11. Chapter Eleven
Chapter Eleven
Silver
There’s no way in hell I’m good enough for her. I just thank God she can’t see that yet. -Silver
Charity hurries around the yard, her arms filled with platters of the burgers I just cooked. She’s in entertainment mode, clearly enjoying herself. She talks animatedly to one of the member’s wives. I smile when she throws her head back to laugh. She’s so damn beautiful.
“What ya’ lookin’ at, brother? The beautiful sunset, perhaps?” My sister asks in a chirpy voice.
I clear my throat and turn back to flippin’ burgers. “Yep, sure is a nice day. Glad we could get the whole club together like this.”
Elsie clasps her hands behind her back and steps closer to me. “Yep, it sure is a pretty day. Never known you to enjoy scenery so much before.” She taps her chin. “I wonder what’s so special about today.”
I can feel my cheeks turning red. Fuck, I really am turning into a pile of mush over Charity. I need to stop.
I shrug. “Just nice to have everyone together like this. Stopped to take in the moment.” I’m not convincing anyone.
“Oh, well,” she runs her finger over the edge of the plate next to the grill and then looks over her shoulder, “I guess you won’t care that the beautiful sunset is talking to our newest member, Tank, and she looks pretty entranced by what he’s sayin’.”
The growl comes out before I can stop it. “She’s what?” My head swivels over to where Charity was standing before. I let out a long breath when I realize Elsie is a little liar and she’s still talking to Moose’s wife.
I scowl and go back to flipping. “You’re a nuisance, little sister. Go find your husband.”
She giggles and squeezes my shoulder. “Had you going, didn’t I? You were ready to take Tank’s head off.”
I shake my head, but don’t say anything. She’s right. I was ready to take him apart.
She’s silent for a moment and I can feel the vibe change gradually. She’s studying me and thinking of saying something, but too afraid to say it.
“Say what you’re going to say, sis. Get it off your chest, whatever it is.” My voice comes out gruff, but I try to soften it for her sake. “I won’t bite your head off. Just tell me what you’re thinking.”
“I’m worried about you.”
My head snaps up. Elsie’s blue eyes are shining with unshed tears, and I feel a moment of panic.
“Worried about me? Why the hell would you be worried about me? Fuck…I mean fudge, I’m just fine. You’re the one who’s pregnant.” I’ve been trying to curse less so I don’t do it around my little future niece of nephew. It’s going to be hell to try to stop. Much less get the other guys to talk clean.
“You love her, don’t you? I didn’t think it was possible, but you do.
” She lets out a shaky breath. “You love her so much it’s eating you up inside.
You’ll end up stepping away from her ‘cause you’ll think you’re too damn good for her.
You’ll think you’re doing her a favor. That you’re somehow being a savior instead of just running. I can see it all now.”
“Els…” I start to deny it, but I know she’s right. “She does deserve better than me.”
Elsie shakes her head so hard that I’m afraid she might have whiplash.
“You’re wrong, dead wrong, Silver. Look around you.
Look at the men you’ve saved. Look at what you’ve done for this community.
Look at what you’ve done for me. You’re a great man, the best. What I don’t know is why you can’t see it. ”
I think back to the days when my old man used to tell me I was worthless, when I was unable to defend my Ma or anyone else. When the men who served underneath me died. When things went to hell because I made a wrong decision. I’m so far from being a savior it’s laughable.
“You don’t know everything, Els. There was a time before you came here. There were years when you didn’t see the man I became.” Years when I turned to drugs and alcohol. Years when I punished others around me for my own shortcomings.
She places a gentle hand on my arm. “I don’t need to know. I know the man you are now.”
She takes a deep breath and places her hand on her stomach.
“Let yourself love and be loved. Let yourself be surrounded by it. Stop punishing yourself. For the sake of all of us that love you, let go of the past and live in the future. This baby is going to be around, and I want him or her to know how damn special their uncle is.”
My throat tightens. Can I? Can I let someone in? Someone to be with day in and day out? Someone to see the worst and best?
“What the hell did you do to make my woman cry, Silver? Fuck man, do we need to have words?” Blaze’s hard words break into my thoughts, and I turn to look at him.
The look on his face is menacing and I take a step back.
“He didn’t do anything, sweetheart. Just cryin’ like I always do these days.” Elsie looks up at Blaze with a sweet smile and his face immediately softens.
“Oh,” he says softly, “just got worried, baby. It’s not good for you to get so upset, Elsie. These tears are killin’ me.”
“I know, babe.” The look that passes between them is so full of love and affection that it takes my breath away.
My little sister is so loved.
I glance across the yard where I see Charity watching me, her head cocked to the side. She’s giving me a concerned look and I immediately smile at her to reassure her. She smiles broadly in return.
Maybe I could be that loved too if I let myself. Should I? Could I?