Chapter 53 GABE
GABE
“I’m taking some leftovers with me for lunch tomorrow, that okay?” Abbie asks over her shoulder from the kitchen.
“Yeah. Take whatever you want.” I lean my arms on the island.
Aiden and Noah are on the sofa, talking about some high-protein… something.
“Thanks,” she says. “I’ve already packed all my cooking stuff away for the move.”
“I can’t wait for you to live within walking distance,” I tell her, a smile splitting my face.
“Me too! Also means I can have more than one glass of wine at book club, because I won’t be driving.” She gives me a mischievous grin.
“I have a feeling these meetings are gonna get out of control.”
She waves me off, then calls over to Aiden, “Thanks again for getting me those landlord details, your apartment block is so nice, I can’t wait to move in.”
“No problem,” he calls back.
She packs some containers into her tote and gives me a hug. “I better go, need to check on C, then fly home to finish packing.”
“Where is the little nightmare anyway?” Aiden asks, and I shoot him a look. At least he has the sense to look guilty over the comment.
“He gets migraines,” I say, walking toward him and Noah. “Has a really bad one, hasn’t left the house since yesterday. Me and Noah checked on him last night, but he texted this morning saying it’s the same today.”
“Abbie, can you take some food for Ciarán too?” Noah asks, standing up beside me and stretching before placing a hand on the back of my neck. I love how much he cares about my friends. Our friends.
Abbie nods, grabbing an extra container.
“Oh shit. Well, hope he’s okay then,” my brother mutters, brows furrowed.
I can’t really tell if he means it or if he feels like he has to say it.
“I’m gonna head off too, got stuff to sort.
” He stands quickly and gives Noah a clap on the shoulder, then turns to me for a hug.
It makes me smile, we never really hugged before, but since I told him about therapy, he takes one any chance he gets.
We walk them to the door, saying our goodbyes. The second it’s closed, I push Noah up against it. “Hi,” I breathe onto his lips.
“Hi,” he chuckles, his warm breath puffing against my lips.
I bring my mouth to his and kiss him greedily. I love Abbie and Aiden, but I thought they’d never leave. I’ve been dying to get Noah alone. He groans, parting his lips and giving me access. My tongue sweeps into his mouth, finding his as I grind my erection against his quickly thickening one.
“I’ve been thinking,” I say as I drag my mouth along his jaw.
He hums, and I feel the vibration against my lips as I press hot open-mouthed kisses to his throat.
“Oh yeah? About what?” A thousand answers sit in my throat—the sound of his laugh, the heat of his hand in mine, the way he looks at me like I’m worth it.
How much I love him. How I’m never going to let him go.
But what I say is, “About how much I want you.”
His breath catches, eyes darkening with a sultry smirk on his lips. “You wanna fuck me, baby?”
I shake my head slowly, sounding braver than I feel. “I… I want you to fuck me.”
Noah freezes, eyes flicking between mine, checking to see if I really said that, and I did. I’ve never wanted anything more in my life. His expression shifts, heat flooding his gaze, his voice rough. “Fuck, Gabe.”
I see the apprehension in his eyes, though, and it calms me instead of scaring me. Noah would never take something not offered; it’s important to him that I want everything that happens between us.
I’ve talked about this with Dr. Keane—how wanting something doesn’t mean losing control, how I’m allowed to choose touch instead of fearing it.
This isn’t about proving I’m over anything, it’s about trusting myself again.
I want Noah in every way. I want to make new memories with him—the kind that start with my choice, my voice.
I reach up, cup the back of his neck, and tug him closer until our mouths brush. “I mean it. But… I think I need to be the one guiding it. I need to know what it feels like when everything that happens between us starts with my choice.”
My pulse is fast, but not from panic. It feels alive, warm beneath my skin. I remind myself—this is my body, my choice.
“Baby, I only want that if you really feel ready. But you know I don’t need that from you, right?”
The love I feel for this man is endless. Every day it grows.
“I know. But I think I need it. I don’t want to focus on what was done to me before. I want to remember this instead—something good, something that’s mine. Ours. I want you to be the memories that stay.”
It’s a telling confession, a tremor running through me as I say it.
“You know I’ll give you anything you want.” He kisses me sweetly, his hands coming up to cradle my jaw.
I take a centering breath, then say, “Good, because I want to ride you.”
He groans as his head drops back, hitting the wall with a dull thud, like the words are too much for him to even hear.
His hands grip my waist, pulling me closer, letting me feel how hard he is.
I take his hand and bring him to our bedroom.
I kiss him again and when we break apart, both of us breathing hard, he rests his forehead against mine.
“Gabe, you’re so strong, so brave. I don’t even have the words to describe how grateful I feel that you want me.”
I brush my nose along his. “You’re all I want. I’ve been thinking about this for so long.”
Noah makes a gruff noise of pleasure, then kisses me until my head spins, until I forget what air is supposed to feel like in my lungs. When his mouth finally breaks away, his hand slides under my shirt, warm against my skin.
“Let me get you ready?” he murmurs.
I nod, lying back on the bed, pulling him with me. The bed dips under our combined weight. He pushes my shirt up, and I pull it over my head. He kisses down my chest, every press of his lips deliberately tender. By the time his mouth hits my stomach, my thighs are already trembling.
He tugs my pants and briefs off, slowly, making me feel every second of it. When I’m naked, he steps off the bed and shucks his shorts and tank off, then reaches for the drawer. When I see the bottle of lube, my pulse hammers. It’s not fear, it’s the anticipation of what we’re about to share.
He lifts a condom from the drawer and holds it between two fingers with his eyebrow raised. We talked about it briefly, but we never actually said if we would go without. The choice is mine, like always, when it comes to Noah.
I look at the condom for a long moment, the thought of feeling Noah inside me, no barrier, makes my cock jerk, and I shake my head quickly. He gives me one of those wicked smirks that make my stomach flutter.
He climbs back onto the bed, settling on his knees between my thighs. “You good?” he asks, his thumb brushing my hipbone.
“Yeah,” I say, breath catching. “I want it. I want you.”
He leans down and brushes his mouth against my cheek. “If you change your mind and you say stop, we stop. Nothing happens between us that you don’t want.”
His words wash over me, and my limbs go loose as I melt into the bed, spreading my legs further. “I know.”
The first press of his slick finger against my rim has me gripping the sheets and tensing. It’s a silly reaction, he’s touched me there before, but knowing where this is going makes it all feel different.
Noah drags his lips over my collarbone, licking lightly. “It’s just me and you, baby. I’ll never hurt you.”
I let out a shuddering breath and thread my fingers through his hair, relaxing my limbs.
“Yeah, Blue. I know.”
He massages me in slow circles, pulling whimpering noises from me. The tip of his finger slips inside me, and the feeling is sharp for a second, but his hand on my waist is grounding, his voice a gravelly rumble full of lust.
“Such a good boy. You’re doing perfect.”
I sigh in pleasure as he works that one finger inside me, rotating, retreating, and advancing to the first knuckle, then the second.
He crooks his finger, and I jolt in the bed, the electric feeling thrumming through my whole body.
Noah sighs in pleasure, and he sucks one nipple into his mouth, flicking his tongue over the stiffening bud.
A shaky sound slips out of me, half whine, half demand. “More.”
He moves down my body, kissing the inside of my thigh before sliding a second finger in, moving slowly, curling just enough to make my toes flex. Heat sparks through my belly as he hits my prostate again, firmer now.
“Fuck,” I gasp, hips twitching against his hand.
He makes the most erotic sound I’ve heard from him yet. “Baby,” he says, voice full of wonder. “I can’t believe you just said fuck. So fucking sexy.” His laugh is low, breath hot against my skin. “I love when you tell me what you want.”
“I literally just asked you to fuck me in the hall,” I laugh.
His chuckle reverberates against my hip. “That’s not the same as cursing during sex. So much hotter.”
I smile, letting myself relax further into his touch, letting myself feel how careful he is, how much he wants me to enjoy it.
“I’m ready,” I tell him, and the neediness in my voice doesn’t even embarrass me. He kisses my stomach, face nuzzling into the trail of hair below my belly button.
He shakes his head. “One more. I don’t wanna hurt you.”
His earnest words make me ache. He looks up at me, and his gaze is so honest, my eyes sting. I run my thumb under his eye and give him a sweet smile, nodding.
By the time he adds a third finger, working me open, I’m not thinking about nerves anymore. Just need.
“Please,” I beg, reaching for him. “I need you.”
“Soon, baby, let me enjoy playing with this tight little hole,” he croons, and I feel ready to explode. He scissors his fingers, putting pressure on my prostate, making me cry out loudly, “Oh, god.”
He lifts his head, smirking as he winks at me. “Just me and you here, but you can call me whatever you like.”