Chapter 6 Maternal Instinct
“ M iss Lawton?” A woman in pink scrubs pushed open the door leading into the inner sanctum of the counseling center. She was a slender woman with a heavy Hispanic accent that felt a little at odds with her peaches-and-cream complexion and mousy brown hair.
Oh, who am I to criticize? If Ella was being honest with herself, she was feeling cranky because she really didn’t want to be here.
“Here goes nothing.” She whispered to her two faithful protectors as she stood with her box of tissues in hand. Gage had been seated on her right, and Johnny was seated on her left in the red vinyl waiting room chairs. She could feel the sympathy rolling off their shoulders as they stood with her. Though Johnny enjoyed getting under Gage’s skin every chance he got, he was a genuinely nice guy. She suspected his horsing around was part of his effort to hide what a marshmallow he was on the inside. It was the only reason she’d invited him along .
“You’ve got this,” he urged in a low voice.
“If that includes ugly crying and bloating up like a puffer fish,” she sighed, “then, yes. I’ve totally got this!” She swung a fist playfully through the air for emphasis.
Gage caught her fist and cradled it between them, informing her in an undertone, “Since there’s two of us out here, we’ll have both the front and rear exits covered.” Then he raised his voice to a more conversational volume. “As much as it pains me to say this, Johnny is right. You’ve got this.”
She smiled her gratitude for his whispered assurances, as well as his attempt to lighten the air between them.
“Can you say that again?” Johnny pulled out his cell phone, hit the record button, and held it up to catch whatever Gage said next.
“Cool your spurs, cowboy.” Gage dropped her hand to slap away Johnny’s phone, but Johnny had already swung it out of reach. “We both know it’s unlikely it’ll ever happen again.”
Ella was chuckling as she stepped through the door, which she was reasonably sure was their plan. They were truly amazing guys, both of them.
The nurse shut the door behind her and trilled, “Wow! You go, girl!” She had on so much makeup that it was impossible to tell her age. She could’ve been anywhere from thirty-five to fifty.
Ella blinked at her, hardly knowing what to say.
“Is one of them your husband?” the woman pressed as she led Ella to a chair to take her vitals.
“No. We’re just friends.” Ella didn’t appreciate her prying. Her bedside manner could definitely use a little work.
“I’m going to take your blood pressure and temperature.” The nurse briskly went to work, wrapping a blood pressure cuff around Ella’s arm and rolling an external thermometer over her forehead. “Would you like anything to drink? We have bottled water, sparkling water, tea, and soft drinks.”
“No, thanks. I’m fine.” Ella stifled a shiver at the memory of being poisoned the last time she’d taken a drink of water in public.
“If you change your mind, just let me know,” the woman said quickly. “We have other refreshments, too. Crackers, fruit, and?—”
“I really am fine,” Ella interrupted, feeling the first wave of alarm sweep over her. She watched the woman undo the blood pressure cuff and record the numbers on her electronic tablet. Part of her wanted to get up and run out of the office. She was dreading the whole idea of spilling her innermost fears and misgivings to a perfect stranger.
As she glanced longingly toward the waiting room, the door to their right opened. A forty-ish woman in a sunset orange pantsuit appeared. “That’ll be all, Triss. I’ll take it from here.” Her dyed blonde hair was piled high on her head, and her makeup was so thick that it accentuated the lines around her eyes and at the corners of her mouth.
She waited until Triss bounced out of the room before holding out a hand to Ella. “I’m Dr. Avery Radcliffe. It’s so nice to meet you, Ella.” Her fingernails were painted in an eerily familiar shade of red, the same red that the fingernails of her organ donor had been painted.
Ella was so busy staring at her fingernails that she was slow to shake her hand. “I, um. It’s nice to meet you, too.” Then she frowned. “I thought I was supposed to meet with a man by the name of Dr. Jones.”
“He called out sick today. I’m his partner, so I’m covering his appointments for him. The first one is more of an introduction, anyway. Shall we?” Avery Radcliffe fluttered her hand toward the office she’d come out of.
Ella wordlessly stepped past her. The moment she was inside the room, however, she felt like she was suffocating. It was too small. Too dim. Too…something. Visions of hospital beds, IV lines, and people in white jackets flashed through her mind, along with the scent of antiseptics.
“I can’t,” she gasped, backing out of the room so quickly that she nearly plowed into her therapist. She tugged at the neckline of the pink t-shirt she was wearing beneath her blue jean vest. “I’m so sorry! I need windows or something.”
“There’s no need to apologize.” Dr. Radcliffe looked concerned. “It’s a classic case of claustrophobia. No biggie. We can meet in the conference room.” She pointed down the hallway. “It’s the last room on the left.”
Gulping and fanning her face, Ella moved down the hallway into the conference room, still clutching her box of tissues. It was immediately easier to breathe in the brighter, more spacious area on the other side. Floor-to-ceiling windows graced the outside wall. She moved around the table and claimed a seat right by the windows.
Avery Radcliffe followed her and pulled out the chair beside her. “I’m going to start this session by sharing something very important about my background.” She smoothed a hand down the front of her bright orange blazer, looking a tad nervous. “Though Dr. Jones will remain your therapist on record, he’s agreed to include me in some of your appointments going forward, assuming you agree to it.”
“Okay. Sure.” Ella shrugged. “As long as you don’t charge me extra for it, I reckon two psychiatrists are better than one. ”
“It’s because I’m your biological mother, Ella. It would be group therapy. For both of us. We weren’t planning on charging you at all.”
My what? It was a good thing Ella was already seated. Otherwise, she might’ve fainted. The box of tissues slid out of her nerveless fingers and bounced to the floor. She opened her mouth and tried to say something. The only thing that came out was a strangled squeak. You were supposed to be dead.
For a long, tension-charged moment, they simply stared at each other.
“Oh, honey!” Dr. Radcliffe was the first one to break the silence. “Why did you run away from the coast? From the new life you’d built for yourself there? It was safe. I made sure of it.”
Ella gaped at her. “What are you talking about?” Even if it was true that Dr. Radcliffe was her mother, they’d only just met. How was it possible that the woman sitting in front of her knew anything else about her life? Ella had purposely left most of her patient questionnaire blank.
“Right.” Tears started rolling down Dr. Radcliffe’s cheeks. “It’s that pesky memory of yours at work again. Or not at work, in your case.”
You know about that, too? If it weren’t for her tears, Ella might’ve ended their bizarre encounter right then and there. But there was something raw and pure about the woman’s anguish. Something that begged her to stay and listen.
“Imagine trying to have a relationship with someone you love,” Dr. Radcliffe choked, “only to be erased from their memory time and time again.”
Ella’s senses felt like they were on overload. “Are you trying to say we’ve met before today?” Why don’t I remember it? Why don’t I remember you?
“Countless times.” Avery Radcliffe’s expression softened, and her eyes grew distant with nostalgia. “And despite all the cosmetic procedures you’ve undergone, you still remind me so much of your father. And me.” A sobbing chuckle escaped her. “You have my eyes, Ella.”
Ella scanned the woman’s features, trying to see what she was seeing. It was true that they had the same color of eyes — hazel with flecks of green. Her gaze dropped to Dr. Radcliffe’s hands, to eye her blood-red fingernails again. If she was telling the truth about being her biological mother, it was possible she was the very woman Ella had been looking for.
“Are you my kidney donor?” she demanded bluntly.
“I am.” More tears rolled down the woman’s face. “You’re remembering things, aren’t you?” She dabbed at the wetness beneath her eyes.
Ella nodded. It felt surreal to find herself face-to-face with the woman she’d been searching for only minutes after placing her electronic signature on the request for her medical records. She’d never expected a search of this magnitude to end before it even began.
“Dad said you died when I was a baby.” Though she’d never questioned his story or gone pilfering through her past, there was no denying her resemblance to Dr. Avery Radcliffe. It wasn’t merely their eyes. They were roughly the same height and build and possessed the same alto voice and animated way of talking with their hands. Ella would insist on all the proper documentation and proof. Way down deep, though, she sensed that the woman was telling the truth .
I have a mother. It was almost too much to absorb. I actually have a living, breathing mother.
“Technically, you were the one who died.” Her mother sniffed damply. “After divorcing your father, I claimed that I miscarried you, but it wasn’t true. I gave birth to you with the help of an unlicensed midwife. She lived down the road from the university I attended in Spain. Knowing I couldn’t raise you on my own, I had an attorney friend do some fancy footwork to make it look like your father married again.” She paused to draw a deep breath. “To a fictitious woman who met a fictitious end a year later. Then I contacted your father, told him what I’d done, and asked him to come get you.”
“Why?” The shock of learning that her biological mother was alive was wearing off. In its place were too many feelings for Ella to analyze —resentment, anger…wow! So much anger! How dare this woman give birth to her, then just send her away like that! Ella almost didn’t care what her reasons were. Whatever they were, they were wrong. Dead wrong.
“Because I was very young, very immature, and in a very dangerous situation,” Avery Radcliffe informed her gently. “Believe me, if there had been any way for me to have a normal life with you and your father…” She closed her eyes. “He begged me to stay with him and fight for our marriage, but I knew he couldn’t protect me.”
“From what?”
Her mother opened her eyes. “It’s a very long, very complicated story, I’m afraid.” She sounded world weary and defeated. “If you agree to undergo group therapy sessions with me, we’ll unravel our respective pasts as best we can beneath the auspices of Dr. Jones. He’s amazing, by the way. Very discreet. I’d trust him with my life. ”
“I, um…yes.” How could she say no to that?
They sat there, staring at each other for another long moment.
“So, I have a mother…who’s alive.” A nervous chuckle tore out of Ella. This is so awkward.
“It’s true, even though I missed your entire childhood.” Avery Radcliffe bent to retrieve the box of tissues Ella had dropped on the floor. She grabbed a few for herself, then held the box out to Ella.
Ella pulled out a handful. “In case you’re wondering, Dad did a really good job of being both a mom and a dad.” She wasn’t trying to make her biological mother feel bad. It just felt like something she needed to know.
Avery Radcliffe didn’t look the least bit offended. “I’m not surprised. It’s Mick Lawton we’re talking about.” Her expression begged Ella to tell her more.
So she did. She told her mother about losing both of her front teeth right before the children’s Christmas pageant at church when she was five-years-old. She told her about the tea parties with her dad on their living room floor. And how skilled he’d gotten at braiding hair and putting twisty ties in ponytails. “He was the best dad,” she concluded with a sob. “When I got older, I tried to get him to date again, but he refused. He insisted that my mother had been the love of his life, and there would never be anyone else for him.”
Avery Radcliffe, who’d wept silently through Ella’s entire recounting, dabbed her face with the tissues in her hands. They came back smudged with mascara and foundation. “I’m glad he was able to give you the life you deserve. It’s all I ever wanted for you. I know it doesn’t make sense now, but it will someday. Hopefully.” She dabbed her face some more .
There were so many things Ella wanted to ask her, but it made the most sense to zero in on the ones that might help lead to her father’s killer. “About my kidney transplant…”
Her mother nodded and drew a deep breath. “Mick took an unspeakable risk, whisking me down to Corpus Christi in the dead of night. Not that I blame him. I would’ve done the same thing if I was in his shoes.” She gave Ella a watery smile. “You needed a kidney, and I was the perfect match.”
Because you’re my mother. As badly as Ella wanted to despise her for being an absent parent for most of her life, it was impossible to do so. Not only had she given birth to Ella, she’d given her a kidney. Willingly, it sounded like, and at a tremendous personal risk that Ella was struggling to keep an open mind about.
“Why wasn’t my father a match?” Her mind was spinning with follow-up questions.
“Because his kidneys weren’t in much better shape than yours.” Her mother’s lips trembled. “That’s the real reason he retired from the military when he did. He would’ve eventually needed a transplant himself.”
“I didn’t know,” Ella whispered.
“Very few people did.” Avery Radcliffe brushed more dampness from beneath her eyes. “He didn’t want to burden you with that. You already had enough on your shoulders.”
“Did you love him?” Though Ella had intended to only ask things that might shed light on the identity of her father’s murderer, she found herself grasping at straws of hope about other things — things she’d never dared to hope for before today.
“So very much.” Her mother gazed blindly out the conference room windows. “I never stopped. I couldn’t have if I’d wanted to.” She fluttered her hands helplessly. “It’s your father we’re talking about. You knew Mick Lawton better than anyone else.”
I did. Ella appreciated the fact that her mother understood that.
She watched her mother glance at her watch, reminding her that the allotted time for their appointment was drawing to a close.
Her mother abruptly raised her head to meet her gaze again. “Did you find him?”
Ella blinked at the rapid change in topics.
“The man you were looking for,” her mother coaxed. “You’ve mentioned him on a number of occasions.”
“I have?” Ella shivered at the realization that she must have told her mother about Gage. “When?”
“During every visit I made to you in Corpus Christi.” Her mother scanned her features. “You’ve been living in my vacation home on the beach. Do you remember it? The ocean views? Any of it?”
“I’m trying to.” The harder Ella strove to remember, though, the foggier it got inside her head. “Maybe the man I was looking for was my father.” Maybe it was selfish of her, but she wasn’t yet ready to reveal Gage Hefner’s role in her life. He was hers and hers alone —someone who wasn’t stuck in the gaping abyss inside her head.
Her mother nodded, looking disappointed. “It’s possible.” She glanced at her watch again. “I know there’s still so much we need to talk about, but I have another client appointment in less than ten minutes.” She reached up to smooth a hand over her flawless updo. “Before you leave, though, there’s something you absolutely must understand about your diagnosis.”
“What diagnosis?” Ella asked carefully .
“It’s all in your medical records.” Her mother’s voice grew impatient. “You can request a copy of them if you want to read the Santa-sized version. I’ll give you the highlights.” She frowned in seriousness. “You have a rare form of dissociative amnesia. It’s probably been as much of a blessing to you as a curse for the past five years.”
Amnesia? Ella’s eyebrows came together. “How do you know this?”
“Because I’ve been in very close contact with every last person involved with your medical care for the past five years — the team that handled your transplant as well as the team who handled your cosmetic procedures.”
Ella could think of only one way her mother would’ve been able to do that. Horrified, she pointed at her face. “Is this your doing?”
“Not exactly.” Avery Radcliffe looked sad. “All I did was make sure the right medical specialists crossed your path. They made the referrals for the procedures, you authorized them, and I paid for them.”
“Why don’t I remember it?” Ella was more perplexed than ever. “Any of it?”
“Because of the rare form of amnesia I mentioned.” Her mother leaned her way. “It’s called anterograde amnesia. Unlike the movies where the heroine suffers trauma they can’t remember, you remember the trauma but can’t remember what happened next. It’s a form of amnesia that blocks a person’s ability to form new memories.” She waved her hands expressively. “The best example I can come up with is a set of encyclopedias where a volume in the middle is missing.”
“Like a gap,” Ella said slowly.
“Exactly.” Her mother nodded. “With proper therapy, you could get part or all of it back. ”
Ella absorbed the information, not sure when the best time would be to admit she was already getting pieces of it back. Ever since her arrival in Heart Lake, she’d also been forming new memories, ones she hadn’t forgotten. Surely, that counted as progress.
“Until then,” Avery Radcliffe leaned closer to give her a warning look, “the best you can do is keep living your life. Hug puppies at the sanctuary. Eat ice cream for dinner. I can have your belongings shipped from my beach house to the place you’re renting if you’d like.”
So, you know where I’m living and working. Ella wasn’t sure if she should be weirded out by that or not. Instead of asking how her mother knew those things, she tried to picture what she owned back in Corpus Christi. Clothing, no doubt, but nothing came to mind. That part of her life was still a blank.
“That sounds good,” she murmured vaguely, since her mother looked like she was waiting for an answer.
“Consider it done. In the meantime,” Avery Radcliffe’s voice dropped nearly to a whisper, “it might be best if you don’t tell anyone that you and I are related.” She sat back in her chair, muttering beneath her breath, “If you even remember after you walk out of here.”
Ella tasted bitterness. “Because you’re still not ready to be my mother, huh?” So much for grasping at straws of hope!
“Nothing could be further from the truth!” Her mother’s voice shook with fervor. “It’s for your protection. And mine,” she added with a sigh, “since you had the misfortune to end up in Heart Lake, of all places.”
Whatever. It felt like she was purposely avoiding giving any direct answers. Ella was a little disgusted with herself for expecting more from a woman who’d been dodging her motherly responsibilities for so many years. “Pretending we don’t know each other won’t be a problem.” Thoroughly incensed, she stood. It was a tough pill to swallow —meeting a parent she thought was dead and almost immediately being told she still wanted nothing to do with her on a personal basis. “It’s not like I’ve ever had a mother figure in my life. You can’t miss what you’ve never had.”
Her mother stood, facing her bleakly. “Someday, it’ll all make sense. I just don’t know when, considering your condition.” She gestured helplessly at her daughter.
I’m not as broken as you think I am. Ella was tired of all the double-talk and secrecy. “You still haven’t told me who you’ve been protecting me from.”
“I don’t have time to go into that right now.” Avery Radcliffe shook her head, looking genuinely distressed. “How about we continue this conversation during our next visit?”
“Sure.” Ella’s heart sank, knowing she couldn’t force her to keep talking. Something was holding her back, possibly the fear that Ella wouldn’t remember any of their conversation, anyway.
“While you’re in town, it would also be best if you stay away from the Bolanders.” Her mother’s voice was flat. “Trust me. You do not want to kick that cobra.”
Too late for that. Ella’s encounter with Billy Bob was all the convincing she needed that her mother was telling the truth about the Bolanders.
Ella moved toward the conference room door. “I’ll do my best, Dr. Radcliffe.” Yeah, she was being sarcastic, but her mother sort of deserved it. She twisted the handle and pulled the door open.
“I’ll see you next Monday, Miss Lawton,” her mother called after her. Like the mask she’d worn to the hospital the night she’d donated her kidney, Dr. Radcliffe’s professional voice and demeanor were very much back in place.
Gage was standing just inside the waiting room, so close to the door that Ella nearly plowed into him. He took one look at her expression and held his arms out to her.
She walked right into them, too overwhelmed to do anything other than breathe him in.
He cuddled her closer, tucking her head beneath his chin. His profound silence told her he understood she didn’t need a bunch of words right now. “Let’s get you out of here,” he finally rasped against her temple.
She nodded instead of answering.
On their drive back to the animal sanctuary, it was deathly quiet inside the vehicle. She was riding shotgun beside Gage, who was driving.
Johnny popped his head over the console between them to give her a worried look. “You okay up there, cupcake?”
“Cupcake?” Ella sputtered, trying to swallow a laugh as she darted a glance at Gage.
The way his fists tightened on the steering wheel made it look like he was struggling not to slug Johnny.
“Whoa! You two are intense!” Johnny sat back in his seat, out of swinging range. “I was just trying to lighten the mood in here.”
Ella pressed two fingers to her lips in an effort to hide a smile. The guy clearly had a death wish.
“There.” He pointed at her. “I saw it.”
“Saw what?” She refused to look at him, knowing she would laugh if she did.
“You smiled.”
“Did not.”
Gage pulled into the drive-through lane at The Hitching Post. “I promised Jillian I’d feed you. What sounds good?” He spoke to Ella as if Johnny was no longer in the vehicle.
Which didn’t discourage Johnny from rattling off a long list of menu items.
“Wasn’t talking to you,” Gage growled.
“It’s all for Ella,” Johnny promised in an innocent voice. “I hereby volunteer to finish off whatever she doesn’t want.”
“How magnanimous of you.” Despite his grumpiness, Gage ordered lunch for the three of them, including most of the items on Johnny’s ridiculously long list. Then he turned back onto the highway.
When they were bumping their way up the gravel lane leading to the animal rescue sanctuary, Ella finally worked up the courage to share some of what had happened during her appointment. “According to the therapist I met with today, I have a rare form of amnesia.” She gave them the skinny of what that meant.
“So if I kissed you right now,” Johnny drawled, “you might not remember it?”
“Neither would you.” Gage glared a hole in him through his rearview mirror. “Because you’d be dead.” He parked in front of the trio of interconnected silos. “Get out,” he ordered flatly. “You,” he clarified, giving Johnny a hard look in his rearview mirror. “Not Ella. She and I have something we need to discuss real quick.”
Johnny grinned and pushed open his door. “I’ll be right outside the vehicle.” He pointed two fingers at his eyes, then pointed them at her and Gage, making it clear he’d be keeping an eye on them. Then he picked up his enormous bag of lunch and took his precious time exiting the Bronco.
It was all Ella could do to continue holding in her laughter, especially after he slammed the door harder than necessary. A lot harder. A tiny squeak of mirth escaped her.
“He knows you think he’s funny.” Gage gave her a disgruntled look. “Trust me. The guy doesn’t need that kind of encouragement.”
Ella couldn’t resist teasing him. “Who thinks I’m funny?”
He raised his eyebrows at her.
“Who are you?” She pretended to squint at him. “Have we met before?”
His expression relaxed. “Is this your idea of cracking an amnesia joke?”
“Maybe.” She gave him an innocent look. “You don’t look very amused.”
“It was a nice try, though.” He shook his head at her.
She pointed at his mouth like Johnny had done to her. “I almost made you smile.”
He leaned his elbow on the console between them, bringing them to eye level. “You always make me smile.” The scent of his aftershave wafted between them.
Her breathing grew shallow from his nearness. “Could’ve fooled me, since you’re still not, you know…smiling.”
“I’m smiling on the inside,” he informed her huskily. “Have been since the day we met.”
“Gage,” she sighed, wishing they’d met under different circumstances. Unfortunately, they were in the middle of a murder investigation, and the inside of her head was still a hot mess.
He touched her hand. “You okay now? You seemed a little wigged out after you met with Dr. Jones.”
She filled her lungs before answering and let the air out slowly. “Dr. Jones called in sick. I met with Dr. Avery Radcliffe instead.” She paused before adding, “My mother.” She braced herself for an explosion. All he gave her was stark silence. “Say something,” she pleaded.
“Your mother,” he repeated. Then his expression changed. “Unbelievable!” He let out a low whistle.
“You don’t seem surprised,” she accused.
“I knew she divorced your father, then had a miscarriage overseas.” He shook his head. “I just assumed he never told me about the child he lost because it was too painful for him. It never once occurred to me that you might be that child.”
“That’s more than I knew. Maybe,” she added ruefully. She was still missing so many of her memories that she wasn’t too sure of anything anymore. “How did you find out all of this stuff?”
“I’m investigating your father’s murder,” he reminded. “If it’s public information, I’ve dug it up.”
“I thought she was dead. That’s what my dad told me.” She couldn’t believe he’d lied to her about something so important. It was the first time in her life she’d been put in a position to doubt her father. Had he lied about anything else? If he had, did those lies have anything to do with why he’d been killed?
“And now you live in the same town, and she’s back in your life.” Gage sounded sympathetic. “It’s a lot, I know.”
“I wouldn’t say that she’s back in my life.” She told him about her mother’s request to pretend like they don’t know each other, along with her mother’s warning to stay away from the Bolanders. “I almost wish she hadn’t bothered to tell me she was my mother,” she concluded with a grimace. “In some ways, it was easier not knowing.”
Gage toyed with her fingers. “Would you care to hear the thoughts of a fly on the wall listening in to all of this?”
She nodded mutely.
“My gut says Dr. Avery Radcliffe is scared. Scared for your safety and scared for her own safety.”
Ella scowled in frustration. “Then why continue to be so secretive? Why not come clean to me about everything?”
He spread his hands. “To the daughter she thinks is still suffering from full-blown anterograde amnesia?”
She tipped her head up to the ceiling, groaning. “Good point.”
“But you can prove her wrong about that,” he coaxed. “You can go back and show her that you remember what happened at today’s appointment. She already opened up a little. She might open up some more. In the meantime, you and I will keep digging into your father’s death, okay?”
“Okay.” She gave him a tremulous smile.
“Are you ready to head inside and eat your lunch with the windbag outside this vehicle?” He angled his head toward Johnny.
“I am.” As he started to pull away from her, she stopped him by laying a hand over his. “Thank you, Gage. For taking me to my appointment. For lunch. For having my back today. For everything.”
“You’re welcome.” He flipped his hand over to squeeze her fingers.
“I know it’s your job to protect me right now.” Her gaze dropped to their joined hands.
He snorted. “Really, Ella? You think it’s my job to hold your hand?”
She met his gaze shyly. “Are you saying this is more than a job to you?” She was pretty sure she knew the answer to that, but she wanted to hear him say it.
“You know it is.” He frowned in concern at her. “From the moment we met, it’s been about more than my job. ”
She tried to force a smile but wasn’t sure she succeeded. “Gage, I don’t know when my life will return to normal. I don’t know if it’s ever going to return to normal.”
“I know.” He gave her a crooked smile, cradling her hand between his.
“And you’re okay with that?” She needed to know that he understood what he was getting into.
“Yeah. I’m cool with it.”
She made a face at him. “I’m pretty needy right now, in case you missed that part.”
“Maybe I like being needed by you, Ella.” His gaze dropped to her mouth. “If you don’t want Johnny to witness our first kiss, now might be the right time for us to get moving again.”
For a moment, she couldn’t breathe, only gaze at him with longing, hope and a dizzying number of other emotions.
“Now, Ella!” He twisted away from her and pushed open his door. Striding around to her side of the Bronco, he pulled her door open and assisted her to the ground.
She drenched him with a smile of wonder that made his gaze darken and his lids grow heavy.
After he drove away, Johnny teased her about it all the way to the employee lounge. “You’ve completely en-Gage-d his attention.”
“Not funny.” She lifted her chin as she unfolded the wrapping around her sandwich.
He unwrapped his first of three sandwiches and changed the subject. “You still planning on putting in a full day here?”
“I am.” She took a bite and sighed at the realization that Gage had remembered to add her favorite guacamole spread. His attentiveness to the details was incredibly sweet. “Why? Are you bored?”
“Nope.” He took an enormous bite and kept talking despite the food in his mouth. “Just trying to find a safe topic of conversation since you don’t wanna discuss your boyfriend.”
“Gage is not my?—”
“Good to know.” He winked at her.
“You’re impossible.” She took another bite.
“I have my moments.” He didn’t look the least bit bothered by her crabbing.
She ate as quickly as possible and left the employee lounge before he did. She’d promised to walk the dogs in the fenced-in field this afternoon. However, she’d also promised never to venture a foot outside without a bodyguard. She was forced to swallow her irritation with Johnny and wait for him to finish eating before she started putting leashes on the first pair of dogs. While she waited, she wandered to the small stable adjoining the back of one of the silos.
Only one horse was currently housed there, but there was room for up to three more. She glided up to Western Storm with her hand out. “Hey there,” she crooned. He was a beautiful brown stallion —all glossy and clean, since his owner kept him meticulously groomed.
He nuzzled her hand, tossed his head, then returned to rooting against her hand.
“What’s wrong, big boy?” Stepping onto the lowest rung of the railing, she pulled herself up beside him.
“You didn’t bring him any carrots,” a man’s voice explained from somewhere below the horse.
“Oh!” Ella, who’d assumed she was alone with the horse, nearly fell off her perch. It took a moment for her gaze to latch on to the outline of Jordan’s stooped over figure within the dim interior of the stall. He was slim and wiry, about the age her father would’ve been if he was still with her. “Hello again, Mr. Jacobson.” He hadn’t spoken more than two words during their introduction earlier.
He tipped the brim of his Stetson at her, but didn’t say anything.
She squinted down at him and watched him run a silver file against the edge of his horse’s back left hoof. “What are you doing?”
“Trimming his hoof. It was getting rough around the edges.” He glanced up at her. “He’s retired, but he still likes to run.”
“I would love to see you ride him sometime.” She’d heard enough about Jordan’s illustrious career with the horse to make her anxious to see the two of them in action.
“I ride him every morning at daybreak.” Jordan returned his attention to the hoof he was working on.
“Why daybreak?” She continued watching his efficient tending with fascination.
“It’s cooler. Fewer vehicles on the road.” He set the horse’s hoof down with a grunt. “Fewer people up and about.”
She hopped guiltily off the railing. “I hope I’m not disturbing you.”
“You’re not.” He shot her a lopsided smile. “I’m just not very good at holding up my end of the conversation.”
“I’d better go walk the dogs.” She took a step back. “It was nice talking with you again, Mr. Jacobson.”
“Just call me Jordan.” He tipped his hat at her again. “The pleasure was all mine, Miss Ella.”
“Just Ella,” she corrected. A thought struck her, making her return to the railing. “Ella Lawton.” She stressed her last name, wondering if he’d recognize it. He looked to be about the same age as her father.
Jordan grew still. “That’s a name I haven’t heard in years.”
“Mick Lawton was my dad,” she said softly. “Did you know him?”
“Yeah. Back in high school.” He studied her curiously. “Did you come back to live near your mom?”
Her lips parted in astonishment. “What are you talking about?” Her mother had warned her less than an hour ago to keep their relationship a secret.
He ducked his head, looking repentant. “I’m sorry. I assumed you already knew.”
“Knew what?” she asked faintly.
“Dr. Radcliffe was once married to your dad,” he mumbled, not quite meeting her eyes.
“Yeah, I just found that out.” She wasn’t sure why she was admitting it to him. “I spent my whole childhood thinking she was dead.”
Jordan snorted. “I spent my whole childhood wishing mine was dead.”
Ella gasped.
He shifted uncomfortably from one boot to the other. “My mother is in jail.”
“I’m so sorry!” That was awful!
“I’m not.” He sounded resigned. “It’s where she belongs.”
Ella wished she could think of something comforting to say, but she couldn’t. All she could think of was how glad she was that her mother had simply been absent. Apparently, there were far worse mothers in the world than absent ones .
Especially one who’d so willingly given up a kidney to save her daughter’s life. Ella’s hand crept to her midsection.
Jordan’s gaze followed her hand worriedly. “You okay?”
“I am.” She quickly lowered her hand. “Thank you.” It was oddly comforting to know that she would be volunteering alongside a man who’d known her parentsback when they were first falling in love. Maybe he’d be able to shed some light on why their marriage hadn’t worked out.
And who’d wanted her father dead.
And what her mother was so afraid of now.