Chapter 19
Ninteen
While I finish typing my history paper, I can’t help hearing Kai and Milo bickering in the other bedroom. A bathroom divides us, but it doesn’t stop—Kai’s voice, especially—from invading my space.
It actually makes me grin. I shouldn’t be feeling so happy about my best friend being miserable. But he’s been acting really sucky lately. If my staying here is causing him friction, then good.
I get up from the desk and walk to the doorway as Kai stomps into the living room.
“How was your evening with Tabitha?” I ask in a salty tone.
“It was the only highlight of the day,” Kai says bluntly.
“Were you even at a restaurant tonight?”
“Wow, you’re starting on me too. I already got enough heat from Mom and Dad.” Kai runs a hand over his head, agitated. “Going out to the cliff was just an idea. Tabby wanted to go out for dinner, so I did what she wanted.”
I huff. “Lucky her.”
Kai groans. “Then I come home to my room practically turning into a library. He’s totally raging on me because I wanted to turn music on in my own bedroom.”
“He’s given up his space too,” I say, clutching my elbows as I lean against the doorframe.
Kai huffs as he perches on the arm of the couch. “What are you doing sticking up for him? You’re supposed to be on my side.”
“I saw a different side tonight. Your parents forced him to spill info on you.”
“Milo’s a traitor, you know that. Or are you suddenly Team Milo?”
I pout, flashes of my first kiss running through my mind. Does this now make me the traitor? “I was just trying to say I feel guilty for taking over his space.”
Kai rolls his eyes, gets off the couch, and walks over to me. “Don’t get sad about it. I’d kick my brother out of the house to keep you here.”
I laugh and let him side hug me. “I don’t want Milo out on the streets.”
Kai smirks as he pulls back. “Yeah, because Mom would never get off my case.”
I fake a smile. “Yeah, that’s why.”
“Has she been giving you a hard time about studying?”
I shake my head. “Not really. I’m doing it regardless because there’s so much to do.”
“It’s making you so boring.”
I step back into the threshold of Milo’s bedroom. “Why do you care? You have Tabitha to hang out with. Apparently, she’s the only person who’s made you happy today.”
“That's because my best friend isn’t being herself and sneaking out with me.”
“Because I need to grow up and do the work.” I almost yell it. “Geez, Kai. What are you not getting?”
He shrugs and turns away. “I just can’t wait for it all to be over and for things to go back to normal.”
“My scholarship will always be based on my academic record. I need to keep this up to stay in school.”
“So, you’ll turn into one of the brainwashed masses and keep regurgitating the crap they force feed us in school?”
“I’m sick of feeling dumb,” I admit. “I never realized it before because I never paid attention. But now that I’m learning stuff, it’s a massive struggle. I just feel like an idiot. I’m sick of feeling behind. It’s embarrassing when Milo’s teaching me and I just don’t get it.”
Kai sniggers. “You want to impress Milo?”
I grip the door hard and step back. “No. I want to impress myself.” I slam the door hard, vibrating the bedroom walls.
Why is he being such a butthead? I guess it’s worse because this is the first time in our friendship that we’re not on the same page.
I mean, sure, I’d love for things to go back to normal.
I freaking love hanging out with Kai and having fun.
But until my grade average is higher, I can’t strike that balance.
I move back to the desk and pick up the diary. I smooth my hand over the cover and smile. “I’ll make you proud, Mom.”
I take a deep breath and open the diary. I skim through her talking about Buzz and how she wishes she could see him more. He lives in Victoria Falls and she can’t afford to drive over often enough. He’s a running back on the football team, and training has gotten intense, leaving no room for her.
Hmm. Maybe I should get Kai to read that and see that sometimes other obligations get in the way of relationships.
My fingers tremble around the page when Mom talks about another guy named Trigger.
What kind of a name is that? She’s into his leather jacket and the fact his hands are blackened and smell of grease from working on cars all day.
She hasn’t said anything bad about him yet, but I’m bracing for the worse.
When I was really little, Mom told me stories about her parents. Her dad spent most of their money on alcohol, and one day took off. Her mom then met Maddy’s dad and there was hope that things would change for the better. But once Maddy was two-years-old, her dad started hitting their mom.
I’m so lucky to have my mom. She might not be with us anymore, but she did her darndest to get Maddy and I out of that house.
Her mom was complacent in her toxic life.
I love that my mom had strength and integrity.
People like Camila want to taint her memory and put her down because of the things she did for money.
But Lily West would’ve done anything to provide for us.
She’s still listed as a missing person. With what her dad did and how much she struggled, the cops wholeheartedly believe she escaped her life. But she’d never leave us. In the past, I never let myself think about it. Now, I want to find out what happened to her.
I look down and skim through Trigger's introduction of Trigger. This guy could be my dad. He could’ve been the last person to see my mom alive.
I shudder at the thought. Aunt Maddy told the cops about Mom’s known associates when she first went missing.
Surely, they interviewed this guy? But if he said she ran away, maybe they believed him.
My head feels so full that finishing my paper seems like a way to chill out.
I read over my draft several times before emailing it to Milo.
I type a short message along with the attachment.
“Can you point out any paragraphs I need to expand on? I think it’s good, but it might not be good enough for Mr. Duncan. ”
While I wait for Milo’s reply, I scroll around on the school portal. There’s a message from Coach Anders. “Everything okay with the baby simulator?”
I crack my knuckles and type a reply. “Last night was rough! But Milo and I have been working well together and today seems okay.”
My mind drifts back to that kiss. Will Milo even look at my email after the way he hurried out of here? Will we ever talk or make eye contact again? Our hands even brushed together several times today. I don’t want to lose that. Not over a silly kiss.
Well, if I’m honest, I want more of those silly kisses.
Why did he have to run off like that?
Before I can spiral, a reply pings in my portal messages. From Milo.
“It looks good. Paragraphs 3 & 4 seem a little rushed, so maybe tidy those up. Overall, it looks like a solid B.”
A B? Oh my gosh! Aunt Maddy will be stoked. I can’t wait to show this off to her.
I rub the space on my chest over my heart. He read my essay right away. Things are still okay.
Thank goodness!
I still need Milo’s help with math and English, but I don’t want to push it.
He’s working on his own assignments while looking after Gandalf and dealing with Kai’s mood.
I sit back on the desk chair and turn my head toward the wall shared with the bathroom.
My eyes squint as I try my best to prick my ears.
I wonder if Gandalf is fussing. Hope Milo knows to ask for help if he needs it.
I turn back to my laptop and reply to Milo. “Thank you so much! I doubt I’ll get a B, but it means a lot. How are things with Gandalf?”
His replies hits two minutes later. “I’ve fed him now, just rocking him against me as I type. Don’t worry, I won’t cut corners this time.”
His answer makes me laugh. I enjoy that there’s still ease flowing between us.
However, it gives me pause. Are we ignoring that the kiss happened?
Did it happen? Did I go crazy and imagine it?
Was it just a higher level of fantasy and he ran out of the bedroom purely because I was comatose and drooling?
Oh my gosh. This is so embarrassing.
No, I didn’t imagine it. The kiss must’ve sucked and now he’s ignoring the subject.
Dang. It really felt good to me. I’m probably worse at kissing than him. Yet another thing he’ll have to teach me. Hmm. Kissing lessons don’t sound like a bad idea.
“If he gets annoying, you can drop him off with me. I don’t mind.”
“It’s all good. You’ve already done a lot.”
I close out of the school portal and stare at my King Lear notes.
I push them aside. So not in the mood. Through my bedroom door, I hear the blasts and catchphrases from Shadow Quests coming from the TV.
Should I go out and play with Kai to bury the hatchet?
It’d be better than getting up in the morning and having harsh awkwardness between us.
I get off the chair and move to the door. I turn the door knob slowly and pull the door open without a creak. I spy the back of Kai’s head over the couch and hear him talking. His voice is low, and it takes a while to work out what he’s saying.
That is until he mentions dinner. Holy cow. He just spent the whole day with Tabitha, including a dinner date, and now he’s on the phone with her?
I close the door and storm over to the bed.
I plonk face first and tug the covers over me.
Screw this. He should’ve knocked on my door and made up with me.
He chose to chat with her instead of making things right.
He says he misses me, but he doesn’t act like it.
He’s the one who’s changed for the worse.
My angry thoughts spiral in my head until darkness consumes me into a lulled sleep. I wake up groggily with the overhead lights still on. I check my phone.
2.30 a.m.