Chapter 36
Kieran’s life has officially become a soap opera. Drama, traumatic childhood, falling for the guy you hate only to be rejected later…
And now, sitting on the beach you used to go to with said guy (who rejected you) and pathetically staring at the horizon while reminiscing about the good old—well, future days.
How. Humiliating. And yet, he can’t bring himself to move.
The beach looks the same, as does the tide and the sun slowly making its climb to the centre of the sky.
Even the net where the handsy guy played volleyball with his friends is still there, though it’s currently being used by a group of teenage girls.
Still, he can almost pretend Ash has just gone to get them some water or snacks and will be back soon.
That’s what he’s been telling himself for the past hour, unable to accept the reality.
Ash isn’t coming back, because they aren’t real. Never were. And now they never will be.
Worst thing is, Kieran can’t even go to anyone. Can’t talk to anyone. What would he say? No matter that almost everyone in his life is apparently some freaky, supernatural being—this would be too much. How would he prove it, anyway?
He’s on his own. As always.
Someone passes near him, sand flying in his face. He flinches away, the scent of cherry blossoms and hair spray hitting his nose. Huh. That combo is kinda familiar…
“Hey, jerkface.”
Kieran’s head snaps up, a mane of blonde hair the first thing he notices. The scowl is the next.
Jess.
“Nice to see you too,” he returns mechanically.
Bumping into an ex-girlfriend isn’t something that happens to him often, so he doesn’t really know how to react.
He should probably practice, though. Unless he switches cafés, he’ll inevitably bump into Ash.
Then again, these two can’t even be compared.
He liked Jess, but he never thought of her as the love of his life.
Fuck you, Ash.
Deciding to take advantage of the distraction, he focuses on Jess. There’s a beach tote bag slung over her shoulder, and she’s holding two cups of iced coffee.
“New boyfriend?” he takes a guess.
Jess swings her hair over her shoulder. “Yeah. He’s even emotionally available and doesn’t ignore my existence.”
Ouch, but fair. Jess isn’t a saint, but she deserved better than Kieran’s abandonment issues and temper. He hadn’t seen it before, but after being with Ash—
Jesus, can you stop thinking about the asshole for one fucking minute?!
“That’s good. I’m happy for you,” he says, meaning it.
Jess must detect the sincerity, since her eyes bulge out of their sockets.
“What’s wrong with you?”
Kieran laughs. It’s not a nice laugh. “You want that alphabetically or chronologically?” When Jess only continues giving him a very concerned look, he sighs. “Hey, I’m glad you found someone who’s not…a jerkface. And I’m sorry for how I treated you.”
“Oh my god.” She drops down next to him, putting the drinks down and scouring his face from a two-inch distance. “Did you get bodyswapped? Is the world ending?”
Kieran swallows and looks back at the ocean, feeling a little envious. Must be nice not to have to worry about anything, just listen to the moon, knowing the moon is never going away, no matter how often it changes.
“Mine kinda is.”
A beat of silence, and then, “Holy shit. You’re in deep, aren’t you?”
And clearly obvious as hell.
He buries his head between his knees, letting out a noise of frustration.
“So deep I’m practically in the Marianna Trench.”
A barrage of questions follows. “Who is she? How did you meet?” Jess gasps, her voice darkening. “Were you seeing her behind my back?”
“We didn’t know each other back then,” Keiran puts her mind at ease. What’s the point of cheating, anyway? Just break up if you don’t think it’s fun anymore, Jesus. Who has time for all the secrets and sneaking off? That’s just dumb.
“And it’s a guy.”
Suddenly, there is a finger in his face, and then Jess yells, “I knew it! I fucking knew it.”
O-kay… Not the reaction he expected. “You did?”
“It was obvious!” She swings her arms theatrically. “No one is that obsessed with their best friend.”
Kieran puts a hand up to stop her. “Wait, you lost me.”
“Don’t play dumb. I knew you had a thing for Dean.”
“Dean? Who—oh.” He snickers. Jess always used to mess up the name, and Kieran thought it was on purpose, to piss him off. “Are you talking about Dawson?”
“Yeah, him!”
What Jess is saying finally registers, and Kieran recoils in disgust.
“Ew. No! Hell no. What the fuck, Jess?”
Her expression falters, unsure. Then she huffs and crosses her arms. “Don’t ‘what the fuck’ me. What was I supposed to think? We were together for almost a year and the whole time it was Dean this, Dean that—”
“It’s Dawson.”
“—and when he needed something, you’d just drop everything and run, even if we were on a date.”
“Is that why you couldn’t stand him? You thought I had the hots for him?”
Now it makes sense! He always got so angry when Jess talked shit about Dee, thinking it was because she wanted to control him, to get rid of the one and only friend he had—the final straw that made him call it quits between them. But all that time, it was just plain and simple jealousy.
“Can you blame me? Do you know how pathetic it made me feel?”
Shit. Now he feels bad. Jess isn’t so innocent—she had no right to spew shit about someone who didn’t do anything wrong—but Kieran can understand her reasons. He can understand the insecurity. Maybe a little too well.
“I’m starting to,” he says. “But you should at least know it wasn’t like that. Dawson is just…he’s the only person who’s stuck by me for all these years. I’d do anything for him, put him before anyone else.” He gives her a sad but genuine smile. “I’m sorry.”
Jess goes teary-eyed, trying to cover up the emotion with annoyance. “God, you look so pathetic. Fine. Apology accepted. You’re forgiven.” She side-eyes him. “But you’re still into dick, right?”
He snorts. “Apparently. Well, one dick in particular.” Aaand he’s thinking about Ash again. Great.
“So, who is he?”
Everything I didn’t know I needed. That I still need.
“The most annoying person on the planet. Patronizing. Thinks he’s so much better than anyone else.”
“Sounds hot.” She giggles at her own joke, then bumps their shoulders together. “Is he giving you a hard time?”
“Not anymore.” Geez, what a bad pun. Jess’ playfulness is contagious. But it’s better than brooding, he guesses.
“Oooh, I see how it is.” Jess’ voice goes all excited, as if Kieran just handed her some juicy gossip. “How’s the sex? Is he good? Better than me?”
“You two are worlds apart,” is the best he can come up with without his face bursting into flames. So it’s true that girls love talking about this stuff, ugh.
She blinks, then her expression lights up.
“Aww, you should’ve told me that you wanted to be pegged.
To be fair, when I imagined you with Dean—sorry, Dave—I could never guess which one of you was the catcher.
Guess that’s part of why the idea of you two annoyed me so much, you didn’t really seem like a good fit.
I don’t mean to say I imagined you two often, but a girl wonders—”
“I’d like to stop this conversation now. Please.”
And fill my ears with bleach.
Jess’ lower lip sticks out. “You’re no fun.”
“Baby? Baby, where are you?” a male voice calls.
Jess’ whole face lights up. She scrambles to her feet, holding the cups in the air. “Over here, cupcake!”
After throwing up in his mouth a little, Kieran looks up to see a guy who could easily play the Rock’s double if he shaved his head.
He eyes Kieran with distrust. “Friend of yours?”
“An ex.” Jess sips her coffee. “Jerkface, this is Ashton. Ashton, Jerkface.”
“The one who kicked you out of his apartment? Hey, what are you laughing at?” His hands form fists, and he takes a threatening step closer. “Want me to rearrange your face?”
“S-sorry, I’m not laughing at you,” Kieran manages to get out, unsure if he should laugh or cry. Given that the guy could fold him like laundry, he shouldn’t laugh. “Just at the clusterfuck that is my life.” Because Ashton? Really?
“It’s okay, baby.” Jess pats his chest. “He’s harmless. And karma already caught up with him.”
Yup. She got that one right.
Ashton sniffs, muscles bulging as he stands up tall before wrapping an arm around Jess. “Let’s go.”
“A second.” Jess drops into a crouch next to Kieran, talking only loud enough for his ears.
“I don’t know what the problem is, but I do know one thing.
When someone makes you look like that—” She points at his no doubt pathetically dejected face.
“It’s either because they’re a major red flag who doesn’t deserve you giving them the time of day, or they’re the love of your life.
In which case, you need to get your shit together and fight for them. ”
A sharp sensation pierces his organs, his eyes filling up again. “What if they’re both? The love of my life and a red flag?”
“Then you’re screwed.” She chuckles. “But you know…you are kind of a red flag too. This might just work out perfectly.”
How rude. And accurate.
“Thanks, Jess.”
She winks before punching his arm. “Anytime, Jerkface.”
She joins her boyfriend, and Kieran watches them stroll down the beach, arms around each other. Laughing. Happy.
He knows what that feels like.
And he wants it back.
There must be a way. He and Ash are perfect for each other, two broken pieces forming a whole, scars and all.
He mentally goes through what he remembers from the videos, looking for clues he might’ve missed. He goes through the countless conversations with Ash too.
He can’t fathom why both of those assholes completely forgot to mention this huge-ass plothole in their lovestory—a little warning would’ve been nice—but he has to believe it was for a reason.
To not mess up timelines or whatever. Which would mean his future self had gone through the same shit Kieran’s going through now and made it. Somehow, he had won Ash over. Somehow—
“You won me over. By being yourself.”
That was Ash’s stupid answer when Kieran asked how this—them—happened. This whole time he thought Ash was sassing him.
He was wrong.
Filled with renewed determination, Kieran gets up, brushing sand off his hands and butt.
Okay, then. Time to be himself. Whatever that means.