17. Chapter 17 - Cole
I fucked up and I know it.
It feels like there’s nothing I can do to make it better right now, regardless of how gentle Emiliano was before he left the penthouse. I could tell he was angry with me, and even though I couldn’t understand why at first, I think I see it now. I guess I would be angry too, if he were spending time with someone he’s had sex with before me. But it’s not the same. Matteo has been my best friend since I was six years old, and I don’t know how to get Em to understand that he has nothing to worry about. That Matteo is not a threat. But even I know that’s far-fetched. He’s not going to listen to logic. The man is practically a caveman.
Earlier he was so jealous, as if he couldn’t stand the thought of me being with someone else. It’s a far cry from a few days ago when he said we were a mistake. I don’t want to be hung up on that, but I can’t deny it stung. It still does. He apologized, and I swear I’m moving forward, but he’s giving me whiplash. The way he claimed me last night is still imprinted in my brain, and I just want to shout from the rooftops that he’s mine and I’m his, but it would hurt the other most important person in my life. I don’t want to do that, yet I also know it’s inevitable. Eventually, if Emiliano really is serious about me, we will come out to everyone, and Matteo will be hurt.
I wonder how he will react. Will he stop talking to us? Move out and forget I ever existed? It scares the hell out of me. I don’t want to be in his past. I want to be in his present and future. Where I’ve always been—where I know I belong. But something tells me he’ll never forgive this. That our friendship will be over. Is it worth it? Losing someone so important to me because of great dick? Well—no. Emiliano is more than that, at least to me. It’s the fact I don’t know where he stands that worries me. One minute Emiliano is pushing me away, then the next one he wants me once more.
From now on, I’m going to wait until he seeks me out. I’m done chasing after him. Done looking desperate—done feeling desperate. He can be the one to feel that way over me. Maybe if I act indifferent, he’ll feel crazy enough to claim me once more. I crave his attention. Being in his arms is like taking a hit of my favorite drug. I’m a junkie for him, and I’m already having withdrawals. But I’m probably delusional, and he won’t seek me out. So what do I do if he doesn’t? Do I just pretend nothing ever happened between us until he breaks for me once more? Fuck, I don’t know how to do this. Playing hard to get with him will be the death of me. The thought alone makes me want to scream, which is why I’m here, at Luna’s Den, to drown my sorrows.
Luna’s Den is Emiliano’s brothel, but I’m obviously not here for sex. My friend from high school, Amy, works here. I used to come visit her often before I went to prison, and I wanted to surprise her. I called ahead to find out what time she’d be busy, and her break starts right about now. The one thing I love about this place is that it has a bar and lounge area; it’s all very sophisticated and high-end. You can just tell that only the richest men come here. I wonder what Amy gets paid for her services. It has to be a lot of money. Good for her.
“Look what the cat dragged in,” Amy says, sounding excited. I look at her, bouncing on the balls of her feet, and get up from the barstool to hug her. I squeeze her tight. “Ah, baby bear. What are you doing here?”
“Oh, you know.” I grin as I pull away, holding her at arm's length and looking her over once as if searching for injuries. All clear. “Here to see my favorite girl.”
“Your favorite one, huh?” She smirks.
“Yeah, but don’t let Emiliano hear us talk about it.” I purse my lips. “He’s a jealous motherfucker.”
At this, she frowns. “What does he have to do with this?”
“I’ve been—I’ve been seeing him.” Her eyes widen. “In secret.”
“Oh, wow.” Amy slaps my shoulder, then takes a seat at the barstool beside mine. I sit down too, waving down the bartender. “You’re a bigger whore than I remember.”
I smirk. “Only for him.”
“Are you dick-whipped?” She touches her chest as if she’s in shock, and I laugh.
“You could say that,” I admit. “It’s still new, but Ames, I’ve had feelings for him since before I went to prison. I guess I thought they’d be gone by now. But no such luck.”
“Fuck,” she murmurs, and when the bartender comes to greet us, he looks at Amy and grins. A little intimately, if I do say so myself. “Six shots of tequila, on me.”
“Fuck no,” I growl. “I got the tab.”
“It’s on the house.” The bartender winks.
“And you call me a whore,” I mumble.
Amy laughs loudly. “So he has a crush on me.” She winks. “Gotta milk it sometimes.”
“Slut.” I grin, shoving her shoulder playfully. This is what I love about Amy. It’s easy with her. And I never have to worry about her wanting more from me. She knows I’m one-hundred percent gay. I’ve always liked dick. Women have never once appealed to me, and she accepts that. “I’ve got some secrets to spill.”
The bartender places the shots of tequila in front of us, smiling sweetly at Amy. She smiles back. “We’re good for now, Jordan.” She winks, and he blushes. “I’ll call you for more shots soon.”
“Fucking hell, Ames,” I cackle. “Have mercy on him.”
“Never.” She chuckles. “Now spill the tea.”
“I royally fucked up.” I sigh, and she raises one eyebrow, encouraging me to continue. I take a shot and slam it down. I need alcohol for this conversation. She does the same, except she sucks on the lime after. I just take it straight. “I let Matteo fuck me the day he picked me up. For old time’s sake.”
“You what ?” she sputters, and I take another shot, grimacing at the taste. “Old times?”
“Yeah.” I sigh. “We used to fuck sometimes.”
“How often?”
“Well, he was my first, and I was his. Then after that, it was only occasionally,” I tell her, taking the last shot. She still has another one left, which she gulps down now. “Don’t judge me.”
“Never,” she says, her serious face firmly in place. “I just have to wonder—how the fuck are you going to be with his dad when you two have history?”
“I—”
“He’s going to fucking kill you,” Amy groans, waving down the bartender again. She asks for six more shots, and before I know it, I’m buzzed. “He knows how to hold a grudge, Cole. I don’t think you will make it through this together.”
“Thanks for giving me hope,” I sigh.
“I’m just being real with you.” She grimaces, and she asks for more shots. “And you know I’m telling the truth.”
“I know,” I say sadly. “And the worst part is that I don’t know where I stand with Emiliano.”
“What do you mean?”
I take the next three shots, and then my head feels light and fuzzy. I have to focus really hard on my thoughts, and I wave down the bartender and ask for water. He smiles and nods. “He—he wants me, then doesn’t. He’s giving me whiplash.”
“What the fuck?” she snaps. “Coley-boy. He can’t even make up his mind and you’re willing to risk it all?” I nod, and she shakes her head, a look of pity in her eyes. “Fucking hell.”
“I know,” I sigh, accepting the water from the bartender. My eyes prick with unshed tears, and she rubs my back in slow circles. “I don’t know what the fuck to do. Matteo is really going to hate me.”
“You have to choose, babe,” she says softly. “Who’s worth more to you?”
“I can’t pick.” I shake my head roughly, and it swims, making me dizzy. “Matteo will have to pick for all of us.”
“And you think Emiliano will keep you?”
“I don’t know.” If I’m being honest, this all feels like a dream. A figment of my imagination. I kind of want to wake up already. At least I’d know what’s real and what’s not. “He said he would, but he’s pissed at me right now.”
“Why?” She frowns.
“I told Matteo I love him.” I shrug, and she winces. “As a friend, was that wrong of me?”
“I wouldn’t say it was wrong,” she tells me gently, laying her hand on top of mine. I need the affection right now. I need someone to tell me everything’s going to be okay. “But I can see why that would upset him. You’ve had sex with his son, and he wants you to be his. Maybe he sees Matteo as his competition. That has to be hard, Cole.”
“I guess I never thought about it that way.” I frown. “That makes sense.”
“See? This is why you come to me.” She smirks, and I roll my eyes. “I’m smart sometimes.”
“You’re smart all the time.” I grin.
“Hey, sexy,” a man drawls from behind us, and I tense. “Mind if we go upstairs?”
Amy tenses. “Sorry, I’m off shift,” she says softly, trying to keep it professional. “But you can schedule an appointment at the front desk.”
“Nah.” He grins. “I think you can fit me in right now.”
“I’m busy?—”
“Hey, you heard her,” I snap at the man, getting up from the barstool and facing him. “She said no.”
“She’s a fucking whore, bro.” He shakes his head. “She should be available.”
“Excuse me?” Amy exclaims, her bottom lip wobbling.
“Motherfucker,” I growl. “Get the fuck out.”
“Who the fuck are you?” He narrows his eyes. “I’ll leave after I fuck her.”
“She’s mine,” I lie. “Now back off.”
“I don’t think so.” The guy’s eyes are still narrowed, and before I know it, I’m throwing the first punch.
My hand throbs as it connects with his jaw, and I feel my knuckles splitting open. They’ll probably need stitches this time. I’ll be lucky if my hand isn’t broken.
“Cole!” Amy yells. “Stop!”
I take a step back, listening to her, and the man turns around and punches me. The blow to my jaw makes me stumble back a step from the surprise, but it will probably only bruise.
“You hit like a bitch.” I grin, taunting him.
“That’s enough,” The bar manager growls, holding the other man back. “You need to go,” he tells the man. “And you.” He points at me. “You’re going to wait for Emiliano’s driver. You’re wasted.”
Amy’s eyes widen, and then… she smirks. “Oh, this should be good.” She chuckles. “Let him believe I’m your girl.”
“He’ll kill us.”
“No, he won’t.” She rolls her eyes as I go to sit at the bar again. “I make him a lot of money.”
“Fine. He’ll kill me ,” I tell her through gritted teeth. “I like my life.”
“He’s going to be so jealous when he hears about this fight, baby bear.” She laughs. “He’s going to fuck you so hard.”
“You think so?” I ask with hope, and she laughs again. “I’m so easy,” I groan.
“Yeah, you are.”
My head suddenly spins, the alcohol catching up to me. “Oh, fuck, I don’t feel so good.”
“Don’t you dare puke on me.” She grins. “Let’s go to the bathroom.”
“Alright.”
Amy grabs hold of my arm, and I get off the barstool carefully, stumbling as she all but drags me to the bathroom. I thank all my lucky stars that I have her, even though I know I’m fucked. As soon as Emiliano hears about this, he’s going to flip out. If he hasn’t already.
And I’m looking forward to it.