Chapter 6 Forest
FOREST
The air was still thick with humidity as I walked behind the buildings toward my apartment.
It wasn’t far. Honestly, no one dared come back here with Jordan’s guards watching and waiting.
I wrapped my arms around myself. The vulnerability wouldn’t leave.
I said more than I should have to Sheldon.
I wasn’t sure what I was going to say when I got there.
My entire world had been turned upside down, and I couldn’t make sense of it.
I was almost to my door when a hand caught my wrist. I gasped and spun, ready to fight whoever had me.
There was no way I could take on someone like Sheldon or Jordan, but others, random assholes who thought they could get a jump on me, I had a chance.
I was so lost in my head, I hadn’t heard a person behind me.
Lifting my free hand, I balled it into a fist and swung. Too bad I was right-handed and my left one was free. The punch was shit, although I grazed the person in a pathetic attempt to hurt them.
My other wrist was captured. My arms were pinned to my sides as I was pushed against the building, the air momentarily knocked from my lungs. The eyes that held mine were ones etched in my memory. They appeared darker than usual under the light that shone down from above my apartment door.
A shadow was cast on Sheldon, but there was no mistaking the pain on his face. “Stop,” he whispered.
It didn’t take much for me to tug my left hand free. There wasn’t more than a single thought in my mind as I lifted it to his cheek. “I could have hurt you. I’m so sorry.”
Instead of shaking his head or pulling away, Sheldon leaned into my touch, his eyes fluttering closed for a moment. “I’m okay. I’ve had much worse.” The comment sent an icy chill through me, my hand jerking back.
All of my weight went against the building as I sank to the ground, not caring about the dirt or weeds or pavement digging into me. My arms wrapped around my knees, where they tucked close to my chest, and my head rested on top.
Sheldon’s gentle hands moved to my arms, and his legs bumped mine as he sat in front of me. “What happened just now?” How could this man, who told me he could kill so easily, touch me as if I were a feather about to float away?
“I should have been there,” I choked out, emotion clawing at my throat. How many times did I say the words to myself? How many times did I type messages to him, only to never send them?
“What are you talking about?”
“When you were hurt. I should have been there. I should have visited you. That’s what friends do, but I couldn’t even show the fuck up.”
His hands drifted from me. I lifted my head and found him leaning away, putting distance between us. That was the opposite of what I wanted, although I didn’t deserve kindness from him after what I’d done.
“I’m sorry. I was a selfish asshole while you were…” I started to cry. “While you were fighting for your life. I couldn’t even go down there.”
The tone of his voice had changed from soft to stilted. “It’s fine. I couldn’t have visitors right away.”
“It’s not. If it had been the other way around, you would have been there for me.”
“As your friend,” he stated matter-of-factly.
I searched his face, trying to figure out what I’d done to cause the change in him. “Isn’t that what we are, or did I ruin everything?”
He stood, brushing off the back of his sweats. “We are.” Offering me a hand, Sheldon helped me stand but dropped it as soon as I was on my feet. “You should get upstairs. It’s late, and the city isn’t the safest.”
“We’re two blocks from Jordan’s building, where you live and work. You’re standing in front of me. No one would dare touch me right now.”
“Cockiness can get you killed.”
“It’s not cocky if it’s a fact.” I’d never doubted Sheldon’s ability to protect someone. I didn’t need to see him in action to understand he’d do everything in his power to keep those he guarded safe.
He jutted his chin toward the stairs that led to my door. “Go. I’ll stay until you’re inside.”
“What did I do? We were fine, and then you changed.”
“You didn’t do anything, Forest. This is on me. Go. I need to get back. I didn’t check in with Barry before I left.”
There was more I wanted to say, questions I wanted to ask.
I didn’t speak a word. My feet carried me up the steps, each heavier than the one before it.
I unlocked the door, disarming the security system before slipping inside, fighting every urge not to turn to see if he watched me. Sheldon would make sure I was safe.
Why did a little piece of me break? He dismissed me, and I couldn’t figure out why.
Inside, I locked the door and stripped off my jeans, not bothering to check for dirt on them.
I honestly didn’t give a shit. My shirt came off next, so I was in nothing but my boxer briefs.
As I climbed into bed, a chill raced over my skin that had nothing to do with the air-conditioning kicking on or the ceiling fan that ran nonstop.
I upset Sheldon. Somehow, I made him withdraw.
If only I knew why, so I could fix it. Then again, I couldn’t seem to repair the damage I’d already done.
He acted like it was no big deal that I hadn’t visited him in the hospital.
Maybe it wasn’t to him. It was to me. No matter what he said, I should have been there like the others were.
I should have visited and told him I was thinking about him, brought him a gift, or left a card.
But I didn’t do any of that. I was a coward. Tonight, I wasn’t. I said words I didn’t think I would and was proud of myself for doing so, even if I wondered if I did the right thing.
I lay in the dark, my eyes on the fan for a bit before I closed them.
Too bad sleep wouldn’t come. It wasn’t like I had a job to get up early to do.
Shit, I needed to find another one. I wouldn’t count on my brother to give me money.
After all he’d done when I left him alone to deal with Pop’s belongings, I wouldn’t ever put a burden on Hartley’s shoulders again.
An hour went by before I got out of bed and found my laptop in the living room. Mine, not the company I’d worked for. I had a box packed to ship their equipment back.
There had to be another job in the city I could do that didn’t require Jordan to give me a hand up. Maybe I needed a change of pace, a different career. Did people do that when they were staring down fifty? Who the fuck would want to hire me? I was edging closer to retirement.
I logged in to a popular job website and searched for what was available in East Dremest. West Dremest would be the next one.
My eyes scanned through the listings, mostly corporate jobs, which I was tired of working in, even though I did them well.
I kept scrolling until a listing caught my attention.
It was for a full-time office manager on this side of the city, but not in a typical large company setting.
I certainly had the skills listed. I’d managed employees and run a department before.
This was different because it was in an auto shop.
I didn’t know shit about cars, outside of how to drive them and drop them off when they needed service. Handy, I was not.
But this wasn’t any shop. This was Jordan’s son’s place.
I’d heard he went into business with his prior office manager and they were now partners.
No wonder they were looking to hire. There was probably only so long he could do everything with JJ having a full-time job in East Dremest at his cousin’s company.
“Fuck it,” I muttered and started filling out the necessary information to apply online. My résumé was up-to-date. If they didn’t hire me, that was okay. At least I tried.
Instead of focusing on my lack of experience in that environment, I highlighted what I could bring to the table, how I could manage their business and employees with efficiency.
After I completed that one, I went through other listings and found two more to apply for.
One was a position at a local private investigator’s office that needed help with administrative duties.
Not my wheelhouse, but again, I could be good at it.
And a PI? Fucking sign me up. It could be right out of a mystery movie.
Although, once they heard my brother was Jordan Altair Sr.’s partner, I doubted they’d want me. I still applied.
Another job was working on the grounds at a home not far from the city. Did I know anything about landscaping? Absolutely not, but I could keep a houseplant alive. That had to count for something.
With that done, I closed my laptop and leaned back on the couch.
The city was slowly coming alive with the rising sun.
Here I sat with no job to go to. Maybe I should have applied for more than the positions I had no business being in.
At least I had money saved I could use until I was employed again.
Grabbing the remote, I put the TV on and found an old spy movie.
I could brush up on my knowledge of finding people.
It was purely fictional. There was nothing wrong with dreaming though.
I could be a hell of a spy, sneaking into places, getting photos of people doing shit they shouldn’t, or tracking down relatives their loved ones couldn’t find. Yeah, I’d be damn good at it.
I slouched on the couch, my body becoming heavy as my eyes started to close. It had been a hell of a day. My job was no more. Sheldon had shut down when I apologized. And I applied for positions I shouldn’t have. I wasn’t calling it a win by any means, but it was definitely progress.
If I were lucky, my brother would talk to Sheldon and get some information out of him, so I knew where to go from here.
Sheldon and I weren’t close. I still didn’t want to lose the fragile relationship we had.
It was my fault. I damaged what we were building on.
By going to see him today, I thought I would have come further along in expressing myself to him.
Instead, it was like I took a dozen steps back.
My body sank deeper into the couch. The pillow bunched under my head, and the throw blanket I kept out here draped over my legs. The movie ended, and another began, an old black-and-white drama. I was too tired to put on something lighter.
As sleep crept in, the heaviness of my body intensified; all I kept picturing was Sheldon and how he shut down.
I had to find out why, so I could fix it.
Going backward wasn’t where I wanted to be.
Hell, I wasn’t even sure what the future held for me, although Sheldon belonged there.
In what capacity, there was no way to guess.
I had to apologize. For what? Damned if I knew.
I wouldn’t let time pass again where I stayed away and silent. It hadn’t gotten me anywhere.