Chapter 32
Luca
The alarm on my phone goes off, jarring me from my writing and bringing me back to the real world and out of the one I’m creating.
I’ve been like a man on a mission this week, churning out words at a rapid pace. If I’m not sleeping or eating or working, I’m writing my ass off. I haven’t had a story come together this quickly in so long.
I finish typing the sentence and leave myself a couple of notes about what’s coming next, then shut my laptop and place it on the arm of the couch.
Poor Austin hasn’t had a home-cooked meal since before he gave me this laptop. Okay, well, that’s not entirely true. He hasn’t had a home-cooked meal he didn’t have to make since before he gave me this laptop. Tonight, I want to get back into it. Or at least for tonight.
There’s something so freeing about being with Austin.
I clean when I want to clean. I cook when I want to cook.
And if I don’t, he just does it himself.
He’s not resentful. He doesn’t hurt me. He just talks to me while he washes the dishes, smiles as he reminds me I need to eat to write the next bestseller, and rubs my back when sitting too long makes me stiff and sore.
Hell, we haven’t had sex in a week, and he doesn’t even care.
I mean, I’m sure he does, and God knows, I want to do it again.
Soon. Tonight, preferably. But he doesn’t push for it.
Doesn’t even act disappointed when I’ve stared at my computer so long that I can’t even keep my eyes open.
He just kisses me and snuggles the shit out of me until we fall asleep wrapped in each other’s arms.
Austin has always been my safety, and now, that’s even… more.
After turning on some Christmas music with my phone, I start cooking dinner. I lose myself in the process, singing along to the music as I cut and toss veggies in the pot for a beef stew.
This was always one of my favorites for a cold day, but Damien never liked it and complained any time I made it. When the complaints turned into black eyes, I stopped making it.
I’ve just about finished it up and am putting some bread in the oven to crisp when Austin walks through the front door.
“Hey, you,” I say, smiling at him as he hangs up his coat and kicks his shoes off. “You’ll be pleased to know I left book world long enough to cook you dinner for once.”
When he turns around to look at me, the smile falls off my face at his expression. “We need to talk.”
Well, shit. “Okay.”
I place the oven mitt on the counter, cold acceptance washing over me. I can do this on my own. I’m strong and capable, and I don’t need Austin to survive. Wasn’t lying when I said I fucking wanted him for survival, though.
“Baby?” He rushes across the room. “Hey, whoa. We’re good. You and me? Solid. Not that. Holy shit. Never that.”
I let out a laugh, not really sure what else to do with all my nervous energy. “Okay. What’s going on, then?”
He sighs. “Can we sit down?”
Looking around the kitchen at all my hard work, I sigh. “Yeah, okay. It can’t wait until dinner’s done?”
Austin’s eyes scan his surroundings, almost like he didn’t even realize I was standing here cooking. “Oh. Uh—yeah, yes. That’s fine. It can wait.”
Thankfully, it doesn’t take long for the bread to crisp because he’s a wreck the entire time—eyes darting all over, shaking his hands in front of him nervously.
I’m honestly starting to get a little concerned about the state of our floors as he paces back and forth between the living room and kitchen.
I watch him while I scoop stew into bowls and grab each of us a piece of bread. “Ready?” I ask, gesturing toward him with the bowls.
Without a word, he takes both bowls out of my hands and heads into the living room. He’s actually making me a little weirded out. I’m not sure what to do with this version of him, and while I know and fully trust that he would never hurt me, his energy is setting me on edge.
We both sit down on the couch, and he places the bowls on the table in front of us.
“Okay, what’s going on?” I ask. God, I should have just had him tell me earlier. This is stressing me out.
“Have you heard from Damien?” he blurts out.
My eyebrows draw together. “Uh, no. I haven’t. Why?”
“Someone was in the diner asking about you. Ma thought it might have been him, but it wasn’t. I showed her a photo of him. Anyway, it’s got me freaked out, Luc. You haven’t heard from him at all?”
My heart speeds up a little, but I try to force it to stop. I inhale a deep breath. “No. I haven’t heard from him. I promise I’d tell you if I had.”
Other than the strange feeling that I got at the car lot. And at the store with Arlo. There’s no way it was him, though. I’d put all those encounters out of my mind. They’re not real.
I should probably tell Austin about them, but really, what would I say? I have a weird feeling, but no proof to back it up? The last time that happened, he went into the woods in the middle of the night, and I was wrong.
It made me feel like I was losing my mind, and I’m not in any big hurry to repeat that.
“I want to drive you to and from work from now on,” Austin says.
“What? Why?”
Austin gapes at me like I’ve lost my mind. “Did you not hear what I just said?”
“Yes.” What I’m failing to understand is why that matters. “But… Why would you need to drive me?”
After blinking at me in silence with a disbelieving expression, Austin scoffs. “Someone is looking for you. Asking questions about you. I know you’re sending Ma home and closing by yourself.”
I shrug. “Yeah, it’s not a big deal.”
“Baby.” Austin grabs my face in his hands gently, tilting my head back until we’re almost nose to nose. “Someone is sneaking around, asking intrusive questions about you, and I—” His voice cuts off, and he shakes his head. “I don’t know what I’d do if something happened to you.”
“What does driving me to and from work accomplish?” I ask. I know I’m being stubborn, and it’s really not that big of a deal, but my independence is important to me. Now more than ever.
Austin squeezes his eyes closed, inhaling a deep breath through his nose. “It makes me feel better. Then I know that no one is following you to your car… or—or waiting for you in the alley.”
A sliver of fear runs down my spine. Have I gotten too comfortable here?
Have I let my guard down too much? Even just last month, this conversation would have made me a nervous wreck.
I’m becoming complacent. But goddammit, I think I’m allowed that.
I’m allowed a life where I don’t have the constant need to look over my shoulder.
“I’m safe now,” I say, my voice wavering. “I don’t want to live like I’m not.”
“I’m—” Austin’s voice is so choked that it’s making my heart ache. “I’m not asking you to… to—I don’t know. I don’t expect you to stay home and not be yourself, but just a little bit of caution. Please, Luca? Please.”
Fuck. His warm brown eyes are locked on mine, pleading with me. He’s worried. He’s truly, genuinely worried. I sigh. “Okay. Fine. You can take me to and from work.”
He seems to almost sag in relief. It’s such a small thing, but if it’ll make him feel better, I’ll do it. “I don’t like it, though. It feels like I’m letting Damien win.”
“You’re not,” Austin whispers. “You’re not. You’re letting me win. Don’t think about it like he’s getting one over on you. Think about it like you’re doing it for me.”
“I am doing it for you,” I say, because I’m sure as shit not doing it because I’m afraid of Damien.
He can’t touch me now. Not with Austin. Hell, not even with me.
I’m too far removed from his manipulation.
I don’t rely on him anymore. Not to mention, I can take Jasper to the ground in two seconds flat.
Austin blows out a slow breath. “Thank you, baby.”
This whole thing has brought down my mood. It’s not Austin’s fault, of course, but still. I sigh. “You’re welcome. Can we please eat dinner now?”
Austin lets his hands fall away from my face, sitting back with a nod. “Yeah. I’m sorry.”
“Don’t be sorry. It’s nice to be the focus of someone’s worry.”
There’s a beat of silence before Austin barks out a loud laugh. “I can’t believe you’re not worried.”
“I mean…” I lean forward to pick up Austin’s bowl, placing it in his hands before grabbing my own and settling cross-legged on the couch, facing him.
“I am worried,” I admit, bringing a spoonful of stew to my mouth.
My eyes damn near roll back. Holy fuck, that’s so good.
I chew for a second, then swallow. “But,” I continue.
“I’m not going to let Damien take anything else from me.
It’s been all this time, and he hasn’t tried anything. I have no reason to believe he will.”
Sure, it’s suspicious that some random man is asking questions about me, but I just need to make sure I’m paying attention to my surroundings, and I should be fine.
Austin takes a bite, and a smile breaks out on my face when he moans. “Good, huh?” I say, gesturing toward his bowl.
“It is,” he mumbles. “But don’t distract me.
” I don’t think I need to. Dinner is doing a good enough job on its own because he takes three more bites before finally speaking again.
“Jesus. Okay. I get it. I understand that you don’t want to live in fear.
Just… Fuck—just be careful, baby. Okay? I just fucking got you back. I can’t lose you already.”
The pure agony in his voice has something deep inside me aching. I carefully pull the bowl of stew from his hands and climb into his lap, pressing my body flush against his. “You’re not going to lose me,” I whisper.
Earnest brown eyes blink up at me. “You don’t know that, Luc. And the idea terrifies me.”
I don’t know how to make him feel better. I don’t have the right combination of words, and I don’t know how to ease his worries. Austin is so good at diffusing my anxiety, and it sucks that I’m not good at doing the same for him.