Chapter 27
NOAH
I’m working at the desk in my room, headphones in, when the smell hits me. Warm, garlicky, rich enough to make my stomach growl. Gabe must have come home while I was focused on work. I snap my laptop shut and head out of my room.
I pad into the hall, stretching my arms overhead, rolling my shoulders out from sitting too long.
I pause in the entryway. Gabe’s at the stove.
His hair’s mussed in that way it gets when he’s been running his hands through it.
He doesn’t notice me, humming under his breath, a soft sound that makes my heart work double time.
He’s started doing that the last few weeks, humming along to songs.
He doesn’t do it on days when the shadows loom behind his eyes, so I know he’s feeling good today.
“Hi, baby.” I lean against the doorway, grinning. He jumps slightly before glancing back at me with a shy smile. I hate that he still jumps sometimes, but it’s not as often, and the way his smile is immediate makes that feeling settle.
“Hi, Blue.” His cheeks turn that beautiful shade of pink they do whenever he calls me that. “I got a new recipe from Ciarán, risotto. Are you hungry?”
I push off the frame and move into his space, peering over his shoulder. “Yeah. Do you need help?”
He shakes his head, his dark hair moving against my cheek. “No, it’s almost done. I didn’t want to disturb you while you were working. I put it on a bit earlier than I planned to, I’m starving.”
The words are so mundane, but they shock me. This is the first time since I moved in that he’s said he’s hungry. He usually picks at food. I’m irrationally happy about this.
“Smells amazing. How about a taste test?” I ask teasingly.
His brow furrows, but before he can respond, I plant my hands on the counter, either side of him, and run my lips over his neck, making him shiver. “Mm. Tastes unbelievable.”
He squirms on the spot, and his blush rises; he clears his throat, sounding flustered.
“Do you… do you always have such a dirty mouth?” he asks suddenly, eyes laser-focused on the pan, like he can’t quite look at me when he asks.
I freeze, then laugh, leaning close enough that my breath brushes the shell of his ear.
“Um, no, actually. I don’t really know where that came from. ”
I mean, I do know. It’s him, the sounds he was making drove me wild. He drives me wild.
His hand falters on the spoon, cheeks flaming. It’s unfair how much I like seeing Gabe flustered by his own question. “I didn’t expect it,” he mumbles, eyes on his feet now. “Or that I’d… like it so much.”
Fuck. I lean in until my chest fits against his back, careful to keep space below. He trembles, and a gasp leaves him. God, he’s so responsive.
I drag a line of wet kisses along the juncture of his neck and shoulder. “Good. Because I don’t think I could stop, even if I wanted to. You’re too tempting, baby. I want to tell you every sweet and filthy thing that pops into my mind.”
That finally earns me his eyes. Heated, shy, but more confident than usual.
I step around him to turn the stove down so the risotto doesn’t burn, only to circle behind him again, letting my hands rest lightly on his waist. He melts against me. “That song,” I start, running my hands up over his chest, “the one you were humming, whose it by?”
“Band called Picture This.”
I move my hands to his hips and turn him so he’s facing me. “Will you hum it for me?”
His laugh is breathy, a little nervous, maybe, but he doesn’t move away. “Why?”
I cup his jaw and press a light kiss to his lips. “I wanna dance with you, and I liked the sound of the song.”
His eyes take on a glassy look, and a sniffle leaves him. When he speaks, it’s below a whisper. “My mom and dad always danced in the kitchen.”
I love how sensitive he is—his soft heart, his gentleness, the way he feels things deeply instead of turning away. And I love that he feels comfortable enough with me to show those parts of himself.
“I remember.” I hold his waist, moving further into his space, his arms coming over my shoulders.
“The first time I saw them do it, I thought it was so strange.” I chuckle at the memory, “My parents never did anything like that, they constantly fought. I never once saw them being affectionate toward each other.” There’s sadness in his eyes as he listens to me.
“Each time I saw your parents dance, it made me so happy. Happy to see two people so in love. Happy they let me be part of your family.”
Gabe’s hands move to my nape, fingers playing with my hair. His eyes are lined with unshed tears. “Noah.”
There’s pain in his voice that’s for me, for what I missed out on. But I don’t feel like I missed out on anything, not when his family gave me so much, not when I have him in my arms.
“I always hoped I’d find my person to dance in the kitchen with. Can we do that, baby?” It’s a thinly veiled love confession. I’m not sure if he can see it, but I’ve just given him something I could never give to anyone else.
A tear falls down his cheek as he nods. He brings his temple to mine, and we start to sway, holding each other tight.
I expect him to start humming, but instead, he starts singing the song.
His voice is deep and soft, the words pouring out so low that if his mouth wasn’t by my ear, I might not hear them.
I press my face to his hair, breathing him in. His scent is grounding; it soothes some deep yearning in me, and I think, not for the first time, that I’ve never wanted anything this badly. This feels like comfort, belonging. It feels like home.
The lyrics wash over me as they fall from his lips. They’re about all the things someone’s never been brave enough to say out loud, about wanting to give the person they love the whole world.
The song’s about daydreaming of places you might go together and realizing it doesn’t really matter where you end up, once you’re with them.
It’s about the kind of love that feels like home more than any place ever could.
My eyes burn as I listen to him. The chorus keeps circling back to the same thing, not wanting that person to change, not needing them to be anything other than exactly who they are. “Never Change.”
It’s just a song, but with Gabe’s mouth close to mine and his fingers combing through my hair, I can’t help but hope the words are for me.
I wake to a sound that makes my stomach drop instantly.
A choked, strangled noise that pulls me straight from my bed, heart pounding as I fly into the hall.
“No—no, don’t—please, please, I’ll be better, I promise, I’ll be good—”
Gabe.
My blood turns to ice. I’m through his door before any thoughts beyond fear even finish forming, bare feet slapping against the floorboards. His voice carries through the room, cracked with sobs.
“Stop—stop—please don’t touch me, don’t hurt—”
Moonlight filters through the room, highlighting the burgundy walls.
He’s caught in the sheets like he’s fighting for his life.
His limbs jerk, hands clawing at invisible demons, nails catching on fabric.
His face is twisted in terror, sweat beads his forehead, tears streaking down his face.
Every ragged plea ripped out of him makes my chest splinter further.
“Please, I’m sorry, I’ll—just don’t—don’t—”
Rage burns hot under my skin at the person who put those words in his mouth, who brought this level of fear into his life.
I force myself to sound calm. “Gabe.”
He doesn’t hear me. He thrashes harder, kicking the covers down, body jerking as if he’s taking a blow. I move closer, kneeling on the mattress.
“Gabe. It’s Noah.” My voice shakes with the effort of not screaming. “You’re safe. You’re here with me.”
His eyes fly open, but they aren’t seeing me.
They’re wide and wild, pupils blown, fixed somewhere past my shoulder.
He tries to scramble back and tangles himself deeper in the sheets, a raw sob tearing out of him.
I reach out slowly, hand hovering over his shoulder.
The moment my fingers touch him, he flinches, a whimper breaking from his lips. My chest cracks.
“It’s me, baby. It’s Noah. I’ve got you.” He blinks hard, and for a terrifying moment, I think he’s still lost. Then his wild gaze flicks to mine, latching on.
“Noah?” His voice shreds my name, barely more than air. Relief punches through me. “Yeah, it’s me. I’m here.”
He gasps like his lungs forgot how to work, and then he lunges forward, clinging onto me and burying his face in my chest. His body shakes so hard, I think my arms might not be enough to hold him. I pull him to me, crushing him against me, rocking without thinking.
“Blue,” he rasps through broken sobs. “I-I’m s-sorry. Didn’t—didn’t mean to—w-wake you—”
“Hey.” My voice breaks. I bend my head and press my lips to his damp hair. “You’re okay. Please don’t apologize.”
He whimpers, hands fisting in my shirt. His whole frame trembles under my palms. The scent in the air, the essence of fear, knifes right through me. Sweet, kind Gabe, who would never hurt anyone, still carries someone else’s cruelty in his sleep.
“I thought—” his voice cracks again, “The mug—he—” His whole body spasms with the memory, and fury nearly tips me over.
I tighten my arms around him, pressing gentle kisses to his hair, temple, forehead. “You’re not there. You’ll never be there again. You’re with me. I won’t let anyone hurt you.”
The shaking lessens after a while, but doesn’t fully stop. “I didn’t tell you much before,” Gabe says finally. “About… Kyle.”
“You don’t have to.” I run my hand gently down his back to comfort him. I hate hearing that name. Hate that even though he’s gone, he’s still hurting Gabe.