Chapter 16 Leni
Leni
@watch_me_watch_you: I don’t really know what to say, but I couldn’t let you walk out thinking what happened between us was only sex for me. It was so much more than that.
@watch_me_watch_you unsent a message
@watch_me_watch_you unsent a message
@watch_me_watch_you: You are a strong, beautiful woman who forced this damaged man to step out of his comfort zone.
I don’t know where we go from here. It doesn’t feel right to just walk away, but it also doesn’t feel right continuing to use this app and the club to get ourselves off as masked strangers. So, we’re left at this impasse.
@watch_me_watch_you unsent a message
@watch_me_watch_you: For all I know, you don’t want anything more to do with me, and if that’s the case, I’m sorry.
I honestly don’t know what I’m doing here, and I don’t know what I can offer you.
My life is one big mess at the moment, but the one thing I don’t regret is meeting you.
Demand the world, little devil, because you deserve it.
@watch_me_watch_you unsent a message
My eyes fill with tears, and the screen blurs as I reread the messages Ethan sent after I left him last night. It’s the unsent messages that are really messing with me, though. Goddamn him.
I hate that I’m letting a man dictate my feelings. This was never supposed to be anything more than a fun, flirty hook-up with a hot older man, so why the fuck am I getting so worked up over someone I barely know?
Needing a reality check, I focus on my other problem. Willow discovered last night that her sexy phantom is none other than her stepbrother, Luca, and he just got the offer of a lifetime to play soccer in England.
So, instead of moping about in bed, I force myself into the shower and drive to her house.
Despite being friends in high school, I never set foot in Willow’s house after she moved in with Luca because I wanted to avoid anyone who was close to Dylan.
Not that I think Luca even knew who I was.
He was only ever focused on the game. But Willow and I only ever hung out at my house.
I follow my best friend upstairs and flop onto her bed.
The Whitfords’ place is cold and uninviting, but with a mother like Gwendoline, I’m not surprised. At least Willow’s room is warm and welcoming.
“Are you okay?” she asks, sitting cross-legged next to me.
I force a smile. “Of course I am. Why wouldn’t I be?”
Willow shrugs, her eyes downcast as she picks at an invisible thread on her sheets. “What happened at the club last night?”
Damn it!
“A lady doesn’t kiss and tell,” I tease, trying and failing to keep my voice upbeat.
To my astonishment, she doesn’t call me out when we both know I’m no lady and I usually can’t wait to kiss and tell, but my best friend is too consumed by her own problems to recognise mine, and for once, I’m grateful. I’m not ready to dissect what’s going on in my life right now.
“Are you okay?” I ask, though clearly she’s not.
She shakes her head, sniffing back her tears. “Luca and I had a moment when he came home last night.”
I blink at her in shock. “You told him who you were?”
“No,” she says, shaking her head again. “I couldn’t.”
“What happened? Start from the beginning. Don’t leave anything out.”
She tells me about how she woke in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom and ran into him outside her room. They talked, and he confided in her about his mystery woman.
“Why didn’t you tell him it was you?” I ask softly.
She half laughs, half sobs climbing off the bed and running a hand down her body. “Look at me, Leni. He won’t want to find out he’s been sleeping with his chubby stepsister.”
I narrow my eyes at her, hating the way she puts herself down. “Willow Hepburn, you are an absolute catch, and any man would be lucky to have you. Not to mention, you seem to have forgotten he does want you outside the club. He’s been begging you for months.”
“It doesn’t matter,” she says dejectedly. “He’s leaving anyway.”
I let out a heavy sigh. It’s always so easy for men to just walk away. “Okay, so what else happened last night? I assume that wasn’t it.” It’s killing me that she’s spinning out about this. I need answers so I can help her.
Willow paces her bedroom like a caged tiger. “He invited me into his bedroom.” My eyes widen, but she rushes on. “We didn’t do anything, just talked, but gosh, Leni, he’s not who I thought he was at all. He’s actually a really nice guy, and he’s been through a lot.”
“You really like him.” It’s a statement, not a question.
She presses her lips together, refusing to acknowledge what we both know is the truth.
“Where is the delicious step-bro?” I press.
She groans, pressing her palm to her forehead. “Not helping, Len. I need to forget about him.”
“I still don’t understand why.”
“He’s leaving at the end of the week.”
I shrug. It’s beyond obvious my best friend has fallen for her stepbrother. “All the more reason to tell him.”
“He’s leaving, Leni. There’s no need to complicate things. It wouldn’t be fair to him.”
“What’s not fair,” I argue, “is not giving him the chance to decide.”
We both jump when her bedroom door flies open and Luca steps into her room. “Give me the chance to decide what?”
Willow gasps, her hand flying up to her mouth.
Luca’s eyes widen when he spots me sitting on her bed.
“Red Devil,” he mutters under his breath.
I take that as my cue to leave.
“I’m going to leave you two to talk,” I say, shooting Willow a pointed look. “Play nice.”
Closing the door behind me, I rush down the stairs and out the front door, praying my bestie gets the happily ever after she deserves.
I know it potentially means losing her, but she was planning on moving to LA to follow her music dreams when we graduated, anyway, and there are plenty of recording studios and opportunities in the UK.
She needs to get away from her toxic mother, and if she gets the guy as well? Even better.
Not wanting to go home to deal with my own complicated love life or toxic mother, I decide to hike up Eagle Peak.
It’s surprisingly quiet for a Saturday afternoon, and I’m grateful for the peace as I sit underneath my favourite oak tree and stare out over the landscape.
From here, the peak faces away from Beckford; all I can see is the endless sprawl of untouched forest. There’s no sign of civilisation.
Just sky, shadow, and silence. I dig my fingers into the dirt, grounding myself in the earth and trying to clear my mind.
No matter how much I try, though, my thoughts keep drifting back to Ethan’s messages.
To Ethan.
Even his name sends a shiver of pleasure down my spine.
My lips tingle with the memory of his all-consuming, soul-destroying kisses.
I pull out my phone and open our message thread.
My fingers itch to reply to him, to tell him I don’t give a fuck about his complications, but I’m being stupid.
I know I was nothing more than a rebound, a taste of fun before he moves on with a woman his own age.
A woman who has her shit together and isn’t damaged.
He was so adamant he wasn’t good enough for me, but the truth is… I’m not good enough for anyone.
With a sigh, I log out of the app and put my phone away. That ship has sailed. It was fun while it lasted, but reality is calling, and in the real world, I’m destined to be alone.