Chapter 10
Effie Harlow
Iwasn’t positive if I was disappointed or unsurprised to find myself in Caedmon’s bed in the morning, completely alone.
I didn’t know him well, but something about the night before had clearly really affected him, so the idea that he wasn’t here this morning didn’t seem unusual to his character.
In fact, if I had to assume, this was probably more normal for him than not.
My instincts told me that when Caedmon was faced with emotion, he ran. I mean, he seemed to have run from his friendship with the others, and whatever had happened last night… well, he wasn’t here, so that was pretty obvious.
Staring up at the ceiling, I briefly considered just staying in bed and waiting for him to return.
I considered writing him a note to find when he got back.
I considered a lot. But I also considered the fact that I was reading all of this wrong.
I mean, I didn’t even know the man’s schedule.
He could be anywhere. Doing anything. With anyone.
Why did that concept bother me so much? Why did the notion of him just waking up and ignoring what had happened last night bother me?
As if it was nothing. Because it so clearly meant something to me.
It had been a moment between the two of us, and I was starting to wonder if maybe I was the only one that had felt it.
I wasn’t positive about what I would do if that was the case.
Was I crazy, or had there been something that had passed between us?
No. There was no chance that someone like Caedmon had felt anything like I had.
I was positive the man had a million options, and while I hated that notion, I also had to be realistic about the fact that I could never keep someone like that in my life as anything but a friend.
I didn’t… I wouldn’t even know where to start with anything else.
I mean, I had literally had my first kiss yesterday.
As much as I was attracted to Caedmon, the women he was normally with were probably experienced and worldly.
They would know exactly what to do in that type of situation, like one where we were in bed together, whereas I had decided to bring him a blanket… because I thought he would be cold.
I looked like an idiot.
Slipping from his bed, I looked down at the comforter and decided that I would leave it there, because I liked the idea of him having something that smelled like me. Because that wasn’t weird at all, Effie.
Crossing the floor with a muttered curse, I shielded my eyes from the early morning light that flooded the main lounge.
No one else seemed up just yet, and while I didn’t know what time it was, it was clear that it was before when most people would wake.
It was also still snowing, despite the sun attempting to break through the heavy, thick layer of clouds.
As I made my way towards my door, I hurried my pace, hearing movement from behind one of the doors.
I thought it was Julian, but I wasn’t positive.
I hadn’t even had the chance to look at their bedrooms, let alone ask which theirs were besides Caedmon.
I frowned, hating that I was instantly wondering once again where Caedmon had gone exactly.
Not that it was any of my business, of course.
“Caedmon is very much our business.”
Nearly rolling my eyes at my wolf, I shook my head and walked into my bedroom.
I paused, realizing that someone had unpacked my bag, along with some of the shopping bags.
Like, as in, this morning. I inhaled, and instantly my wolf was happily yipping, because it was so clearly Caedmon’s scent.
I walked towards the large wardrobe, where I could smell it the most, and opened it cautiously.
Instantly, my eyes were widening, because half of this wasn’t my stuff, and the other half was the few items I’d brought from home.
My fingers ran over the soft, worn material of my secondhand items, while also examining the collection of new clothes that all had fresh tags, from sweaters, to scarves, to a coat.
I was shaking slightly as I reached the coat, lifting a folded note that was hanging out from the pocket.
The masculine, sharp handwriting had me running my thumb over the fresh ink.
Stay warm today, mon ange. - Caedmon.
I mean, he did have a point—it would no doubt be fairly cold this morning.
Placing the note back in the pocket and wondering what ‘mon ange’ meant, I promised myself to look it up later once I got in front of a computer.
I would ask the others, but I didn’t want to share that, and I wasn’t positive why.
It felt personal. Private, almost. I smiled at the note, feeling a tad better.
Looking down at the drawers underneath the hanging section of the cabinet, I willed myself not to open them. I was already feeling overwhelmed, and somehow I didn’t think whatever was in there would help me.
I had so little, and there was something real about that.
Something simple about being able to count your possessions and find they were under twenty.
Anything more than that felt like too much.
Yet here I was, staring at an assortment of clothes that I absolutely knew were not mine.
They never would be. No matter how long I wore them for, or if I wore them at all.
Closing the wardrobe, I walked into the bathroom and stood in front of the vanity mirror.
My well-rested expression stared back at me as I picked up a brush and gently ran it through my waves, loving the gentle curl that it had dried in.
I decided to pull it back in a clip that I found in the drawer.
It wouldn’t do much but keep the top few layers off my face, but that somehow made me feel better. More in control.
I had never really craved control before, but there was something different about this moment. Something different about the fact that we were now in a situation where I had no control and no familiarity. No anything. Just new experience after new experience.
With a tight exhale, I rinsed my face and brushed my teeth, applying only a light lip balm because my lips were slightly chapped.
I blinked, examining my reflection and wondering if I should start wearing makeup.
You know, like the girls in my pack. I just felt…
average. That was the truth of it. Small and average, especially surrounded by these men that were gorgeous enough that it was actually hard to handle.
I licked my lips nervously before walking back into my bedroom.
My bedroom? Was that what I was calling it?
I shrugged off my hoodie—well, Dakota’s hoodie—before tucking it into the wardrobe, not wanting to give it back just yet.
Stripping out of my shirt and yoga pants, I pulled on a cotton bra that matched my boy shorts.
It wasn’t anything fancy, but somehow it had me feeling more attractive than I had felt previously. Just the matching element alone.
Honestly, I had never considered wearing something prettier than this…
but now I was wishing I had exactly that.
Something lacy or maybe brightly colored.
Something with flowers or delicate? No. Who would even see that?
I didn’t need that. It was stupid. I swallowed, feeling suddenly very awkward, and I blushed, ignoring those stupid thoughts.
These men barely viewed me as a friend. We were strangers, and I was thinking of them seeing me naked. Ridiculous. Absolutely goddamn ridiculous.
With slightly shaking hands, I pulled on a pair of worn, almost white, blue jeans from the top drawer…
ignoring the piles of unfamiliar clothing sorted to one side.
I looked down at my jeans, loving the bright flower patches sewn onto them, my fingers tracing a pattern along the stitches.
These weren’t the warmest pair of jeans, but they had me feeling far more myself than I had since arriving here.
I grabbed a pair of bright purple socks and slid them on my feet, shivering slightly, before going through some of my warmer tops.
I frowned, feeling unsure about the deep blue oversized turtleneck I came across.
Not because it didn’t seem warm, and it was for sure beautiful, but because it had a tag on it and looked far nicer than anything I had ever owned in my entire life.
I pulled it from the hanger, hating myself for taking pleasure in wearing something the guys had purchased for me without knowing if there were strings attached.
No. They weren’t like that.
Still, I didn’t remove the tag, because I didn’t feel right doing that.
He could at least return it eventually. I mean, the price was far higher than anything I had ever owned before.
I would wear it this one time, and then I would convince them to take it back.
I slid it over my head and curled the sleeves over my palms. I let out a soothing breath, loving how it felt against my skin, and I found myself wondering if I could maybe wear it twice before they returned it.
Squatting down, I looked under my bed for my sneakers and found them sitting next to a pair of dark blue snow boots.
I nibbled my lips, knowing it was a better option but not loving that it would mean wearing so much of the stuff they bought me.
Deciding that I would do it anyway, I sat on the floor and gently pulled them on before lacing them up.
They fit amazingly. Of course. Standing up, I looked at myself in the full-length mirror and found that I looked nice…
which was weird, because that wasn’t usually the feeling I got when looking over myself in the mirror.
It almost made me uncomfortable.
After another moment of examining myself in the mirror, I grabbed the dark coat from the wardrobe and slipped it on, wondering how I would hide the tags.