Chapter 4
THE GUY behind the library counter looked nervous today.
Usually the little hottie was confident, but Harm knew excitement mixed with fear.
It had been the exact combination that roiled his insides hours before he knew he was going to be in the line of fire.
As soon as the shit hit the fan, his training kicked in and he knew exactly what to do and how to act.
But in a situation like this, he was completely lost. The guy behind the library counter was watching him, but not at all the way most people in town did.
Derek didn’t have that “run across the street to get away” look.
This was different, and something he couldn’t quite parse.
Not that it mattered. Harm thought Derek was pretty interesting.
He was cute in a dark eyes and curly hair sort of way.
Not that a guy like that was going to be interested in someone like him.
Guys had shown interest before, but what the hell was Harm supposed to do?
He couldn’t even talk. In the past, he’d ask someone for coffee, or if they were interested in an afternoon of no-strings sex.
But now, he couldn’t even say a word to the first guy he’d found interesting in some time.
After his injury, he had figured the sexiness part of his life was over, and maybe he’d been right.
Still, that tiny jolt of excitement raced through him, just like it always had when he encountered someone he found… interesting.
Without thinking, he ran a hand over his head, wondering what he’d look like if he let his hair grow.
Caution seemed to suggest that he should, and while it felt like it was time for a haircut, he wasn’t in the Army any longer and he could wear his hair any way he wanted.
Hell, his life was his own and he could dress the way he wanted, wear his hair any way he wanted…
there were no rules about that stuff anymore…
no regulations about everything. That alone in some ways made things harder.
The rules had made decision-making easy.
But now he had to decide everything for himself.
Derek got up from behind the desk, and Harm figured he had been standing there long enough, so he headed to the fiction section to try to find something new to read.
These last few months he had devoured everything he could get his hands on in order to pass the time, and quite frankly, he was running out of new material.
Still, he went through the stacks to try to find something.
“Have you read any of these books?” Derek asked as he held out a couple of hardcovers with graphic titles.
“They’re a little dated—they were written maybe fifteen to twenty years ago—but the stories are amazing.
Dick Francis writes about horse racing in England.
At one time he was a jockey for the Queen Mother.
” Derek handed him the books, and Harm looked them over before smiling and nodding.
It was so fucking frustrating knowing what he wanted to say and not being able to say a word. He continued smiling and tried to remember something of the class he had taken, but ended up nodding because it was all he could think of to do.
“Do you want to say ‘thank you’?” Derek asked.
“Thank you.” He made the motions with his hands at the same time, and Harm set the books aside and mimicked him.
“That’s very good. This is ‘please’.” He made the sign, and Harm followed him.
Harm found himself smiling but wanting to say more.
He had questions he wanted to ask but wasn’t able to.
“It’s okay. I understand.” Now Derek shifted from foot to foot, and to Harm’s surprise, didn’t hurry away.
“I have a question for you.” God, he looked nervous.
“I know you can hear me and that you aren’t able to speak.
My sister is deaf, and I learned sign language when I was six.
I was thinking of starting a class to teach sign language and to help build a community of people who want to learn or improve their skills.
I was hoping to start next month and was wondering if you’d be interested in joining us.
” His voice was kind of lilty, and Harm figured he could listen to him forever.
Harm had taken a few classes in sign language after his injury, and he probably should have kept up with it, but there were very limited resources here.
Maybe his decision to return to where he’d spent part of his childhood hadn’t been a good one, but he had wanted to be in a place where he’d been happy, and with Joe and Larry he’d had some good years here.
Maybe a bigger city would have been a better choice.
He nodded and smiled, making the sign for “yes” that he remembered.
Just those few signs had shown Harm that in a way he could get his voice back… something he hadn’t thought possible.
“Excellent. Do you have an email address? I can send you information on when we’re going to meet.
I’m thinking on Tuesdays for an hour. But I was also thinking that after the hour, we could have more time to get to know everyone and practice.
” He was talking quickly, voice filled with excitement.
Derek led the way to the desk and handed Harm a sign-up sheet.
Harm filled in his name and contact information, noticing that he was the first one.
“I’m just starting the program,” Derek explained.
Harm finished filling out the information. Then he took one of the scraps of paper and a small pencil. “Did you do this for me?”
Derek read the note and smiled. “You inspired it. Suzanne, my sister, lives in Rochester where there is a sizable deaf community, and a lot of people there, deaf and hearing, know sign language. But here there aren’t many resources, and you helped highlight that the library can provide some of that support here.
I don’t expect a big group, but who knows. ”
Harm pointed out toward the college, then realized he probably just looked stupid. “Will the college help?” he wrote.
“I hope they’ll help get the word out,” Derek told him. “We’re designing posters, and the class will be added to the website soon. I’m really hoping to help.”
Harm was too skeptical to let himself hope too much.
This was new and it might not happen after all, but still, for the first time, there was a nugget down deep that told him this had possibilities.
He made the sign for “thank you” that Derek had taught him before returning to the fiction section to get some additional books.
“THE MAN at the library is trying to start a class in sign language,” Harm texted to Joe and Larry almost as soon as he got home. “He’s really nice and has been helping me when I go in.”
Larry sent a smile emoji. “So he isn’t afraid of you.” Ha ha.
“Rolls eyes. He seems very nice and he said that I gave him the idea for the class. His sister is deaf, and he’s been using sign language for a long time.” Harm’s fingers flew as he texted.
“Is he cute?” Joe sent, and Harm felt himself blush a little.
“Yes, he’s cute. He has nice eyes and curly poodle hair. And a really pretty smile.” He hesitated before pressing Send because he knew he was going to get the text version of the third degree from Joe.
“Then ask him out for coffee,” Joe sent to Harm’s surprise.
He shook his head at the damned phone. “How am I supposed to do that? I can send him a note and then we can sit there in silence, looking into each other’s eyes. Or maybe we could pass notes the way we did when we were in middle school.”
“But you like him?” Joe was like a dog with a bone, and he rarely gave up.
“So what. He’s nice. I don’t know if he likes guys, and what is he going to see in me?” There, that was out in the open. He had voiced what he was most afraid of.
“Okay. So coffee is out. But try to think of some way to approach him. Just because you can’t talk doesn’t mean you do nothing. Let your actions do the talking for you. People love a man of action. Words are cheap, but actions speak a hell of a lot louder.”
Harm wasn’t about to commit to anything.
“Thanks. I’ll think about it.” He set the phone aside before he could let himself get too maudlin about how much he missed them.
He was looking forward to January. It was already getting really cold.
At night it was close to freezing. But things were beginning to work out.
Harm started his new job on Monday, and he was looking forward to being useful again. When he’d been injured and mustered out of the Army, he lost his job, his friends, and part of his family all at once. It really sucked to have that much of his life all come to an abrupt end… just like that.
At least he didn’t have to worry too much about money for the time being since he was injured in the line of duty, but that pay along with his savings was not going to support him forever.
The truth was that he was just beginning to get his life back together.
The job, a place to live… all of that took time.
And yet he found himself thinking about Derek at the oddest moments.
He wasn’t even sure if the man was gay, but that didn’t stop his imagination from running full tilt ahead.
Harm did get that fluttery feeling in his belly when he saw Derek, and when he was looking back.
That was a sign that there might be some interest. But Harm had found that those feelings weren’t always accurate, and they didn’t necessarily mean that Derek was interested in him.
No, it was best to keep to himself and do nothing.
And yet, as he went through the rest of his day, he found himself thinking of Derek and wondering what he was doing.
It had been thoughtful of him to think of Harm when putting together that class, and dang, he’d been impressed that Derek had given him honest answers rather than simple platitudes or hyperbole.