Chapter 37
Turns out Kieran’s true self is a stalker. And not a very good one, at that.
He’s been pacing in front of the main entrance of Ash’s building (Zeke was all too eager to share the address) for an hour before it dawns on him that Ash isn’t going to magically stroll through the lobby like a character from a movie.
No, he’ll drive to the basement to park his car, then take the lift.
Which means zero chance of an ambush. Fucking great.
This is why romantic movies are stupid. Nothing ever works out the same way in real life!
On to Plan B.
On Friday, after consulting Google on Ash’s working hours, Kieran pulls up in front of the small, two-story building where Ash rents his therapy cave. He arrives an hour in advance just in case nobody has booked the last appointment and Ash ends up going home early.
He doesn’t.
The wait is agony. Kieran shifts, yawns, and reshuffles his Coldplay playlist. At one point his head lolls forward and he jerks awake with a snort, panic flashing through him that he somehow missed Ash leaving.
But then the bastard strolls out, looking like he stepped out of a magazine—rolled sleeves, loosened collar, the late sun hitting his hair just right.
What an arrogant, pompous prick. He doesn’t deserve to be that hot.
Kieran tails him at a cautious distance, unsurprised when Ash doesn’t take the exit that would lead him home. Of course not. It’s Friday night, he’s definitely headed to a bar. Or a pub. Maybe somewhere they’ve bumped into each other before.
When Ash pulls into a parking lot glowing with neon signs and rainbow flags, Kieran has to blink twice.
“A freaking gay bar?”
This…complicates the situation. He was planning on marching in there, sliding into the empty seat near Ash with a smug, “Is this seat taken?” before giving him a taste of his own medicine, aka flirting shamelessly.
He doesn’t know how to act in a gay bar. Would they even let him in? Like, how do you prove your gayness?!
Okay. Okay, that’s fine. He can just wait in the car.
Ash isn’t big on drinking. He’s gonna have one stupid pina colada, maybe two, flirt up a storm, then call it a night.
The idea of him flirting with someone else, or someone flirting with him, sits in Kieran’s stomach like a rock, but he can handle that.
A little flirting never hurt anybody. Right?
So he waits. Shouldn’t be long, anyway. An hour tops.
True to his prediction, Ash walks out forty minutes later, but not alone.
He’s got some twink glued to his arm—soft features, skinny, Kieran’s look-alike if Kieran moisturized with liquid gold and did yoga at sunrise. Ash’s hand is on his back, guiding him, and something about that vaguely innocent gesture has Kieran throwing the car door open and stomping over.
The two are laughing, but once Ash spots Kieran, the humor dies.
“Kieran?”
The twink gives him an appraising once-over. “That your boyfriend?” There’s no jealousy or accusation in the question, only judgment—towards Kieran, not Ash. As if he’s assessing Kieran for a potential threesome and decided on a big, fat: nope. Not worthy.
Kieran goes to answer yes, but Ash cuts in with a decisive no. How. Dare. He.
Alright, then. Have it your way.
Kieran folds his arms over his chest, turning a heated glare at Ash.
“I can see you found another victim.”
“Victim?”
“Yeah. Victim.” He turns to the twink. “You better stay away. He gave me crabs!”
The twink pales like someone sucked the blood out of him. He stumbles backwards, yells, “Ew. Gross!” and all but runs away.
Kieran smirks, feeling accomplished. “That was easy.”
Ash watches his would-be hookup disappear into the distance like he’s not sure what just happened. Then he turns to Kieran with a very unimpressed look.
“Crabs? Really? You couldn’t think of anything else but freaking pubic bugs?”
Kieran bites his lip, trying not to laugh. “I’m sorry. I’ll keep it in mind for next time.”
“Next time.”
“Yeah. Next time you decide to fuck my look-alike instead of going for the real thing.”
Ash swallows, looking away. He doesn’t deny it.
Kieran forces his way into Ash’s space, giving him no choice but to look at him.
“If you think you can throw me away like a piece of trash and then find a different toy to play with, you’re dreaming. You’ll die of blue balls because I’ll be there every step of the way to cockblock you.” A pause. “Except when I’m sleeping.”
Ash doesn’t look upset or frustrated. He just looks…fucking sad. The audacity.
“You were never a toy, Kieran,” he whispers.
The sincerity has Kieran’s throat closing around nothing.
“Could’ve fooled me. That’s exactly how you made me feel.”
“You were never a toy,” he repeats, firmer now. “I was never planning on using you and throwing you away. I’m an asshole, but not that much of an asshole.”
“Debatable.”
Ash’s lips twitch with a brief smirk before he turns all serious again.
“I pride myself on being very good at reading people. To the point where I can pinpoint exactly what they want. And in some cases, I’m able to give it to them.”
So he’s basically admitting he uses his ability to find out people’s kinks and act on them.
He really is a pervert.
“I thought that was the case with you,” Ash goes on. “I thought that if I cracked through that armor of yours and gave you a night you’d never forget, it would heal the part of you that you so desperately keep hidden.”
Kieran must be losing his mind because it sounds almost…romantic.
It would be more romantic if Ash didn’t do it with randos he meets at bars, though.
“Healing through banging, huh?”
Ash gives a short laugh. “More than just banging, but sure, let’s go with that.
” The way he looks at Kieran, full of longing and regret, would make an outsider think he is the one who got blown off, not the other way around.
“I knew you wanted to be appreciated and adored, and that you wanted to let go of everything, for at least a moment. And I was more than willing to do that for you.”
Tears prick at Kieran’s eyes. This is exactly what those few weeks in the future were all about, yet Ash talks like it’s impossible.
“I still want those things. So what changed for you?”
“It’s not all you want,” Ash corrects him, like the distinction is of utmost importance. “You don’t want this for one night, or two, or even ten. You want this for the rest of your life. You need this for the rest of your life.”
Kieran throws his hands up as if to say: Your point?
A muscle in Ash’s jaw jumps. “I’m not a ‘rest-of-your-life’ type of guy.”
Kieran wants to laugh, wants to demand how Ash came to such a stupid, untrue conclusion. But this isn’t the first time he’s heard him talk like that.
“You’d think that with my ability, I’d be able to give anyone whatever they want.
I’d automatically know what it is that they want.
It took me a while to realize that it was no use.
Because what they wanted wasn’t me. Or rather, what I had to offer wasn’t what they were after.
No superpower in the world could change that. ”
“I never had anything that was truly mine. Not until you came along.”
So that’s what this was about. And Kieran was the one who changed things.
He’ll just need to change them again. Rewrite the narrative until Ash gets his head out of his ass.
“That’s not true,” he informs him.
He doesn’t miss the spark of reluctant hope flashing in Ash’s eyes. “Kieran—”
“It’s not. From where I’m standing, you look exactly like that type of guy.”
“The longest relationship I’ve had lasted four months. Believe me when I say I’m not suited for the long run.”
The labels spill from his lips with such ease, it makes Kieran wonder how long he’s been clinging to them.
“You’ve never been in a relationship with me, though. I’ll treat you real nice.” He scrunches his nose. “Okay, that’s a lie. I’m annoying and needy and I’ll insult you on a daily basis, but I have some positive traits too.”
Finally, a genuine smile curves Ash’s mouth.
“Kieran, you’re wonderful. You’re smart, and funny. A loyal friend.”
He smiles wider at seeing Kieran blush, and reaches out to tuck a strand of hair behind his ear. Kieran clings to the brief contact like a lifeline.
“You’re a little firecracker who can set the coldest heart on fire, and one day you’ll meet someone who will get to appreciate all those things about you for the rest of your lives.
” Before Kieran can tell him he’s already met that person, Ash pulls his hand back and says, with heart-stopping finality, “But it's not going to be me. I’m sorry.”
He starts to walk away. Before Kieran can succumb to panic, he’s reminded of one more trait he possesses. One Ash omitted to mention.
He’s stubborn as hell.
“You’re wrong,” he calls after him, breathing a sigh of relief when Ash stops.
“It can’t be anyone else. I don’t know who that asshole is who convinced you there’s no one for you who’d want what you have to offer, but they were wrong.
I’ve waited my whole life for you, and I won’t let you slip through my fingers because you suddenly have self-esteem issues.
” He walks over and jabs a finger in Ash’s chest. “You better brace yourself, big guy.”
He lets the words hang in the air, not waiting for a response, and heads back to his car.
Behind him, he hears a faint but heartfelt, “Oh dear.”