30. Thirties Sht – Mar
CHAPTER 30
THIRTIES SH*T
MAR
I told Sihn a little fib, I hadn’t planned to see Verdi tonight, but after he dropped me off, I called her. I told her I needed to vent about things with Sihn.
Time moves slowly while I await her arrival. My knees bounce as I sit in the living room chair unable to find a movie or show to keep my attention. I tried the original Fright Night—didn’t work.
I flip on a movie titled Teeth and watch as the open credits zoom in on a hazardous waste plant. By the time Verdi bursts through the door, the main character’s vagina has bitten a boy’s penis and a gynecologist’s fingers off. I pause the movie and stand to greet her in the foyer.
“What happened? Did he apologize?”
“Sort of, but this is the end for us. It has to be. I can’t deal with a grown man running off and hiding like a child whenever something doesn’t go as planned. I need someone who is in it for the long haul, not just because he’s scared he’ll lose me, but because that’s what he truly wants.”
“You should probably tell him that… don’t you think?”
“He asked me to make it official, but I know he wanted to ask me to marry him,” I tell her.
Her voice cracks as her eyes widen. “He’s talking thirties shit, Mar!”
I laugh even though this isn’t a laughing matter. “He’s in his thirties, Verdi.”
“Oh yeah, I forgot. What’s wrong with commitment?”
“You’re gonna need to sit down for this.” I gesture for her to take a seat somewhere in the living room. She chooses the chair I was seated in before she arrived, so I sit on the couch and face my body toward her.
“What is it? Are you pregnant?”
I choke and laugh out, “No!”
“Then what is it?”
“You know Ruin right?”
“Yeah, everyone knows Ruin.”
“Well, when Ruin and I were younger, we worked together. I guess he had a crush on me, but I didn’t realize it. Back then he was Chad.”
“Yeah. I know all of that, Mar. I grew up in River Falls, too.”
“He’s Sihn’s best friend, and one night he came over for a guys’ night, but they asked me to stay and hang as well. I thought it was odd, but I stayed.”
“Why would hanging out with your boyfriend and his friend be weird?”
“We weren’t dating. We aren’t dating!”
“Okay, Mar. Keep telling yourself that. You have more feelings for this guy than I have ever seen you have for anyone else.”
“It doesn’t matter because we can’t be an us.”
“You keep saying this, but I don’t see a reason why you can’t be together…”
I let out a long breath. “We can’t because I slept with Ruin.”
“Wait, what? What kind of plot twist is this?”
“It’s not a plot twist, Verdi. It’s my life!”
She looks at me confused. “So you cheated on Sihn with Ruin?”
“No! I would never do that.”
“Then what in the hell are you telling me? I’m gonna need you to lay it all out for me because I am clueless as to what is going on here…”
I tell her everything I can without going into too much detail.
“So are y'all in a poly relationship?”
“No, I don’t want to date Ruin. I mean… it was fun, and I was a willing participant, but I don't want to continue, and what if that’s something he wants to continue?”
“You really need to talk to him.”
“I really thought you’d tell me to collect what’s left of my dignity and find someone new.”
“Everyone’s got their kinks. I overheard a couple talking in the cafe once about how the guy wanted the girl to sit on his face and suffocate him. He wanted to be punished.”
“Oh.” Sihn hasn’t asked for anything like that, yet.
“And you know people are into some weird ass shit. I think you should take a few days, write down what you want to talk to him about, and then talk to him about it before you throw in the towel.”
“This conversation did not go the way I thought it would.”
She shrugs as if to say who is she to judge?
“Can I stay with you tonight?” I ask.
“Of course.”
“I just don’t want to be alone. I’m afraid I’ll call him before I have all my points laid out.”
“I don’t think that would be such a bad thing, but pack a bag and we can stay up late playing Barbies and take shots of chocolate milk like back in the day.”
“You have Barbies?”
“I don’t, but we could pick up a few at the Dollar Mart on the way. I’d need to get the chocolate milk too. I don’t have a lot to offer at my place. I’ve been staying at Sheila’s mostly.”
We didn’t buy Barbies at the Dollar Mart, but we got chocolate milk, four different kinds of chocolate, some popcorn, and a movie.
We’ve both changed into comfy clothes and sit cross-legged entirely too close to the television as it plays one of our favorite movies, Clueless .
“How’s Sheila?”
“Originally, I had planned to stay the night with her tonight, but I told her you needed me. She understands.”
I feel guilty. “I’m sorry. I should have just stayed at home.”
“It’s fine, really. Distance makes the heart grow fonder or whatever old people say about love and shit.”
We both giggle like school girls as we take shots of our chocolate milk and shove truffles in our mouths.
After the credits run on the movie, Verdi brings me out some bedclothes, and I attempt to make myself comfortable on her couch but am unsuccessful because everything seems to remind me of Sihn.