Chapter 4
FOREST
I was proof it was possible to turn into someone you hated.
I’d always been the type to work hard, but when I was off the clock, I wasn’t working.
That person was gone. Now I worked all the time.
Not because I had a ton to do, but because it was easier to do that than socialize or be present for gatherings.
Although, I did make it down to Hartley’s studio to spend time with him.
“You’re becoming worse than me,” my brother said.
“Hmm?” I lifted my gaze from my laptop to find him staring at me.
He closed the lid. “You have to do something, anything. Get out of my studio and the apartment. Quit your fucking job. Jesus, For, live your life.” Leave it to Hartley to put me in my place.
“And I would pay for what I need how?”
“I won’t charge you rent. I’ll give you food. Just stop doing this to yourself.”
“I can’t.”
“Talk to me,” he pleaded.
My eyes drifted to Rory, where he stood by the front of the studio.
He was my brother’s guard, his shadow whenever he left his home, along with Hartley’s rottweiler, Duchess.
Given everything that had happened to Hartley, Vail, and Jordan in the past, I was surprised Jordan didn’t have six guards on him.
At least it was quiet now—no current threats.
“Ignore him. He won’t say anything.”
“It’s true,” Rory said. I knew he was listening.
Sighing, I told my brother, “If I work, I stay busy. My mind doesn’t drift.
I don’t think about what a shitty person I am and how I fucked everything up.
I have no friends, Hart, not outside of you and V.
Why would anyone want to be near me? Nothing good happens when they are.
” I’d called Vail V since we were younger and ran around the neighborhood doing things we shouldn’t.
“First of all, that’s bullshit. You can come to the building and hang out with any of the guys, especially Lane and his men.
He’s family. They all are. Everyone who’s part of this organization has each other to lean on.
I get that it’s not easy given who they are, but there is no one better to have on your side. ”
“Except when I treated one of their own terribly.”
“Fuck, are we on this again? Fix it if it’s making you miserable.
It’s not that hard to talk to Sheldon. The man doesn’t sleep, so it’s not like you have to worry about waking him up.
Walk into the building at three in the morning and have a conversation.
The guards will let you in. You have clearance.
Find Sheldon in an air duct and speak to him. ”
“He goes into the air ducts?” I thought only people in movies did that.
“Not usually, but he’s a strange dude. My point is, go there and apologize.
Maybe then you’ll get off this incessant need to work all the time.
I’ll say it again. Quit your fucking job.
Come work for me. I’m doing very well.” He grinned.
Hartley didn’t have to tell me that though.
I could see it every time I walked down here.
He was always hard at work with a pile of orders waiting to be filled.
“We’d end up hating each other.”
“Fine, then go work for someone else, but stop traveling so much. I miss having you around. When you’re not here, I worry.”
“I’m not drinking.” I wouldn’t again.
He sighed. “I know. I just… This was our second chance. I thought we were doing good, but then you took this promotion, and I hardly see you. It sucks.” It had only been a handful of months since I’d taken the role. In that time, I was gone often.
“I’m sorry,” I whispered. Hurting my brother was the last thing I wanted to do. He meant everything to me, and so did Vail.
“I didn’t say it so you’d apologize. You belong with us, not traveling to different states for work. I want you home.” The emotion that bled through his words hit me in the chest.
The only reason I kept pushing for travel was because of me, of how I fucked up and couldn’t face Sheldon. Or the fact I wanted him so damn much. I was a mess.
“Look, we didn’t have the best childhood until we moved in with Pop.
He changed everything, but the damage was already done.
We’re left to live with the trauma of what happened.
None of it was easy. Losing him was brutal, but we got through it.
I have the kind of life I could only dream of with men who make me so happy I could cry in joy. I want that for you too.”
I shook my head and dropped my gaze to my closed laptop. “I don’t know if it’s possible.”
“For, I’m not asking you to tell me who you’re attracted to or confess everything.
That’s for you to say when and if you’re ready.
What I do care about is your happiness. Do what’s going to make you smile.
I don’t think you’ll be able to until you’ve made peace with those you’ve hurt.
And before you ask, no, that doesn’t include me.
Just think about it.” He leaned forward and hugged me.
“Now, if you’d like to help, you can go in the back and find me supplies. ” He handed me a list.
Without another word, I stood and made my way to his storage area. Luckily, I’d been around him enough to understand what he was asking me to get. It didn’t take me too long to gather it.
My arms were full as I headed back out to the main floor, not paying attention to the conversation around me.
I was good at picking up keywords as needed.
Other than that, I’d rather not know shit.
If I did, I worried. My brother and best friend being in a relationship with a mafia boss gave me anxiety.
I was almost to the table when some of the fabric fell and began unraveling. Quickly, I put everything else down and bent to pick up what I’d dropped, but my hands met another’s.
It was like something out of a movie when everything around the characters seemed to be going at a regular speed, while the two main ones were living in slow motion as their eyes met.
The moment Sheldon’s grayish-blue eyes met mine, I couldn’t speak. My lips parted. My brain screamed at me to say something, anything. Nothing came out. A blush quickly heated my cheeks. Fuck’s sake. I was a disaster in front of him.
“Are you okay?” he asked. I had no clue if he hated me. Sheldon’s voice was calm and even.
I nodded, then looked down where my fingers gripped the gray fabric tightly. “I…” Apologize! my brain screamed. My mouth spoke, “I need to get this to my brother.” Sure, that was what I should have said.
“You shouldn’t carry so much at once. You could have tripped and fallen.” Sheldon picked up the part that unraveled and pried the rest from my hands so he could put it back to how it was.
“Thank you,” Hartley cut in, plucking the fabric from Sheldon. “Here’s another list of more items I need. Why don’t you both go? You know, so no one falls.” He winked at me before returning to his work.
“Subtle,” Sheldon muttered. “I’m here to relieve Rory, not be your errand boy.”
“Whatever you need to tell yourself,” Hartley stated without looking at him.
Sheldon and I walked to the back room. My mind was a whirlwind of thoughts. I hadn’t been alone with Sheldon since… shit, I couldn’t remember. It wasn’t recent that was for certain.
“He made this list up.” I held it up. “He doesn’t need any of this.”
“Like I said, subtle.”
I should have spoken the two words then and there. I’m sorry. It wasn’t a lot. Simple to say. And yet, I didn’t utter a damn word.
“What did I do, Forest?” Sheldon asked. “I don’t need a drawn-out explanation. Give me something so I can figure out what the hell I did to make you not want to be anywhere near me.”
My finger traced along a deep purple fabric, my eyes on anything but him. “This is going to sound cliché, but it’s not you. It’s me. I wouldn’t even know where to begin.”
“I’m a good listener. Sometimes at least. See me during usual sleeping hours.
I’m at my peak quietness then.” When I didn’t respond, he added, “I just want to know why. The invitation is there to talk to me. Text me and I’ll meet you anywhere in the building.
The only people who will know you’re there are the guards who will see you and whoever is manning the security desk.
Believe me when I say, they won’t care.”
My phone vibrated in my pocket. I pulled it out to see a text.
Sheldon: Please.
My eyes met his. “Okay.”
He let out a breath, his shoulders relaxing. “Thank you.” He took the list from my fingers. “I’m going to return this to Hartley and relieve Rory. If you talk, so will I. All right?”
I nodded.
Sheldon left while I couldn’t get my feet to move. I wasn’t ready to confess what I’d been feeling to him, but I could explain why I was the way I was. Hopefully, it would give him insight into me.
I hadn’t spent a lot of time with the guards, not like Vail had.
He loved meeting each one, learning about them, and becoming a part of their lives.
Vail was a genuinely good human being. Just being around him made me a better person.
I didn’t have the same ability he did to make friends.
I was content to know the bare minimum, who I had to interact with, and leave it at that.
“Want me to move your bed down here?” Hartley asked.
Turning, I found him in the doorway. “Nah, I have no idea what I’d do with all of this. I’d probably cut the fabric into tiny strips out of boredom.”
He gasped and put his hand to his chest. “You wouldn’t. These are my babies.”
His words had the desired effect. A grin tugged at the corners of my lips.
“There we are. How was your talk with Sheldon?”
“Nope,” I replied and strode past him to leave the room.
“Forest,” he half-whispered, half-yelled.
I was out the back door before he could catch up with me. Hartley wouldn’t follow. He had too much to do. I expected texting later. And questions. So many questions.
Inside my apartment, I sat on the couch and wondered when I should talk to Sheldon.
The longer I waited, the worse I’d feel.
Maybe we could be friends. It was better than nothing.
However, friends didn’t typically lust after each other.
Hartley had said Sheldon watched me. My brother was trying to be a matchmaker.
That wasn’t enough though. Not for me to pour my heart out.
Baby steps, right? There was no need to make big leaps. At least not yet. I wasn’t ready for that.