4. Massimo
Chapter 4
Massimo
I wake up too early after barely sleeping at all. The house is still quiet, but my thoughts are chaotic and wild. It's day three now. I still haven't decided how to deal with Vera. I can't keep her locked in the cellar forever. But I can't bring myself to do anything else.
The final members of my family are arriving today, and soon the lodge will be full.
Bella is finally starting to relax as more people arrive. I think it helps distract her from the fact that her mother is not here with us. My poor baby girl. She deserves a mother. She deserves to know that kind of love.
It breaks my heart that it was taken from her.
I sigh, tossing the blankets off my body and swinging my legs over the side of the bed, I climb out and pull my hoodie over my head. It's warm in the lodge, but not warm enough to roam around topless. Besides - the kitchen is a communal area, and I need coffee. I doubt anyone will be up at this time, but you never know.
The hallways are silent. I don't even bother turning on the lights as I make my way downstairs. I know this place like the back of my hand. I have been coming here my whole life; my father used to be Don and ever since I can remember this is where we have celebrated Christmas – our entire family.
Yesterday they started putting up the Christmas lights. From the living room downstairs, I can see the warm glow of flickering strings of lights in green and red. I can smell pine needles from the Christmas tree that we will all decorate together after breakfast. Bella loves this part. She would have Christmas decorations up all year long if I let her.
I make coffee and stand in the kitchen in heavy silence.
Vera will be sleeping now. That cellar lockup is a cold place, not a place I would want to stay. But it is a place fit for a traitor.
I drink my coffee with my mind floating through memories of her.
I never stopped loving her. But was the person I loved ever real? Just thinking about what she did makes my blood boil.
I hate her for breaking us apart. I hate her for choosing anything else over our love. I thought we were unstoppable together. I thought we were forever.
I put my coffee mug down a little too hard, the built-up frustration showing through. It clangs against the marble countertop.
Fuck her for coming back now —during the hardest time of the year. This is when Bella and I struggle with the grief of losing her mother. Now, on top of that, I have to relive the pain of losing Vera and our baby.
Before I even realize what I'm doing, I'm storming towards Vera's cell. I have to know what she was thinking. I have to confront her.
I can't just leave this alone. It will eat me alive all holiday.
I shove the wooden doors open and I'm surprised to see Vera standing by the window, wrapped in a blanket. She quickly turns to face me; her bright green eyes are wide with fright.
"Massimo. You came back." She says, the warmth of her breath turning to steam in the cold air.
"Why did you betray me? I thought you loved me. I honestly believed it."
"I did love you - I do - I still do - " She stammers, tripping over her lies.
"No, if you loved me, if you felt anything at all for me - you would never have chosen anything but me. What was in it for you? Money? Status? Power?"
"Massimo please, we need to talk about Elio."
"What the fuck?"
Elio? I am asking her about how she ripped my world apart and she wants to talk about my cousin?
"I think he was behind the conspiracy. "
Anger surges through me. She will do anything to avoid accepting responsibility for what she did. I take three long strides toward her, my hand wrapping around her throat as I slam her back against the wall. She cries out, and her fear ignites something dark inside me. It burns through my veins, fueling me, making me grip her tighter.
"You should be begging for my forgiveness, not trying to place the blame on someone else." I snarl, my face inches from hers. I can feel the heat of her breath on my lips.
"Massimo, I am telling you the truth. I would never have done that to you. Stop being so blinded by what everyone else tells you and just listen for a second."
Her voice is constricted by my grip, but she is angry, and confrontational - or is she just defensive.
My fingers tighten a little more around her throat, blocking off her words. Stopping her lies. I can't take it.
Her eyes grow wide with fear, but I can still see the anger mixed in there.
She shoves me hard, trying to push me away. Then starts kicking at me, wildly fighting me off.
But all it does is make me more aggressive towards her.
She claws at my arm with her nails, and I grab her wrists, pinning them behind her back.
No matter how much I want to hate her - I can't look at her without seeing the woman I loved.
What if she's right?
What if my son is still alive?
What if she never betrayed me?
No .
She's just getting beneath my skin. She manipulated me into loving her once.
Stop falling for it again.
"Massimo." She whispers, barely audible. Her cheeks are bright red.
Her skin smells like orange blossoms. Sweet and divine.
I lean closer to her, not knowing what I'm doing. So close that our lips are almost touching.
Her breath catches in her throat as I loosen my grip, ever so slightly. Then I pull her forward, crashing her lips against mine.
The kiss hits me like a tidal wave, memories surging through my body.
Memories of how she feels against me, beneath me, wrapped up and tangled in me.
An image flashed through my mind of her and me in front of the fireplace, before anyone else had arrived at Bellini Lodge. We had the entire place to ourselves, making love for hours by the fire, lying on layers of blankets, completely lost in each other.
The memory is painful.
I step back and push Vera away from me.
How could I let this happen?
How could I lose control like that?
"Massimo." She calls my name when I turn my back on her. "I think Elio is up to something. You can't trust him. Please don't walk away."
But I can't trust her. Her words are poison-- a drug that infects me and turns me into someone else .
I have to get out of here before I fall for those eyes again.
I lock the door and hurry up the cellar steps.
"Dada." Bella's voice makes me jump.
"My angel, what are you doing here?"
"I's look for you." Her sweet little voice replies.
I scoop her up into my arms, quickly closing the cellar door.
"What there?" She asks, pointing towards it.
"You must stay away from there, my angel. There are big steps and it's not a safe place for you, ok?"
She scrunches her nose, curious about everything. I need to distract her.
"Do you want to check your Christmas calendar? We can see what is behind the next window."
"Oh, yes." She squeals in delight.
Thank goodness.
We walk into the living room, soft morning light is just starting to creep in, but the Christmas lights still make the entire place look warm and cozy.
I put Bella on the ground, and she bolts towards the calendar on the wall. Each date is a tiny box and behind each little door to each little box, I have hidden a small gift.
"This one?" she points at the window next to the one we opened yesterday.
"That's the one, Bella. Go ahead."
She pulls it open and reaches inside to find a little silver locket shaped like an angel wing.
She runs over to me, showing me what it is .
"This is like mommy's angel wings in heaven." I smile, helping her clip the necklace on.
My heart is so heavy. But I must smile and hide it, for my little girl's sake.
Watching my baby daughter enjoy the Christmas holidays makes me wonder - do I have a son out there? Where is he? Does he know about me?
I can't shake the feeling that Vera is right about him being alive. But What if it's false hope and I have to go through the pain of losing him all over again when I find out he isn't.