Chapter 1
“You can do this. You’re a boss ass bitch that’s not intimidated by stranger dick.”
I stood frozen on the clinic steps, staring at the doors, apprehension bubbling like a cauldron in my gut.
How the fuck was this fair? Maybe I didn’t want to be an omega. I could’ve been a beta and skipped out on all this nonsense. But no. Genetics just really needed to screw with me.
The woman at the front desk noticed my loitering, and it took all my willpower not to bolt as she walked toward me to pull open the door. She bobbed her head, her grey-streaked auburn strands swinging as she offered me a brilliant smile.
“Can I help you, dear?”
The simple question had my brain forgetting every word I had ever learned.
She tilted her head to the side in confusion while I wrestled with the tangled yarn ball inside my mind.
I dropped my gaze, staring at my feet to give myself an extra moment to think without seeing somebody watch me. “I’m supposed to have my first heat soon,” I murmured.
“How wonderful!” She beamed. “I assume you’re here because you’d like to procure our services?”
I swallowed hard. “Yes, ma’am.”
I focused on examining the scuffs on my shoes, imagining roots coming out the soles, embracing every ounce of fortitude I possessed so I wouldn’t turn and run full speed back home. It was a good thing I’d opted to walk instead of drive because it had given me time to work off some of my nervous energy. The last thing I needed today was to start crying while driving and jump a curb or something.
The woman set gentle fingertips on my shoulder and I jolted.
“Would you like to come inside? Or do you need a minute?” she asked.
Another minute would give me more time to panic. It was probably better to get this over with. I sucked in a breath that was supposed to calm me, but didn’t actually do that, and then I squared my shoulders, feigning confidence. “I’m ready.”
I wasn’t.
“My name is Muriel.” The woman smiled again. “I’m an omega as well. You have absolutely nothing to worry about. The staff here are very knowledgeable and excellent at their work.”
“Yeah, that’s what the website says.” I had spent a few hours scouring it last night, but even the piles of testimonials didn’t stop me from dragging my feet as I entered the clinic. I contemplated asking if Muriel had used the clinic’s heat helpers before to back up your claim, but I didn’t particularly want the mental images that would accompany a yes.
Panic fizzed in my gut.
I’d been chickening out of coming here for two weeks already, and the only reason I was here now was because my doctor had phoned to check if I’d made any arrangements. When I’d confessed I hadn’t, they’d lost their shit on me—in the most professional way possible. Still, it was enough to motivate me.
So here I was…
Great.
Loved this for me.
Muriel led me to the front desk and handed over a clipboard full of paperwork to fill out. Grateful for the opportunity to delay any further conversation, I sat and scribbled out the information. Most of it was medical, with an uncomfortably in-depth section on sexual history and preferences that I left blank.
Muriel looked it all over when I passed it back. “You missed a spot, dear.”
“Nope. Nothing to fill out. I’m as pure as the driven snow.”
Oh god.
What was wrong with me?
My face pinched, self-loathing from my words creeping up.
“That explains the additional nervousness.” Muriel smiled warmly. “Please come with me.”
I trotted along behind her, and Muriel took me to a room where one wall was full of tiny containers.
Most of my website scouring had been about the people involved, and I had apparently entirely skipped over whatever the hell this was.
“What the heck are those?”
“Scent packs. They’ll help you find an alpha for your heat.”
“How is this supposed to help? Shouldn’t there be a visual catalog or something?”
My mind flipped through high school biology lessons. It was pretty common knowledge that scenting was a big thing between alphas and omegas, but I didn’t want to choose my first sexual partner based on that. It was weird.
What about personality? Book preferences? Life goals?
I whimpered as the panic gave a fresh surge.
Okay.
Deep breaths.
I inhaled sharply, held it for a moment, and let it flow out. It did abso-fucking-lutely nothing.
“You’ll see whoever you choose based on this,” Muriel assured. “We used to start with visuals, but often the matches weren’t optimally compatible, so now we start with scent and go from there. You’ll know when you find one you like.”
I scrunched up my face, not believing her for a second. “If you say so.”
“I do.” Muriel handed me a canister. “Coffee beans. It’ll help cleanse your nose if you need a break. I’ll be down the hall, but if you need anything before I return, you can push the yellow button by the door.”
Then I was alone, clutching the coffee canister like a lifeline.
I indulged in a petulant foot stomp and a groan. “This is so dumb.”
I picked up the first container on the wall and pressed the button on top. It released a puff of air that smells like roses and wine. I shrugged and put it back, moving to the next, and then the next. My head swam from the plethora of scents, and I was reminded why I always avoided the perfume counters at the department stores. I made it through the entire first two shelves and hadn’t found anything special. They all smelled nice, but I didn’t really feel like meeting any of the alphas that each container represented, and none seemed any better than the others.
Maybe I’m broken…
It wasn’t the first time the idea had popped up, and while I liked myself most of the time, I still wrestled with the concept that maybe all my wishing to not be an omega had somehow ruined my ability to be a good one.
I reached for the next canister and pressed the button, sinking straight to my knees as a rush of sweet citrus and cloves flooded my senses. A wave of pleasure smacked into me like a bucket of ice water. “Jesus Christ on a cracker.”
I shoved the coffee canister up to my nose and inhaled several deep breaths to clear my head. Goosebumps covered me head to toe and my nipples poked against my T-shirt. “Excuse you.” I slapped my hands over them. They weren’t allowed to make public appearances.
I stared at the offending container for a moment before daring to pick it up again. I was already sitting on the floor, so at least I didn’t have to worry about my legs betraying me again. I pushed the button and it popped out another rush of sweet citrus and clove. Lust rippled down my spine and pooled between my thighs.
“God. What the fuck?” I pushed the button again and let out a low moan, warmth prickling over my skin. Why did it smell so fucking good?
The door opened and I flung the container away like I’d been caught huffing glue.
Muriel chuckled. “I see you’ve made a selection. Did you want to see if there are others you’re compatible with?”
Humiliation draped my shoulders like a lead cape. One embarrassment was plenty. “This one is fine.”
“Excellent.” Muriel retrieved the container and turned it over to look at the bottom. “Come, dear. Let’s put this code into the system and see who you chose.”
I followed at a sedate pace, both completely dreading and viscerally needing to see the face that matched the scent.
Muriel tapped away at her computer and turned the screen toward me. “You picked Sidney. He’s a delightful person and I think you’ll like him.”
I gaped at the image. Rippling muscles, dark brown eyes, chiseled jaw, wavy dark hair, and a smirk that made him look like the devil himself.
He was so hot. Unfairly, magnificently hot. I wasn’t equipped to deal with anyone that beautiful.
Panic careened into my brain and exploded on impact as I reminded myself that I was looking at someone I was going to fuck.
A stranger.
A reallyhot stranger, but a stranger nonetheless.
I stumbled back and sank onto one of the empty chairs. This was too much to handle.
“Are you all right?” Muriel asked.
“Nope.”
“Should I call your emergency contact?”
“No.” The very last thing I needed right now was my mom showing up. I was an adult, but she didn’t view me that way, and probably wouldn’t even start until I moved out, which wouldn’t be happening until I graduated university. I’d already had to fight her tooth and nail to come myself, and I was not going to chicken out…again.
“Would you like me to contact Sidney, then? We could arrange a meeting in quite short order.”
I opened my mouth but nothing came out. How was I supposed to be in the same room as him? What if I fainted because of the scent? But I’d have to meet him, or someone else, eventually. Every doctor cautioned against going solo for a first heat and I’d become morbidly obsessed with reading about the horror stories of unplanned ones. I had every privilege available to me to be able to plan mine with a professional. That didn’t make it any less awkward, though.
Not trusting my mouth, I nodded.
Muriel beamed, picked up the phone, and dialed. “Hello, Sidney! I have a beautiful young omega here about to present. Would you happen to be free for a quick meeting? Excellent. We’ll see you shortly.”
“Wait! Right now?! I can’t meet him now.” I hadn’t picked my outfit with any care, hadn’t done my hair, or put on makeup. I hadn’t cuted myself up enough to meet someone that looked like him. “Can I come back later?”
“I’m sorry, dear, but you’re running out of time before your heat. It’s really better to do this as soon as possible.”
I wanted to curl up and let the ground swallow me whole, but it remained steadfastly solid.
“Come with me. I’ll get you comfortable in one of the meeting rooms.” Muriel got me a glass of water and a cup of some calming tea that smelled like a grandma. I sipped it anyway and scarfed down a packet of chocolate chip cookies while I waited.