grateful it was only silence, and not something worse.
But another part of me, the part I didn’t know how to listen to, kept noticing that even in the quiet, he didn’t look angry. He didn’t look disappointed. He didn’t look like he wanted to hurt me.
He just looked.... thoughtful. But my mind twisted it anyways, shaping it into something I knew all too well.
Silence had never been something I knew well.
It was something that I often found myself in.
Sitting in my room, silence surrounded me as I waited for my next lesson.
And most of the time, the lesson was to learn how to be obedient, to be the perfect little Omega for an Alpha.
To present myself to be wanted and desired.
And if a handler didn’t think I did a good enough job, then I’d get a punishment. Sometimes sharp words, other times whipping or torture in another building.
So, every time this Alpha didn’t speak, I felt myself shrinking a little more into myself. At least the panic was hidden away, along with a smidgen of fear that always followed me everywhere I went.
Maybe I should have tried harder. Maybe I should’ve pretended to be that boy in the pictures. Maybe then he wouldn’t look so…. distant and lost in thought.
Even as those thoughts curled tight in my chest, another part of me, the small quiet part I barely recognized, kept noticing things that didn’t fit the story I’d been taught to believe.
Evander still checked on me. Still asked if I needed water. Still made sure I ate. Still kept his voice soft, even when he didn’t say much.
Wasn’t it my job, my duty, to serve him, to care for him? Not the other way around?
This Alpha wasn’t ignoring me or punishing me. He wasn’t waiting for me to break.
He was giving me space. Giving me something I didn’t know I could have in a way that he made it seem like second nature.
I wasn’t used to that; being given space to figure out my thoughts. Because my thoughts weren’t ever to be anything but what the Alpha or handler before me wanted.
The Alpha was meant to be my entire focus. His needs. His wants. His desires.
It was weird. And maybe I could get used to it. Maybe, if this Alpha really wanted to keep me.
But as the quiet stretched, and the last dose of meds started to wear off, my thoughts became louder. More insistent. The sounds were louder, too.
The clink of a mug. The soft hum of the air conditioner. The faint creak of the floorboards where Evander shifted his weight as he did whatever he was doing.
I stayed on the couch, back tucked into a corner, and the same blanket wrapped around my shoulders. I wasn’t sure how long I’d been there, but my legs were restless with a need to get up; to make myself useful.
Omegas were never to be lazy.
I was to either make myself useful or kneel and wait for commands. But this Alpha didn’t like me kneeling, so instead I found a spot on the couch where I could watch Evander.
I curled my fingers together in my lap, squished between my torso and knees; I just watched. Observed the Alpha. I tried to learn about his habits. Tried to see what he’d want of me.
The actions spoke louder than the words ever did, and I didn’t want to be a disappointment to him. Because then, he may send me back.
If I just behaved and served him to the best of my abilities, then maybe he’d be willing to keep me longer.
As Evander walked past me on his way back to the kitchen, again for the fifth time in as many minutes, he paused. Just for a second. His hand brushed my shoulder. “You doing alright?”
The question was simple. Soft and genuine.
I nodded automatically, even though I wasn’t sure what alright meant.
Truthfully, I wasn’t okay at all.
My body felt worn out in a way that didn’t make sense.
Too much sleep, not enough movement, and whatever lingering effects the pill Evander had given me hours ago still drifting through my system.
My thoughts moved slowly, like they were trying to swim through thick syrup, but they still bounced around inside my skull in slow, clumsy circles.
My back ached, a deep familiar throb that flared every time I shifted. The shirt brushed over the welts and scabs, tugging at the skin, reminding me of every place I hadn’t healed yet.
And maybe I was hungry. Maybe. It was hard to tell with everything else crowding my senses.
But I didn’t dare mention any of it. My comfort didn’t matter. My needs didn’t matter. My wants definitely didn’t matter.
At least…that was the rule I’d lived by for so long that my body still believed it, even if Evander hadn’t given me a single reason to fear him.
I stayed quiet. Still. Small. Because that was the only way I knew how to be. Well, technically, if I were at Lockswell, being on my knees, naked or as close to it as possible, would be the position I’d be waiting in. Or more likely, I’d be in a client’s room, serving another Alpha.
I was too slow to hide my grimace of pain as I shifted.
“What’s wrong?” Evander asked, an edge of worry lacing his voice as he rounded the edge of the couch.
“I’m fine, Sir.” The moment the answer left my mouth, my whole body went still, breath caught in my throat.
“Kasey….” Evander’s voice held a soft warning as he sat on the edge. “Don’t lie to me.”
Heat crawled up my neck. I dropped my gaze to my toes, the safest place to look and forced myself to try again, carefully, choosing words that wouldn’t get stuck in my throat this time.
“I’m…not great.” It was barely above a whisper. “But I can manage.”
The words were too honest.
Evander didn’t sigh or get frustrated. He didn’t move closer, and I sort of wish he would.
“You don’t have to manage it all on your own. My duty is to make sure you are taken care of.” He took a breath. “I’m not asking you to tell me everything, just don’t pretend or lie that you’re okay when you clearly aren’t.”
But what I was feeling was normal. Normal for me.
And I managed it. I always had. For years, I’d learned how to push through everything.
Illness, exhaustion, and the consequences that came when I didn’t meet expectations.
Every time I slipped up, every time I had to repeat a lesson, every time I fell short…
I got back up. I didn’t complain. Not once.
Even when things were harsher than they should have been, I stayed quiet. Even when I was hurt in ways that should’ve stopped me, I kept going. Even when I was denied things I needed, I told myself it was my fault, that I had to try harder next time.
That was how I survived.
So, when Evander asked again what was wrong, I gave in.
Partly because of the no lying rule he laid down, but also because he insisted on knowing.
And a small part of me that I didn’t want to give feelings towards wanted him to carry the weight of my worries.
I wanted him to know how life had been like.
Because if he was right and I was that boy from his past, then he needed to know what kind of place I ended up at.
Lockswell wasn’t a glamorous place for Omegas to be kept. It was hell. And I never wanted to return.
“I don’t know what you want of me, Sir.” I glanced at him, just a flicker, and before he could say anything about me not needing to please him, I quickly went on.
“I know. I know you don’t expect me to serve you, but that’s all I know.
I am to serve the Alpha that I am in the company of at all times. ”
Evander opened his mouth, then quickly closed it again.
“My back hurts. And my head kind of does too. And you’re not punishing me for not behaving to your expectations, and that’s messing me up more.
And….and…I think I’m hungry but I’m not sure.
I’m always hungry, but that’s okay because I don’t need to eat.
I’ve had to skip three days often enough to know that I can manage without eating if you desire me to lose weight.
And I can stay awake for nearly thirty-six hours, too, just…
you know…if you needed to know how long I can manage that, too.
And…. I really don’t want to go back to Lockswell, but I understand if I’m not what you’re wanting. ”
That was probably more than he asked for. More than he needed. But once I started talking, the words just…kept coming. There was no stopping them. No pulling them back. It was like something inside me had cracked open, and everything I’d been holding in spilled out before I could catch it.
I hated how easy it was, how easily I unraveled the moment someone gave me permission to speak. How fast the truth tumbled out once the first piece slipped free.
Evander didn’t interrupt. Didn’t look overwhelmed. He just listened.
And somehow, that made the flood of words feel a little less like a mistake, and a little more like something I’d needed to let out.
“Oh, Kasey.” Evander breathed my name; the sound threaded with something warm and aching, a mix of tenderness and quiet sorrow.
I ducked my head, suddenly embarrassed by how much I’d said. It had been too much. Way more than he’d asked for. But once the first truth slipped out, the rest followed.