Chapter 16 #2
Jas is at the back of the pack, somewhat more sympathetic to the fact it’s barmy for us to be resuming rehearsals while one of our cast is missing. ‘Sabrina said his mum’s found him.’
Oh thank Sondheim! He’s not on his own. He’s with someone who loves and encourages him. His biggest champion, he said.
‘He’s coming back then?’ Zeb asks, and Jas shrugs.
‘She didn’t say… Just that we knew he was safe now.’ Jas blows us a kiss and hurries on down the stairs with everyone else.
‘I’d be surprised if he came back,’ Oisín says at the back of the pack, in no rush at all. ‘He seemed pretty doom and gloom when I saw him in the dressing room…’
I put my hand on his shoulder, stopping him from heading past. ‘You spoke to him? At lunch?’267
He turns, his smarmy grin making me sick. ‘Oh aye, seemed quite shook up that I’d seen you giving him the shift.’
‘The what?’ Gabby asks.
‘Making out! He didn’t like when I said I was grateful he was distracting you from the competition… Not one bit.’
‘You said that to him?’ I growl, wanting to throttle him.
‘Hey! All’s fair in love and musical theatre, isn’t it?’
He slips out of my hold, skipping down the stairs to sound check.
‘He’s such a dick!’ Zeb complains, but my attention shifts to the top of the stairs, where Sabrina is escorting a teary Ella through the doors.
‘Ah! Just the people Ella could use right now,’ Sabrina says, encouraging Ella forward.
I open my arms to give Ella a hug, knowing how solid a friendship she’s built with Tarun this week. ‘I was so worried about him,’ she says into my chest.
‘Me too. But he’s with his mum now. That’s better, isn’t it?’
‘Yes … but he should be back here, performing with all of us.’
That’s all I want too. He has to show everyone how magical he is on stage. ‘He’s got it in his head he doesn’t belong here.’268
‘Anxious minds will do that,’ she says, loosening our hug to look up at me. ‘Convince you of something unless there’s absolute proof to the opposite.’
‘That’s what we need to do then,’ I say, looking at the motley crew of Ella, Zeb, Gabby and our chaperone around me. ‘Follow me. I’ve got a plan.’
‘What are you plotting?’ Zeb asks as I encourage them down the stairs.
‘We need to give him undeniable proof that he’s one of us. And that the show can’t go on without him.’
Tarun
Mum’s let me cry myself out, her arms still wrapped around me and my luggage. ‘You are my brave, brilliant son, Tarun. Who I love with all my heart: just as you are. You know that, don’t you? That I’m proud of you every single day?’
‘Yes. But Dad—’
‘—is a knob. If I’ve ever not asserted that strongly enough to you, I’m sorry. I tried for so many years to make him see sense… Even through the divorce I’ve never wanted to speak badly of him to you. Maybe that was bad parenting by me.’
I grab her hand. ‘You’ve never been a bad parent… You’re the best.’269
Her kind eyes smile at last. ‘Thank you, sohna. I thought you deserved a relationship with him, whatever his failings. But I’m telling you now, anyone who could make you feel like he has, isn’t worth wasting your energy on, trying to get approval.
This boyfriend of yours isn’t going to grow up to be a knob, is he? ’
‘No.’ I laugh through my tears. ‘He’s the kindest boy I’ve ever met. The only thing he’s going to grow up to be is a musical-theatre star. But he’s also not my boyfriend!’
‘Not yet…’ She grins, wiping the tear running down my cheek. ‘There’s no better place to seal the deal than at the after-show party. Or at least that’s what Eimear from work says, and she’s in the am-dram society.’
‘Mum … I can’t go back. I don’t have what it takes. I don’t belong there with them.’
She goes to speak, but we’re both distracted by a loud vibration from the phone in her hand. She checks it and turns the screen to me, showing Sabrina’s name above a message.
A little something everyone here would like Tarun to watch
Beneath there’s a video preview, showing Ella and Olly standing close to the camera in the wings of the theatre. There’s a lump in my throat seeing my amazing friends again.270
‘Tarun?’ Mum asks, rushing to stand next to me so we can see the screen together. ‘This is from your friends? And is that the boy? Oh, Tarun, he’s very handsome, isn’t he? Play it! Play it!’
She doesn’t give me chance to follow her demands, leaning forward and pressing play herself.
They come to life on the screen, Ella taking the lead. ‘Tarun, we thought you should see our faces.’
‘Seeing as you’re ignoring our calls,’ Olly interjects. ‘But we wanted to show you that you have to come back.’
‘We miss you so much. There’s no show without you here.’
‘I know someone spoke to you in the dressing room, but don’t believe anything they said. The only distraction is you not being here.’
‘Come back,’ Ella says, taking a gathering breath, truly affected by me being gone. ‘I know you’re in panic mode, but Olly and I, and more people than you might think, will support you however we can on stage tonight.’
‘We’re a company. It’s what we do,’ Olly says.
‘When we first met, I called you a “real-life Peggy Sawyer”, and you had no idea who that was, which is totally fine! But that means you don’t know that in 42nd Street, Peggy runs away too.
She’s scared she’s messed things up for the cast and doesn’t think she has what it takes.
But the director finds her and tells her, in one of the most iconic moments 271in musical theatre, that Broadway’s what she’s got to think of: the lights, the songs, the cast all together.
And that’s what we all want you to see. There’s no show without you here! ’
And then, the camera pans around, and nearly the full cast (Oisín thankfully missing) are stood in the wings, and they start to sing a song about the ‘Lullaby of Broadway’, kicking and jazz hand-ing and—
‘Oh, Tarun. Look! It’s your people!’ Mum comments as they sing the song in harmony, and my hands tremble. But not with nerves. With happiness.
‘We love you, Tarun! Get back and be on stage with us! This is where you belong!’ Olly shouts as the song ends, and the assembled contestants wave and blow kisses.
The video stops and I’m unable to find words.
‘How can you say no to that?’ Mum asks. ‘They did a full song and dance for you!’
I nod. They’ve shown me I can be brave. That I can belong with them.
‘I’m going back, I promise. You can tell Sabrina we’re on our way. There’s just one thing I need to do first.’
‘Tarun, I think time is of the essence!’ she says, checking her watch as I crouch down to rifle through my bag for my phone.
My knuckle grazes the sharp edges of the Sisyphus Rising cast recording while I search, and Olly’s gift reminds me of all the stories in the show about 272pushing a boulder up the hill.
That’s what I have to do now if I ever want to get to the top. To be free.
‘I promise I’ll be quick…’ I say, fishing the phone out of my bag and gripping it tight.
Because I can’t go back with a cloud of shame hanging over me. Not now I know how it feels to be proudly a part of something. So, I go to my contacts, scroll through the names, and click on ‘Dad’.