Chapter 18 #2
She did, eyes dark and searching, and something tender settled in my chest. I brushed my thumb under her chin, lifting her face gently, my touch reverent instead of demanding.
“I’m right here,” I said. “You don’t have to rush anything with me. We’ve got time.”
Her expression softened at that, the heat in her gaze easing into something deeper.
She nodded once, slow, then leaned down and kissed my cheek, my jaw, the corner of my mouth—everywhere but where we both knew it would tip us over the edge again.
I smiled despite myself, pressing a kiss to her shoulder, then her collarbone, shifting the moment back into something warm instead of overwhelming.
It was the hardest thing I’d ever done.
Every instinct in my body screamed to pull her closer, to give in to the way she fit against me, the way she sounded when she said my name like it meant something more than habit. My hands wanted to roam. My mouth wanted to forget every careful promise I’d made to myself five minutes ago.
Instead, I pressed my forehead to hers and breathed.
I stayed still long enough for my heart to catch up with my head, long enough for the moment to shift from heat to something deeper.
She was warm everywhere, flushed and breathing hard, her hands still gripping my shoulders like she didn’t know where else to put them.
I kept my hold steady at her back and waist, grounding both of us.
“Hey,” I murmured again, softer now. “I’m stopping because I want you too much.”
Her brows pulled together instantly, panic flashing in her eyes. “Noah—”
“I want you so fucking bad, Em, and have dreamed and fantasized about this a million times. But because I want this to mean something tomorrow…And next week. And six months from now. We have to go slow.”
That stilled her.
She searched my face, reading me the way she always did, the way she could tell when I was lying or posturing. Whatever she saw there made her shoulders drop a little, the tension easing out of her body.
“You’re not pushing me away?” she asked quietly, a subtle hint of nerves in her soft gaze.
I shook my head. “I’d never push you away. I’m choosing you, us, this special closeness we have, okay?”
Her breath left her in a shaky exhale, and she leaned into my chest again, resting her forehead there like she needed a second to recalibrate. I tightened my arms around her, holding her like this was exactly where she belonged.
“I don’t trust myself to rush with you,” I admitted, my voice low. “This isn’t some lust-filled choice. That’s not what you are to me. We’ll get there, and god we’ll have fun, but not tonight.”
We stayed like that for a minute, breathing each other in, the heat still there but no longer running the show. I brushed my thumb along her back in slow, grounding strokes, letting the moment settle into something steadier. “There’s something I want to ask you,” I said finally.
Her head lifted. “Okay.”
I hesitated, nerves finally catching up with me now that my body wasn’t in charge. “I, uh… don’t laugh.”
She leaned back enough to see my face. “Oh, I’m absolutely going to laugh. But go ahead.”
I huffed out a breath. “I looked up things you’re supposed to talk about before you date someone seriously.”
Her eyes widened. “You Googled dating?”
“I did,” I said defensively. “Multiple articles. Some of them were terrible.”
She smiled, soft and incredulous. “That’s… kind of adorable. But why would you do that? You’re so smooth already.”
“I’m ignoring that,” I muttered. “The point is—I don’t want this to just be chemistry. I don’t want to wake up tomorrow and realize we skipped the part where we figure out if we actually work.”
Her expression shifted then, warmth blooming in her eyes. “Okay,” she said slowly. “So… what do you want to know?”
I relaxed a fraction, encouraged. “I want to know what makes you feel safe. And what makes you shut down. I want to know how you fight with people and how you like to be apologized to.”
She was quiet, really listening now.
“What scares you about relationships?” I continued. “And what do you hope for when you let yourself imagine one going right?”
Her throat bobbed, her eyes narrowing on the sides. “That’s… a lot, Noah.”
“I know,” I said. “And we don’t have to answer it all tonight. But I want you to know I’m thinking about it. About you. Not just how this feels, but how it lasts.”
She reached up, cupping my cheek, her thumb brushing my jaw in a mirror of what I’d done to her earlier. “No one’s ever asked me those things before.”
“That’s not because they didn’t matter,” I said quietly. “It’s because they didn’t know how to stay. They didn’t know you.”
She swallowed, eyes shining.
“So,” I said, my voice steady even though my chest was pounding again. “What I’m asking is… will you date me? For real. Learning this version of each other instead of assuming we already know everything?”
Her smile spread slowly, beautifully. “You’re asking me out, Abbott?”
“I am,” I said. “Not because I need you for anything but because I want you.”
She nodded once, decisively. “Yes.”
The relief that hit me was almost dizzying.
I laughed under my breath, pulling her back into my chest, pressing a kiss to her hair. “Thank god. I’d lose my mind if you said no because Em…all the foundational things are strong. I can’t wait to learn all the things I don’t know.”
“Even if I’m a mess?”
“Yeah. You know organizing brings me joy.”
She snorted, buried herself deeper against me. “I want those answers from you too, you know. If we’re gonna bare our souls, I’m not the only naked one.”
Just the mention of the word naked had my body tightening, the need to strip her bare still lingering. But I kissed the top of her head, chuckling as I reassured her. “Yes, Em. We’ll be naked together. Now, let’s put on a show, and I’ll play with your hair.”
The whimper she released had my heart skipping a beat, and despite the shit with my parents, being Miles’s guardian, all those stressors didn’t matter. Em wanted to try with me, and that felt like the biggest win.