Chapter 12
NOAH
Idropped Miles at school early because he wanted to show his teacher the new dinosaur stickers I put on his folder, which had to be a good sign.
He ran in without looking back, which always hit me in the chest in a strange way.
I stayed there for a second and watched him join the other kids.
He even ran the way Nat lived—just effortlessly himself.
It was stupid, but I had a saved voicemail from Nat from years ago. From before Miles that I always kept with me, and I hadn’t let myself play it yet since she passed. Before I chickened out, I found the file and hit play while sitting in the car.
Yo. It’s your favorite sister. Don’t argue with me about it.
It’s true even if we had like four others.
Which, could you imagine if Mom and Dad birthed more women?
Ugh. We’d be so messed up. Mom asked me if I was watching what I ate after I ordered a goddamn soda.
I wanted to take the soda and spit it at her like I was eight.
I still might. Why are they so… yuck, you know?
Like I want to love them and I do. They are just hard to be around. Not sure how we got to be so normal. She cackled loud, which was contagious. Tears filled my eyes as I heard that familiar sound. God it had been too long since I heard that.
Anyhooooooo. I’m leaving this voicemail because you didn’t answer my last three calls, which is rude and also suspicious.
If you’re being dramatic, stop it. If you’re being responsible, still stop it.
Call me back before I start telling people you joined a monastery. I would too. They’d believe me. Mom and Dad would lose their fucking minds! Ha!
Also—did you seriously fix Dad’s stupid porch light again? You are not a volunteer handyman. You need boundaries. You deserve to be playing football, getting women, or men, whatever floats your boat. You know I’d love you either way, yeah?
Ughh, fuck you, asshole! Sorry. Driving. People are so dumb. Like hello, can you read?
Anyway. I just miss you. Can I come down for a siblings weekend or something? I’m sure I can get off work. We could get tattoos or do shots or shut off our phones and go dark for forty-eight hours. Yess, let’s do that!
For real. This is a great idea. Call me, doofus. Love you!
My eyes burned, and my chest ached—she’d been so full of life and didn’t give a shit what people thought of her. I loved that about her. The uncomfortable urge to break down trickled up my chest, and I swallowed, forcing it away.
Not now.
Em was over and thank god for that.
I put the car in drive and headed home, hoping Em was still asleep.
She had been up late working, and I wanted her to rest, but the truth was simpler than that.
I was still shaken from last night, from the way her hands moved over my shoulders, from the sound of her voice when she told me to let her help.
I had wanted her for years, and sitting under her touch again pulled every buried feeling straight to the surface.
I tried to push my feelings down, but how could I?
She was my dream girl, touching me. Not leaning into her took all my strength.
Not that I would’ve. I was chicken before, and now that I had Miles? When my parents were trying to take him from me? I couldn’t. I could be her friend, the role I had played for years and knew well. I could hide my attraction and feelings for her, even if doing so killed me.
The condo was quiet when I walked in, but the living room lights were on, and someone was talking. I slowed near the hallway when Em’s voice carried through.
She was on a video call on her laptop, and she hadn’t noticed me yet.
Her tone was bright, almost too-bright, and she talked fast. My stomach tightened.
I knew that voice. She rambled and forgot to breathe when she was excited, and I smiled, my chest warming knowing she was happy.
I knew she hated depending on me, but our arrangement was working out, and I wanted her happy.
Her brother Theo appeared on the screen first, his wife Audrey leaning against his shoulder with a coffee mug. Both of them smiled wide when they saw her. “You look so good, Em,” Audrey said. “How is the Rampage thing going? We want to hear everything!”
Em lit up for real at that. “It’s so good! Busy but good. I got the first round of feedback, and they want more from me, which is a relief because I thought they would drop me after the meeting.” She chuckled, her lack of confidence in herself baffling.
The girl was so fucking talented at everything she did. The Rampage would be idiots to not want her full-time.
“They aren’t dropping you,” Theo said. “You are talented. They’d be stupid.
” He said it in that brother tone, the firm one, the one that sounded like he’d fight anyone who disagreed.
Nat had been like that with me—so protective.
Always telling me I’d make it in football.
Another wave of pain hit me. I missed her. She was so brass, so brazen.
Em smiled down at her lap like she didn’t know how to handle praise.
Then another voice joined the call, and I almost felt bad for spying, but the condo wasn’t that large. I busied myself in the kitchen, making a protein shake, but the voices still carried over.
This voice talked loud. “Em, the contract with the Rampage. Finally something solid! Took you long enough, jeez,” the man said, in a tone that was meant to be funny.
I froze, glancing over my shoulder to watch Em. That comment felt like a dig.
Her shoulders stiffened before her face did, and it felt like a punch. She recovered quickly and smiled in a practiced way that made something hot rise in my chest. “Yes, Dad. I told you last week. It’s contract work, but it’s a start.”
He hummed like he was only half listening. “Well, good. This can help you get serious. Your mother says hi. She is folding laundry.”
Em nodded and softened her voice. “Tell her hi. I’ll call her later.”
Her dad kept talking. He asked about money. He asked if the job was stable. He asked if she planned to move home when things got harder.
I stood there, jaw tense as her dad acted like an ass.
Theo chimed in a few times, defending her, but her dad didn’t hear it.
He bulldozed through the conversation, not bothering to notice he upset Em.
I noticed though. I noticed everything about her—the way her shoulders stayed lifted, tight. Her fake smile and nods, not genuine.
She pushed her glasses up and agreed with everything he said, even when he barely listened to her answers.
I stood there for too long with my fists curled at my sides.
I had no right to step in and tell her dad to knock it off, so I stayed quiet and waited for her to end the call.
The call continued for another ten minutes, with her younger brother Daniel joining to talk about his college classes.
That got everyone excited, and it was clear they all loved Daniel.
Penny joined, her youngest sibling, who was getting her license soon.
I tried not to unpack why her dad was a dick about Em’s dreams while Theo and Daniel and Penny got all the excitement, but I had theories and was pissed.
Why couldn’t we all have normal families who accepted us as-is?
My temples ached, and I rubbed them, taking a deep breath as Em walked into the kitchen, mouth set in a frown.
“Noah, I didn’t realize you were home,” she said, red splotches covering her cheeks as her gaze moved from my face to my clenched hands. “I’m sorry. I could’ve taken that in my room.”
“Em, this is your place,” I replied, tone curt, sharper than I meant. “Don’t apologize for that.”
“Oh. Then, uh, why do you seem so angry with me?” She chewed the side of her lip as she waited for my response.
Her beauty blinded me sometimes. She was so fucking pretty with her blonde hair, large blue eyes, and full lips.
Even thinking about her hands on me got me distracted, and I swallowed down the attraction.
This was about her and the shitty comments her dad said.
“I’m not angry with you, honey. I didn’t like the way your dad spoke to you.”
Her eyes widened at the word honey, so I cleared my throat and forced my shoulders to relax.
She crossed her arms, almost like she needed to hold herself together.
I hated that I saw that. I hated that someone could talk to her like she was a problem to manage.
“You didn’t deserve that. Not a single part of it. ”
She blew out a long breath and stared at the counter.
“His comments weren’t that bad,” she said, even though her voice was thin.
“He wants me to have stability and to be successful. It’s like…
he knows he messed up when my mom had a stroke and is overcompensating to be involved in my decisions. He overreacts to everything. I get it.”
“Em.” I moved toward her slowly, careful not to crowd her. “I know protecting your family is second nature to you, but that call was hard. I stood in the other room, and it was tough for me, so I can’t imagine how it felt for you.”
Her shoulders lifted again. She pushed her glasses up and fake smiled. I wanted to take that smile off her face and give her something real to work with.
I turned to the counter and reached for the coffee and tea supplies I bought last week.
I had stocked up on everything she liked because she never took the time to buy things for herself.
The caramel syrup. The fancy almond milk she loved.
The cinnamon she always sprinkled on top.
I started making her a warm drink before she could protest.
“You don’t have to do that,” she said, even though her voice softened when I opened the bag of beans. The smell filled the air, and I arched a brow at her, daring her to argue.
“I want to. Now shh.”
“Did you shoosh me, Abbott?”