Chapter 26
ROWE
The day’s come and gone in a blink.
My feet ache from standing on the dirt for hours on end, still trying to acclimate this horse to being touched by someone without snapping his teeth.
He’s as stubborn as he was that first day, but the aggression has slipped just enough that I let my hand linger on his rump for a second longer each time.
We’ve made progress, even if it hasn’t been as much as anyone’s hoped.
My stomach is empty, and I’m fucking thirsty too. I should have left a while ago and gotten out of the heat. It’s feeding time for the horses, and here I am, avoiding leaving this pen as if what’s waiting for me outside of it is far scarier than the beast I’ve already stared down a hundred times.
Tilly was never supposed to affect me like this.
Not before I went away, and sure as shit not years after I got out.
She’s a figure from my past, a friend and someone who I thought would be a permanent part of my life.
I wasn’t intending on kissing her, and it wasn’t even a possibility to me that I’d have her on her knees with my cock in her mouth.
When I didn’t see her in the stable last week, and nobody I asked knew where the fuck she was, I panicked.
It was like walking out of prison and learning that she was gone all over again.
Only she wasn’t gone. She was still here, on the ranch, just tucked away in her trailer.
The pain she was in wasn’t something I’ve ever seen her weather before.
Tilly’s not the type of woman who accepts help when it’s offered to her unless she really needs it.
Everything I saw yesterday told me just how rough a shape she was in before I arrived.
There was no talk of what happened between us at the lake or admittance of how confused I am by everything.
I kept my mouth shut and lay with her while she slept, then forced her to eat what little food she had in her fridge before leaving.
Staying would have been the nice thing to do, but once she woke from her nap, whatever openness her pain had awakened was closed again.
Now, I’m even more confused than before.
Past, na?ve feelings are making themselves known, only somehow, they’re stronger than they used to be.
I don’t know when they had room to grow after being locked away for years, but that doesn’t change that they have, and I don’t have a fucking clue what to do with them or her.
I was hoping that avoiding her would help me come up with an idea for what to do, but it only made everything worse. Instead of being able to focus on the things I’d been able to a month ago, she’s infiltrated my every conscious thought.
It’s pissing me off.
I lock my jaw and try not to let my emotions get loud enough for the horse to hear.
He’s already on edge. Calm the hell down, Rowe.
The rope on my shoulder has started to rub at the skin of neck every few times I move my arm.
It’s time to leave and spend the night in a shower the same way I have for the last two.
The horse shifts away when I reach up to adjust where the rope is sitting. He really fucking hates it, which means desensitizing him to a lead is going to take longer than I’m wanting. Weeks, maybe. If I can keep him from ripping a chunk out of me in the meantime.
I drop my hand, abandoning the rope where it’s slid lower on my shoulder. “Fine. No goddamn rope today.”
His ears stay forward, another change from the last few days. They’ll twitch here and there, but never aggressively. More like he’s annoyed with my consistent, stubborn presence more than anything else.
The feeling’s mutual.
I draw my palm down his side again, testing the boundaries I’ve already jumped over. His muscles tighten as if he’s priming himself to take off, but he doesn’t move. Blowing out a breath, I nod to myself.
“Oh, shit. Uh—”
“He’s over there. Are you sure you don’t want to—”
The bang of something mixes in with the sudden voices.
I try to step into the horse’s line of sight to keep his attention from moving to the commotion happening around us, but it’s no use.
The peace he’d gotten comfortable in has shattered, and in a blink, he’s pinning his ears back.
He sidesteps, nearly knocking me over with his shoulder before the whites of his eyes flash.
I jump backward, twisting seconds before he’s launching his hind legs into the air in warning.
“Woah, woah, it’s okay. They’re not coming for you. It’s still just us,” I say, keeping my voice flat. “They’re just rowdy cowboys doing stupid shit. You’ve watched them enough to know they’re loud and careless.”
He doesn’t understand me. My words don’t penetrate deep enough. There’s not enough of a connection there yet. My chest heats as I move further back and snap my head to the side, searching for those responsible for putting an end to my day.
There’s no use getting him calm enough to work on any more tonight. It’s already too late, and he’s gotta eat. We both do.
A slam carries on the wind toward me, then another one.
My nostrils flare wide. The horse isn’t interested in anything else I have to offer him tonight.
He turns away and retreats to the far side of the pen, the place he deems safest. I let him be, taking a few more steps backward with my eyes on him before turning when he shows no sign of chasing after me.
It’s not until I’m facing the stable that I see the reason behind the commotion.
Tilly.
Sitting on the top of the fence post with her legs wide and arms crossed, she glares at me with a heat that threatens to set the dirt around me on fire. What she’s wearing doesn’t register right away. But then she drops her arms to grip the fence, and I stop, my boots stuck in the dirt.
It’s my goddamn shirt slouching down her shoulder and rising up her spread thighs.
My shirt with the decaying horse skull across the chest that I haven’t seen since I was seventeen.
It’s doing a shit job of hiding the two piercings in the nipples that are hard enough to be obvious.
Pressure builds below my belt as I glower at the white fabric, almost able to see right through it.
She adjusts herself on the fence, and the shirt rides higher, exposing the black between her legs. Her boots slide along the post below her, and I take one jolted step forward. I’m curling my fingers into fists at the same time she cocks her head, hair slipping long and free down her back.
A throat clears.
My attention snaps to the left, focusing too hard on Tanner’s closeness.
His eyes are wide as they flick from me to her, his curiosity genuine but still pissing me off.
Half the fucking bunkhouse is out here gawking at Tilly, which I know was her plan in the first place.
They should have scurried off the moment they saw her, their eyes on the dirt and nothing else.
I’ll make them pay for their lack of judgment tomorrow.
“Get the fuck out of here before I break your necks and leave you for the wolves!” I bark.
They disperse quickly, but it doesn’t settle me.
Tilly’s still watching me when I return my gaze. There’s a dare so proudly ingrained in the half-cocked grin she flashes, those small hands wrapping tighter around the fence. She stills her knee when it starts bouncing, but I catch the movement, refusing to ignore it.
I move, taking slow, predatory steps in her direction. The rise of her chest is sudden. It falls just as fast. I uncurl my fingers and leave them hanging limp at my sides.
“What’s wrong?” she asks innocently.
“Do you want me to go back to prison?”
Her eyes flash. “I don’t know what you mean.”
“You’re pissed off at me for something.”
“What makes you think that? Maybe I was just feeling really hot today and wanted to take a walk in something light and loose.”
Her soft perfume floods the air between us.
I inhale and trap a groan low in my chest. There’s no stopping myself from settling directly between her spread legs and taking a bare, warm knee in each hand.
She sucks her lip into her mouth when I guide both of her thighs around my waist, crossing them at my back.
“You have a lot of nerve just touching me like this without asking. Especially after ignoring me yet again today,” she tries to snap. It’s more a soft plea to keep her legs right where I’ve put them.
“And you’re out here wearing next to nothing in front of the entire ranch. Who’s got nerve now, hellcat? Because you’re lucky I haven’t turned you over this fence and smacked your ass raw for this.”
“That sounds a lot like a reward for you.”
My laugh is raw, grating the entire way up. “What are you punishing me for right now exactly?”
“How long were you going to avoid me while simultaneously claiming me as yours to anyone who’ll listen to what you have to say?
” she asks, chin raising. “Yeah, I know all about that little do-not-touch rule you’ve laid on the wranglers.
And if I’d been more focused when you were in my bed, I’d have kicked you in the balls. ”
“You’re predictable, Tilly.”
“And you want to get your ass beat by a girl.”
I squeeze her thighs and push my hands up beneath the hem of her—my—shirt. Her waist is hot to the touch, searing my palms. And for someone who seems to be so angry, she doesn’t shove me away.
Dropping my head, I press my fingers into her skin and let my breath ghost her temple. “I was going to find you tonight. I thought the both of us could use some space, so I’ve stayed away.”
“Space is for those who don’t know what they want.”
“Exactly.”
It’s a statement in and of itself. I watch with conflicted emotions as she digests it, her lips pursing around words that never make it out. The feel of her in my hands is better than any high I’ve ever had, and I press my jaw to her temple, inhaling deeply.
“It doesn’t feel like you don’t know what you want, Rowe. It feels like you’re just too scared to admit it,” she whispers, her hands finding mine beneath her shirt. “Avoidance won’t work. Not now.”
“I can’t have you.”
“But you want to.”
“What I want doesn’t matter,” I argue, the words growing strangled in my clenching throat. “I’ve got a million questions with no answers and hurt to last a lifetime. Having you like this isn’t going to change anything about that.”
Tipping her head back, she forces me to look at her. The moment I do, my determination wavers.
“You should have thought about that before you let me make you come back at that lake. The least you can do now is take me to your place and return the favour. Everything else can come later.” If ever, she doesn’t say.
“You want to be a fucking one-night stand?” I ask, disbelief colouring the question.
Her face twists in disgust. “No.”
“So?”
“Just shut up and take me to your cabin before I go ask one of those poor cowboys you warned away from me to take your place.”
She’s off the fence and wrapped around my front in a blink. I try to trap down the rage that fills me at the thought of her with anyone but me and fail. It comes out in physical form. My fingers pinch her cheeks, forcing her lips to pucker before I kiss her, gentle a thing of the past.
Her response is instant. The curl of her nails into my side is painful enough to make me hiss as she kisses me back, her teeth digging roughly into my lip.
I stalk through the dirt, not stopping until I can shove her up against the side of the truck and rip the door open.
She lowers her feet to the step bars and plants her ass on the leather seat.
“Every time you make me come, I’ll answer one of your questions,” she breathes into my mouth.
I still, staring hard into her blue eyes, daring her to try and lie to me right now. “Anything I want to know?”
“Anything.”
“Fine.”
My mouth slams against hers a final time before I force myself back and shut her inside the truck.
Everything feels too tight against my body as I turn my back to her and scrub a hand down my face.
I smell like fucking horse and the lingering scent of the wildfire hours to the West. It’s not exactly how I planned on doing this, but it’s already decided.
By the end of the night, I’ll know the truth about everything.