Chapter 2 #2
I popped one in my mouth immediately, the molten cheese nearly burning a hole through my tongue. “Worth it,” I mumbled around it, making her crack up so hard she snorted.
That sound—that joy—was everything.
The night derailed from there: her dragging me to pose with the painted silver street performer, me daring her to try the spiciest hot sauce at a booth, both of us buying stupid tourist sunglasses we absolutely didn’t need.
Every time she leaned into me laughing, every time her hand brushed my arm, I let myself believe this was more than nostalgia.
That maybe, finally, I could stop playing it safe.
By the time we wound up near the Ferris wheel, she looped her arm through mine like she used to, tugging me toward the line. “Last dare,” she said, eyes gleaming. “Top of the wheel. You have to tell me the most embarrassing thing you’ve done since graduation.”
Easy. Spending years missing her and never doing a damn thing about it.
But I smiled, squeezing her hand where it rested in my elbow. “You first, Sanders. I want to end the night laughing at you, not myself.”
She laughed again, bright and carefree, and I knew right then this night wasn’t one I’d forget. No chance in hell.
“Mm, not sure I agree with that deal, but okay, big guy. Let’s go wait in line.”
We joined the short line, and when Em tried to pay for the tickets, I shooed her hand away yet again.
I didn’t know much about her situation, but I made so much money it was stupid.
I lived in a two-bedroom condo, saved everything I made.
Despite my parents thinking football was a disappointing choice—which was wild.
My sister Nat and I thought they were ridiculous for their judgmental attitudes.
They expected us to be these visions they created for us, where they wanted us to be doctors or lawyers, and any step away from the path resulted in a cold shoulder for weeks at a time.
I was a homebody, so I maybe spent money on experiences once a month. One night with Em, I wanted to buy everything here for her.
“Okay, so, Abbott,” she said, swallowing hard. The laughter left her eyes as we got onto the Ferris wheel.
“What’s wrong?” I let her go in first, then slid into the seat next to her. It smelled like popcorn and funnel cake, and it paired well with her perfume. “Don’t tell me you’re scared of our challenge?”
“No, not that.” She clicked the seatbelt and gripped the side bar so tight her knuckles were white. “I forgot that I’m actually slightly terrified of heights.”
My chest squeezed, and I stood to get us off, but I was too late. We were in the car. “Damn, Em, you should’ve said.”
I sat next to her, pressing my thigh against hers and reaching over to unclench her fingers. “Come on, use me. I got you.”
She didn’t hesitate. She wrapped her arms around my middle, resting her head on my chest as I held her close.
My breath shuddered from the heat, the want, the millions of what-ifs that happened in our four-year friendship back at college.
I would’ve given my heart up for this girl then, and had anything really changed?
“God, this is embarrassing. I’m supposed to seem put together and like I’m thriving! I’m clinging to you and so, so uncool.”
I rested my chin on her head, chuckling as her fingers dug deeper into my torso. “I mean, I’m not complaining. I have a beautiful woman throwing herself at me. Could be worse.”
“Shut up. You have that all the time, Abbott.”
“Nah, they aren’t you though,” I said the words as my stomach bottomed out. That was bold of me. Too bold. Too far. I froze—what if she thought that was too much? What if I crossed the line? I just got her back, and I didn’t want to lose her again. How could I save that comment?
“Right, they probably have their shit together.”
“Whoa, hey.” Frowning, I used my finger to tilt her chin up, forcing her to look at me.
Her blue eyes had that sadness from earlier, only she wasn’t hiding it now.
She let it all out, let me see the truth going on in her mind.
“What is this, Em? What is this…self-doubt? That’s not you. That’s not the girl I know.”
Her eyes watered before she blinked, glancing over my shoulder. I waited. I knew better than to force an answer out of her. She’d tell me when she was ready.
She exhaled, her minty breath hitting my face as she chuckled at me. “I forgot how much you know me.”
“Yeah, pro and a con of being friends with me.” I pushed a strand of her hair behind her ear, dragging my gaze from her pouty lips to her eyes. “So what’s going on?”
“Jesus.” She slammed her eyes shut, pulling away from me, but I wouldn’t let her. I kept my grip on her hip and my fingers on her chin.
“No, sweetheart, you can’t run from me. You’re in a Ferris wheel.”
Her blue eyes flashed before her shoulders slumped.
“Noah, I’m embarrassed, okay? Everyone has their shit together, and I don’t.
I haven’t seen you for years, and instead of having something cool, like you playing in the NFL, I have two part-time jobs and a hobby people find cute.
I want you to see me and be like damn, she’s fucking awesome, and instead, I’m sad and lost.”
I had a lot of things I wanted to say, yet being patient and quiet would be better for her.
She was getting it all out, like she’d bottled up these worries for months and had no one to share with them.
Instead of speaking, I nodded, urging her to go on.
I also made sure to grab her hand and give her the touch she needed.
“I have so many good things in my life, so I feel ungrateful that I’m not thriving.
I’m not the wild free spirit I was in college.
Sorry to disappoint you. I wanted to be, even for one might, but I’m lame.
I live alone. Well, I have my dog with me who is my best friend.
Sassy, she’s… the best, but anyway. I’m constantly comparing myself to others and coming up short, and now I’m complaining to you, my oldest friend, and I’m sure you’ll never wanna talk to me again. ”
I squeezed her hand, letting the silence grow for a beat. “There is a lot to unpack there, but before we do, I’m gonna clarify a few things for you.”
“Oh, am I getting an infamous Noah lecture?” Her lips curved up, replacing that frown with a smile.
“Uh-huh and you’re gonna be a good girl and listen.
” I took a deep breath and made sure she was looking into my eyes as I said, “Every single time I think about you or see you, I think you are fucking awesome. Doesn’t matter what jobs you have or don’t have.
And if you think people have their shit together…
let me tell you. The guys on the team making millions?
Some of them are children. Literally. They are a mess.
No one actually has their shit together in life.
We all have different ways of pretending we’re adults.
So I really don’t like to hear you, the coolest, best person I know, talk down about yourself. I forbid it.”
“Oh, that’s how it’s solved? You forbid it?” she fired back, the same amusement on her face as earlier. “How are you gonna ensure that happens, Abbott?”
“Guess we need to hang out more. Only way to be certain.”
“I mean, that doesn’t sound horrible.”
I rolled my eyes, pulling her back against my chest and breathing her in. “Wow, talk about giving a guy confidence.”
“You don’t need any more of that, big guy. Look at you,” she said, her voice muffled because her face pressed against my shirt.
I wanted to correct her, that I was not in fact this super confident, sure-of-himself dude.
But I loved that she saw me that way. I held her closer, closing my eyes and letting myself enjoy this moment with her.
The wheel circled around, and we were almost to the top, and that was when an idea struck.
“You ready for an adventure list idea, Em? Or are you too scared?”