Chapter 11 #2
I swore she nodded. Her attention moved toward Noah’s door with a slight whine.
“You’re right, Sas.” I smoothed my retro Rampage shirt down, ensuring I didn’t have any stains on it since I’d changed.
My feet were bare as I padded my way toward Noah’s bedroom, past Miles’s, and I lightly tapped on the wooden frame.
His movement stilled, then heavy thuds carried until the door swung open. “Is everything okay, Em?”
“Hey, yeah, of course.” I swallowed, nervous for some silly reason.
Noah towered in the doorframe, his head almost touching the top.
And his shoulders were so broad. He took up the entire frame, and my skin heated just thinking about how large he was.
He always had been, but seeing him in his bedroom, the king bed in view behind his shoulder…
I cleared my throat. “I wanted to check on you.”
“I’m fine.” He frowned, his dark eyebrows furrowing. He leaned against the door, one hand playing with the leather bracelet he always wore.
“Noah,” I said, taking a chance and reaching out to take his hand in mine. It was twice the size, and I stared at his palm, tracing circles in it. “You’re not. You don’t need to put on the front with me. I know you. Now, come out here with me.”
My words must’ve given him permission to feel. His shoulders slumped, his head hung on his chest, and he released the biggest sigh, like he’d been holding it in for days. He’d been there for me so many times. Countless times. I could return the favor.
“Come on, big guy.”
He let me lead him because who was I kidding?
There was no world where I could physically make Noah do a damn thing.
He was twice my size. Arms the size of tree trunks, legs even thicker.
Yet he was the kindest, gentlest person I knew.
I led him to the couch and pushed him down, my hands on his shoulders as he stared up at me.
“Okay, where are you feeling the stress?”
“Em, please, you don’t—”
“Noah Abbott, I swear, don’t you dare lie to me.” I narrowed my eyes, and my glasses slid down my nose a bit. I pushed them up and caught a slight smile on his face. “Oh, is something amusing to you?”
“You’re just cute.” He leaned back onto the couch, the movement causing me to stumble and fall with him. I landed in his lap, the heat and warmth of him overwhelming me for a second. He smelled so good, clean and pine. And god, his muscles were so big.
Cute. He thought I was cute.
I froze in his lap, both hands pressed to his chest as I tried to steady myself.
His chest rose under my palms, and the warmth from him spread through my entire body, settling deep and low in a way I didn’t want to examine yet.
Noah looked up at me with that soft smile, and the weight of it made something inside me flip hard.
I scrambled off him and stood between his knees, pretending I was much calmer than I felt. “Sit still, okay? Let me help you.”
He nodded and adjusted himself so he sat forward, elbows on his thighs.
His shoulders were tense and rigid like he was holding up a weight.
I moved behind him, sitting on the back of the couch, and placed my hands on the top of his shoulders and waited for him to exhale.
When he did, I pressed my thumbs into the dense muscles and felt the way his body eased under my touch.
His head dropped forward as a low groan left him.
“Right there,” he said, voice soft. “God, that feels good, Em.”
I kept my focus on his shoulders, finding each knot one at a time and working through them slowly.
His skin was warm under the soft cotton of his shirt, and I could feel every breath he took.
He relaxed more with each second, and I had to bite my lip to focus because his body under my hands felt incredible.
He’d only gotten stronger since college.
He had so many angles and hard ridges, all hard-earned.
My heart beat fast as heat crept up my hand.
Would his skin feel just as warm? God, I wanted to slide my hands under his shirt and explore.
It’s Noah! My brain yelled at me, but the heat and tingles and swooping low in my gut didn’t care.
I brought my hands up over his ears, massaging his neck, and he moaned. “Fuck, yes, Em. There… god.”
I laughed as he leaned back into me, putting his weight against me.
My legs were wrapped around him, and his back pressed against my chest and core—the position was incredibly intimate, but I liked it.
I liked being near him, close to him like this.
I wanted to help him relax, but every time I was close to Noah, my own body relaxed, like it knew I was safe.
“Can we talk about what happened today?”
He stayed quiet for a moment. His breathing grew slower as I moved from his shoulders to the base of his neck.
I felt the smallest tremor in him when I circled my thumbs along the edges of his spine.
When he spoke, his voice was soft and tired.
“If I start talking about it, I don’t know if I’ll stop.
I’m trying not to dump everything on you. ”
“I want you to share with me,” I said, sliding my fingers up to his temples. I used both hands to rub slow circles there, and he let out another quiet sound, deeper this time. “You’re not alone in this, Noah. You have me, okay?”
He leaned back slowly, sliding down until his shoulders touched my thighs.
His head rested below my stomach, and every muscle in my body went still.
I dragged my fingers through his hair, massaging his scalp and tracing along the edges of his forehead.
His breathing evened out again, and something soft settled in the space between us, warm and heavy and hard to ignore.
He looked so peaceful, so perfect and gorgeous like this, eyes closed, no stress lines on his face.
“Talk to me, Abbott,” I whispered, trailing my fingers over his temples, forehead, then jawline. I swore he shuddered against me when I did that, and I repeated the pattern.
“They want me to give up Miles to them so they have full custody. They blame my profession, the fact I could get injured and not be a good caretaker for him, but the thing is… Nat and I disagreed with my parents on a lot of things. Politics, body image, happiness. I loved my sister, and god, I miss her. If she wrote in the will for me to take care of her son, then I’ll do whatever I can to respect that.
I just…my parents changed. I don’t recognize these horrible versions of them, fighting to take him from me.
It…feels like Miles not only lost his mom, but his grandparents too, and having to navigate this all alone is killing me. Am I being selfish? Am I the problem?”
“Hey, no. None of that.” I repositioned myself so his head rested in my lap fully.
He turned toward my body so his nose almost touched my stomach, and my gut tightened with an aching need every time his warm breath hit me.
“You’re the least selfish person I know, and if you’d like, I can list a hundred examples. ”
He chuckled, the sound deep and rich. “By all means. Tell me how amazing I am.”
I flicked his forehead, and his eyes flew open.
“Hey, what was that for?”
“We’re having a tender moment. Don’t give me attitude and ruin it.”
He smiled, the gesture causing his dark brown eyes to crinkle on the sides, and I thought I might die right then. When Noah looked at you with that smile, god, you felt it in your soul. “Sorry, Em, please, carry on.”
“Why thank you.” I moved my fingers back to his hair, massaging his scalp.
“Okay, I’m no therapist, but what really strikes me is that your parents are grieving, well, avoiding grieving.
Instead of feeling the loss, adjusting to the change, they are hyper focusing on this, on Miles, like it’ll bring your sister back. ”
“Fuck.” He frowned, not opening his eyes as his whole body tensed. “Sometimes, I feel like I can’t grieve either.”
“It’s really important that you give yourself time.
” I swallowed, shaking off my own memories of grieving.
Yes, I was thankful my mom was okay now.
She wasn’t quite the same, but we could laugh and spend time together.
Still, I’d had to mourn what life used to be.
My mom worked hard to live independently, but she’d always have a speech delay and mental fatigue.
There was the time before her stroke, before my dad’s affairs, and then after.
“And I know you already know this, but you need to respect your sister’s wishes.
If any of my siblings asked me for something this big, I’d fight tooth and nail to honor it. ”
He shifted enough to look up at me. His eyes held warmth and relief. “Thank you,” he said, voice thick and heavy. “I… needed this.”
“I know.” I smiled and bent down, kissing his forehead in what I hoped was a totally not weird way to show him I cared so much for him. He tensed from the contact, and I refused to let myself feel silly. “Do you want me to play with your hair until you fall asleep?”
He pushed himself up, his brown eyes filled with emotions as he gave me that half smile, the one that caused his dimple to pop out. “God, I’d love to take you up on that, but I won’t do that to you.”
“Well, the offer is there.” I swallowed, suddenly nervous. My gut filled with a million little butterflies took flight the longer Noah stared at me. “Can I ask…a favor?”
He stood, focused on me. “Yes, anything.”
“Just, please don’t shut me out, okay? I want to be here. I want to help.”
“Okay, Em. I promise.”
And maybe it was the strange nerves in my gut or the fact the streetlights cast a shadow on his face, but his voice seemed deeper, lower, full of something more. I smiled, suddenly shy, and made my way to my room… where I totally didn’t think about how hot Noah was.