Chapter 12
Ash lasts less than an hour before reluctantly making his way back to their suite.
The curtains are drawn, making it hard to see inside.
He has a key, in case Kieran has locked the door, but he still hesitates going in.
Kieran hadn’t been fucking around when he said he didn’t want to see Ash.
He’s a stubborn little shit. One of the many things Ash has always found so endearing about him.
Maybe not right now, though.
Okay, even now. As inconvenient as it is.
Chuckling to himself involuntarily, Ash knocks on the door three times. Gently. Unobtrusively.
“Go fuck yourself.”
Well, then…
“Kieran, can we talk?” He just wants to explain himself. Not to make excuses, but to prevent Kieran from spiraling into whatever dark abyss he’s headed towards.
“No, we fucking can’t. Just get lost and leave me alone.”
Shit. Kieran’s voice definitely cracked on the last word, like it often does when he’s overwhelmed and two seconds away from crying.
This is torture. Ash is always the one who calms him down. Comforts him. Makes sure Kieran knows he’s not alone, no matter how much he might insist that’s what he wants.
He’s feeling alone because of you, idiot.
Fuck.
“Okay, sw— Okay.” That was a close one. “I’m gonna let you be, but I won’t leave you alone. I’ll never leave you.”
A risky move. If Kieran doesn’t already think Ash is a psychopath, this might do it. A psychopath and a stalker.
But…
Ash is willing to bet that Kieran will instinctively know what he means.
The following ten seconds are one of the longest of Ash’s life. And then, finally, Kieran speaks. It’s quiet and pained. And, above everything, relieved.
“Just…gimme a fucking break.”
A shaky exhale rocks through Ash’s body.
“Alright. Take your time. I’ll be around if you need anything.”
No answer. Not that he’s expecting one.
Ash sits his pathetic ass down, watching the azure water.
Jesus, how did he manage to almost completely destroy the best two years of his life by making one desperate, hasty decision?
If he doesn’t tread very carefully, this will truly be over before he can say ‘time-travel, bitch’.
That can’t happen. He won’t allow it. Not a chance.
Careful with those thoughts, you psycho, a voice inside his head says. It sounds suspiciously like Kieran’s. It almost makes him laugh.
In an attempt to distract himself, he reaches for his phone to engage in some doomscrolling. Might be wise to check his emails and texts too. He’s barely touched his phone since they departed Brisbane, wanting to invest all his energy into this little getaway.
The first notification he comes across makes him smile wide, some of the heaviness falling off his shoulders.
He clicks on it and is instantly greeted with a photo of his most favorite people.
It had obviously been taken at Dawson’s exhibition.
If not from the background, Ash can still tell by Dawson’s beaming face combined with a slight deer-caught-in-the-headlights-look.
He’s practically glued to Cal’s side, who has an arm wrapped around him protectively and is smiling awkwardly at the camera.
Hilarious. Two years and he still has stuff to figure out when it comes to acting human.
Despite multiple reassurances from Dawson, Ash still feels a little bad about not being able to attend, especially because Kieran was so bummed about it.
After watching his best friend struggle for years, unable to do what he loved, he wanted to be there on the big day.
But when they tried to reschedule their vacation, Dawson wouldn’t hear of it.
According to him, anniversaries are sacred.
It’s completely understandable why he feels that way, after everything.
On Dawson’s other side, arms linked, is Olivia, her two kids plastered to her leg and making silly faces. Ash has only met her a couple of times, and was taken aback each time by how much she reminded him of Kieran. Stubborn as a mule and not to be fucked with, but hiding a heart of gold.
When he’d shared that little observation with Kieran, he inadvertently unleashed a huge green-eyed monster. It was admittedly hilarious to watch Kieran lose his shit, banning Ash from ever meeting Olivia if he’s not present. The reminder that Ash is one big rainbow flag didn’t help much.
“You destroyed my heterosexuality. Who’s to say the same won’t happen to you?” Kieran argued.
“Someone destroying my…homosexuality?”
“Exactly!”
Good god. How can someone be so lovable, crazy, and hilarious at the same time?
Great. Here he is, thinking of Kieran again when he’s trying to distract himself.
He redirects his focus back to the photo.
Next to Cal are Ellis and Gabe, and the sight of them makes Ash laugh.
Gabe has his trademark hundred kilowatt smile going on, as if he’s the one celebrating something.
Ellis’ smile is a lot more reserved and softer, aimed directly at Gabe instead of the camera.
The fact they’re both dressed up so formally makes it look like it’s their wedding reception.
Honestly, Ash is surprised neither of them has popped the question yet.
His bet is on Gabe going for it first. He’s a little ball of impatience, after all.
Speaking of popping the question—
A new notification comes through right then. An email sent to Ash’s personal inbox, the subject line drawing his attention instantly.
TIME-TRAVEL BULLSHIT UPDATE, BEAR WITH IT
Oh. Kieran had recorded a message for him. That’s…good, right? It doesn’t mean something bad is about to happen.
He clicks the play button with a shaky finger, but all anxiety leaves him once he sees Kieran’s beautiful, grinning face.
“Hey, pervert.”
His heart skips a beat. Jesus, it hasn’t even been a day and he’s missed their banter so much. “Hey, baby.”
Kieran’s grin widens like he can hear him, before his expression becomes a little pinched. Almost apologetic. “You might’ve figured it out already, but you’re in for a rough time. My old self is not gonna make it easy for you.”
“Shocking.”
“To be fair, it’s all your fault. You should’ve been nicer to me when we met.”
Okay, not untrue.
“But…” He moves closer to the camera lens and winks cheekily. “Then you wouldn’t be the asshole I fell in love with.”
Ash’s chest tickles, as it always does when Kieran drops the L-bomb.
“Getting brave now that you’re not here and I can’t spank that attitude out of you, huh?” he teases, but honestly, he’d probably just hug him so hard he’d leave bruises.
Kieran’s voice is softer when he speaks next.
“If you’re wondering why I didn’t tell you this was coming, well.
.. As you know, I have a penchant for fucking things up.
” He shrugs, feigning nonchalance, but Ash sees through him.
“And I couldn’t stomach the slightest possibility that this…
us…might not happen if I did anything differently from how things happened to me. ”
“Oh, Kieran…” He’s come so far, and yet this is something he still struggles with. This deranged belief that no matter what he does, he’s never going to be good enough. That when bad things happen, it’s somehow his fault.
“Anyway…” Kieran clears his throat. “A lot of things you couldn’t explain before will start making sense now, but it will be a bumpy ride. So I have a favor to ask of you. Two, actually.”
Kieran’s visibly nervous now. Terrified, even. Ash itches to reach through the screen and hold him until all the fear dissolves.
“First—don’t give up on me. Even when it gets hard, even when I drive you so crazy you think of yeeting me off a cliff. Just…don’t give up on me, okay? Don’t give up on us.”
“Never,” Ash promises to no one. “Not gonna happen.”
“Second—make me fall in love with you.” His grin is back now, teasing and a little bashful. “With your dirty mind and infinite patience. The way you always manage to quiet the noise in my head, and how you look at me like I’m the most fascinating thing you’ve ever seen, not just a waste of space.”
“Babe…”
This is torture. Knowing Kieran sat down to record this while drowning in those thoughts. That he went through it alone when Ash had no idea. He wasn’t there to comfort him, to prove to him how wrong he is.
“You know me.” The words carry a sense of urgency now.
“You know what I was like when we met. You’ve seen it yourself.
Who I am now—it’s all thanks to you. You bring out the best and worst in me, but you change even the worst into something good, Mr. Bigshot Therapist.” He chuckles, swiping a hand over his eyes in a quick motion.
“I love you, you ass. So fight for us, like I did.”
The video ends abruptly, leaving Ash disoriented with Kieran’s last words echoing in his head.
“Always,” Ash murmurs. “Always, firecracker.”
He presses the phone to his forehead, like it might bring him closer.
Kieran needn’t worry. Ash has never turned down a challenge, especially not one like this. He’s going to make Kieran fall. So. Hard.