Chapter 17
The Only Gift I Have Left
Kiki
My weekend passes quietly enough. I spend most of it curled up with Gus by the stove. We read, bake cookies, and avoid the outside world.
At least until Sunday evening, when a knock sounds at my door.
For a brief second, I wonder if it’s Eddie and Theo. Maybe he talked things out with Deirdre and we’re okay, just like he promised.
But it’s not Eddie.
Mr. Howard, a longtime friend of my family, stands on my rickety porch, shifting his weight uncomfortably from one foot to the other.
Although I’ve known him since I was four, I highly doubt this is a personal call.
He’s a powerful attorney in this area, and I can only assume his visit has something to do with Drake’s case.
“Mr. Howard, aren’t you a surprise?” It’s close enough to the truth, although nothing really surprises me anymore. “How have you been?”
Hey, at least he’s smiling and not scowling at me. I’ll take a win where I can get it, although I’m wholly uncertain how far down pleasantry road I need to travel.
“Busy with the grandkids. Busy with work.” He pauses. “Work is actually why I’m here.”
At least he’s getting right to the point.
“Would you like some coffee or a glass of wine?” I ask, motioning toward the kitchen.
He holds up a hand. “No, thank you. This isn’t a social visit.”
Of course it’s not. Could have told you that, Mr. Howard, when I opened the door.
“I have a client you may know.”
I pinch the bridge of my nose and pull in a fortifying breath. “Let me guess. Drake or somebody mixed up in his mess.”
Mr. Howard shakes his head. “No, but Drake is a part of this, unfortunately. Deirdre Landry.”
For a second, I can’t feel the floor beneath my feet. “What about her?”
On the surface, I’m calm. But internally, my brain fires on all synapses.
She can’t sue me for existing. I wasn’t trespassing on her property. I wasn’t—
“Why don’t we have a seat?” Mr. Howard asks.
I shake my head and pour myself a glass of wine. “I’d rather not, although judging by your expression, it seems a bit of alcohol is in order.”
He leans against the doorframe with a sigh. “Deirdre called me this weekend, and she’s very upset about the situation involving you and her ex-husband, namely as it concerns their son, Theo.”
I worry my lower lip so hard I taste blood. “Eddie plans to speak to Deirdre and clear everything up. Until then, I’ve agreed to put distance between me and Theo. That should be enough for her, right?”
When Mr. Howard grimaces, I have my answer.
The reality lands like a stone. “Dear God, does she want to take Theo away from Eddie?”
He winces. “She mentioned it, yes. Fighting for sole custody with limited visitation. Under normal circumstances, I’d tell Deirdre to sort this out privately.
But this trial has people angry, Kiki, and not just at Drake.
They believe you had something to do with it, even though I know that isn’t the case. ”
I pace my living room floor, Gus whimpering from his bed in the corner. “Can’t you explain to Deirdre that I had nothing to do with what Drake did?”
Mr. Howard raises his hands in surrender. “It’s not that simple. Deirdre comes from a powerful family—two judges on one side alone. If she decides to head to court over custody, it will get ugly. Drag everyone through hell.”
I’m standing so close to the stove I could easily catch fire, yet I’m colder than a block of ice.
“What are you saying, Mr. Howard?”
He removes his hat, shifting it from one hand to the other. “Step back, Kiki. End things with Eddie, at least until after the trial.”
“But the trial could drag on for years.”
My God, doesn’t he realize what he’s asking?
He nods. “I know that, and I can’t force your hand. But I’m here asking as a friend. You need to understand, this isn’t going away without a fight. Not unless you do.”
The words don’t hit all at once. They sink in slowly, like stones dropping one by one into deep water.
This won’t go away unless I do.
Unless I walk away.
Unless I make myself smaller, quieter, easier to discard.
Unless I give up the best thing that’s ever happened to me.
I feel my throat closing around the rising anguish, the tears pricking my eyes. “I didn’t do anything. How long will I have to pay for someone else’s crimes?”
Mr. Howard’s face softens as he steps closer and gives my shoulder a gentle pat. “I never said it was fair, and you can do what you want, but I’m hoping this might nip things in the bud and save everyone a whole lot of heartache.”
The thing is, he means what he says. Mr. Howard didn’t come here to humiliate me. He came out of respect.
I nod, swiping away a stray tear. “I appreciate that.”
He peers out the window at the falling darkness. “Well, I’d better be going. Not that good at driving at night anymore, and it’s dark as soot up here.”
“Please be careful.”
The second his taillights disappear from view, I sink onto the couch, a heaviness settling over me so thick it feels impossible to breathe through it.
Maybe I should grab Gus and a suitcase, get in my car, and drive until Sparkwood disappears in the rearview, because I’m never going to be welcome here.
Turns out Eddie was wrong. I do ruin everything I touch.
I spend the next twenty minutes pacing my cabin, turning the mess over in my head, looking for some version that doesn’t end with someone gutted. Mainly me.
I have to wonder, if Drake is somehow freed, would the town welcome him back? Would they then consider me forgivable, or would I still be their scapegoat?
What if he’s sent away for good and I’m proven innocent of all wrongdoing? Would it matter, or would the stain cling to me forever?
Is Deirdre bluffing to scare me off, or would she drag Eddie and Theo through an ugly custody battle simply to ensure I got the message?
Anyone with eyes can see that Eddie is a fantastic father. He loves Theo with everything he has, and the idea of his little boy being used as a pawn in some miserable war makes me physically sick.
I stop pacing long enough to stare at the dingy ceiling in my cabin. Universe, please give me a sign. I don’t want to lose Eddie, but I sure as hell don’t want to hurt him or Theo either.
As if the universe was waiting for me to ask, my phone lights up on the table.
Eddie.
For one stupid second, I consider not answering, because if I hear his voice, I might crack and tell him everything. I might beg him to come over and hold me and promise me it’ll all work out, even though we both know promises don’t mean much in a town like this.
But I answer anyway.
“Hey.” It’s only one syllable, but he sounds off. Tired, frayed around the edges.
Never a good sign.
“Hi. Are you okay?”
He sighs into the phone. “I don’t know.”
The hair on the back of my neck rises. “What’s going on?”
“Deirdre dropped by my place three times yesterday. Each time she had some ridiculous excuse, but I know it’s bullshit. She’s spying on me, Kiki.”
Well, there it is. The sign I asked the universe for, in cruel and immediate technicolor.
Deirdre isn’t bluffing.
“I told her that you and I agreed to put space between you and Theo for a while,” Eddie continues, the frustration roughening his voice.
“But she doesn’t believe me, which is—“ He cuts himself off with a hard exhale, scrubbing a hand over his face. “You know what? Never mind. This isn’t your problem to carry.”
But it is my problem, Eddie, because I caused it.
“How are you?” he asks, his voice gentler now.
But I’m not up for a chat. Not when my world is ending.
I sink against the arm of the couch, too tired to stand any longer. “I’m really beat. Can we talk later?”
“Yeah, of course. Just know that I miss you. Get some rest, beautiful.”
Beautiful? God. Could he be further from the truth?
“Okay,” I whisper. “Have a good night.”
I end the call and stare at the phone for a moment, before pitching it across the room.
It lands with a soft thump on the chair, completely unharmed. Guess I’m lucky it didn’t shatter, considering I don’t have the funds to buy a new one.
Time to weigh my options, not that I have a plethora of them.
I can tell Eddie the truth and beat Deirdre to the punch, laying it all out for him exactly the way Mr. Howard did for me. I know precisely what Eddie will do. He’ll get angry—and rightfully so. Then he’ll fight.
He’ll retain a lawyer, drag Deirdre into court, and the two of them will spend the next God knows how long dredging up every ounce of dirt and resentment they can find on one another. There will be no more easy co-parenting, no more familiarity, no more goodwill left to cushion the hard parts.
Just a war zone. A bloodbath wearing legal stationery.
And Theo standing in the middle of it.
Eddie and Deirdre might survive, but Theo’s six. He deserves better than to become the target at the center of a witch hunt that started because of me.
That’s one version of the future. A version I can’t abide.
The other version is one I barely let myself start wanting.
Me and Eddie together, a house full of noise, sawdust, and laughter. A few years from now, the three of us in the yard while snow falls around us in fat, lazy clumps. Maybe even a new baby bundled on my hip.
A life that feels soft instead of brutal, and a love that lasts forever.
But a darker thought slithers right behind it.
What if Eddie fights for me now, and then turns around one day and hates me for the damage I caused? What if after all the bloodletting—after all the money and rage and wreckage—he looks at me the way everyone else in Sparkwood does and realizes I was never worth the cost?
What if he regrets knowing me? Blames me for ruining his life?
If I stay, I ruin all of them.
If I leave, I only ruin us.