Chapter 38
TWENTY-ONE YEARS OLD
TILLY
Lacey keeps her arm laced through mine as we walk back to the campsite. She’s got some quick-tempo song playing from the speakers of her phone. We hop to the beat, and I blow out a laugh, letting her lean into my body when she moves too fast.
My parents have already been out doing their final check around the grounds, but my dad’s always extra cautious when we’re all here like this.
He’s overprotective to the extreme sometimes.
I’d have thought he’d know better than to waste his time now that Ash and I are officially adults.
Something tells me Dad will never grow out of his ways.
“How are you feeling, Tills?”
I shrug. “I’m okay. If this is how all breakups feel, then I don’t really know why everyone makes them out to be some big, scary thing.”
“You really don’t care?”
“Should I? Ezra was just a guy. There are a million more of them to choose from.”
And honestly, I know I can do way better. He was fun, I guess. At least at the start. I may only be twenty-one, but I know I don’t deserve to be with a guy who wants to change me. The first time he complained about the horse hair on my shirt, he started losing his shine.
“Ooooor, maybe you just realized that Rowe didn’t care whether you dated Ezra or not, so you decided to cut him loose,” Lacey suggests, her words slurring into one another.
I whip my head to the side and glare, hoping it burns her face. “Ouch. You’re lucky you’re drunk enough that I won’t hold that against you tomorrow.”
“You know it’s true. I’m not judging you, girl. It’s the oldest trick in the book.”
I dig my teeth into my cheek, tugging at the skin. “Do you think he knows that’s what I was doing?”
“Rowe?”
“Yeah.”
Lacey hums and haws for a minute before shaking her head. “I doubt it. Guys are dumb.”
“They are, but Rowe’s not like every other guy. He’s . . . different.”
“Are you admitting that you have a crush on him?”
I roll my eyes and straighten my shoulders, trying to brush it off like it means nothing.
In reality, it means too much. My feelings are growing too fast. I can’t even be alone with him anymore without wanting to say fuck it and kiss him just to see if he’ll push me away or pull me closer. Clearly, I haven’t done that yet.
He hasn’t given me any sort of hint as to how he felt toward me, so I opted to try and force his hand.
I went out on more dates, cut my shorts shorter, and even tried putting more makeup on because I’d heard him tell my brother that he thought one of the girls at the rodeo was hot.
She had red lipstick on, so obviously, I went out and bought three different shades of it.
He didn’t even look at my lips once when I wore it, so I threw them all into a dumpster.
Ezra was a Hail Mary. And turns out, he didn’t give a shit about him either.
I should have taken that as a clear answer, but then I saw him staring at my stomach last week.
I’d just ordered a few new shirts online, and Ash, being an idiot, shrunk them in the dryer, so they didn’t fall past my belly button anymore.
I hadn’t thought much of it when I showed up at the ranch wearing a black one, but then I’d felt eyes on me, and sure as shit, there Rowe was.
Sitting atop Diesel, he held himself with perfect posture, staring hard at my bared stomach.
For a solid two minutes, he just looked at me.
Then, I cleared my throat and forced his attention to snap upward.
I’ve never felt more beautiful than right then, which means something, considering I know I’m an attractive person.
That tiny glimmer of attention made my interest that much stronger, and I’ve been chasing that same high every day since. I have an entire drawer of crop tops to prove it.
“You have loose lips when you’re drinking. I’m not admitting shit to you right now,” I say, closing that door.
Lacey huffs heavily and pokes my cheek. “That’s rude. I’m supposed to be your friend.”
“And you are. I went to the bathroom with you, even though I didn’t have to go. That’s something only a friend would do.”
“You know, for a while, I thought you were into Shade,” she admits with a loud hiccup.
I pause, twisting my mouth on instinct. My nose crinkles high on my face while I blink three times in quick succession. “Shade? Like, the guy who just tattooed his own name onto his fingers?”
“Okay, so clearly, I was way off.”
In all fairness, Shade and Lacey know each other only because we kind of force them to. They aren’t close by any means, and that’s just fine with all of us. Shade is what I assume the very opposite of Lacey’s type is, in every way possible.
When we approach the campsite, I slow our steps, not wanting any of the guys to hear what we’re talking about. They’d never let us live this shit down, and I don’t need to give them any more reason to think they’re cooler than they are. We still have the rest of summer together to suffer through.
I spin in front of Lacey and grip her by the shoulders. Her eyes strain to hold my stare as she grins loopily. “We’re never mentioning this again, right?”
“You got it,” she agrees.
“Alright. Let’s go back and get you some water.”
Smoothing my hands down the wrinkled sleeves of her shirt, I nod one last time. We fall into step together again as we work our way back to the site. It’s quieter than it was when we left, even with Lacey’s music playing in her hand.
A foreboding sensation trickles up my neck the closer we get, and once we step through the throng of trees, it transforms into a tight squeeze around my nape.
The chairs are empty, but the fire is still blazing.
I do a slow circle before taking a few steps back onto the road.
There’s a set of headlights up ahead that I didn’t notice before.
“Where did they go?” Lacey asks.
“I’m gonna go look. You stay here and drink some water.”
“This is like the start of a horror film. I’ll come with you.”
I gently push her into Shade’s abandoned chair and pinch my brother’s jacket from the blanket on the grass before dropping it into her lap. “Just stay and put that on. It’s getting cold.”
“You’re bossy.”
“Yeah, I know. I’ll be back.”
She closes her eyes and tips her chin, the fight in her slowly fading. I wait until she’s draped the jean jacket over her front and then take hurried steps down the road. Goosebumps rise on my bare thighs when I start to make out figures moving around the car. Ezra’s car.
The door is open, but nobody is inside.
They’re on the road.
“That’s enough! We’ve made our point. He’s not going to show the videos to anyone.”
Shade’s voice cuts through me. My boot catches on a rock, and I trip a few forward paces, covering my mouth with a clammy palm. The scene unfolding is from my deepest, darkest nightmares.
No, it’s worse.
Ash is holding my ex-boyfriend up from behind, his arms beneath his armpits and eyes wilder than I’ve ever seen them.
They’re still glazed over, but fury makes them glow.
I can’t make out Ezra’s face, but I know it’s him.
It’s his blond hair that’s matted with blood, his voice muttering words that I can’t make out.
My brother staggers back half a step when the body—the man—blocking the way moves.
Rowe’s back and shoulders ripple through the tight expanse of his shirt as he twists, his boots planted firm to the gravel.
His hat is gone, lying in the grass. I can’t see his face or hear his voice.
And fuck, is that blood on the rocks? Is any of it his?
The trees blur beside me when I start to run, nearly reaching my destination before an arm cuts across my front, stopping me.
I push forward against it, but then it curls and hauls me backward.
A floppy mess of black hair appears, then Shade’s brown eyes.
They’re flooded with terror, and that makes mine worse.
“Back up, Tilly. You’ve gotta get out of here.”
My throat is sticky. I can’t breathe.
When my feet don’t move, Shade starts to drag me backward. I go a few inches before snapping back into myself and wiggling in his hold. Shaking my head, I flatten my hands to his body and shove.
“Let go of me!”
I’m panicking. Sweat drips down my spine as I lift my knee and bring it to his groin. It makes contact, and then he’s releasing me with a rabid curse. His hands fall to his crotch, and I rush past him on wobbly legs.
This is about the videos.
I didn’t think he’d actually share them. The messages he sent me earlier were threatening, but I didn’t take him seriously. I thought him having the nerve to record us was more than enough for a guy like him. Having them sent to my brother and his friends wasn’t a realistic possibility to me.
We weren’t even in love. It only lasted a few months. I don’t . . . I don’t . . .
“Rowe,” I murmur, reaching out a cautious hand. It makes contact with his bulging shoulder blade before he drives his fist into Ezra’s chest. “You need to stop. He isn’t worth—”
Ezra’s face is . . .
Ash drops his body, a startled noise escaping him when he notices me, fury morphing into shame.
There’s blood on him too. It’s smeared across his throat and staining his light blue shirt.
Rowe catches Ezra and lowers him to the ground.
I stand frozen in place, sipping in short, staggered breaths, watching the only boy I think I’ll ever truly love fall to his knees.
That’s what it has to be. After all these years, I must love him. It’s the only thing that makes sense.
“Tilly,” Ash starts, sounding so unlike himself. “You need to go get Dad.”
I ignore him, dropping to kneel beside Rowe. Lifting my eyes to the sky, I avoid looking down at Ezra and touch my friend again. His face is blanched, ghostly. There’s a faraway look in his eyes that guts me far more than knowing my ex sounds like he’s gurgling water when he breathes.