Chapter 32
Thirty-Two
My camera sits in my lap as the second band of the night plays on stage. The lanyard around my neck feels heavier than it should for something made of nylon and a laminated card.
‘Miranda Knox Management: Photography.’
I run my thumb along the edge as Madison leans in close with her phone angled so we can both see the screen.
“I know you didn’t want to check it at school today,” she says, “but I did before coming here tonight.”
It’s the school paper. Madison scrolls slowly, and I follow the movement of the page. Past the masthead. Past the editorial. Past the arts section where my name could have been. Where a story about grief and a scandal involving my parents’ names could have been.
Jasper Whitmore’s name is nowhere to be seen. It’s someone else’s byline and a story about the arts club fundraiser.
“He didn’t run it.” Madison locks her phone and slides it into her bag with satisfaction. “I don’t know if someone got to him or if he lost his nerve, but it’s not there.”
“It doesn’t matter why. I’m just so grateful my parents aren’t there in black and white.”
“Agreed,” she decides. “There was no room in the school paper for something like that. I wouldn’t be surprised if Mr. Deluca said something.”
My smile is effortless. “Mr. Deluca is the best. I’m so grateful he’s giving me time to adjust. All my teachers have been great. Today, I went to each one, ready to grovel, but they were all so understanding. I thought for sure they were going to take up all my free time with detentions.”
“Not exactly a great look to give the girl, who just lost her parents, detentions.”
“They would have been right to do so. I was flaking on my classes.”
“You’re grieving and started attending your new school much too soon. Your teachers are cutting you some slack. Do the same for yourself.”
I exhale a long breath. “Thanks, Mads. It’s been really nice having you sticking with me.”
Madison giggles. “Even when I asked you to repeatedly describe your kiss with Ryder throughout lunch?”
“I’m giving you a pass because it beat being alone like the rest of my lunch periods.” I can’t help spying over my shoulder. “Speaking of classes, I didn’t see Jasper in photography today. Is he here tonight?”
“Nope, haven’t seen him or his parents.”
I wince. “Dang it. I know Miranda was hoping to get an investment from his dad.”
“Wasn’t it something your aunt said that made Jasper snoop into your business in the first place?”
“Yeah, but I know she’ll still need some cash flow.”
Madison’s eyes narrow. “You’re not thinking of handing over the settlement from your…”
“No,” I blurt. “Well, I don’t know.”
“You know, my parents are here tonight,” she replies casually. “They might not be Victoria Falls locals, but they’ve made a few small investments.”
“Really?”
“Sure. They need to find their place in the community too.”
“Only if your parents do their due diligence. My aunt has a reputation of making risky choices.”
“Noted,” Madison replies. “But at least she made one good choice: taking you in.”
“That’s so cheesy, and I love it.”
Madison smiles. “Let’s introduce them after the show.”
I nod. “Deal.”
Madison tucks her bag under her seat and sits back, scanning the venue.
“Your aunt knows what she’s doing,” Madison says. “Four bands, and Sky Chaos is headlining. Very impressive.”
“She’s been going in to bat for them every day this week.”
“Even if they’re not signed by Kensington Entertainment Group, they could still get a deal. This room is packed with influencers who will film the entire thing.”
I look out at the crowd again, trying to see what Madison sees.
“The girl in the red jacket near the sound booth,” Madison says pointedly.
“She’s been posting for Garage Fever since last month.
Twenty-eight thousand followers.” Her eyes move across the crowd, and I try to keep up.
“The two guys by the left aisle are The Inlet Boys’ people.
They have a combined reach of about sixty thousand.
And there’s a girl three rows behind us who I’m pretty sure is freelancing for two different acts tonight.
Which is either very efficient or a conflict of interest, depending on how you look at it. ”
I turn to stare at her. “How do you know all of this?”
“This is what I want to do.” Madison smooths the edge of her programme with her thumb. “And because someone reached out to me in a DM.”
“Who?”
“Someone from Garage Fever’s management. They checked out my following, engagement rate, and my demographics,” she says matter-of-factly. “They wanted me to post tonight, exclusively about Garage Fever.”
“Did you accept?”
She looks at me, stifling a laugh. “How could I say yes when I see Sky Chaos in the hallways at school? I’d much rather support a band I have a chance of actually connecting with.”
I nudge her. “Plus, they know your name.”
She blushes. “I think the guys are great. I couldn’t shill for another band.”
“The guys will appreciate it.”
She nudges me back. “One guy in particular?”
Sweat dampens under my collar. “I have to admit, when I think of Sky Chaos, I only think of one guy.”
Her eyebrows wiggles. “Especially after that mind-blowing kiss.”
“I am not describing it again.”
Madison giggles. “I won’t make you. Although, I’m thinking after tonight, there will be new kisses you can tell me all about.”
“You need a boyfriend,” I half-joke. “But, as for me and Ryder, I still don’t fully know what it means. I feel lost if I don’t have his connection.”
Madison mutters under her breath, “Sounds like love.”
“Heard that.”
She laughs. “Good.”
The band on stage finishes their act to genuine applause. They’re good. Across the aisle, men in suits are nodding and talking over each other.
The auditorium has a different buzz about it while crew members work on stage to make changes between sets.
When the next band takes the stage, I see Miranda making her way up the aisle with determination.
When she reaches our seats, she doesn’t waste words. “He needs you.”
I stare at her. “What?”
“Ryder,” Miranda’s voice is low, keeping it from being overheard. “He’s not in a good place.”
“Are his parents with him?”
Miranda nods.
“His mom usually talks him down from his stage fright.”
“This is something else,” Miranda whispers. “Whatever his parents are trying, it isn’t working.”
The lanyard is warm from where I’ve been holding it. “Miranda, I don’t know what you think I can do.”
“I don’t know either,” she admits. “But I know the change in him when he has you in his corner. Will you come with me?”
I glance back at Madison.
“Go,” Madison says, gesturing to the aisle. “I’ll hold your seat.”
Backstage is a different world. Garage Fever’s sound bleeds through the walls as I follow Miranda. The narrow corridors are crowded with flight cases and crew members with headsets. I pass a whiteboard near the stage manager’s station and feel a zing of nerves reading: ‘Sky Chaos, 9:45 slot.’
Garage Fever’s chorus hits so hard I feel it in my sternum, and somewhere in this building the girl in the red jacket is posting about it.
And Ryder is supposed to walk out next and play like a pro.
I find him standing against the wall outside the main dressing room, and he is completely, unnervingly still. His parents are close. Mrs. Hamilton with her hand on his arm, Mr. Hamilton beside her. Chase and Brooks are hovering with uncertain and anxious energy.
A crew member catches Miranda’s eye, and she moves to redirect the room. She manages the band members and murmurs something to Mr. Hamilton that makes him nod and step back.
Which leaves Ryder.
And me.
He sees me before I reach him. Relief moves through his face, then immediately something that looks like shame. He straightens off the wall as if he were caught doing something wrong.
“You didn’t have to come back here,” he says.
“I know.”
“I’m fine.”
“I know that too,” I lie.
Through the walls, Garage Fever builds toward what sounds like their second chorus. The bass is relentless. I feel it in my back teeth.
Up close, Ryder looks undone, like he’s terrified and trying not to show it. His hands are at his sides, slightly too still, like he’s concentrating on keeping them from shaking.
Mrs. Hamilton gives me a small, tired smile and steps away to join her husband. And then it’s just us in the loudest quiet I’ve ever stood in.
“Garage Fever has been building their following for two years,” Ryder says, low and controlled. “The Inlet Boys have a producer already attached. I have…”
He stops, exhaling hard.
“You have the headline slot,” I say.
“They’ll regret giving it to me.”
“Why would you say that?” I hold his gaze. “You earned it. You own every stage you walk onto.”
He looks away. Through the wall, Garage Fever drops into a quieter bridge, and the suddenness makes the space between us feel heavier.
“I hate this,” he says it to himself more than to me. “I hate that Miranda had to get you. I told her not to. I said I’d figure it out.”
I close the gap between us. “You don’t have to figure this out on your own.”
“At the soundcheck today,” there’s almost something timid about his voice, “I got up on stage and froze. In the soundcheck. I’ve never done that.”
“Ryder, it’s a big moment today. It’s okay to get scared.”
“If I can’t do this, how am I going to make it? I’m a joke.”
“That’s the biggest lie you’ve ever told. You know your talent is real. You deserve your place in the industry.”
He frowns, sliding against the wall. “I need you too much, and it’s not fair.”
Outside the walls, Garage Fever crashes back into the chorus. All drums and distortion. I step forward and put my hands flat on his chest, and feel him go very still beneath my palms.
“Ryder.”
He looks down at my hands, and then up at my face, barely breathing.
“I might not need you during a storm anymore,” I say quietly, “but I want you standing beside me.” I hold his gaze. “You have me because being without you hurts.”
Something breaks open in his expression, and he releases a breath. His hands come up and cover mine where they rest against his chest. His fingers are warm, and he holds them there without moving.
“Truly?” he murmurs.
“Truly.”
He closes his eyes for just a second. When he opens them, the terror is further away. He turns his head and presses his lips to my temple. The pulse of his kiss moves all the way down to my toes.
“Stay where I can see you,” he murmurs. “I just need to know where you are.”
“Stage left,” I say. “I’ll be there the whole time.”
He pulls back just enough to look at me. His hands are still over mine. Through the wall, Garage Fever finishes to a wave of applause.
“Alice.”
“I’m not leaving you,” I say softly. “You’re ready.”
He looks at me for one more moment, as if he’s memorizing it.
He nods, straightening as he pushes off the wall.
Ryder Hamilton puts himself back together, and then I watch him go.
My hands press against my sternum as my heart does something undignified. I take a deep breath and want so badly for him to do well. Nothing matters at this moment but him.
Shaking out my clammy hands, I find my spot in the wings.
He finds me the moment he walks out. Stage left, exactly where I said. The corner of his mouth lifts. It’s just slightly, and it’s just for me. Then he faces the audience, and the room erupts. Now, he is someone else entirely.
Or maybe he’s the version he was always meant to be.
The version I know is underneath his armor.
The version he’s worked so hard to become. To retire his parents. To make it on his own, no matter what his grade point average is.
I let myself feel every single ounce of love for him and soak up every second of the solid opening riff, unbothered that I left my camera on the seat beside Madison.