5. Colin
5
COLIN
“ Y our order will be up in five minutes, hon,” the waitress called to me where I stood at the counter of a little diner not far from my house.
“Thanks.” I took a seat on a stool and accepted the cup of coffee the waitress put in front of me. It had been another long day, but it had an unexpected silver lining: I’d share my dinner with Lily, as I had on other late nights since the one when I’d told her about the Admiral and how I’d gotten close to the McCallisters.
Most of our conversations weren’t so personal. By tacit agreement we’d stuck to talking about Sofia and more general topics, but I was getting to know Lily better. Like tonight: I’d called to see what she wanted from the diner, but I’d accurately predicted her order. Salad with grilled chicken and a piece of lemon meringue pie. She always got dessert, which I teased her about but usually joined her in.
We’d both come to treat our dinners as a casual friend kind of thing, although I tried to pick up the tab for both of us. She was working for me to make money to fund her new life. I didn’t want her spending that cash on buying me dinner.
The waitress went past me, holding up two fingers to indicate my order was almost done. I drained the coffee mug and took a look around the diner. It was fairly busy with couples and families stopping in for a quick meal before going home. The back booth was occupied by just one guy. His head was turned to look out the window as though he was waiting for someone. I studied the man, recognition dawning.
He was one of the men in the hallway of Lily’s apartment building. It had been almost six weeks since I had helped her move, but I remembered the two men distinctly because of Lily’s reaction to them and because of the fact that one of them had seemed familiar to me. The guy in the booth was the one I could have sworn I knew, but just like then, I couldn’t put a name to the man or remember where I’d seen him before.
“Here you go.” The waitress put two bags on the counter in front of me.
“Thanks,” I said and gathered them up. I took one last look at the man, trying to jog my memory, but nothing came. Maybe the guy just had one of those faces that always looked familiar. I shook it off and headed for my truck. If I hurried, I’d get to see Sofia before she was asleep.
“I just put her down,” Lily said as I entered the kitchen five minutes later. “You can probably still catch her awake.” She took the bags from me, and I headed for the stairs.
“Hi, sweetheart,” I said softly, stepping into Sofia’s room. Her big dark eyes turned to me, and an instant smile spread across her face. She sat up in her crib and held her arms toward me.
“Dada,” she cooed when I picked her up.
“I missed you today,” I said as I settled her against me. She burrowed in, too sleepy to talk, so I held her, gently rocking and stroking her back until her breathing slowed and I realized she’d fallen asleep.
“Tomorrow we’ll have fun together,” I whispered into her hair before carefully lowering her into the crib. I tucked the blanket around her and waited just a minute to make sure she wouldn’t wake up again. After giving her a last kiss, I left her room.
Lily
I opened the food bags and plated our dinners. It was part of the little ritual Colin and I had fallen into. He checked on Sofia and returned to eat with me. No harm in a shared dinner, I reasoned, as long as I remembered that we were just employer and employee. That was getting more difficult to do. There was a lot to like about Colin and a lot I found appealing. He was so loving with Sofia, so thoughtful and considerate toward me. And of course, it never hurt to have an absolutely incredible body, which he most definitely did.
“Did you get to say good night?” I asked when Colin joined me in the kitchen.
“She was almost awake,” he said, heading to the refrigerator for a beer.
“I tried to keep her up because I knew you’d be home,” I explained, “but she was zonked after today.”
“Time outside?” He came to sit next to me at the island.
“We walked downtown,” I said, causing him to raise an eyebrow since it was a three-mile round trip. “Sofia rode in the stroller, but we got a lot of fresh air.”
“Any reason for your destination?” he asked, twirling linguine on his fork.
“We peeked in at All That Sparkles,” I said, referring to the jewelry store Colin’s brother’s wife owned. “Sofia demanded to see Aunt Carolyn, but she wasn’t in, so we went to the art school a few doors down. I signed up to take some classes.” He paused, his fork halfway to his mouth. “They won’t interfere with my nanny duties,” I said quickly. “They’re all evening and weekend classes, and I can miss one or two if you need to work late.”
“I wasn’t worried about that.” His expression was puzzled. “If you want to take classes, we’ll work around your schedule. Are you thinking of switching to become an art teacher? I thought math was your area.”
“It was, but I don’t want to teach again, math or anything else. It’s not my passion.” I picked at my salad, debating how much to tell him—but he’d opened up to me about the Admiral and his family. And after weeks of sharing a house, I’d come to trust him. Well, more than that, really: I liked him. A lot. And not in ways a nanny should like her employer. I knew the attraction was mutual—I’d seen the way that he looked at me. And whenever we touched in even the smallest way, I could feel the chemistry between us. I knew what we both wanted…but neither one of us had brought it up, probably because we both knew it was a bad idea. “I ended up in education because it’s sort of a family tradition,” I blurted out. “My dad’s a math professor, and my mom taught high school math before my sibs and I were all born. My grandfather was a science professor, a famous one.”
“Did they put pressure on you to be a teacher, too?”
“Not exactly,” I hedged. “It’s not like they insisted, but it was just sort of expected, you know? They always talked about how teaching is an honorable profession—which I agree with, of course. I have a lot of admiration for teachers. It’s just not for me. I left Hartford Academy because of the situation I told you about with Jasmine—but it was honestly a relief to have a reason to leave. I’d never truly been happy there, but I’d been too afraid to just give up on a steady job that paid well.”
“So, what is your passion? What do you want to do?” His amazing blue eyes focused on me, making me temporarily tongue-tied.
“Art is what I really love. I always have, but my parents treated it like a hobby—something I could do on the side for fun, but not something that counts as a real career, you know? But I think it could be. I think…” I hesitated for just a second before telling him the truth. “I think I want to be a comic book artist. My aunt Maddie is one, and she loves it.” My aunt was always so happy. I had had more fun with her than I’d ever had with my own parents. And she was living proof that art really could be a viable profession, no matter what my parents said.
“I think it might be a tough way to make a living,” Colin said cautiously, but without judgment.
“Probably. The art world can be competitive, but I know Aunt Maddie will help me any way she can. And now that I’m not locked into a teaching schedule, I’d like to pursue it—see if I can raise the bar on my skills so that I can put together a solid portfolio.” I paused but felt bold enough to add, “I’m also working on figuring out the other things in life that I’ve wanted to do and haven’t allowed myself to try.” He smiled at that, which encouraged me to continue. “I feel as though I’ve lived someone else’s version of my life, and I want to live mine.”
“Is that part of being the oldest kid from a big family?”
“I guess. I always had more responsibility than my friends—and more limits. I couldn’t do this or that because of obligations to the family. I even missed my senior prom because of my brother,” I said ruefully.
“What happened?” He seemed genuinely interested, so I went on with the story.
“I was all dressed, with my hair done up, when there was screaming from the backyard. Robbie and Joe had been standing too close together and practicing their golf swings. Joe clobbered Robbie right here.” I pointed to a spot over my left eye. “It was obvious he needed stitches, but my dad was at a faculty dinner that night and wouldn’t come home. Mom took Robbie to the ER, and I missed prom to stay home with the other kids.”
“No one else could come to babysit?”
I shook my head. “Most people were unwilling to watch so many children. My date went without me and hooked up with a girl he eventually married. Happy ending for them.”
“I’m sorry about that,” he said, and I thought he truly was.
“It’s in the past.” I shrugged. “You remind me of my dad a little.”
His eyes grew wide. I supposed, after what I’d just said about my parents, it wasn’t a flattering comparison, but it was true.
“How so?” he asked.
“He’d love the starkness of your house.” I gestured around. “White and pure, that’s what he’d say. He hates clutter and messes. I always had to scramble to pick everything up that the other kids left lying around before he got home. That was my job. One time he arrived early, and I hadn’t had a chance to clean the living room after a Nerf gun war between my brothers. Dad was irate about Nerf bullets being everywhere.” I stabbed a piece of lettuce. “And my art supplies were a constant battle between us, too. He didn’t want me to have them in the first place. I had to buy them myself, out of my allowance, and if I made the mistake of leaving them out…” I trailed off, frustrated that I could still feel such anger about something in the past.
“I don’t despise clutter and messes,” Colin said in a level tone.
I turned an incredulous expression on him. Was this the man I’d been living with for the past weeks? “You had me fooled.”
“I hope that’s not the reason you haven’t let Sofia use the paint and markers I bought.” He seemed genuinely concerned. “I know you used the finger paints at least once.”
I laughed. “Found the evidence of that day, did you? I have to admit it was way messier than I anticipated. I’ve painted with kids before, but not with one as young as Sofia—or as exuberant.”
“She had fun with it?” He looked amused, not angry.
“She did, but then she started running through the house, trailing her hands along the walls. I thought I got it all scrubbed off.” I’d spent an hour with a scrub brush and bucket of soapy water, erasing the day’s damage from Colin’s perfect, pristine house.
“Not all of it. I saw a few spots. Here, I’ll show you.” He took my hand and gave me a little tug that got me off the stool.
I went with him, trying to read his mood. He didn’t seem critical. If anything, he seemed entertained by the idea…and it felt so good to have my hand in his.
“I noticed one right inside the front door,” he said, leading me along and pointing out a tiny mark here and there.
“If you noticed the marks, why didn’t you clean them?” I asked. “Or tell me about them? I’d have made sure they were wiped away.”
“I like them,” he said simply. “They’re little signs that Sofia was here—that she loves color and creativity. I can imagine looking at these marks in ten years and remembering how cute she was when she was a toddler. They’re nice memories.”
I couldn’t help smiling. That was such a sweet way of looking at it. Once I knew how he viewed them, I no longer felt nervous when he pointed out another paint stain. Instead, I was able to laugh with him as we marveled over the odd spots Sofia had managed to mark.
The mood between us felt warm, playful—and even a little intimate, since he still hadn’t let go of my hand. “You’re really great with her, you know,” he said softly.
I flushed. “Thank you.”
He stepped a little closer. “You’re really great…in a lot of ways.” He was close enough that I could almost feel the warmth of his breath on my skin. I shivered slightly, and ducked my head a bit, causing my hair to fall into my face. Before I could do anything about it, he reached out to tuck it behind my ear. I looked up at him and our eyes caught. The moment felt charged and electric, and I held my breath as I waited to see what he might say or do.
“There’s something else for you to see,” he said, and then he started to climb the stairs, tugging me along with him.
“Are…are we still looking for marks Sofia made? There won’t be any upstairs. I caught her before she went up.” The other spots he’d noticed were genuine, but there couldn’t be any on the second floor. So was there a different reason why he wanted to lead me upstairs?
“Are you sure?” He grinned at me.
I let him lead me, my heart racing in excitement and anticipation. We paused outside Sofia’s room. In the glow of the night-light, we could see her sleeping. Colin held his finger to his lips and pulled me past the spare bedroom to the master bedroom at the end of the hall. I hadn’t set foot over the threshold to that room until now.
“Is there a mark in here?” I whispered, looking around at the pristine white walls. I was pretty sure the answer was no, but I needed to make sure we were on the same page. And while I was there, I couldn’t resist taking in the room. The coverlet was gray, and a steel-colored upholstered chair sat in front of the window. There was no dresser, but I could see a long closet on one wall. I imagined his clothes were lined up inside on matching hangers. All very neat, very pristine. Very colorless. In my blue shirt with the yellow flowers, I was definitely the most colorful thing in the room. Did that bother him? Or…did he maybe like it?
“No, there aren’t any marks,” he answered, drawing my attention back to him. He was watching me with questioning blue eyes. The color and intensity made them his best feature. They’d drawn me in on other occasions, but not as powerfully as they did then. I nearly moaned when he cupped my cheek. Where was this leading? It seemed clear that he was going to kiss me. And I had to admit that I was eager for his kiss, eager for whatever came next. I knew it wasn’t a good idea, but I couldn’t stop myself from wanting it all the same. My eyes drifted closed, waiting.
A ping from an incoming text came from Colin’s phone. My eyes flew open, and I staggered back, the moment broken.