Chapter 7 Ethan #2
He closed his eyes and let his head fall back against the wall.
“Fuck, E. I can’t keep doing this shit. I miss her.
I had a dream about her a few nights ago.
We had kids. A house. She was my wife. Everything was so perfect.
I’ve been so fucking depressed since I woke up from it. It’s making me insane. What do I do?”
“I don’t know,” I answered honestly.
“What do you do when it gets too bad?”
“I work more. Hang out with Laz.” I looked down at my hands. “The truth is, it doesn’t get easier, man. I get it. I miss her too. I keep hoping I run into her at a diner or coffee shop. Even the damn grocery store. I see her in my dreams too, and we’re happy there. All of us.”
He opened his eyes and looked at me. “Would you leave us for her?”
I looked away from him. “It’s more complicated than that. I love you guys. We have Laz. I couldn’t just walk away.”
“I would leave,” he whispered. “Does that make me bad?”
“No.” I gave him a sad smile, remembering the conversation I’d had with her nearly five years ago.
I’d asked her if she’d leave whoever she was with for me.
She’d given me her sweet, sad smile and said she’d never ask it of me, and I knew then that we’d lost her.
I just didn’t have it in me to admit it.
“It makes you a man who loves her,” I said.
“Don’t beat yourself up over last night.
” I paused before telling him what I’d seen on the news this morning.
“Uh, I saw she’s going to Boston, and they’re going to livestream her show.
She has some new singles and a music video to debut, according to the news. We can watch it on YouTube.”
He sat up immediately, the life coming back to him. It broke my heart. Fuck, I’d been him before. I still was, but I was in a way healthier place in my life these days. I just wanted to hold him. Cole Scott loved with his entire heart, that was for sure.
“Are you serious?”
I nodded. “Yeah, it was all over the news this morning. I think it’s for publicity to show she’s fine and pushing forward. Seems like an Anson thing to think of.”
“Fuck him.” Cole stumbled to his feet, and I followed him to his bedroom. I watched as he pulled on clean boxers and a t-shirt.
“What are you doing?”
“I’m going to go pick up shit for the watch party we’re going to have.
Enzo needs to see her. He never even looks at her shit anymore.
When was the last time you saw him do it?
If she’s advertised, he turns the channel.
The papers he walks past. I’m surprised he even looked when I showed him her attack.
He needs this. He needs to see her. It’ll make him see that we need her back. ”
He was off and running. I didn’t have the heart to tell him to chill, so I watched him finish getting ready.
“Don’t you have to be at the hospital?” I asked.
He paused and looked at his watch before groaning. “Fuck my life, man. Yeah. Twelve hours today. Fuck.”
“Go,” I said. “I’ll get everything we need for the watch party. Just send me a list, OK?”
“Yeah,” he grumbled. “You know, I could pay my way to finishing this shit. I know more than the fucks in charge. They’d take the cash in a heartbeat.”
I shrugged. “Guess that’s a choice you need to make.”
He nodded. “Guess it’s a good thing I earned that associate’s in high school with that dual enrollment, huh?”
I chuckled. He’d never even told any of us he’d done that. All online, so no one even knew about it. He was well ahead of the game.
We walked downstairs to find Laz playing with his Hot Wheels on the living room floor.
“You threw up,” Laz said, looking up at Cole as he stopped near him. “Your tummy hurts?”
“No, bud, my heart.” Cole squatted next to him.
Laz reached out and pressed his hand to his heart.
“Daddy says my hugs make his heart feel better.”
“Your daddy is right,” Cole said softly, pulling him in for a tight hug. Laz held him back.
“Do you feel better?” Laz asked as Cole kissed the top of his head fiercely.
“Yes. Daddy was right. Your hugs do help fix sad hearts.”
“I will bring you back a new turtle. Those help too.”
Cole released him and let out a soft laugh. “OK. I want Raph, though.”
Laz nodded seriously. “I will get him for you.”
Cole smiled and kissed Laz’s forehead before getting to his feet and looking at me.
“Send me the list,” I said. “And don’t work too hard.”
“I will,” Cole murmured, watching as I held my hand out for Laz. He slid his little hand in mine.
“You’re a good dad, E,” Cole said softly.
“So are you,” I replied, meaning it. I wouldn’t be shit without him and Enzo. Laz loved the hell out of both of them.
“Thanks,” Cole choked out, his eyes misting over. He turned his head and wiped at his eyes. I knew he hurt. He’d wanted his own kid for years, and he and Rosalie had plans for one after the wedding.
Everything went to hell because of the monsters in this world.
And that was why I pulled the trigger indiscriminately now. Fuck all the monsters.
I had no regrets for my actions. As far as I was concerned, I was making the world a better place, and I’d never regret that.