16. Chapter 16 - Emiliano
I clear my throat, pulling away from the hug. Reluctantly, I let go of Cole and step away, giving them both space even though it’s the last thing I want to do. I want to claim Cole, make Matteo understand I never meant to hurt him, and not hide anymore. But I know that’s not possible right now. Instead, I have to watch Matteo look at Cole with hurt in his eyes, and Cole averts his gaze. I can tell he feels guilty, and fuck, I do, too. But I also feel angry about what I just walked in on, even though I know it’s irrational.
Matteo looks between us, and suddenly, the air is too thick to breathe. As if he can sense the tension, he frowns. “I have to use the bathroom,” he says under his breath, then walks away.
Cole’s eyes remain on the ground as I get closer, and instead of getting aggressive with him and claiming him, I reach out and stroke my knuckles over his cheek. His eyes widen in surprise and he looks up at me, his bottom lip trapped between his teeth.
“Why are you out here in your underwear?” I whisper so Matteo doesn’t hear us. “No one should be able to see you like this, Cole.”
Cole jumps when I rub the heel of my palm against his cock, and he whimpers. “Sorry.” He shakes his head as if he’s in a daze. “I wasn’t expecting him.”
No shit.
I’m glad Cole woke up when he did, or we’d all be having a different conversation; yet, it doesn’t piss me off any less. “You don’t tell him you love him.”
“What?” Cole narrows his eyes at me.
“It means something different to him,” I say through gritted teeth, and he rears back. “I won’t have you leading him on.”
“I wasn’t?—”
“I’m the only one you love, Cole,” I snap, hating myself for saying it. Hating myself for feeling so fucking over the top and possessive of him already, but it doesn’t stop me from continuing to speak. “ Me . No one else.”
“Are you—” Cole sputters. “Are you jealous ?”
“Maybe I am.” My nostrils flare. “So, what?”
“You’re not my dad,” he snaps back. “I’ll tell my best friend I love him if I so please.”
“Cole—” I growl.
Matteo’s door swings open loudly, and I take a step back, away from Cole. Right before he can come out, I storm off, slamming my bedroom door behind me. There’s a knock at the door a moment later, and I close my eyes and count to ten. I don’t answer because I know it’s Cole, and I also know we can’t make a scene right now. It’s better this way.
“Em,” Cole says softly, and I close my eyes as I try to slow down my breathing. I shouldn’t be this angry. Rationally, I know that. But the irrational part of my brain is the one taking the wheel right now, and I don’t know how to stop it. “Please, baby. Let me in.”
“No,” I say softly. “Go be with Matteo.”
“ Please .”
Fucking hell.
I open the door just a crack and Cole slips in uninvited, shutting it behind him. Then he’s on me, slamming his lips to mine in a kiss that could only be described as frenzied. His tongue thrusts into my mouth as he grabs my ass and rubs his hard cock against mine, causing me to groan. My hands travel down his back and to his firm ass, and I squeeze tightly.
“ Baby ,” he murmurs. “Don’t be mad.”
I huff and stay silent, yet I can’t stop touching him. My hands roam and then move back to his face. I cup his cheeks and bring my lips to his softly, a little too sweetly, but he closes his eyes like it’s the best thing that’s ever happened to him. And that’s when it dawns on me. Cole is a gift from the heavens, and I’m just the mere mortal who gets to have a taste of the divine.
“I’m not mad,” I whisper, soothing him with a hand on his back. “I’m just—fucking jealous, Cole. You’re driving me crazy.”
Cole smirks. “All I hear is that you want me.”
I roll my eyes playfully and smile. “You know I do.”
There’s a knock at the door, and Cole takes a few healthy steps back. Matteo walks in without waiting for permission, but I guess, thankfully, he knocked first. And then he looks between us, gaze flicking rapidly. He seems confused, which I guess I can’t blame him for. Cole has never been in my bedroom before while Matteo has been in the penthouse.
“What’s going on, Dad?” Matteo asks, and my stomach clenches with fear. “Why’s he in here?”
“Just have a job for him,” I reply calmly, even though my heart is beating erratically, and it feels like I’m going to throw up.
“And it couldn’t wait until you were out of the room?” He narrows his eyes at Cole, looking him over from top to bottom, eyes focused on his crotch. “Why are you still in your underwear?” Matteo asks Cole.
“Huh?” Cole plays dumb, looking down at himself. “Oh—that.” He chuckles. “I didn’t even realize it. My bad, Emiliano.”
“It’s fine,” I sigh. “Why don’t you guys put on a movie or something?” The one thing I don’t want is for them to spend even more time together right now, but I can only ask for so much. That wouldn’t be fair to either of them, and I’m not heartless. Just a jealous asshole, I guess. “I’ll be back tonight.”
Cole frowns, staring at me, and Matteo raises an eyebrow.
“What are we, five?” Matteo smirks, and I nod.
“Pretty much,” I tell him, grabbing my clothes and going to the bathroom to get changed. “See you later.”
“Bye, Dad.”
I get changed quickly into a gray suit with a white button-down, no tie. All the while remembering every second of last night. Every shared breath, every thrust, every bite. Fuck, if it wasn’t the hottest thing to ever happen to me. Sex with Cole is different from anything I’ve ever experienced. Maybe it’s because he’s a man and I’ve never been with one before, but it’s been the best experience of my life. He’s so responsive, so vocal, so perfectly made for me.
I can’t get enough.
It’s more than sex with him, though. I don’t know what it is about him that draws me in the way he does, but I’m starting to develop feelings for him, and I don’t know how to show him in a healthy way right now. All I know is that I need him viscerally, and he seems to need me just as much. I’ll learn how to calm the fuck down, but right now I’m going crazy with want. Want for us to be normal. For me to be able to claim him in front of everyone. For us to have something more than hidden sex. And I don’t know what to do about it.
I’m coming to terms with my relationship with Cole. I can want him—care for him—and it doesn’t take away from the love I feel for my son. It doesn’t mean I’m a bad dad or that I’m trying to hurt him—even if that’s what I’ll accomplish. It just means sometimes I want something for just myself, and even though I never know how to take what I want for fear that this life is too much for someone else, Cole is different. He’s already part of this life. There’s nothing I’d have to hide from him. I wouldn’t have to protect him from the truth. We could just be. Which is why we’re perfect for each other.
I just wish Matteo could understand. But I get that he believes Cole is the love of his life. I, on the other hand, don’t believe that. I think he has loved Cole fiercely their entire lives, and maybe he’s confusing that for being in love. Sex clouds judgment, after all. I’m not saying he doesn’t have feelings for him, but I bet if he gave someone else a chance, he could fall in love.
At least I hope so.
An hour later, I’m standing in my office, pacing the length of it. My brothers are sitting on the couch and the spare armchairs. Alessandro is looking at me like I grew a second head, and the rest of my brothers are either smirking or frowning. Probably because they’ve never seen me like this over anyone I’ve been attached to. Can they really blame me, though? How am I supposed to proceed?
“Can you tell us what the hell is going on?” Alessandro finally speaks up, and I stop to glance at him before I continue my pacing. I bring my hands to my hair and yank on the strands and Giovanni chuckles, the asshole. “You’re freaking us out.”
“Yeah, brother,” Giovanni says. “Do tell us what has your panties in a bunch.”
“Sex is clouding your judgment, huh?” Lorenzo grins, and I stop in my tracks. “Uh, oh. Hit a nerve.”
“Sure did.” Tony smirks.
“Can you all just fucking stop?” I snap. “I’m trying to think.” It’s a lie. I’m not trying to think about anything. I just need their advice and don’t know how to ask for it.
“Spill, Emiliano,” Alessandro sighs, clearly running out of patience. Out of all of us, he’s the least playful. “I don’t have all day.”
“Oh?” I murmur. “Do you have someone you want to tell us about?”
“Can you just get on with it?” Giovanni asks, and I narrow my eyes at him.
“Wait, do you have someone you want to tell us about, too?” I raise an eyebrow.
Giovanni’s face turns red, and he tenses but shakes his head, his lips in a tight line. “This is about you, not me.”
“Fine.” I sigh, stopping at my desk and leaning against it. I look out the floor to ceiling windows, the view of the city failing to calm me down. “I fucked Cole again.”
“Again?” Giovanni chuckles. “I thought it was a one-time thing.”
“Yeah, well, one thing led to another, and here we are,” I snap, remembering last night. The way Cole was so fucking defiant, yet pliable in my arms, too. “It’s more than sex, Gio.”
Giovanni’s eyebrows raise, and he leans back on the couch, getting comfortable. As if he’s here for story time. “Is it now?”
“Yeah,” I tell him. “But there’s Matteo to think about, too. I don’t know what to do.”
“What are you saying, Emiliano?” Alessandro asks slowly. “Do you want to be in a relationship with him?”
I nod.
“That’s a fucking terrible idea,” Lorenzo says.
“What the fuck?” Giovanni grins.
Tony just stares.
“You’re out of your fucking mind.” Alessandro stands, and now he’s the one pacing the length of my office. “Do you know what this will do to your son?”
“You don’t think I fucking know that?” I yell. “I just—I can’t help how I fucking feel!”
“You know Emiliano has never been in a relationship,” Giovanni tells Alessandro gently, trying to calm him down. “This is the first time he’s wanted anyone, Alex. Let him live.”
Alessandro sighs. “They’ll use him against you.”
“Who?” I frown.
“Everyone who finds out you have a weakness now,” Alessandro tells me slowly, as if I’m stupid.
“I’ll protect him,” I reply. “I’ll keep him safe.”
“You can’t,” Giovanni points out. “He’s a Made Man. He goes on runs, and you know he won’t let you take that away from him.”
I nod because I do know that. “I can’t give him up,” I say weakly.
“Then don’t,” Giovanni tells me gently. “We’ll support you. Right?” he asks the rest of them.
Lorenzo nods.
Tony grins.
Alessandro grunts.
“He’s mine,” I declare. “And I take care of what’s mine.”
“How are you going to tell Matteo?” Alessandro asks me, point blank. “What will you do if he wants nothing to do with you?”
“Let me worry about that,” I say softly because I don’t have an answer for that. “And I don’t know what I’ll do.”
Because the truth is, losing my son or Cole can equally gut me. I just don’t know which feeling is worse. I’ve always been taught that your partner is the one you pick above everyone else, but it’s hard for me. Do Cole and I even have a future?
For my sake, I hope we do.