Chapter 12 #2
“Sure did,” I replied, unable to stop my grin. Without second-guessing myself, I grabbed her waist and lifted her.
“Noah! What—”
“Sit.” I placed her on the counter, letting my fingers linger on her curves for one more second. She was so fucking soft, and I wanted to dig my fingers into her. I let go and busied myself with making her a coffee. “You know what this reminds me of?”
She tilted her head. “College?”
“Yes, but specifically the night at Ben’s house.”
I pressed the button on the grinder and waited for it to finish. “The omelet disaster.”
Her groan hit the back of her throat. “No. We are not talking about that.”
“Oh, we are,” I said. I tamped the grounds into the portafilter and locked it in. “You climbed on the counter like you were teaching a cooking class. God, you were so great. You told me you could crack an egg one-handed. You missed the bowl completely. It hit my chest and rolled under the fridge.”
She covered her face with both hands. “It was dark. I was drunk, and I still swear to this day, that the bowl moved!”
“The bowl did not move,” I said. “You blamed me and then tried to demonstrate again. You almost fell off the counter, and I caught you before you busted your teeth.”
She peeked between her fingers. “You made fun of me for months.”
“You smelled like eggs for days,” I said.
Her laugh filled the kitchen, and I swear, the sound hit every nerve in my body.
I placed a hand on the counter next to her leg, leaning in closer than I should have.
“I should thank you. That was the night I realized you could make anything fun, even making eggs.”
Her breath slowed. Her knees brushed my hip. She held my gaze a little too long. “Mm, well, that’s kinda cute when you put it that way.”
“You always make things better when you’re involved. Always felt that way and still do,” I said, hoping the words landed and she believed them.
She swallowed, her pulse at the base of her neck racing before she cleared her throat and looked away. I let her, because what the fuck was I doing? Hitting on her? No.
I frothed the almond milk the way she liked, then poured the coffee, added the caramel, and finished it with a sprinkle of cinnamon.
She smiled wide, her eyes crinkling as she held out her hands. “Gimme, gimme!”
“It’s hot, so be careful.”
“You remembered it perfectly!” She squealed, then brought the mug to her nose and inhaled. “This smells divine, Noah. Divine.”
“Good.” I leaned against the counter beside her, smiling at her obvious joy from a cup of coffee. That was what I didn’t get about her family. Em was so easy to be with, to laugh with. The simplest things made her happy. I nudged her knee with my elbow, waiting for her to take a sip. “And?”
“Unnnnh,” she moaned, rolling her eyes into her head.
Chuckling, I squeezed her knee. “I’ll take that as you’re the fucking best, Noah.”
“Take it that way, please. You are.” She took another sip, and I swore her shoulders relaxed. I didn’t want to bring up the sore subject, but I was curious.
“Tell me about your dad.”
She tensed but took another sip. “Way to ruin the moment. We were bonding.”
“We’ve bonded enough,” I fired back, still grinning despite her attitude. “Tell me.”
She sighed and ran her fingers through her hair, then met my eyes.
“It’s the same thing as always. He wants me to come home.
He thinks my dreams are hobbies. He left me alone to raise his children when he cheated on my mom, and I stopped listening to his advice, and well…
I’m not successful, and I think he’s angry about it. ”
“He’s wrong,” I said, holding her gaze as my voice dropped. “You know he’s wrong.”
She looked down. “I do. His BS…gets old. I want him to be proud of me while at the same time, I don’t know if I can ever forgive him for cheating on my mom.”
Her voice cracked on the last sentence, barely enough to hear, but enough for me to feel it.
She never talked about this. Not in college. Not years ago. Not now. I stepped closer and rested my hand over her knee again. She stared at the mug in her hands, a forlorn, sad look on her face.
“You don’t owe him a thing,” I said quietly.
Her eyes lifted immediately. “He’s still my dad.”
“And you’re still his daughter,” I said. “That should mean he shows up for you. It should mean he supports you. It should mean he listens. But he isn’t doing that. You’re giving him compassion he hasn’t earned.”
She blinked fast, once, twice. “I know. I know that in my head. But in my chest it’s different.
He was my favorite parent when I was little.
He was the one who took me to school. He was the one who sat in the stands for my dance recitals.
He was the one who took us for ice cream at night.
And then my mom had the stroke, and everything fell apart.
He fell apart. And Theo and I were the ones who had to hold everything together. Theo has forgiven him, and I tried.”
My jaw tightened again. “You were a damn kid.”
She nodded. “I know. But I had to grow up fast. And then when he cheated…” She swallowed hard and stared at her lap. “I saw my mom cry for the first time in my life, even though she forgave him immediately. I didn’t forgive him for that. I don’t think I ever will.”
Her fingers curled around the mug. The smallest tremble hit her left hand. I covered it gently, palm over her knuckles, steady and warm. She let out a breath that shook a little.
“He made it seem like I was dramatic for getting upset,” she said. “He told me I didn’t understand marriage or adult choices. I was a teenager. What was I supposed to understand? I lost both parents in one summer.”
“You kinda did,” I said. My voice stayed soft. “And you got through it. You kept your siblings okay. You helped your mom recover. You grew up while everyone else was grieving and not paying attention to what it cost you. And then Jace also cheated on you.”
She sucked in a breath. “Yes, that was the worst thing he could do and really made me not trust guys at all anymore. Only really you, Noah.”
My heart skipped a beat as I tilted her chip up. “All that is really complicated, and your dad should’ve looked out for you. Been there.”
Her chin wobbled once before she looked away from me. “You make our family drama sound bigger than it was.”
“No, Em, honey, that’s huge.” I took her hand in mine, running my fingers over her palm.
“Not everyone would sacrifice themselves for that. Not everyone would hide the truth from their siblings so they would have a normal life. So the fact your dad belittles you when you and Theo carried the family? No, I can’t let you sit back and feel shitty when you are fucking amazing. ”
She smiled, but it didn’t reach her pretty eyes, and I knew it was fake. That angered me a bit, and I shook my head. “You don’t believe me?”
“Noah, I don’t have my life together at all.
I feel like I’m always one step behind, no matter how hard I run.
” She slid off the counter, setting the mug in the sink and facing me with hands on her hips.
“I’m twenty-four and barely can afford to live in the city.
All my friends have high-paying jobs, cool careers.
Look at you! You’re playing in the NFL!”
“What is this?” I tilted my head to the side. “Why are you being down on yourself?”
“I’m being real. I haven’t done much. I mean, come on, Noah.” She ran a shaky hand through her hair, her gaze moving everywhere in the kitchen but me.
“I need you to explain a little more for me. I don’t understand what you’re insinuating.” My heart beat a little faster than normal, and my chest tightened with worry. I didn’t like this version of her, how her dad’s comments were getting to her like this. Something else had to have happened.
“It’s …never mind.” She closed her eyes, squeezing them tight before waving her hand toward her room. “I should get to work.”
“No, say what you were going to say. You asked me to not shut you out, and I promised. I want the same thing. Don’t shut me out. You don’t believe that you’re amazing? Then I’ll work hard to show you, to prove to you that you are.”
“Then why didn’t you text me after the Ferris wheel?” she asked, eyes wide and filled with hurt.
Her question hit me harder than anything my parents had thrown at me this week. She said it fast, almost like she didn’t mean for it to escape, and the second the words left her mouth, her face changed. Her cheeks flushed bright red. Her eyes darted down, and her hands flew up to cover her mouth.
“Em,” I said, stepping toward her, my chest aching with regret.
“No,” she said quickly. She scoffed at herself and shook her head. “Forget it. That sounded dramatic. I didn’t mean it like that. I know about Miles. I know about Nat.” She tucked a piece of hair behind her ear and backed up a step, her shoulders stiff with regret. “Ignore me. That was stupid.”
My stomach dropped.
“It wasn’t stupid,” I said, softer now. I reached for her arm but stopped before touching her because she looked ready to bolt.
She crossed her arms tight against her chest. “My question came out wrong.”
“Then say it right.” My voice cracked a little. “Please.”
She stared at the floor. “I told you things that night. Things I don’t tell people. I thought… I don’t know. It doesn’t matter.”
“Em,” I begged, my throat sore from emotion.
I’d been so close to texting her, asking her out that night, then I hadn’t.
Old teammates took me out way too late, but she’d been on my mind the entire time.
I figured I’d have more time, but fuck. I had no idea she wanted it. That me not calling hurt her.
She swallowed hard but kept her gaze down. I could see the embarrassment choking her. Her shoulders were hunched like she protected something fragile. My chest ached with the weight of what I’d done.
“You disappeared, Noah,” she whispered. “It felt like I overshared for no reason. I felt like a fucking idiot. I’m such a failure, and you just said all that, and I felt…” She cut herself off fast and pressed her lips together.
I took a slow step closer. “You felt what?”
She shook her head. “No. I shouldn’t have said anything. You don’t owe me an explanation. We weren’t… we aren’t…” Her voice trailed, embarrassed and tight. “It doesn’t matter. Really. Miles came to you, and that makes sense.”
“Yes, it does.” My voice broke again. Panic rose because this was the moment I feared. The moment she saw how badly I had messed up. “Em, I am so sorry. I never meant… that night… it wasn’t supposed to go like that.”
“It’s fine.” She straightened abruptly, like she was bracing herself. “I got over you not calling. I’m over it. It isn’t a big deal.” She lied with her whole body.
“Reconnecting with you was a big deal to me. Still is a big deal,” I said, hating the way she retreated. The light I built in her eyes faded. The smiles from five minutes ago were gone. She said she didn’t trust guys besides me, and I’d still hurt her.
She flinched like the words hurt. “Well. You made me think it was something special when it wasn’t.”
That one hit me straight in the ribs. I deserved it.
“I should have called you.” I gripped my hair, tugging the ends. “God, I wanted to. I—”
She held up a hand, shaking her head. “Your reason doesn’t matter. We’re good now. We’re friends. No reason to rehash. I’m sorry I brought it up.”
“Em, no—”
“I need to work. Sassy, come on, baby, let’s go outside.”
She vanished down the hall, carrying every wrong assumption I had put on her shoulders. I could have chased her. I could have stopped her. But I didn’t move a muscle. I stayed frozen in the kitchen, listening to her footsteps fade, and one brutal thought hit harder than any tackle in my life.
She had no idea how much she mattered to me, and I had no one to blame for that but myself.