Chapter 29 Hiding
In the Parkhurst's ballroom, Lizzy momentarily froze in shock as she recognized the man staring across the dance floor at her. It was Mr. Darcy!
For a few seconds, their gazes were locked on each other. Neither could move or turn away. Then another dancer stumbled into him and the spell was broken. As he turned, Lizzy quickly slipped behind a pillar where he would not be able to see her.
From there, she watched as he apologized to his partner and the other dancers before looking back to the place where she had been standing.
His face fell and the sorrow was clear when he could not find her there.
Lizzy felt a twinge of pity for him, not strong enough that it prompted her to step into his view again, but a definite twinge, nonetheless.
Quickly, she slipped away into the crowd before she was tempted to do something rash.
Taking care to stay out of sight of those on the dance floor, Lizzy made her way to where her aunt stood with her mother on the sidelines.
"Aunt Madeline," she whispered urgently, turning so she was unlikely to be recognized by anyone coming from the direction of the dance floor. "Mr. Darcy is here."
"Yes, we know," her aunt replied firmly. "His friend, Mr. Bingley, came over during the previous set and asked Sir Barnaby to provide introductions. Mr. Bingley mentioned he was here with his sisters and Mr. Darcy. He is a very genial young man."
Honoria added, "He is dancing with Jane at moment and has secured dances with Mary and Lucy. I expect he will happily dance with you as well if you give him the opportunity."
"No," Lizzy said emphatically, although her voice remained quiet. "No. I do not wish to dance with him. There is too great a chance Mr. Darcy will see me again."
Madeline shared an amused glance with her mother. "Again?" she asked. "So, he has already seen you this evening? Have you two spoken?"
Lizzy looked a little flustered. This conversation was not going at all as she had hoped. "No, we did not speak. He was dancing with someone else. He still is, in fact, but the dance will end soon. I do not wish to speak with him. I was hoping there was some way I could leave."
Madeline shook her head as she said resolutely, "No, Lizzy. We will not be leaving early. I will not allow you to run away again. This is not like you. What has happened to the girl whose courage rises with every attempt to intimidate her? What do you find so difficult about facing him?"
As if searching for divine inspiration, Lizzy looked up to the ceiling. "I…I just cannot explain it to you," she said haltingly. "I cannot even explain it to myself. I simply know I do not want to speak with him. I do want him to know I am Elizabeth Bennet."
"Hmm," said Madeline. "Well, we will not enlighten him to your name just now, nor will we tell Mr. Bingley about the case of mistaken identity unless he asks about it for some reason.
I will not lie for you or ask your sisters to do so if he does ask.
However, unless you are in some actual danger, I also will not spoil the evening for the other girls by leaving early.
If you wish to avoid Mr. Darcy, you must do so here.
Of course, I recommend you simply walk up to him, tell him who you are and get it over with. "
Lizzy sighed. How could she explain that she felt like she was in danger even when she knew the truth was quite the opposite.
Whenever she saw or thought of Mr. Darcy, it was like her insides twisted up.
Logically, she knew he had no intention of harming her, had not intended to insult her and was apparently highly motivated to find her.
She should have been flattered by his continued interest, and some part of her was.
He was an attractive man who had proven to be an intelligent and interesting conversationalist when he was not repeating the opinions of Lady Catherine de Bourgh and insulting her family.
It would be so easy to picture spending time with him - conversing, playing chess, walking, dancing - it could happen in truth, and all she had to do was step into his line of sight.
At the same time, she worried that his initial good opinion of her would fade the moment he learned her true name.
Yes, he had apologized for his ill-chosen words, and he had written to Sir Barnaby and Mr. Tavistock retracting his comments.
She had long since forgiven him, knowing much of the problem lay at Lady Catherine's feet, not his.
And yet…there was always that chance, and she hated to think he might be inclined to think ill of her for nothing more than her family name.
After all, Richard had once said that his cousin's good opinion once lost was lost forever.
As she heard the last notes of the dance, Lizzy knew she had to decide.
Another look at Madeline and Honoria convinced her they would not budge in their decision.
There was no going home until the rest of the party was ready to leave.
Lizzy turned to the dance floor and saw the dancers were moving away from it.
At the far side of the room, she spotted Mr. Darcy escorting Miss Parkhurst towards her father.
Could she do it? Lizzy tried to gather her courage. She took a few steps in that direction and then she turned back.
"I cannot. Not yet," she told her aunt. "I will be nearby. Perhaps later this evening I will find my courage."
"I hope so, Lizzy," Madeline said. As she walked away, Lizzy saw Madeline exchange another look with her mother, this one more concerned than amused.
~o~
The rest of the evening was something of an unpleasant blur for Lizzy.
On leaving her aunt, she retreated to the retiring room set aside for the ladies.
That gave her space and time to think but did nothing to boost her courage.
She was still trying to steel her resolve when Mary came in looking for her.
"Aunt Madeline told me I would probably find you here. It is safe for you to come out now. Mr. Darcy and Mr. Bingley have left already."
"I expect you think I am being rather silly," Lizzy said sheepishly.
"Not exactly silly, but I will admit to being surprised.
Your behavior is more what I would expect from Kitty.
With this being her first year out, she is still feeling timid and might be tempted to remove herself from uncomfortable company.
I have never seen you hide or shy away from anything before, Lizzy.
You usually jump in and meet each challenge head on and with a smile. "
"I know," Lizzy said with a sigh. "This is not who I am, and yet, here I am" She broke off there, as much because she had no idea what else to say as because another woman had entered the room just then.
"It is time for us to leave," Mary said with a little glance at the newcomer. "I am sure our carriage is ready by now."
By the time Lizzy and Mary had rejoined their party the carriages were ready and at the front of the house to receive them.
The Damasks had leased a townhouse in London for a few months since they did not maintain a house in town.
Sharing the house with them were their daughter and son-in-law, the Cathcarts, and Lucy Cathcart, who Mr. Darcy had once again mistakenly identified as likely to be Elizabeth Bennet when he saw her standing with Jane that evening.
Lucy and Jane were fast friends after their time together in Derbyshire and frequently kept one another company at social events, so the mistake was understandable given how different from each other Lizzy and Jane appeared.
Since Sir Barnaby's lodgings were not far off the route between the Parkhurst home and that of the Damasks, he had ridden with them that evening.
That left just Jane, Lizzy and Mary in the carriage with their aunt during the return to Gracechurch Street.
As the carriage rolled off through the city streets, the ladies talked over the evening just past. Lizzy knew she would probably be in for some teasing.
At least in the darkened carriage no one could see her blush.
"Mr. Parkhurst provided a lovely celebration for his daughter's birthday," Jane said after they had settled into their seats and were well on the way. "I am just sorry Uncle Edward was not able to join us. He and Mr. Parkhurst are good friends after all."
"Yes, Edward was disappointed at missing the chance to spend an evening in good conversation with Mr. Parkhurst and many of the other male guests of their circle.
If the business that called him out of town had been less urgent, he might have waited another day or two before leaving just so he could join us here," Madeline agreed.
"I wonder what Uncle Edward would have thought of Mr. Bingley?
" Mary asked. "When we danced, he told me he has a background in trade, but his father had transferred most of the operations to other family members and wanted him to use the fortune he had amassed to purchase an estate and bring their family's social status up. "
"His older sister helped them up in society by marrying the son of a landed gentleman.
Mr. Bingley told me his other sister had hopes of doing the same.
Lizzy, we learned Miss Bingley was the lady wearing that gown we had all so admired - the one trimmed with cerise velvet and cloth of gold," Jane added.
"That certainly was a lovely gown," Lizzy acknowledged. "It was particularly well suited to her coloring, although I thought the feathered headdress was a bit excessive. She demonstrated the confidence to carry it off, however."
"True," Madeline said. "Shall we talk about your lack of confidence this evening?"
"I would rather not do so tonight," Lizzy said.
"Very well," Madeline agreed, "but we will discuss it."
"Yes, Aunt Madeline," she said quietly.
"I was sorry you did not have the opportunity to meet Mr. Bingley," Mary said in the silence that followed. "I truly enjoyed speaking with him and I thought you would have found him very pleasant."
"He is an uncommonly genial gentleman," Jane agreed. "I enjoyed our dance. Sir Barnaby says Mr. Bingley was very popular at school despite his background in trade."
"I am also sorry I did not take the opportunity to meet him," Elizabeth said. "It sounds as if you all thought very well of him."
"You may still have another chance," Mary said. "He asked to call on me this week, and I agreed that he could."
"You like him that well?" Lizzy asked.
"Well enough to want to speak with him again," Mary said. "A simple visit does not a betrothal make. If it did, Jane would have been married years ago."
The other ladies laughed when Jane replied, "Yes, and probably to someone I would have completely disliked."
"Are you glad you held out for Sir Barnaby?" Mary asked.
"Very much so," Jane said. "I love him, and I think he loves me as well. There is every indication we will have a happy marriage."
"I like him. He will be a good brother to have, I think," Lizzy said. "Our trip to Derbyshire worked out very well for you. To change the subject slightly, though, I find myself worried about the letter that arrived from Lydia this afternoon while we were preparing for the ball."
"I had not seen it yet," Madeline said, "What did she say that worried you?"
"Well, you remember that a militia unit moved into quarters in Meryton shortly before Christmas?"
"Yes. Your mother was excited for the new faces at many of the local gatherings," agreed Madeline.
"Yes, Mama was very pleased to meet them. She said she had a fondness for men in red coats because the uniform makes them look more handsome," Jane said. "I did not think Lydia would have anything much to do with them, though, seeing that she is not yet considered out."
"Oh, for the most part she does not, although she described a few encounters that make me think I should write to Papa as well as suggesting she and Kitty talk to him.
She said there is a new officer in the unit, a Lt.
Brickham, who seems to be overly flirtatious.
She and Kitty have encountered him a few times in the village, and he always makes a point of coming over to talk with them both.
Miss Parks has drilled them well, and they know not to let him get either of them alone or to appear to encourage his attention, but she says he has made Kitty very uncomfortable a few times at dinners she has attended.
Lydia added that since Lt. Brickham arrived, some of the other officers have been more forward in their attentions towards Kitty as well. "
"Have they notified Miss Parks?" Madeline asked, the worry clear in her voice.
"It sounded like Lydia was debating whether this was a situation she and Kitty could handle on their own or not. She was afraid that Miss Parks or Papa might think they were encouraging the officers somehow."
"I would like to read her letter when we get back, if I may.
What you describe sounds like a disaster in the making.
If I get the same feeling from her letter, we will reply by express first thing in the morning, both to Lydia and to your father.
I do not think your father will blame the girls, and they need to be protected. "
"That was my opinion," Lizzy said. "I probably would not have thought to send the response express, but I am glad you are willing to go to the expense."
"Oh, Lizzy, your safety and that of your sisters is well worth the cost. I hope your father will have a chat with the commanding officer.
If the men are behaving that way with your sisters, they may be doing the same with other young women in the community.
That is always a danger when the militia moves into town. "
"You do not think they would hurt any of our friends, do you?" Mary asked.
"Some of the men might, if they thought they could get away with it. Just because a man is called a gentleman does not mean he will always behave like one."
"I think we are nearly at the house. I will get the letter for you straight away," Lizzy said, peering out the window at the poorly lit streets through which they passed.
"Thank you, Lizzy. I am glad you brought the subject up."
The rest of the short ride was made in silence.
In addition to the exhaustion and excitement of spending the night at a ball, now they were all rather worried about what might be going on back in Meryton.
It would be a long night before a message could go out to protect the sisters who were still at home.