17. Valentina
17
VALENTINA
W hile the guests mingled during cocktail hour, Rose stood at the entrance to the ballroom, one hand covering her chest. Her mouth hung wide open, her eyes as big as saucers, and she stared up at the ceiling to admire what half a dozen florist assistants had worked tirelessly to make it a reality. “Oh, my God!” She gasped.
“Do you like it?” I asked, gazing up at the lush floral garlands suspended from the ceiling, like a cascading vertical garden hanging over the head table and dance floor. It was beyond striking, even better than I had imagined it, and much more colorful and vibrant than the inspiration photos I’d shared with the team.
“It’s like something out of a fantasy! Like having my reception in some magical garden.” Her eyes shone when she turned to me, caught between laughing and crying. “It’s perfect!”
“That’s all I wanted for you, for everything to be perfect.”
She launched herself into my arms, and we laughed, hugging while pleasant chatter filtered through the closed door between us and the guests. I wanted to have this moment with her, to watch her reaction without anybody else around. She had not disappointed me.
“I can’t believe how beautiful everything is.” She turned in a circle, her arms extended to the sides, laughing. I had never seen her looking this joyful. “It’s perfect! No offense, but I had no idea you’d be able to pull this off so well.”
“None taken.” We headed back out to mingle, and when Bianca caught my eye, I gave her a thumbs-up. She blew out a sigh of relief, and I did the same before we both laughed. It was all a success. If only my personal life could be taken care of so easily.
I couldn’t spend the entire day ducking Evan, but I couldn’t resist the impulse to do it either. I didn’t have it in me to deal with him. It had been a long day after an even longer weekend, and all I wanted was to be able to enjoy it with my family and friends without thinking back on all of the sadness and pain. Just one day.
But then he had to throw me those intense, soul-penetrating glances during the ceremony like he was auditioning for the role of ‘Most Intense Gaze’ in a romantic drama. A gaze so unnerving I had to ignore him for the rest of the ceremony just so I could get through it.
Why did he have to do this now?
Because you let him. It was my fault. I couldn’t pretend otherwise. If I hadn’t slept with him all these weeks, avoiding the elephant in the room in favor of screwing around, I wouldn’t have to avoid his pointed stare whenever we briefly crossed paths.
One good thing was that he seemed to be busy with something or other, with staff members approaching and asking questions that kept him away from me. He frowned before following one of them back to the kitchen, and as much as I didn’t want anything to go wrong, there was a very selfish part of me that was relieved to see his back as he walked away.
It wasn’t easy keeping my nose out of the business side of things, but Bianca handled things brilliantly. What a shame I couldn’t relax and enjoy myself, but then I hadn’t been able to relax since the night of the engagement party. Without the wedding ahead of me to focus my attention on, I wouldn’t have anything to distract me. Not at this level.
Then I thought, to hell with it. I grabbed a glass of champagne from a passing tray. I didn’t have to think about it now, and there was a party about to begin.
A party that lasted well into the night after feasting, drinking, toasting, and dancing. Lots of dancing, both inside and beneath the tent covering the second dance floor out on the lawn. More than a few girls walked with their heels in hand, all of them a little drunk, most of them escorted by men just as tipsy as they were. In other words, everybody was having a great time, and I couldn’t have been happier. The whole thing was such a success.
If only it hadn’t been for Aria coming my way, holding Evan’s hand, and practically dragging him behind her. “Would you please dance with this man before the night ends?” she asked, exasperated. “Neither of you have had a damn bit of fun today.”
“Who says?” Evan asked before trying to laugh it off. “I’m having a hell of a good time.”
“Sure. Helping out in the kitchen when one of the line cooks got hurt. That sounds like a great time.” She blew a strand of hair away from her face, a gesture which hinted at how tipsy she was. It was one of her telltale signs .
When I raised my brows, he shrugged. Now I understood why he was walking around without a jacket, his sleeves rolled up almost to his elbows. “These things happen. It wasn’t a line cook, though. I was only helping assemble plates and expediting service.”
“Stop. You sound so sexy when you talk that way.” Aria placed a hand against my lower back and pulled me closer before shoving us both toward the dance floor. “Dance, you two, before I slap you silly.”
If I didn’t know better, I would’ve sworn she was onto us. She couldn’t be, though, could she? I had bent over backward to keep her from finding out, both now and years ago.
Evan rocked back on his heels, nodding toward the dance floor. “One song won’t kill us,” he murmured, piercing me with one of those meaningful looks again. I would have to remember to thank my sister for putting me in this awkward position.
Lifting a shoulder, I grunted, “Sure.” It was fairly clear my lack of enthusiasm stung him, but it wasn’t my job to protect his ego. I was still hurting after last night and so many other things. I could only blame myself as we found an empty spot on the floor when he took me by the hand and pulled me close enough for the scent of him and the feel of him to weaken my resolve.
Not again.
Not this time.
I owed it to myself not to give in. I was a little stiff in his arms but I made it a point to smile like everything was fine. I had done a lot of that over the years. I could plaster on a Hollywood smile at will.
“Everything went off perfectly,” I observed instead of thinking about the feel of his strong hand wrapped around mine. “We made a good team. You’ll be bombarded with events after this.”
There was a trio of photographers around, plus an entire video team. Content would hit social media within a matter of days, and brides-to-be everywhere would drool over the lavish celebration.
He only grunted like he agreed. “Listen.” His voice was barely loud enough for me to hear over the music. “I know I fucked up. It was wrong of me to make assumptions last night or ever. I want to make it up to you.”
“You don’t have to make anything up to me.” How easily that rolled off my tongue. The opposite was true. There was a lot he owed me, but how could I blame him for not realizing it since I had never been honest?
Why was it so easy to look back now and see my mistakes so clearly? Where was all that brilliant insight years ago? Or, hell, months ago? Who did I think I was kidding, telling myself I could handle this when there were so many things left unsaid?
“I feel like I do,” he insisted. He lowered his head, making a shiver run through me when his breath touched my ear. “How about we go away for a little while? Just the two of us. It doesn’t have to be extravagant… only a way to take a break together. There’s so much I want to clear up with you. I would love to start again if you would only give me the chance.”
What the hell was I hearing?
More than that. How the hell was I supposed to keep my heart from exploding? My stupid, treacherous heart was determined to betray me again. Urging me to throw away the entire past and all of the betrayal and loneliness in favor of something shiny and new. A turd could be polished to hell and back, but that wouldn’t change the fact it was shit .
“Ladies and gentlemen.” Bianca’s smooth voice filled the air when the music faded. She was standing in front of the band, holding a microphone. “The new Mr. and Mrs. Colton Black would like to invite you out to the garden for the evening’s big finale.”
Evan and I stilled now that the music was over. There was a general hum of excitement around us as people started leaving the floor, getting up from their tables, and heading out to watch the fireworks scheduled a few minutes from now.
“What do you say?” he murmured, wearing a hopeful yet apprehensive smile. “Will you run away with me for a little while?”
I hated how much I wanted to. More than anything, I hated myself for being weak enough that his offer actually sounded good. I hated myself for wanting him the way I did. I hated him for making me want him when all he’d ever done was leave me hanging after he had his fun.
There was no hope of expressing all of that and so much more. Not here, not now. “I have to go,” I decided.
To hell with how it looked.
To hell with everything and everybody.
Who was I kidding, thinking I could handle this?
I would die if I didn’t get out. My chest was too tight to breathe, my heart pounding sickeningly. A cold sweat broke out over my skin as I made my way off the dance floor and across the ballroom, going against the flow of traffic. “Valentina. Wait.” All Evan’s soft urging did was make me move faster since it was him I needed to get away from.
The hotel.
I needed to get back to the hotel to get my things and go home, to lock myself away until the rest of the world left me the hell alone. That was all I wanted, to be left alone. It was all too much, and I couldn’t witness another moment of happiness that would never be mine. Not without resenting the hell out of the people I loved.
“Valentina!” Evan caught up to me in the front courtyard, where I took deep breaths in a desperate attempt to loosen my chest while requesting an Uber rather than wait for the shuttle back to the hotel.
“I don’t want to see you right now.” I managed to get the words out without getting sick. My heart raced out of control, hard and fast enough to scare me a little. “I have to get back to the hotel. I feel sick.”
“If you feel sick, why don’t you go up to my office and lie down on the couch?”
A scream rose in my throat and threatened to tear its way free. The only thing stopping me was knowing the trouble I would cause. “No, it’s better if I go, please. Just believe me, all right? Get back in there before anybody thinks there’s something wrong.”
“There’s obviously something wrong. Goddammit, will you talk to me?” he whispered fiercely, standing close enough to my back that I could feel his warmth and smell his cologne even over the thick fragrance of the flowers in my hair.
“I have nothing to say to you,” I whispered, willing the car to get here. “Can you just accept that and let it go?”
“Stop lying.”
He was begging for a high heel through his eye, and lucky I was one of the few girls who hadn’t taken their shoes off yet. “Oh? I’m a liar now? That’s what you think about me?”
“Don’t do that.” He snarled. “Don’t twist this around. You’ve been hot and cold, up and down for weeks with no explanation. ”
Don’t do this. Not here, not now. You’ll regret it forever. I knew the voice in my head was right. I would regret unloading everything on him tonight when the celebration we worked so hard to put together was wrapping up. The bride and groom were probably posing for photos yards from where we stood.
I might have been able to hold it together if he hadn’t asked one final question. “When are you going to get tired of running away?”
That was what did it. The accusation that broke my already precarious hold on myself. To hell with regret. I already had more than enough of it anyway. What was a little more heaped on the pile?
I turned slowly, glaring up at him. He had the nerve to look confused. Somehow, that was worse than anything else that he could still look confused. “You are priceless,” I gritted out through clenched teeth. “Standing there, accusing me of running away. What did you do when I told you I was pregnant? Did you offer to talk it out with me? Did you ask what I wanted to do about the baby? Did you even think about it as a baby? Did you think about me at all?”
“Wait a second.” What a big surprise, the way he wanted to backtrack. “Maybe this isn’t the best place?—”
Bitterness stiffened my spine. Finally, I had him shrinking under the weight of something I had carried for a decade. “Why not? You were so damn determined to interrogate me only a few moments ago. What’s changed, Evan? Can’t you handle the truth?”
His face darkened before he lowered his brow, his lip lifting in a sneer. “Maybe I could have handled it if you had brought it up another time instead of throwing it at me now.”
“Right.” I snapped my fingers, shrugging. “I forgot. You want to hear things like this when it’s convenient for you. That’s not how things work. You don’t get to use being surprised as an excuse either. Do you think I was prepared for anything that happened back then? Do you think I enjoyed being left on my own? You went to Harvard and didn’t look back. You never even called to see how I was feeling,” I reminded him, spitting out the words, reveling in how good it felt to get everything off my chest. No, it wasn’t the right time or place, but I could not be bothered to give a fuck. I had waited too long.
“I wanted to, Val?—”
“Oh, congratulations. You wanted to. You’re such a fucking hero.”
His bewildered gaze hardened before he took another step closer to me, our toes touching, his breath hot on my face. “Tell me something. Why the fuck have you been keeping all of this to yourself all this time? You had ten years to come at me with this.”
“It didn’t matter so much until…” My voice died, my throat closing up.
“Until what?” His eyes darted over my face. “Why couldn’t you tell me? You had every opportunity. We could’ve worked this out.”
“How did I know I was supposed to trust you? How could I make myself believe you wouldn’t run away again?” My voice trembled, but I pushed through, determined to get it all out once and for all. “And what the hell difference does it make anyway? This changes nothing. What’s done is done. You broke my heart, and nothing is ever going to change that.”
His face fell, a breath bursting out of him like he got kicked. “Valentina…”
“I loved you,” I told him. To hell with pride, to hell with consequences. What did any of it matter anymore? I didn’t even care that I would have to face him after this since our lives were so inextricably connected. Tears filled my eyes, and my voice shook, but I had to get it out. “I loved you, and you let me down, and I can’t believe you would expect me to forget all of that and move on with you when you never even bothered to apologize. And don’t tell me you didn’t know there was something to apologize for,” I added before he could say exactly that. “You left, and you wrote me off, and you have had ten years to make it right. You didn’t want to. I get it. But don’t act like your change of heart means a damn thing because it doesn’t.”
A red sedan pulled up in the courtyard and flashed its lights. I checked the plate against the information in the app to confirm. “That’s my ride.”
“You’re still leaving? Now?” He sounded incredulous.
“That’s typically what a person does when they get in the car,” I called out, my heels crunching on the gravel as I headed for a car that was now my salvation. I was shaking from head to toe, my stomach churning, tears nearly blinding me.
“Running isn’t going to do anything,” he reminded me, hot on my heels.
“It seems like it always helped you,” I retorted. He tried to keep me from opening the back door, but one look at my tear-stained face seemed to take the fight out of him. He fell back a step, his face going slack. “Enjoy the rest of the night,” I whispered before climbing into the back seat.
“I’m sorry.” He spread his arms in a helpless shrug. “That’s all I can say. I’m sorry.”
“See? It wasn’t so hard to say that, after all.” I didn’t give a shit about his sorrow or his regret as I closed the door. He only apologized when it was convenient for him .
“Everything all right, Miss?” My driver asked, eyeing me in the mirror.
“As long as you get me out of here,” I replied, staring down at my phone rather than glancing at Evan. I released a shuddering sigh as we rolled away from the country club, and before we turned out onto the road, a brilliant burst of color lit the night sky. I twisted in my seat, watching the blue, red, and golden explosions. It was spectacular, the perfect end to a perfect evening.
Not for me, though. I could barely see, thanks to the tears in my eyes as I typed a text to Bianca.
Me: You were such a rock star this weekend. Thank you for everything. I am officially giving you the coming week off. No excuses, no arguments. I am going to take a little time to myself as well. There’s nothing that can’t wait until next week. We both have more than earned a little break. Enjoy it.
What was the point of owning my own business if I couldn’t retreat for a little while when it felt like my whole world was tumbling down?
Dropping the phone in my lap, I covered my face with my hands, sobbing quietly in the back seat of a stranger’s car while the world lit up all around me. That was how I’d been for so long. Aware of the beauty and life surrounding me but unable to enjoy it.