CHAPTER 50
OLIVIA
I board my flight to London exactly five days later with a heavy heart and a permanent sick feeling in my stomach.
A delusional part of me thought I’d hear from Grayson at some point and at least get the opportunity to clear the air between us before I left, but much like the last few weeks, he’s been silent.
I haven’t so much as caught a glimpse of him since he all but ran from his parents dining room. I thought that us being in the same room as each other might have been the push he needed to break the silence between us and reach out, but that was wishful thinking on my part.
In my opinion, the man is a fucking coward.
I knew from the start that nothing would ever come of us. I had no expectations going into this. He couldn’t have made it any clearer that love wasn’t something he saw in his future, and that I should never expect that to change. And I didn’t. But somewhere along the way, my heart got involved.
I don’t know if love is the word I’d use to describe the way I feel about Grayson, but I know that I feel something. Something more than lust.
I’m unaware when my feelings towards him started to change, but I am aware that my heart started beating a little faster whenever he was in the same room. Butterflies would take flight anytime his name appeared on my phone. I missed him whenever he wasn’t around and found myself watching the door every day at work, hoping I’d get the chance to see him.
My delulu little brain had convinced itself that maybe, just maybe he was starting to feel the same way about me.
So, now I’m nursing a broken heart, only made worse by the fact I’m mere hours away from stepping foot into my childhood home for the first time in a decade.
I take my seat on the plane, check my phone one last time in case I’ve somehow missed a message or call and then switch it to airplane mode before getting comfortable for the ten-hour flight ahead of me.
***
Exactly nine hours and forty-four minutes later, I land in London and the moment I step off the plane, I’m counting down the days until I can get back on it.
I forgot how fucking cold it gets here.
The night air is like ice against my face as I exit the airport and search for Carter’s car. It doesn’t take long for me to spot him. At six foot three and holding an oversized sign in the air with my name plastered across it, he’s hard to miss.
Despite my inner turmoil, my face breaks into a wide smile as I approach him and some of my earlier nerves begin to settle. Carter’s expression mirrors mine as his eyes find me and he places the sign on the roof of his car before taking large steps towards me. As soon as we’re in touching distance of each other, he wraps his arms around me, crushing me against him.
“God, I’ve missed you, girl,” he says against my hair, and I sink into his hold.
“Missed you, too.”
He pulls back, placing his hands on my shoulders as he holds me at arm’s length. “Let me look at you.”
He makes a point of running his eyes over my entire body and letting out a low whistle. “Damn, girl. America made you sexier.”
An unexpected laugh bursts from me, and I slap his hands away. “Shut up, dick.”
He chuckles, reaching past me to take my suitcase before turning and walking back to his car. I follow behind slowly, the long hours travelling catching up with me.
The heat blasting from the vents is welcoming as I sink into the passenger seat and lean my head back against the headrest. Carter climbs in shortly after and starts the car. “You cold?” he asks, fiddling with the buttons on his dashboard.
“Freezing,” I respond quietly as he enters my parent’s address on the built-in satnav.
Just seeing the words on the screen is like a shot directly to the gut. In less than thirty minutes, I’ll have to face the fear that has consumed me for almost half of my life and now that I’m confronted with it, I’m not so sure I’m ready after all.
“Think we could take the long way home?” I ask Carter as he pulls away from the airport and merges into traffic.
He gives me a sideways glance. “Yeah. You hungry?”
I shrug. “I could eat. ”
“Got anything in mind?” he asks as he checks his mirrors.
“Well, I haven’t had a McDonald’s in almost a year,” I say just as my stomach rumbles loudly, indicating I’m probably hungrier than I thought.
Carter frowns. “They have them in America, Liv.”
“Yeah, but they don’t have them in small towns, Carter.” I respond with a ‘duh’ tone to my voice.
He nods in realisation. “McDonald’s it is then.”
We arrive at the restaurant twenty-minutes later and Carter takes us through the drive-thru before finding a parking space for us to eat. I didn’t feel like going inside because I’m cold as shit and probably look like death right now.
We chat as we eat, briefly catching up on the things we’ve missed in the time I’ve been gone, and I learn that not much has changed about Carter in the last eight months.
I decide not to tell him about Grayson. I’m not ready to open that can of worms yet. And how do you explain that you got ghosted by the guy you were sleeping with right after you had a car accident? Instead, I stick to safer topics, like my job, the people I’ve met and Savannah and Reign.
Our food doesn’t last long, and I know I can’t delay the inevitable any longer when Carter starts the car and pulls back onto the road.
The rest of the drive is silent as I stare out the window and try to readjust to being in a vehicle on the left-hand side of the road. I think Carter knows I need this time to myself, and I appreciate him giving it to me more than he knows .
Our surroundings start to become familiar as we grow closer and closer to home, and those earlier nerves return tenfold.
The bright lights and tall buildings of the city fall behind us as we turn onto the long street leading to my parent’s house and I sit up in my seat, my chest becoming tight with anxiety.
“You okay?” Carter eyes me wearily as he looks between me and the road ahead of him.
“Ask me again in ten minutes.”