Chapter 35
Chapter
Thirty-Five
CAELAN
She loved me. The force of that truth was a supernova burning inside my heart. Images and feelings flooded my mind, a much different truth of what I thought I’d known. She’d never questioned me, my leadership. She had always supported me. How had this all gone so wrong?
“Stop,” I whispered, wrapping my hand around the fae king’s wrist.
But still the images kept coming.
“Stop,” I begged, unable to bear the truth any longer.
The look in her eyes when Rachel had shown up in her shop, as if she’d known this was the beginning of the end. I knew she doubted herself, questioned why she thought it might be the end. I saw the confusion and the will it took to shake that off, only to find out she was right all along.
But I hadn’t taken that final step, even though Rachel had wanted to. Something inside me had fought back long enough to refrain, but I knew it was over. The things I’d said to her downtown seared through my soul.
I’d said horrific, unforgivable things to her, had made her doubt her power, her very self.
“Gods,” I hissed through clenched teeth. “Stop.”
“No,” Cernunnos said. “See and know what you have lost.”
And still the images kept coming.
Evie curled on her side, her dark hair spilling down her back as we spoke in the deep of night, even while knowing I doubted her ability to become the Lady my Pack needed and not sure why.
Evie smiling at me when I interacted with Seymour.
The hurt in her eyes when I reacted with anger over something that shouldn’t have been a big deal.
The confusion on her face when I kept pushing her for a commitment she wasn’t ready to give. The fury when confronted by the Lords to marry me or someone to leash her power.
Her fury at Ethan when he accused her of selling herself for power.
Everything had gone so terribly wrong.
And there were snatches of something else, something Cernunnos probably shouldn’t have shown me, and I know the bastard did just to hurt me. Their conversations about suitable leaders, her father implying I wasn’t and would never be good enough.
Turned out the sonofabitch was right, just not in the way he thought he was.
Evie’s accusations of Cernunnos bringing Rachel to the Keep. False, but it didn’t matter anymore, did it?
Evie curled on the couch with Rowan.
Jealousy raged within me, and it took every ounce of willpower I had to stifle the emotion. He’d done nothing untoward, did not steer her away from me. The bastard had been far more honorable than I had.
Cernunnos didn’t stop until I had sagged in my chair utterly defeated. Only then did he halt the barrage, ending with Simone and Garrett’s pledges to Evie, and the blood oath breaking our bonds.
How could I have fucked up everything so terribly?
Evie sagged forward, her lips pulled back from her teeth. Tears rolled down her face and dripped off the end of her nose, splashing onto the floor underneath her feet.
“It wasn’t all a lie,” I managed. “I love you. I’ve loved you since the moment you sent me that fuck you automaton.”
But Evie was beyond hearing. She covered her face with her hands and rose on shaky legs.
My former Enforcer gripped her elbow to steady her. Simone gave me a look full of recrimination before he escorted her outside.
Cernunnos sat on the loveseat and watched me.
“How can I fix this?” I croaked.
A faint smile appeared on Cliona’s face.
“This may not be your fault, Lord, but it is your responsibility. Not everything was a lie, you’re right on that point.
But there were things happening before the influence that still would have brought you to this point or something close.
Maybe you would still have your people beside you, but I am not so sure you’d still have Evie.
” She stood and touched my shoulder. “I am sorry for this, for what is happening now, but I do not know if you can fix it. Only time will tell. Love fixes many things. Give her the space she needs.”
“The Shifter Lord has proven time and time again he is incapable of personal boundaries,” Cernunnos drawled.
Cliona shot him a reproving look. “Perhaps this is one of the many lessons he will learn after losing so many precious things.”
On that note, she followed Evie outside, Tess and Moira rising to follow behind.
Cernunnos didn’t speak until the door was completely shut. When he did, the coldness in his tone froze me to the spot.
“You cannot love her like she needs to be loved.”
I grappled for the right words. “Does that matter if she loves me regardless?”
The fae king snorted. “Asking such a question is an insight to your character and shows you would not let her go even when keeping her caged is slowly killing her.”
“We will get through this.” I had to believe such. If we couldn’t, what had it all been for? The pain, the fights, then the eventual joy of being together…it couldn’t have been for nothing.
“You have much bigger problems than trying to win Evie back. Lugh might have returned Tess, but I know him well enough to know he does not give up so easily. What will you do to free your territory from his influence?”
I didn’t give a shit about Lugh, but the god posed a danger I couldn’t ignore. “If I couldn’t fight this, how can I fight him?”
Cernunnos’ hands glowed with power, a small ball of golden and green light forming inside his palms. When the light went out, a small charm rested there.
“A stag?” How appropriate.
He dropped it onto my lap. “Wear this. His illusions will no longer affect you.”
“And my people?”
A flash of teeth. “Your people are your concern.” He jerked his head toward the charm. “Consider this a one-off thank you for teaching my daughter what not to want in a mate.”
The barb struck home. “She cannot know who you truly are and love you still.”
Cernunnos chuckled and stood, his terrifying visage morphing to that of a thirty-something athletic man. Power still clung to him, and if I saw him on the street I would cross to the other side. Quickly.
“Evie takes after me more than she likes to believe. She has done terrible things for those she loves, and I do not see that stopping now that she is queen. Evie is now a target for everyone holding a grudge against me and my kind, as well as for those who seek the power she now holds.”
“She is untrained. Why would you allow her to be crowned?”
“Evie is far more powerful than you, even untrained as she is, and you are Lord, are you not?”
I glared at Cernunnos. He merely smiled and strode to the door. “Wear the charm, if not for yourself, then for Evie. Regardless of everything, she still loves you. Love does not disappear overnight.”
“That is why we will survive this.”
His eyes swirled with ancient power. “Perhaps,” he said, tilting his head in acknowledgment. “A fool’s hope is better than none at all.”