CHAPTER 37
DAISY
There’s a steady thumping in my temples when the front door opens and Noah steps out onto Killian’s porch.
Despite Killian’s demands for me to leave, I couldn’t.
I stood on the other side of his bedroom door and listened, muffling my cry while he tore through the contents of his room.
And when the banging and crashing stopped, replaced by the sound of his wails, that will haunt me for the rest of my life, I came out here and called Noah.
His gaze finds mine almost immediately and from the softness in his eyes that hasn’t been directed toward me since the day I returned, I know he told him.
“You know.” It isn’t a question.
Noah tucks his hands into his pockets and rocks back on his heels as he dips his head in a short nod. “I’m so fucking sorry, Daisy.”
I look away from him and stare out at the trees surrounding the cabin. “Yeah.”
The chair next to me creaks under his weight as he takes a seat beside me. “I’ve been such a fucking dick to you. If I had known…”
I cut him off. “You were just looking out for him, Noah. I would have done the same thing for Bella.”
Noah nods, trailing off thoughtfully before he says, “he’s in bad shape, Dais.”
“I know,” I whisper, my voice cracking.
“Whatever he said… he didn’t mean it. He’s just hurting.”
“I know.” I look at him through bleary eyes, tears gathering along my lash line. “He didn’t let me explain.”
Noah takes my hand in his, giving it a reassuring squeeze. “He will. Just give him some time.”
I lower my head, letting my tears drop into my lap as I let the consequences of my own selfish actions take root in my mind.
Noah sits beside me, a silent support, until the sound of tyres crunching over gravel draws both of our attention to the driveway.
Bella climbs out of her car, a worried expression on her face and I glance at Noah.
“I called her.”
I drop my head back.
“Shit,” I whisper.
I didn’t even think about how Bella will feel about this. I didn’t just keep Killian in the dark when I kept this to myself. I kept her in the dark, too.
“Everything okay? You sounded worried,” she says, looking between Noah and me.
I get to my feet. “I’ll explain everything at home.”
Bella watches me with cautious eyes.
I’m certain I look terrifying. I’m dressed in last night’s clothes, minus the underwear, my hair is a mess, and I can only imagine what my face must look like after spending the past two hours crying.
“Okay,” she says tentatively, waiting for me at the bottom of the porch steps.
She follows me to her car, and I get in the passenger side as she rounds the hood to the driver’s side, climbing in and turning to look at me.
“Are you okay?”
My bottom lip wobbles as I meet her eyes and shake my head. “Please, take me home.”
***
“And he just told you to leave?” Bella asks, incredulously as she wipes the tears from her face.
As soon as we got home, I sat her down and explained everything. From the town hall wedding to the moment I started working at Blue Rhodes Ranch.
I told her all the things I’ve yet to tell Killian.
Understandably, she was upset that I didn’t tell her that Killian and I got married. And when I told her about the pregnancy and the events that followed my wedding day, she cried.
And then, I cried.
It’s a whole sob-fest in here right now.
I sigh. “Yeah.”
“That is not okay, Daisy. He should have let you explain.”
I give her a soft smile, grateful that she’s trying to defend me.
“I understand why he did it, though. I’ve lived with this knowledge.
I’ve had four years to deal with my grief and the pain that comes with it.
” I reach across the table and place my hand over hers.
“He hasn’t, Bells. I lost my baby four years ago.
He lost his baby today. And I’m the one who took that away from him. ”
“I get that, Dais. I do. But he shouldn’t be shutting you out.”
I shrug. “He needs time. And I’m not a hypocrite. How can I hold him needing time against him when I ran away and hid for years?”
Bella slumps back in her seat, blowing out a long breath. “Shit. When you put it like that...”
“Yeah,” I say. “I’ll give him a few days and then try to speak to him. I need to tell him the rest. I need him to understand why I left.”
Bella gives me a sympathetic smile and pulls me into a hug, smoothing her hands down my back reassuringly. “He’ll come around.”
“I really hope so.”
“Well, if he doesn’t.” She pulls back. “Then I will kick his ass and knock some sense into him.”
That draws a laugh from me, and I pull her back into my chest. “Thank you, Bells. I love you.”
“I love you, too. Please don’t suffer in silence again, Dais. I’m always here for you. You know that, right?”
I nod against her, my emotions getting the better of me once more. “Yeah.”
“Good.” She gets up from her seat, wiping her face again. “Now, I’m going to get the ice cream. You find the movie,” she says, tossing the remote into my lap and heading for the kitchen.
Guilt consumes me as I watch her leave. I should have told her. I should have told them all. I took the cowards way out when I left town. I was so consumed by my own grief and sadness that I didn’t even consider the other people involved.
I was selfish.
And my actions could very well have ruined the only thing I’ve held onto over the years.
There’s a knock at the front door and hope blooms in my chest for half a second before I shake it off.
There’s no way it’s him.
“I’ll get it,” Bella shouts from the hallway as she hurries toward the door.
I hear hushed voices from the other side of the wall and none of them belong to the one person I want it to.
“You’ve got a visitor,” Bella says, poking her head around the corner.
I sit up straighter as Lainey rounds the corner, arms laden with wine and a soft smile on her flawless face.
“Hey, babydoll,” she says as she places everything on the table before taking a seat beside me and pulling me into her.
She rubs her hands up and down my arms in a gesture reserved specially for a mother. “How’re you doin’?”
“I’m okay.”
She eyes me sceptically. “You wanna talk about it?”
I shake my head. “No. I really don’t.”
“Okay,” she says just as Bella returns with ice cream and three wine glasses.
“I hope you don’t mind, but I called Savannah. She’s on her way over.”
I smile at her. “Of course I don’t mind.”
Twenty minutes later, all four of us are splayed out across the two couches, each of us with a tub of ice cream in hand. A comedy plays on the TV, but I’m not paying attention as my mind runs wild with all the things I still need to say.
The girls’ laugh. Lainey sips her wine. Bella and Savannah discuss something that’s just happened on the screen, but all I can see is the look on Killian’s face when I told him the truth.
All I hear is the sound of his distraught cries as he lashed out in his bedroom.
And all I can feel is the unsteady rhythm of my broken heart as it beats in my chest, serving as a reminder of everything I’ve lost.