36. Chapter 36 - Emiliano
I ’ve looked everywhere, fucking everywhere. I searched the entire hotel. All the restrooms. My old penthouse, our new one. I searched the club. Giovanni’s. He’s nowhere to be found. The only explanation is that he was taken by the Russians, and I know where most of their warehouses are, but not all of them. I wonder if he’s even in New York anymore. Something tells me they’re not being sloppy with this, and it makes me even more nervous. What if he’s dead by the time I get to him? What if I lose him? Fuck, just the thought of it makes me sick. Weak in the knees. And isn’t that what I already am?
I fall to my knees and pull at my hair, refusing to cry any more than I already have. I have to be strong right now. I need to think clearly so I can get Cole back. But it’s hard to see past the pain. It’s impossible to not feel my heart breaking, splintering, shattering the longer he’s not by my side.
My brothers sit on the sectional couch that Cole picked, and I inhale sharply to keep my tears at bay. Everything reminds me of him. He decorated this entire fucking place. What will I do if I lose him forever? Fuck, I don’t know if I can live without him anymore. I don’t know if I want to.
There’s a ding at the elevator, and when I look toward it, there’s no one in it. Just a box. So I go and retrieve it before the door closes. It almost does, but I push it open once more, feeling like this is significant somehow. Like this small box matters. For whatever reason, I can’t fucking explain. I just know it in my bones. Maybe there’s a clue inside of it. Maybe?—
When I open the box, the first thing I see is a note and Cole’s engagement ring. My stomach drops at the implication, and a sob almost breaks free. Alessandro comes to stand next to me, offering his support by laying a hand on my shoulder, and my eyes sting. I don’t know how I can be strong like this.
Alessandro takes the box from me, shuffling stuff around, and his face pales. He grabs the note and begins to read it, but I can barely hear it over the thundering of my heart in my ears. I only catch bits and pieces of it. Every other sentence.
There’s nothing you can do.
He’s going to die.
Don’t even try to look for him.
You’ll never find him.
Look at the pictures.
I’d say I feel sorry for you, but I don’t.
Alessandro gasps, and I see what he’s holding. Pictures. His face pales further, and he tries to put them back in the box, but I just yank them away from him. I wish I hadn’t—because there’s the evidence that my son didn’t respect my relationship. That he took what he wanted, and that Cole gave it to him.
“I’m going to talk to him,” he tells me again. “Whether you want me to or not. We both know he wants to, and I need to hear it from him, Dad. I need closure.”
“What kind of closure?” I narrow my eyes at him. “Don’t you dare ? —”
“What?” He rolls his eyes. “Don’t you dare kiss him? Fuck him?” I bristle, and he smiles. “Don’t worry, Dad. He’s a loyal guy. I’m sure he wouldn’t do that.”
I nod. “He is.”
“But it won’t stop me,” Matteo tells me, and I swear my stomach bottoms out. It’s about to fall out of my ass. “I need this, Dad. It’s the only way I can move on.”
I’ve never hated my son before, but I do now. I have this visceral fucking need to end him. It feels like we’re enemies now, and maybe we are. There’s no way we can come back from this. At least not on my end. He fucked me over. He?—
But isn’t that what I did to him in the first place? Maybe I need to get off my fucking high horse. But it’s hard to do it when I’m hurting this bad. I still want to hate him, and maybe I really do. Should I hate Cole too? He betrayed me more than my son did. I always suspected he was in love with Matteo as well, but this just proved it. He looks pained. Like his world is ending with a simple kiss. I don’t know how to feel about it, but it triggers my possessiveness. It makes me want to chain him to me and never let him leave my side. He’s mine, damn it. My love. My world. My fucking husband .
Mine.
“I think we should call Matteo,” Alessandro says softly, as if trying not to spook me. Like I’m a wild animal, and maybe I am. Right now, I feel like one. I’m feral. “He’s clearly the last one who saw him.”
“No fucking way,” I growl. “He’s dead to me.”
“You don’t mean that,” Alex soothes, but I shake my head. Because right now, I really do mean it. “He’s your son.”
“He fucked me over.”
“You fucked him over, too,” he reminds me, and I look at him with narrowed eyes. “Don’t forget that.”
“Show me the pictures,” Giovanni says, and I shake my head. “Why the fuck not?”
“They’re mine,” I growl. “I’m going to fucking burn them.”
Alessandro pulls out his cell phone, then presses it to his ear. I see. Fucking. Red. I’m just about to tackle him when Giovanni is suddenly holding me back. No. No. No .
“Matteo,” Alessandro murmurs. “Cole’s been taken.”
There’s a moment of silence in the room, but I hear Matteo clearly. He’s breaking down. He’s devastated. He’s coming. I don’t want to fucking see him. I can’t do it. I’ll fucking kill him. It’s too fresh.
Alessandro hangs up, raising his hands in defeat, and I’m just about to deck him when Lorenzo comes to my other side and both Gio and him hold me back.
“What the fuck do you think you’re doing?!” I scream, and Alessandro flinches. At least he’s a little scared. Good, because he’s not getting out of this one. No fucking way. “I fucking hate him, Alex! He’s not coming to my home. Fuck no!”
“He’s your son!” Alessandro says through gritted teeth. “He loves his best friend. He’ll help us find him. Maybe he saw something. Maybe?—”
But I don’t hear anything he’s saying—still stuck on he loves his best friend . How can I not be stuck on it? He gives it a whole new meaning. He’s in love with Cole. In love with the love of my life. And I can’t fucking stand it. As soon as he gets here, I’m beating his ass. Mark my fucking words.
My brothers let me go just as Alessandro goes to the couch, putting some much-needed distance between us. He looks wary of me, and good, he should be scared. I feel all this rage inside of me, and I’m going to let it out one way or another.
I pace the living room, back and forth, in front of my brothers for what feels like hours. No one dares to speak. No one addresses the elephant in the room. Not when Alessandro went back to the couch to sit down, and not when I put the pictures on my coffee table for all of my brothers to see. They don’t dare say anything negative about Cole, and for that, I’m grateful. Even if I’m hurt, even if I’m dying inside, I don’t want anyone to speak ill of him. That’s where I draw the line, and I think my brothers know that. Even Alessandro isn’t talking shit about him. Maybe they know I’m a quick trigger right now. They should know it was a bad idea to bring Matteo here.
I look down at my watch just as the elevator dings, signaling the arrival of my son. I tense, and suddenly Alessandro is taking quick strides toward me, but it’s too late. I bring my arm back and punch Matteo in the face, hearing the crunch of bone. I think I broke his nose. Fucking good. He definitely deserves it. Fucking asshole.
“What the fuck, Dad—” Matteo hisses, straightening up and looking into my eyes. But then he seems to realize that I know something, because he smiles. He smiles . Blood smears over his lips as he does. “I guess I deserve that. But I warned you in advance, dear ol’ Dad. I don’t play fair. I play to win.”
“Fuck you,” I growl, and Alex comes to my side and holds my arm. “You need to get out of my house.”
“It’s Cole’s home, too.” He shrugs. “And he’d want me here. I’m not going anywhere until we find him.”
“Why now?” I chuckle. “You said you were done with him. What kind of sick fucking game are you playing?”
“I’m not playing anything,” Matteo says through gritted teeth. “I’m not here to try to get him to be with me. I’m here because I can’t abandon him now. I want him out of my life—but not dead. Never that.”
I get it. I really do. But it still doesn’t change how I feel—jealous, murderous. I want to wring his neck and fucking destroy him. The urge to do so is strong, and it scares me, because I’ve never felt this way before, and certainly not towards my kid. I don’t want to feel this way anymore. Maybe I need to accept that I fucked up just as much he did. But it’s not the same. He wasn’t in a relationship with Cole. I am. And he disrespected it. Stepped all over it. He knows no fucking boundaries, and if he does, he certainly doesn’t respect them.
Fuck.
I don’t know how to do this. How am I supposed to play nice while feeling this way? I think it’s nearly impossible, and I don’t know if I have it in me to try.
“I know you don’t want me here, but I can help. Just let me help.” He sighs, running a hand down his face in frustration, smearing blood all over himself. “He has to be in a safe house. We just have to figure out where before they kill him.”
“They aren’t going to.” I shake my head quickly. “They can’t. I’ll kill them all?—”
Matteo’s eyebrows rise toward his hairline, and he looks at me in disbelief. As if he can’t fathom the words coming out of my mouth. I realize I sound insane. They’re definitely going to kill him, and fast. We have to find him. We have to?—
“It’s going to be okay, Dad,” Matteo whispers. “I’ll do everything I can to help us find him. I’ll reach out to Natasha. I’ll find out.”
“She probably doesn’t know anything.”
“That’s doubtful.” He rolls his eyes. “She probably knows every move he makes.”
“And how are you going to contact her?” I ask him, my brows furrowing. “I don’t think I need to tell you that you can’t show up unannounced.”
“I have her phone number,” he replies, and my stomach does a weird little flip. Fear. That’s what I’m feeling.
I’m scared he’s going to prefer her over me now that I fucked up our relationship. That he’ll go to her from now on. That she’ll be there for him in ways that I can’t be anymore. But don’t I deserve that? I did it to myself.
“Okay.” I sigh, hating this situation. Yet I’d do anything to find him, even if it’s thanks to Matteo. “Thank you.”
“I’m not doing it for you.” Matteo scoffs, and my nostrils flare. “I’m doing it for him.”
“I bet you are,” I mutter.
Matteo moves toward the elevator and presses the button, then turns to look at me. “I’ll be in touch, Dad.” I nod once and his lips purse. “Oh, and just so you know…he loves me, too.”
And with those parting words, he gets in the elevator and leaves.
“Fuck!” I roar, ready to destroy the entire place, but I can’t because everything belongs to Cole, and I can’t do that to him. I fall to my knees and bury my face in my hands, then mutter, “Fuck,” again for good measure.
I don't know if I can take this.
Don’t know if I can handle it.
I just want him back.
Need him back.