Chapter 18
NOAH
“That’s exactly what we’re doing, Em,” I said quietly.
My voice came out steady even though my chest felt like it was splitting open.
I didn’t pull away, didn’t loosen my hold on her, because the last thing I wanted was for her to think this conversation meant distance.
“We’re talking about us, and how we fit together. Why we’re a great pair.”
She stayed close, her cheek warm against my chest, like she was bracing for something to fall apart if she moved.
I could feel the tension in her shoulders, the way she held herself like she was waiting for the catch, for the part where I’d list conditions or exceptions. I tightened my arm around her a little.
“I know I don’t look nervous,” I said, a quiet huff of a laugh escaping me. “I’m pretty good at hiding it. Kind of a job requirement.” I tipped my head down, brushing my nose through her hair. “But don’t mistake calm for certainty. I’ve been pacing inside my own head all day.”
Her fingers curled into my shirt, barely, like she was afraid of asking for more. That small movement hit me hard.
“I’ve spent a long time wondering why you’d ever look at me and see anything other than a friend,” I admitted. “Even back then. Especially back then.” I shifted so I could see her face, my hand sliding up to cradle her jaw, thumb brushing softly along her cheekbone. “You were always… so much.”
She frowned at that, instinctively ready to argue, and I smiled because of course she would.
“I don’t mean overwhelming,” I said quickly.
“I mean alive. You walk into rooms like you belong there, like the space adjusts around you instead of the other way around. You laugh loud. You talk to everyone. You make people feel included without trying.” I swallowed, my throat tight.
“And I noticed you the first day I saw you.”
Her eyes widened slightly, breath catching.
“It was freshman orientation,” I continued, the memory as clear as if it were burned into me.
“You were standing on a chair because the microphone wasn’t working, making jokes about how we were all about to be broke and sleep-deprived together.
You had on this stupid hat, and you were grinning like the world was a dare.
” I smiled to myself. “I remember thinking, I’m in trouble. ”
She let out a soft, disbelieving laugh. “I was a mess back then.”
“No,” I said firmly. “You were magnetic.”
My thumb traced her jaw again, slow and reverent, like I was still half-convinced she might disappear if I didn’t keep touching her.
“I’ve been into you since then, Em. Not in a casual way.
In a quiet, sit-with-it-for-years kind of way.
” I exhaled, the honesty heavy in my chest. “I didn’t say anything because I didn’t want to lose you.
And somewhere along the line, that fear turned into habit. ”
Her gaze softened, something fragile and hopeful flickering there, and my own nerves spiked. I leaned in, pressing my forehead to hers, breathing her in.
“I know I come with a lot now,” I said. “I know my life isn’t simple.
I know Miles changes things. Hell, I’m still figuring my damn life out myself.
” My hand slid to the small of her back, holding her there, solid and sure.
“But none of that makes me less sure about you. If anything, it makes me more.”
I pulled back enough to look at her, really look at her. The woman who made my apartment feel like a home. The woman who fit against me like she always had, like she’d been here before my life split in half and stayed anyway.
“You don’t have to earn a place with me,” I said softly. “You don’t have to prove you’re enough. You already are.” My thumb brushed beneath her eye, gentle as a promise. “And if you ever forget that, I’ll remind you. As many times as it takes.”
I kissed her temple, slow and lingering, then her cheek, then the corner of her jaw—everywhere but where I knew neither of us was ready to go yet. Each kiss was deliberate, unhurried, like I was committing the feel of her to memory.
“Noah,” she said, her voice watery and filled with emotion. There was also a plea there. “Please.”
“Please what?” I asked, shuddering against the feel of her warm smooth skin. I’d been fighting myself from kissing her until we talked, but my restraint was thin.
“Noah, I-I-I—“ She trailed off, tilting her face up so her mouth brushed mine. “Kiss me.”
The words landed soft but heavy, like she’d been holding them in all night, like they’d been waiting for the right moment to exist. Her mouth brushed mine by accident—or maybe on purpose—and whatever careful control I’d been clinging to finally gave way.
I stilled for half a heartbeat, long enough to be sure this was want and not fear, choice and not overwhelm.
Then I kissed her.
It started slow, because I didn’t know how to kiss her any other way.
My mouth pressed to hers carefully, deliberately, like I was asking permission again even though she’d already given it.
She sighed into the kiss, a quiet, broken sound that went straight through my chest, and something inside me loosened that I hadn’t realized I’d been holding tight for years.
Her hands came up to my chest, gripping my shirt like she needed something solid, something real to hold onto, and I deepened the kiss instinctively.
Not rough. Not rushed. Just honest. The kind of kiss you give when you’ve waited too long and don’t want to waste another second pretending you haven’t.
She tasted warm and soft and achingly familiar, like something I’d known without ever having.
I slid one hand to her waist, pulling her closer until she fit against me like she always had, like my body had been shaped around the space she filled.
My other hand cradled her jaw, thumb brushing her cheek as I kissed her again, slower this time, like I was learning her instead of taking her.
She made this small, breathless sound when I pulled back enough to breathe, our foreheads resting together.
Her eyes were closed, lashes dark against flushed cheeks, her lips swollen and pink from my mouth.
The sight of her like that—soft, open, wanting me—nearly knocked the air out of me.
My entire body tightened with a desperate need, grating at me.
I had to know her body, what sounds she made, the curve of her body.
“I’ve wanted to do that for years,” I admitted quietly, my voice rougher than I meant it to be. “Fuck, you taste so good.”
She stared at me, eyes wide, lips swollen and wet and pink. Her pulse raced at the base of her neck, her skin glistening with a layer of sweat. “Noah, oh my god.”
That cracked something open in me. I kissed her again, harder this time, like reassurance instead of hunger.
My mouth moved from her lips to her cheek, her jaw, the corner of her mouth—everywhere I could reach.
I nipped her skin, dragging my tongue along her jaw as she trembled against me.
That little tremble sent blood straight to my cock, the urge to make her entire body shake with pleasure my sole focus.
Her arms slid around my neck, fingers threading into my hair, tugging enough to make my breath hitch.
She kissed me again, this time with more confidence, more urgency, and I met her there without hesitation.
The kiss deepened, fuller now, our breaths mixing, the world narrowing down to heat and closeness and the quiet way she fit so perfectly against me.
I shifted us slowly, carefully, until I was sitting and she was in my lap, her knees bracketing my thighs.
I kept my hands steady on her back, one palm pressed between her shoulder blades, the other warm and sure at her waist. I wasn’t rushing.
I wasn’t taking more than she offered. I wanted her to feel desired, not claimed.
“God, you’re so strong,” she moaned, rocking against me as she tilted my head up and stared down at me. “Your thighs are like tree trunks, Noah. You’ve worked so hard to get here. I’m proud of you.”
She ground against me, tightening her legs around mine, a little moan escaping her perfect mouth.
I sucked in a breath at her words, a rough sound slipping out before I could stop it.
Compliments like that always caught me off guard, especially coming from her, especially said like she wasn’t joking, like she was stating a fact she’d discovered with her whole body.
My hands flexed against her back, fingers spreading wider, grounding myself so I didn’t forget how careful I wanted to be.
“Hey,” I murmured, tilting my head enough to meet her eyes. “Easy.”
Not a warning. A promise.
She smiled down at me, flushed and bright, hair falling loose around her face, and for a second the sight of her stole whatever words I’d planned to say.
I slid one hand up her spine, slow and steady, feeling the way she melted into the touch like her body recognized it before her mind did.
The other stayed firm at her waist, holding her in place, not letting her drift away or tip too far forward.
“I like holding you like this,” I admitted quietly. “Feels… right.”
Her breath stuttered, and she leaned in, resting her forehead against mine again.
The closeness was dizzying—her warmth, her weight, the soft press of her knees against my sides.
I pressed a kiss to her cheek, then another along her jaw, letting my mouth linger there like I had all the time in the world.
Each kiss was deliberate, unhurried, meant to remind her I was here and not going anywhere.
Her hands slid up my shoulders, fingers curling into the fabric there, and she rocked a little again, more instinct than intention. I tightened my grip at her waist, holding her steady, breathing her in.
“Em,” I said softly, not pulling away, just enough pressure in my voice to bring her attention back to me. “Look at me.”