Chapter 16 #2
I shifted when she moved. “I’ll be right back.” She walked away from me, and I heard bags rustling, then she was back holding them up. The golden light making her skin glow. “Come here,” I said, as she set the condoms on the night stand.
“Wait, one more thing.” She left again then came back with candles. She set them on the nightstand and lit them, then bent over and turned off the lamp, leaving nothing but the candles’ soft light.
She moved restlessly against me and we fit together just as nature and God intended.
I was lost in the heat of her body, infusing me with both warmth and madness.
A conflagration of flames and smoldering embers.
Somewhere in the depths of my shredded soul, like a master crafter, she found the pieces of tenderness, vulnerability that I had lost and knitted them together with a loom of stars.
Regardless of what she said, I would still be her knight when she needed me.
I would be anything she needed. I would let her go, because she’d asked me, because I respected her…
because, ah God, because I loved her with everything I had.
This delicate princess, damsel in distress had found her inner Rambo, and I was going to let her lay waste to the men who had wronged her.
Did I hate it? Fuck yeah, but I loved her.
She would come back to me, and we’d have this for the rest of our lives.
She took and I gave. I took and she gave.
Like the push and pull of the ocean and the rhythm of life.
She consumed me as I filled her body, my yang to her yin and we fit like an intricate puzzle that had been separated by distance and time, only to be reunited at this perfect spun gold moment.
Born out of chaos in a crazy universe we were at the center, balancing in perfect harmony.
My white to her black, my south to her north, my fire to her water, my sun to her moon, and my hard to her soft.
Harmony sang through us. I knew her and she knew me.
That was all that mattered. With a yielding, with surrender, I gave myself up to the explosion of life as we joined as one.
Later, as the candles sputtered to darkness and she lay cradled in my arms sleeping.
I realized she had been very right to say that I made her see because right now my eyes were wide open when they had been closed.
She was acting even though I knew she was scared.
For me. I was also scared and that was damn hard for a Marine who had seen horrors on the battlefield, ran toward a fight instead of away.
I could serve my country and never flinch once.
So why was I being passive about the most important decision of my life?
When the morning dawned bright and sunny, the light of dawn past. I grabbed my watch and blinked at the time. I was supposed to meet my daddy at the church. He was having new pews delivered today. My clever momma got her way and to save money, we were going to install them ourselves.
I looked over at Haley. She was sleeping, her breathing deep and even.
I rose, bracing my weight on my elbow and watched her sleep for a few minutes, marveling that this woman had come into my life.
Her golden blonde hair was spread across her pillow, the strands thick and flaxen in the bright light coming through the blinds.
I gathered a lock and let it flow through my fingers, thinking ahead to when we were together after everything was resolved. We’d find a place of our own or build something we both designed. Wherever it was, I was thankful she would be with me.
I went to get out of bed, but her fingers snaked around my biceps, and she pulled me back down, snuggling into my throat.
“I’ve got to get going. Remember? I have to help my daddy today.”
“Nope. Mandatory snuggle.”
I laughed softly and gave in. I could call if I was going to be late. “You are bossy in the morning.”
“Yup, a veritable sassbucket.”
I snorted and dragged her off the mattress into my arms and she giggled. “Flexing your muscles, are you? They’re very nice.”
“Glad you think so. We made a dent in the condoms.”
She peeked up at me and narrowed her eyes, a hint of laughter in her expression to mix in with sated woman. “I think we should buy some stock in condoms,” she said. The tone of her voice amused me.
“I guess that’s a great idea. To be safe, I’ll pick up more on the way home.”
She sighed and kissed me. “Good morning, handsome.”
“Good morning, beautiful.”
“I like the sound of that, by the way.”
“The sound of what?”
“Home.”
Later as I was driving over to the church, I chaffed against her going back to Atlanta alone. Maybe we should talk about it just a bit more before she left. I’d bring it up in a non-threatening way.
I swore softly and had to wonder if I was avoiding my own issues. Or, maybe I was just overthinking them.
When I got to the church, the delivery truck was there and it was a whirlwind of activity as they were unloaded. Twenty pews in all. My daddy was signing the delivery paperwork when I walked up buckling on my tool belt.
He nodded to me as I walked in the church. Several men were inside, including Boone and Booker Outlaw, all volunteers. “Okay, let’s get these out of here. We’re going to break them down into reclaimed wood, so just pile the pieces near the gazebo.
“Hey, guys,” I said in greeting to my sister’s brothers’-in-law.
We worked steadily into the morning. When lunch time rolled around, my momma brought us an assortment of sandwiches, chips and lemonade, pleased with the progress. We were about halfway done installing.
After lunch we started up again the sweat pouring off me.
I drank a lot of water and kept working, tying a bandana around my forehead to keep the sweat out of my eyes.
Finally, we put in the last screw and soaked with sweat we all sat down outside and drank more lemonade and water.
The volunteers left and it was just me and my daddy sitting in the gazebo, the mess of reclaimed wood a big pile in front of us.
“Can I take some of the wood?”
“Sure,” my daddy said. Boone’s taking some as well for his landscaping business. The rest is being sold. Help yourself.”
“Thank you.”
“You going to come up to the house for dinner with me and your momma?”
“Yes,” I said. “I brought a change of clothes. I’m sure you’ll want me to use the shower.”
“Or the creek. Your momma will blister our ears if we come to the table like this.”
“Don’t I know it.”
He chuckled. “I love that woman something fierce. We better go up.”
I followed him and stopped at my truck to grab my change of clothes and went up to the house. Inside, I waited my turn for the shower. Afterward, I ate her delicious cooking. We talked about Aubree graduating from college and how Mike and her aunt Lottie must be tickled pink.
“Lord, it seems as if that girl just graduated high school. Where does the time go?”
“Too fast,” my daddy said.
I helped my momma clear and wash the dishes.
Before I knew it, I was pouring out everything that had happened with Haley, the whole truth and how frustrated I was that she was leaving, without me.
Momma patted my cheek. “Oh, Ethan, you are so noble. Sometimes you just have to let people handle things their own way. I think your father could learn a lesson in that. Maybe it was time you taught him? Trust in her if you can, but more importantly, trust in yourself.” I took a breath and still couldn’t convince myself to let Haley go alone.
“I’m going up to bed. You be careful going home, my boy.
” She leaned up and kissed me on the cheek, and I hugged her hard. “Good night.”
“Night,” I said, pulling my keys out of my back pocket. I came into the living room and my daddy was sitting on the sofa. He rose when I walked in. “Son, sit down for a moment.”
I settled in the easy chair and leaned forward.
“I wanted to talk to you about your future,” his voice was firm and tight like he was expecting an argument. “I think that you have honest, decent jobs and your investment in Chase’s business is sound, but I think we both know where your future lies. Where your path has always led.”
I sighed and looked down at my hands. When I looked up he was holding out a brochure. “This is the information for the seminary. There is still time to enter the fall class,” he said solemnly. “Isn’t this your calling?”
I took the pamphlet and rose without saying a word, the reluctance on me again.
I opened the door and stepped out, stood on the porch and remembered how Haley had told me about what had happened to her, the hardship she’d had to endure.
I’d been a warrior—was still a warrior, and I was running from this battle.
No more. My momma’s words were poignant and dead on. She was a genius. Trust yourself.
I turned around and walked back inside. My daddy was startled as he’d been about to lock the door.
I reached out, holding the brochure. “I’m not going to the seminary, Daddy.
My calling is to help people in a different way.
I know you don’t like violence, but being a deputy sheriff isn’t about violence.
It’s about peace and keeping the parish safe.
That’s what I trained for and fought for with every fiber of my being.
It’s what I want to do. I hope you can understand that. ”
His shoulders slumped. “I’m disappointed, Ethan.”
“There are the words that I’ve dreaded. All our arguments have all come down to this. I can’t be what you want me to be. I can only be what my heart tells me to be. I love you, Daddy and respect what you do. Just please, give me the same consideration.”
He stood there for a moment wrestling with his own expectations for me.
The emotions crossing his face. I hadn’t wanted to disappoint him, but there was no other answer for me.
It was past time for me to make this decision.
He took a breath and shocked the hell out of me. I totally expected an argument.
“That is a man’s sound reasoning, son.” He set his hand on my shoulder and squeezed. “I learned a valuable lesson when you left after our argument,” he said, his voice strained and thick. “I was sick with worry, remorseful for being so rigid, and terrified you would never forgive me.”
“Daddy,” I said. “I can forgive you. I do. I understand how much this means to you.”
He gave me a slight smile, his eyes going moist and he squeezed me harder.
“I thought I lost you then and I’ve thanked God every day that you came back here for me to get a second chance at understanding my son.
I don’t want to lose you.” He closed his eyes, his jaw bunching.
“I have done plenty of my own soul-searching and discovered that I want you to be happy and be the best man you can be. Of course you have to follow your own path. I just thought you were floundering and didn’t want to come to me for advice.
Confusion is one thing, but knowing your own heart is everything.
I can’t say that I’m happy about your choice, but I can say that I respect you, young man.
I’m proud of your accomplishments, and I’ll pray every day for God to keep you safe.
” My throat thick, I stepped forward and we embraced.
“I love you, Ethan. Don’t ever forget that, my boy. ” His arms tightened for a moment.
We parted, and I left. My path was clear and thanks to Haley, I had the courage to finally face my daddy’s disappointment and push through to the other side.
He really had made an effort to understand me, and I had a chance to tell him that I had forgiven him for his harsh words and inflexible thinking.
We were past all that, and I was very grateful.
In the morning, missing Haley, I drove over to the Sheriff’s Department. At the desk I asked to see Mike and was ushered to his office.
“What can I do for you, Ethan?” he asked, leaning back in his chair, the sound of the phone ringing in the background.
“First, I want to make you aware about the situation with Lawson.” I told him enough to make him frown and his eyes to heat.
“That poor girl. You have any trouble with her, you call me,” he said, leaning forward, his eyes direct. “We’ll run these bastards out of town with my boot up their asses.”
I nodded. “Thank you, Mike. The other reason I’m here is I want to sign up to become a deputy sheriff. What do I need to do?”
Mike smiled broadly. “About damn time. It’s going to be a time investment.
Gotta send you over to the academy which is a three-month course.
Once you complete that, you’ll come back here.
We’ll have a little ceremony and you’ll get to go out on patrol.
I won’t lie to you. I’ve had my eye on you ever since you got out of the Marines.
Knew right then and there you’d make a fine sheriff one day.
I’m looking to retire in the next few years, and I think you’ll fill my shoes nicely. ”
I just stared at him, then I smiled broadly, clapping him on the back. “Let’s get this started.”