Chapter 15
Ethan
My little devil has gone quiet since I cleaned her up and helped her get dressed after the most incredible sex of my life.
No, I’m not being facetious. This young woman is a complete enigma in the way she can be all confidence and fire one second and then look at me like I might vanish into thin air the next.
Her guard is up so tight I feel the weight of it pressing against her skin as I hold her in my arms, my fingers tracing up and down her arm leaving goosebumps in their wake.
I couldn’t just let her walk out after having sex with her, although it is the most bizarre sexual encounter I’ve ever had.
Hooking up with a masked stranger in a sex club when we don’t even know each other’s names isn’t something I thought I would ever do, but for some reason, even though I barely know anything about this woman, I keep finding myself drawn back to her.
“What’s your name?” I press my lips to the top of her head.
She tenses in my arms. “Doesn’t that go against the whole masked identity thing?”
“I’m not asking for your life story, little devil. I don’t see how disclosing our first names could hurt?”
Still, she hesitates before murmuring, “Leni. My name is Leni.”
“Leni.” She shivers as her name rolls off my tongue.
Tilting her head to meet my gaze, she bites down on her bottom lip. “So, are you going to tell me your name?”
“Ethan. Nice to meet you, Leni.”
Her lips tug into a coy smile before she buries her face against my chest. It’s a sharp contrast to the confident woman who approached me at the bar and convinced me to have insanely hot phone sex.
“What are you thinking?” I ask, tilting her chin so she’s forced to look at me again.
Leni sighs and pulls away, rolling off the bed. “I should go.”
Disappointment settles deep in my gut. Letting her walk out that door right now feels too final. “Stay a little longer?” I ask, wincing at the neediness in my voice.
“Why?” she asks warily.
I hesitate, trying to come up with a good reason. “Because I’m not ready to let you go.”
“Why?” she presses. “This is a sex club, Ethan. We had sex. Why should I stay?”
I wince at her harsh words, but I can hear the pain and vulnerability behind them too. She’s scared, and she’s putting up walls to protect herself.
To protect herself from me.
Fuck.
“Leni—”
“It’s fine, Ethan,” she says with a heavy sigh. “Your life is complicated. You didn’t hide that from me. I hope this helps you move on from what happened with your ex-wife, but there’s no need for me to hang around. I got the message earlier. This was a one-time thing. I’m okay with that.”
She moves for the door, but I can’t let her leave feeling like I used her.
I scramble off the bed and reach her as she grasps the handle.
Stepping in behind her, I murmur, “You definitely deserve someone better than me, Leni, but I don’t regret anything we’ve done.”
She melts into me, and for a moment, I think she’s going to hear me out, but then she straightens and pulls the door open. “Thank you, Ethan.”
When the door falls shut behind her, I rest my forehead against it. I could go after her. I should go after her. But it won’t change anything. There’s nothing I can say or do that will change why she thinks I invited her into this room tonight, even if it was technically Andy who invited her.
The reason I came to this club in the first place was to move on from Vanessa.
Any way you try to spin that, it looks like I used Leni.
But the moment I kissed her at the bar tonight, everything changed.
If I’m honest, I knew things had changed when I tried to distance myself from her two weeks ago.
I never expected to feel a connection to someone, a connection I haven’t felt in years.
Especially not with a masked woman I know nothing about. A woman almost half my age.
Yes, it all started with sex, but somewhere along the way, the lines blurred.
When I leave the room twenty minutes later, I don’t bother looking for her. I know she won’t be here. My chest is heavy as I return the key and leave Euphoria, stepping into the cold night.
Guilt pools in my stomach and I feel like an arsehole. This isn’t me. This isn’t who I am. I don’t do reckless things like this, and I certainly don’t have sex with young women in a club and make them feel like they’re nothing but a rebound.
It’s a good thing I’m leaving Beckford. It’s not a small town, and it would kill me to bump into her on the street one day, even if she doesn’t know it’s me.
I don’t know what she looks like without a mask, but I know I’d recognise her.
There’s an aura around her so pure, yet so broken, I wouldn’t be able to miss it.
I hope I haven’t damaged her further with my actions tonight.
As I drive home, I wish I hadn’t let Andy convince me it was a good idea.
I wish I’d called it all off before I had the chance to hurt her.
She didn’t deserve to be used. Even if that was never my intention, I’m sure that’s what she thinks. That’s why she left.
My concern for Leni has me so distracted that I don’t notice the light in my living room until I let myself into the house. Frowning, I head down the hallway knowing I didn’t leave any lights on when I left for the game earlier.
I pause in the entry when I spot my son sitting on the couch drinking a beer—his fifth or sixth judging by the empties littering the coffee table—a Liverpool game on the big screen television.
“Dylan?”
He lifts his eyes to meet mine, his voice croaky when he acknowledges me. “Dad.”
I approach cautiously, the same way I would a wounded animal or a dangerous predator. Thing is, I’m not too sure which version of my son I’m dealing with right now.
“What’s going on? I thought you were catching the team bus.”
He takes a long pull of his beer before mumbling, “I didn’t really feel like sitting on a bus for three and a half hours with a coach and teammates who blame me for losing the game.”
I sigh. “I’m sure they don’t think that.”
“Whatever,” he says, taking another mouthful of beer. His red eyes wash over me. “Where’ve you been?”
Guilt assaults me again. I should’ve been here for him, even if I didn’t know he was going to show up.
My son needed me, and I was at a sex club getting my dick wet with a woman who wasn’t his mother.
Nausea swells in my stomach, because even as I think it, I know that’s not what I was doing. Being with Leni was more than that.
“I went out for a few drinks with Andy.” Not a complete lie.
Dylan just nods. He’s too busy feeling sorry for himself to really care where I was tonight.
“Are we going to talk about what happened out on the pitch?”
He shakes his head, his eyes locked on the screen.
“Dyl—”
“Dad,” he interrupts, his tone resigned. “Can I just have a beer with my old man and enjoy watching the game?”
I press my lips together. Whatever he’s trying to do isn’t healthy, but at the same time, it’s not very often I get the chance to just hang out with my son.
“Sure.”
He doesn’t bother with conversation as we watch Liverpool beat Tottenham three-one, and I can’t stop casting worried glances at him. Something is going on, but I don’t know how to get him to open up to me. I’ll just have to be here for him and hope he comes to me when he’s ready.