16. Evan
16
EVAN
“ T his is it. Are you ready?”
Colton looked my way in the mirror while adjusting his necktie for maybe the tenth time. He wouldn’t have admitted it out loud, but he was nervous. I had seen enough grooms in my country clubs to recognize it at first glance. Trying like hell to look confident, since who hadn’t heard countless jokes their entire life about grooms getting cold feet and having second thoughts? He didn’t want to be one of them, and I couldn’t blame him. We both had too much pride.
At least, I thought I had. A certain bridesmaid I had yet to see today made me think otherwise.
“I’m as ready as I’ll ever be,” he told me, turning away from the mirror in the private dressing room attached to my office. Being the boss had its perks, and I needed to look fresh no matter what the day brought.
Lucian and Noah were already downstairs, greeting guests as they arrived. The ceremony was due to begin in twenty minutes, meaning we’d have to head down shortly. Guests would want to see the groom before the wedding .
“You’ve got a lot of people down there rooting for the two of you,” I pointed out. “Are you feeling good about this?”
“Why does it sound like you’re trying to convince me not to go through with it?” He was laughing, so I knew he wasn’t serious, though I wondered if he was right. Did I sound that way?
“You know that’s not how I mean it,” I insisted. “You look a little shaky, that’s all. I’m not trying to get in your head. I only want to understand.”
“I’m not shaky on my choice. Trust me when I tell you that. I’ve never been more sure of anything in my life.” He ran a hand over his carefully combed hair like he wanted to be sure it was in place before adjusting his cuffs and his tie once again. “I’m not worried about Rose. She’s the one.”
“Are you worried about yourself?“ I guessed, and the way he winced told me I hit the bullseye.
“This isn’t like me,” he said with a sigh, rolling his shoulders like he was trying to loosen them up. “I’ve never doubted myself for a minute. I know who I am. I know what I want.”
“Absolutely. You always have.”
“But I’m standing here, waiting to go down there and marry this incredible woman, and I’m wondering if I have what it takes to be everything she needs.”
I knew exactly what he meant. “You know I never had much of an example of how to be a good husband or parent,” I murmured, and he nodded. “But you did. I’m not saying things were perfect, but you at least had a good example.”
“I did,” he admitted.
“Here’s the thing,” I continued when he didn’t look convinced. “The fact that you’re so worried about being what she needs tells me you’re going to bust your ass to give her everything you can because you want to do right by her. I’m no expert, but I think that’s a big part of making a good marriage. I know it sounds clumsy,” I admitted, laughing at myself. There was a reason I avoided getting into discussions like this.
He blew out a deep breath and shook his head, a grin playing over his mouth. “It doesn’t sound clumsy. You make a good point. So long as I don’t lose sight of what matters, everything will be fine. I only want her to be happy and never regret this.”
“Regret it? She won’t. Have you seen the way she looks at you?” I asked. “She’s been in love with you since we were kids, and you know it. And that hasn’t changed. Everything’s going to be fine.”
He lifted an eyebrow. “You wouldn’t be telling me that just because there’s an elaborate party waiting for us, would you?”
We shared a laugh, clapping each other on the back before leaving my office. He walked with his head high, with confidence I hadn’t seen from him all day.
It was no surprise the way my thoughts immediately went to Valentina. She made a point last night. I was in no mood to admit it then, but hours spent on my own after she kicked me out of her room had shed new light on my behavior. I was treating her like a warm hole to stick my dick in, and she deserved better than that. I shouldn’t have assumed we would sleep together, especially considering the way she treated me in bed on Thursday night. Was it my fault she never wanted to talk about anything? I didn’t like being left guessing at what her thoughts or feelings were.
I also didn’t like how much I still looked forward to seeing her, the anticipation building as we reached the lobby, immediately swarmed by guests .
The ceremony would take place outside in the garden, which now held rows of chairs draped with swags of roses, hydrangeas, and gardenias. The fragrance was overwhelming once I stepped outside in a navy suit matching those of the other groomsmen. I raised a hand to Miles, who was hanging out with his stepfather, Magnus, and Evelyn. Since Rose had wanted to keep things small and simple when it came to the bridal party, it meant leaving an odd number of groomsmen versus bridesmaids. He had gracefully stepped back, assuring Colton he didn’t need to be a groomsman, considering they hadn’t known each other for long.
The girls would be in a small room dedicated to the bridal party, and I wondered if Rose was nervous like her soon-to-be husband. One thing I knew and didn’t quite understand was how badly I wanted to find Valentina and tell her I was sorry for last night.
There had to be a way for us to work through whatever was between us. Sure, I could’ve brushed her aside and given up, but that would be a flawed course of action. After all, we would be part of each other’s lives for as long as Colton was my best friend, not to mention my friendships with Lucian, Noah, and Miles. There was no escaping each other.
Not that I wanted to escape her.
I couldn’t make heads or tails of my feelings, especially the knot squeezing my ribcage whenever I thought of Valentina as I strode out into the garden, greeting the Diamonds, the Blacks, and the Goldsmiths, making small talk while observing everything with a skilled eye. My staff was on their toes, ushering guests to their chairs and handing out sachets of rose petals to throw at the newlyweds once the ceremony ended. I spotted Bianca hurrying around, whispering instructions, cool and collected. Valentina would be proud when she saw her.
With a few minutes to go until the scheduled start of the ceremony, Bianca caught my eye and gave me a nod. That was my signal. “Okay, let’s do this,” I told Colton, finding him talking with his parents. Grinning at Lourde, I added, “Don’t worry. I’ll take good care of him.” Her eyes shone with unshed tears when she nodded, gulping back her emotion while Barrett squeezed her closer.
We couldn’t have asked for a better day. The sky was deep blue without a cloud in sight, the sun warm but not too hot. The emerald lawn spread out gracefully in all directions, and in the distance, the lake sparkled invitingly. A soft breeze stirred the air and carried the fragrance of all those flowers.
Everything was perfect.
The deep satisfaction that realization brought me was unmatched by anything… but Valentina. There she was again, invading my thoughts, owning my awareness even as I fell in place behind my best friend moments before his wedding. Noah and Lucian stood behind me, and for a moment, I couldn’t help but look back on everything that led to this. Our friendship, everything we’d been through together as we learned to make our way in the world. I sure as hell never imagined being the best man at one of their weddings, mostly because I never imagined any of us settling down and getting married.
“You’ve got this,” I told Colton a heartbeat before the doors opened, and Sienna appeared on the veranda.
I was fairly sure Noah choked on his tongue at the sight of her in a tasteful peach dress that flowed and rippled in the breeze. She wore a cluster of gardenias behind her ear and carried a small bouquet of cream and peach roses tied with navy ribbon. The shy smile she wore once she spotted Noah left him catching his breath.
“Okay back there?” I whispered, grinning over my shoulder. “I thought the groom was the one who was supposed to lose it.”
“Maybe one day you’ll understand,” he murmured, staring at her as she walked down the white runner spanning the length of the garden. Aria followed her, and a glance at Miles told me he was having the same reaction Noah had. I was pretty sure his intense stare had him holding his breath too.
It was only when Valentina emerged that I understood. I rocked back on my heels before I could stop myself, my eyes glued to her as she walked slowly and gracefully down a handful of stairs, then down the runner. She held her head high like a queen, smiling at her parents once she found them and then again at her aunt and uncle sitting in the front row, close to where we stood.
Look at me.
Look. At. Me.
See me.
It took all of my concentration to keep a straight face when what I wanted was to run to her, to touch and smell her, and take her in my arms.
I was sorry for whatever I did.
I would tell her so.
I would tell her so many things.
My heart skipped a beat when she found me, our eyes meeting for the briefest moment that somehow stretched out for eternity. I had heard people talk about the world standing still. Romantic comedy bullshit, or so I thought. Now, there I was, frozen in time, staring at her.
She broke the spell by looking away, continuing down the aisle, and standing in place behind where the bride would make her vows.
Rose looked beautiful, stunning, but it was Valentina I couldn’t help glancing at as the bride strode toward us on her father’s arm. The warm, loving smile she wore went straight to my heart, making it swell to the point of pain. She loved so deeply, with all of her.
Now I understood I wanted that love for myself. Selfish? Absolutely. I had hurt her. I knew it, even if she wouldn’t admit it out loud. And I was a goddamn fool for running from that truth for so long. She deserved better than that. All these years, we might’ve been together, or maybe not, but possibly. There had been something between us, something real, no matter whether we were kids or not at the time.
It was easier to discount it back then, to pretend we were nothing. Compartmentalize what happened between us and shove all the memories back in a box, hidden in the depths of my mind. It meant being able to move on with my life, which, at the moment, didn’t seem all that important in the face of everything I had given up on when I gave up on us.
Would I ever have a chance to make it right?
The officiant stepped up to where Colton and Rose took each other’s hands. She smiled brilliantly, tears standing in her eyes. “Hi,” she whispered to Colton, who barely grunted a response. He was as bowled over by her as I was by Valentina.
What would it be like to be in his place now? If it was Valentina wearing that white dress and veil?
I was getting ahead of myself, not to mention missing my best friend’s wedding ceremony.
It didn’t matter how many times I told myself to focus. Valentina was all I could think about, along with the second chance we might be able to take advantage of. I didn’t know if she wanted it. I didn’t know if I would be able to convince her to give me a shot. Lord knows she should steer clear of me, but I had to try. There had to be a way for us to leave the past behind and start again. No matter how challenging she was, no matter how crazy she made me, I would’ve preferred that to being bored to death by anybody else. She was what I wanted, what I would always want. And I’d been a damn fool for taking so damn long to figure it out.
I hope it’s not too late.